Disclaimer - My ideas are my own, the characters are not

Timeline - Takes place after Homecoming I guess.

"Razer? Are you in sleep stasis?"

"Not anymore. What do you want?"

"I require your assistance"

"With what?"

"With the design of my genitalia"

His vision darkened and he was sure he had stopped breathing. Razer did not hear that. No. It was not possible. Nothing in the universe could be so awkward and paralyzing. He focused on a fixed point in his room, a stain. How big it was, what did its shape remind him of, what could've possible have made it. Everything about that stain flooded his consciousness so he wouldn't have to think about that question. The stain. Everything in the universe had been reduced to that stain...

Until he felt an electric current on his left arm. He yelped in pain and grabbed the spot where Aya had shocked him.

"What did you do that for?" he asked in consternation.

"You slipped in a catatonic state. I wanted to make sure you're still conscious"

"Well I am, now you can leave"

"Will you help me with my geni..."

"DON'T say that word!"

"What word? Genitalia?"


"What is the malfunction? Am I not using the proper term? I mean a facsimile of female reproductive organs used most frequently in coitus."

"Oh, stars. This is a nightmare... " Razer said getting up from his bed.

He sat on the margin with his head in his hands. It had been such a quiet evening, nothing to annoying, nothing to irritate him. And now this.


"Look", he said grabbing her hands and holding them in his. "Please don't do this to me"

"What am I doing?"

"You are making me feel incredibly awkward. This whole 'I'm learning about social behaviour' thing is cute, but this. You're really pushing it. You cannot possibly think, even with your limited experience with sentient beings, that it is ok, or even justifiable to walk up to another indivdual and ask what you just asked me"

"It's not 'ok'?"

"No, trust me, it's not"


Razer let go of her hands brusquely and sat up

"You don't ask people to help you design your... your...!"


"Didn't I tell you not to use that word?"

Razer started pacing around his room. Aya simply followed him with her eyes as he was walking to and 'fro.

"I apologize if I am making you feel uncomfortable" she said.

"Well you are. But fine, apology accepted. Now get out!"

"Alright. I will leave you to complete your sleep cycle" Aya said heading for the exit.

"I will repeat the query in 12 hours" she squeaked before leaving.

"DAMNIT!" Razer barked and pulled her back in.

He exhaled and tried to calm himself, for the first time in Aya's existance he was regretting he couldn't smack some sense into her. Not that he'd ever hit Aya... but he'd sure love a quick fix to this predicament. He decided to resort to reason. An artificial life form with a computer-like mind was sure to understand reason.

"What do you need... that... for anyway? You're not organic. You can't reproduce"

"Intelligent sentient beings do not engage in sexual activities purely for reproductive reasons. Sexuality is a big part of an indivdiual's life, it implies intimacy and bonding. I want to have those experiences. It would also help me be a better Green Lantern"

"Oh that's rich. Having sex will help you be a better Green Lantern?"

"By understanding the full scope of emotion. Being in a an intimate relationship with another individual that you are also sexually compatible with is something a lot of sentients find very appealing, even worth risking their existence for. And, might I add, exploring sexuality will certainly improve my knowledge and understanding of Star Sapphires."

Well there was no arguing with that. Especially that last point. But he suddenly had an idea.

"I'm sure there are plenty of Green Lanterns that are virgins and they're performing their duties just fine"

"Not being sexually active is not the same as being completely asexual, which is my current status"

"It's a great status! Let's keep it that way!"

"No! Razer, I am determined to accomplish this"

"Why do you need my help anyway. There are other people you could ask"

"You are the only person I know with the proper technological skills. Hal and Kilowog could only offer input of an esthetique value, if they would offer any at all given that they are even less likely to think of me as a sexual individual than you are. I don't want to appear as if I'm anatomically correct. I want an artificial reproductive system that functions and behaves just as an organic one. And that requires intricate highly complex alterations for my neural pathways. And I don't trust just anybody with my neural pathways"

It suddenly dawned on Razer that she was trusting him with something that was obviously very important to her. For a second he considered it... A split second actually before he punished himself mentally for even... even...

"No, Aya, i just... I can't. It would be too weird. I can't do something that invasive"

"What is invasive about it? We are friends aren't we?"

"Yes but... this is not something a friend can help you with. It's not something a friend should help you with. Or anybody for that matter. It's something you should bring up to the people who... built you"

Aya just stared at him in silence, dead pan-ish.

"My builders. You mean... the Guardians?"

"Yes. Go bother them"

More deadpan.

"I am not so 'dense' as Hal Jordan would say as to believe that if I take my request to the Guardians they would do anything less than have me dismantled", Aya eventually said.

And Razer nodded his head in understanding. Yes, the Guardians wouldn't be the most understanding bunch. In fact, they probably lack the very thing Aya is asking for. And that thought made Razer contort his face in an expression of disgust.

"Razer..."Aya whispered in her most pleading tone. "Please. I don't mean to cause you discomfort, but you're the only one who can help me. And if you don't, I'll just design it myself. But then probability dictates that I would fail"

Razer sighed the deep heavy sigh of a trapped man.

"This is going to be so bizarre" he finally said.

"So you'll assist me?" Aya chirped lighting up.

Razer gave her one last pained look.


"Outstanding", Aya said imitating Jordan.

"But only if you're willing to jeopardize our friendship" Razer added, with a twinge of bitterness.

"What... why?"

"Aya, this is... You have to understand that this is a very big deal. It's going to change the way that people look at you, talk to you, act around you. Even me. I will help you, but I can't guarantee we'll still be friends at the end of it. "

Aya remained silent, just staring at him, probably doing calculations.

"But you're not sure?"

"No, I can't be sure of anything. I was sure I was going to get a good night's sleep tonight, and look how that turned out"

"So I could still get my desired alterations and you could still be my friend. What probability stats can you give me?"

"I don't know Aya... 50/50?"

Aya considered his proposal briefly and thend ecided

"I'll take my chances. Now. When do we begin?"

AN: Okei, this may very well be the weirdest idea I've ever had for a fanfic. If this gets positive reviews, I will finish it. Otherwise, I will delete it and bow my head in shame for being such a huge pervert. There is an end to this, but I gotta warn you, it will get graphic in some points if I continue it. Not vulgar, but graphic. Pls review and let me know if it's worth finishing or if I am way out of line.