"NO!" I yell, even though a beast of a murderer still stands alive, in front of me, and will have no trouble pushing me off the Cornucopia. To my death. The same as what he did to Peeta.
"PEETA! Peeta... Peeta, I – I - I'm – I'm coming!" I can't do anything but jump off the side where I kick away the bodies of the dead mutts and double over next to Peeta, racked with sobs and a dull and empty feeling inside of me. I feel something pulling me away, and I'm sure it's the Capitol. Coming to sedate me.
But I remind myself that's impossible. That... that monster, is still alive. Cato. And I'm still alive. But I wish I wasn't. So that I could be dead, gone, bled white, and up there with the Boy with the Bread. Not here. Where I'm trapped, so helplessly, as Cato will choose some horrible, sadistic end for me. Maybe like Rue's death. But not as quick. Maybe like Glimmer's death. But even more painful. Cato won't let me escape without giving the audience a good show.
"I hate you..." I whisper, but I get up from the body beside me and shout it to the murderer. "I hate you! Just... just get out of my sight, you stupid pig!" my voice breaks, filled with sadness and too many emotions to name, as tears fill mine and for some reason, Cato's eyes. I get a lump in my throat that I just can't choke down.
"Katniss... Katniss, I did it for us! I did it for us!"
"Shut up! No you didn't, you did it for yourself, so you could live as a victor. Why would... why would you care about me anyway?" I say hollowly.
But I think back. To the training center. The looks he gave me, on the nights of the chariot processions, the interviews. Sometimes, if he was with others, he just sort of sized me up. But one day, at lunch with Peeta... it was something more. We lingered the gaze for a few seconds, but I never thought it meant anything.
"You love me."
Before he can say anything back, the cannon fires for Peeta, who's heart was apparently struggling for his survival and against his bleeding limbs, torn open or chewed by those mutts. The trumpets sound almost immediately after and I am named victor with Cato. I collapse, still weeping, cradled against Peeta. Cato tries to drag me away, both our hands slick with blood, and I just kick and yell viciously at him while two hovercraft come to pick their two victors and the body up. Frozen in place, I succumb to sedation, of which I spend one last hour of happiness with Peeta and my father. Even though I know this happiness is not real, I do know it's going to be the last shred of peace I ever have again.