My Best Friend's Secret
The eighteenth of August had always been a special day for little Misaki as it was his birthday. However this year wasn't like all the others instead of colourful balloons surrounding him, the scent of his favourite meal being cooked lingering in the air, presents in their amazing wrapping paper or any warm mouth-watering cake and his family engulfing him with squishes and kisses he was stuck there alone in the attic.
The boy was nine years old today and he didn't even know it. He'd lost track of the days up there, he couldn't remember what month or weekday it was all he recalled was that their parents death was in that cold October. Misaki knew when his birthday was he had clues since the weather was warmer and at night the attic tend to get rather hot and stuffy inside.
"Is it July or August?" He'd keep asking himself.
On that day Misaki had roamed into the old pile of boxes now knowing every nook and cranny in there he'd look once his brother had left. He found one of the old chairs that they used to have in the kitchen when he was really tiny, it was strange how Misaki's early memories had never left. He grabbed it and another stacking them so he was able to climb upon them and peer out the small window.
He smiled at the sight of the outside world everything looked absolutely beautiful today. The sky had not a cloud in sight only its fine shade of baby blue, the trees had fully blossomed and the flowers in their neighbor's garden looked immense in their wild colours of yellow, red and pink. Misaki could have stayed there for the rest of the day if his brother had never returned home everything was so calm and peaceful it was even better when the wind picked up brushing against his dimpled cheeks.
But then his smile faded looking into their own garden nothing had been watered, the plants and flowers their mother planted had wilted and died. The garden grass was getting out of shape usually their father would run over it with their lawn mower or cut it down but nothing had been done Takahiro simply left it.
"Why would you do that Nii-chan?" Misaki murmured sadly. "They worked so hard.."
Removing his gaze from their garden which only carved a larger hole in his heart thinking about his mother and father. Misaki laid his head on his arms that were resting upon the window sill he smiled faintly at the evening sun.
"Oka-san, Otou-san, I wonder where you are now?" He sighed wearily. "I miss you both, please help Nii-chan get better I miss the old Nii-chan.. I love you both very much."
And so for the remaining years of his childhood Misaki would do his best to cope with the abuse both physically and emotionally from his brother. As time went on Misaki was aware he was getting older or had aged a couple of years since being thrown into his permanent prison. Things were changing and those were not just the seasons but Misaki found his voice turned somewhat deeper losing it's high-pitched squeak, his legs were getting longer and hair was becoming more common in certain places.
The boy's pigment in his skin was losing it's colour Misaki once had been a delicious cream and now was only paler than a sheet of blank paper. If he was able to see himself in a mirror he'd truly be terrified he wasn't the person he used to see everyday in his eight year old form stepping out of the bath or getting dressed in front of his bedroom mirror everyday.
He just did not understand what was happening to himself. Takahiro saw that Misaki was blooming and hitting puberty at the golden age of thirteen he mentioned his age through a beating once letting it slip Misaki only cried harder at his absence from the world broke his heart into pieces because it seemed there was no place for him there.
By the time he got to fourteen Takahiro had stopped forcing sex upon Misaki and let him be. He'd gotten so bored of the same whimpering and the crying, now that he had Manami there was no need but still he needed a thrill every once in a while when he felt like it.
However when Misaki was fifteen there was a time when he'd grown so restless he thought he was going insane. The teen tried making a break out the house that evening stacking the chairs up high he had his hand out the window reaching into the chilly autumn air. The fresh air felt amazing, it brought back so many memories to Misaki he could remember the fantastic feeling it gave him as a child running around in the park full of leaves when his mother would walk him home from school. He craved more of that freezing temperature, he needed desperately to get out.
He got his other arm out wiggling it around then tried pushing his head out of the tiny window which he just about managed. But Misaki stopped for a moment he had no idea where he was going to run off to once he was free from his hell hole. Thoughts rushed throughout his mind, he wasn't sure whether to go through it after all.
But poor Misaki was snapped out in his thoughts as soon as he felt the chair underneath his feet being kicked away. The teen's body flopped but his neck had gotten caught in between the window's small frame he began to gasp and choke for air. Struggling and doing his best to wriggle out from it, evil eyes watched him while not bothering to help him at all.
The teen released himself falling flat right on to his back he wailed in agony for a moment from the sudden thump. Fluttering his eyes open he saw a pair of bare feet in-front of him causing his heart to race even faster he had been caught in the act.
"You dare try to escape from me?" Takahiro hissed Misaki could feel the venom in his voice the anger was so powerful he'd definitely pulled a few strings.
"N-Nii-" He muttered before getting a blow to the head with his foot.
"What have I been telling you after all these years Misaki? Bad little brothers must be punished, I work so hard for us both and I keep you safe! Yet this is how you repay me?! Trying to runaway into that cruel world?!" He screamed kicking Misaki in the gut heartlessly.
"No matter what, you never seem to learn Misaki it's as if nothing ever seems to register in that brain of yours."
Then came another kick.
"And what have I told you about answering back? You know better than that Misaki." He waited for the teen to answer back but thankfully Misaki didn't say anything. Takahiro crouched to his brother's level he took his chin gently into his clasp bringing it upwards so Misaki had a good long hard gaze up his brother's nose.
"If you dare answer back ever again I will get a pair of scissors from the kitchen, then I'll take that pretty tongue of yours and chop it right off." He whispered his voice seeping with terror even though he wasn't too quiet to loud it was enough to cause chills running down his spine.
"Or better yet" He chuckled slightly gripping his chin tighter. "If you ever gain the balls to try running away again, I will do more than beat you and cut out your tongue."
The gleam in his eyes showed Misaki he wasn't kidding the teen's heart was racing so quickly he truly felt scared. He swallowed even that hurt when he did he roughly slapped away Misaki only resulting him losing his balance and falling on his front which crippled his arm.
"Understood?" His question wasn't in need for an answer they both knew the consequences.
Misaki curled there in the corner upon his futon with his chin on his knees and his arms crossed around his hunched legs. Takahiro was doing his usual routine taking Misaki's pail of waste of renewing it with a fresh bucket.
"You know" He said trying not to gag at the scent of the shit filled rag he was using to clean and empty the bucket. "I honestly don't know why I still bother to do this for you, clearly you still aren't seeing things my way Misaki. Every single fucking day I slave over your food, piss and shit yet all you want to do is runaway." The older one gave a satirical snort.
"From your home, me, our parents."
The teen narrowed his eyes his brother never saw this but every so often Misaki did have his own little rebellion in secret he'd make faces or frown when Takahiro wasn't looking. He couldn't stand him but he had to put up with him there was no way past it other than to cope.
"Imagine what they would think... For disrespecting your family like this.. Not giving a single care about leaving." He growled seeming as if Takahiro was becoming angrier. "I've suffered enough loss already Misaki, don't you think that is enough?"
The eldest brother looked over at Misaki catching him glaring at him with such a vice expression. He flung the cloth down into the bucket including his blue rubber glove he used he wagged his finger at the teen.
Misaki did as he was told but took his time in doing so Takahiro was getting beyond fed up with his moody teenage attitude. At his side Misaki heaved out his nose heavily bored and fed up wishing his brother would retreat back downstairs.
"Tell me what you see?" He said pointing at the filled pail.
It was awkward but he had to answer. "My-"
"Now instead of me cleaning like I usually do, today we're going to have a swap over. You will be the one washing this thing out and I will be the one silently watching as you do, yes?"
Misaki did not like where this was going. "But what do I use?"
"What do you think?"
The teen's gaze drifted over to the rubber gloves he was about to reach over for it and the rag but Takahiro instantly and harshly slapped his hand away.
"You won't be needing those"
"T-Then what will I be needing..?" He mumbled anxiously.
Takahiro did a brief what demonstration he grinned when opening his mouth dabbing the tip of his tongue with his finger. "This"
The look on Misaki's face was a brilliant picture for him the teen's eyes were like golf balls he couldn't possibly be serious about eating his own excrement.
"N-Nii-chan I-I can't!"
He wailed from the sharp smack across the face covering his tender aching spot with his hand he could already feel the tears brimming at their peak.
"What did I tell you about answering back?!" He howled. "Get your head in that bucket now"
"Excuse me?! Misaki do as I say!"
"N-No I was sick last t-time and you made me.. Eat it.. The boiling hot water.. N-Nii-chan I can't!" Misaki's gut wrenched at the thought of eating that even the sight was making him nauseous.
"One more word and I will feed it to you myself!"
Takahiro was appalled. His younger brother was finally stamping his foot down at his commands then again he had a feeling this would happen at some point. Today was that day, but it wasn't happening. The older man's other eye twitched at the harsh response that felt like a smack in the face to him. His temper was already brewing now steam was about to be released.
He lunged over taking a handful of Misaki's hair at the back of his head forcing him violently on his knees with a good kick on the back of his shin so his leg gave weigh.
His finger nails grated on his scalp Misaki could only try fighting away his hands but the scratching increased.
"Head in that fucking bucket!"
He faced the teen's head in the direction of the bucket Misaki gagged when he got a closer look the smell getting to him. As he fronted it closer he gripped the edges of the pail holding on for dear life.
"Nii-chan please stop this I will clean it but not like this!" He shouted.
"You're asking for it Misaki" He growled.
"Y-You don't have to do this Nii-"
It was too late his face was already slammed right to the bottom of its pit Misaki's body fell stiff unable to move as he was still registering just what exactly happened. Takahiro was at his side curled up for once he wasn't smiling now that he got to torture his brother again he was actually just furious.
"How dare you speak back to me"
Suddenly Misaki sprang back up gasping for air his face masked in waste and his hair had it matted in within his eyes. He coughed, spluttered and choked up the brown mixed vomit that was caught in his throat his brother wasn't happy that sick sparks caught his trousers.
"N-Ni-Nii-chan!" He screamed out loud. "Ni-Ni-Nii-chan!"
"Now, now, Misaki" He said sucking at his teeth. "Tsk, you were doing some a good job too, you make the mess so you clean it."
It took almost an hour for Misaki to "empty" his bucket he was crying in-between licks and slobbers it wasn't as if he was able to sit up for air either. Takahiro had bound his wrists by holding them down pinning Misaki to the bucket.
"Get a move on now, I've got other things to be doing Misaki so if you aren't quick about it I'll force it down you."
The teen only whimpered more into the bucket his moans echoing, Takahiro only rolled his eyes at him and sighed. "Honestly, Misaki hurry up!"
He came to his last few licks he muttered he was finally finished his head was dragged out, Takahiro inspected his work and he smirked.
"Very good, however there is still a bit left in that corner there"
Takahiro chuckled lightly.
"I told you, I wanted it spotless."
For the rest of that traumatic evening Misaki threw up a couple of times during the night he didn't have the energy to get up and switch on the light but the sickness rushed up his gullet too quickly before he could even aim properly into his bucket. He ended up missing, his puke dribbling down the side and even on the floor he knew Takahiro wasn't going to be happy in the morning but Misaki felt so ill.
His stomach had been given enough torture over his childhood being poisoned slowly with bleach, forcefully gurgling boiling water one day when Misaki's finger and toe nails were becoming too long his brother decided it was time to give them a little snip. He trusted him at first but wasn't aware that he was cutting them right to the quick. It hurt badly, Misaki screamed running around the attic until he was caught by Takahiro whose patience wore thin that day.
Misaki coughed up the last of the vomit stuck in his throat groaned and cringed at the after taste that was left in his mouth. "G-God.. Why Nii-chan?" He murmured into the pail while spitting the remaining mucus from the back of his throat. "P-Please end this"
"Kami-sama, please just end this for me now!" He said crying into his arm not caring that his shirt sleeve was marked with brown bile. "W-Why must I suffer? I-I never did anything wrong.. Did I?"
"Did I?" He muttered looking around in panic Misaki felt his head throb the eagerness to escape was kicking in again. He couldn't leave, he was forever trapped in his future tomb.
"I need to go, I-I need to leave kami-sama, p-please help me"
But what could Misaki do? He tried creeping out the window which was too small for him, he didn't want to try it again for when he was caught or got himself badly stuck. One thing he had never tried to do was break out using the door, he saw everyday the key his brother used to open it up it was old and rusted with age.
The teen wiped his mouth and crept over to it. His fingers nervously fiddled with the handle but he tried turning it quietly realizing the horrendous squeaking sound it made, it was too dark to see and looking at the full moon that now bloomed in the misty darkness outside he figured that it was probably better trying when Takahiro was at work.
"Nii-chan might hear"
He had visions of what might happen if he attempted something. "It might be better i-if I didn't.. do this.. Nii-chan will be mad again"
"How can I leave?"
His eyes empty looked over to the window again. "What if I never set myself free from choking? If I didn't breathe, if I let myself go maybe it will be better."
"I could see Oka-san and Otou-san.. At least I'd be with them."
This was one of the first times Misaki thought about suicide properly.
"He won't ever let me go" Misaki whispered.
Picking himself up from the floor he shuffled on his knees to the window, Misaki had to once again throw up into the bucket but after calming himself down and finding the strength to stand up wobbly he stood the chairs up which were earlier kicked down. Standing upon them the teen would feel the sharp pains in his gut begin to start-up with their never-ending throbbing, dizziness occurred and it was as if his legs were getting lighter.
"Will it hurt?"
He looked down into the garden which was in total darkness like a vortex below although there was a mild amount of moon light through the clouds and a couple of small twinkling stars. At least he had those to hold on to, something beautiful before he left the world.
Once he had his head fully poked out after a tight squeeze Misaki thought long and hard about what he was going to do. Yet a part inside of him wouldn't allow him to let his hands go from the sill or legs leap from their base. He just couldn't bring himself to do it.
"I-I can't" He hissed hiccuping away a fresh batch of tears. "I can't do that to them.."
It was the wrong way to exit the world even if Misaki's was full of misery. He pushed his head out and resorted back to his futon on the floor. Feeling literally sick and exhausted he tightly shut his bloodshot eyes. Unable to believe he was about to do such a thing and Misaki still wanted to kill himself as well. Haunting him there for the rest of the evening, Misaki didn't get a brink of sleep from his muffled sobs to his brain-dead thoughts.
Until a bright and happy ray of sunlight poked its way through; Dawn had never been this amazing. That small beam painted the corner of his face as its warm rays dearly stroked his skin giving Misaki some strange belief that hope existed.
He wasn't going to leave today or maybe even tomorrow, but who knew.