AN: So- this story concept came to me when I was listening to the song "Hurricane" by 30 Seconds to Mars (a few choice lyrics are included below). As I listened to it, it totally made me think of the end of the Sailor Moon S series. There is a lot unknown about what Usagi faced and went through during the final battle, but I like to speculate that it was pretty intense. The end of the series, particularly in the manga, might be might favorite of all the Sailor Moon story lines. It's so powerful and moving, and Usagi is so brave :) I have pulled bits from both the anime and the manga for this fic, so its not completely consistent with one version. I hope you enjoy!
No matter how many deaths that I die I will never forget.
No matter how many lives that I live, I will never regret.
There is a fire inside of this heart,
And a riot about to explode into flames.
Where is your God?
Tell me would you kill to save a life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn. Let it all burn.
This hurricane's chasing us all underground.
A slight breeze blew, transforming the stiff and tattered material of her fuku into gently floating ribbons of colored fabric. Her hair danced slightly, too, as the wind moved, giving the bruised and battered young woman an almost ethereal appearance. The sun was rising behind her, warming her back, and the Earth had suddenly become calm.
The small bundled protectively wrapped in her arms began to stir, and a cry escaped from the small child's lips. Sailor Moon's formerly flat expression softened as she looked down at the dark-haired baby in her embrace. The baby's violet eyes connected with Sailor Moon's blue, and Sailor Moon felt a temporary sense of hope and ease spread through her. Hotaru has been given a new chance at life…
"Shh," Sailor Moon whispered, gently bouncing the child in her arms. Each movement caused warmth to bubble up within her, like the carbonation in a shaken soda bottle, filling her until she thought she'd burst.
"Sailor Moon," Haruka's voice interrupted her bonding. "It's time."
Sailor Moon regarded the three women in front of her: Michiru, Haruka, and Setsuna. Also three of her Senshi: Neptune, Uranus, and Pluto.
"You will protect her?" Sailor Moon demanded, more than asked, unable to control the biting tone that had overtaken her voice. Tears began to fill her eyes as she was overcome with anxiety, Hotaru's well being at the forefront of her worries. "You will love and raise her?"
"Like she is our own," Setsuna replied softly, stepping forward.
Sailor Moon nodded sadly, her face softening once again. Whatever her fears may be, she trusted these women. "When will I see you again?" she asked, her voice cracking.
"When the time is right," Michiru smiled.
"It's time, Sailor Moon," Setsuna said again, holding out her arms.
Sailor Moon held her breath as she handed the baby over. She felt her body protest the loss immediately, and she suddenly felt cold, deflated.
The three women gathered together, admiring the small child, and exchanging warm glances with one another. "Good bye," Haruka smiled, and the four got into a small SUV and drove away.
Sailor Moon stood frozen, staring at the vehicle as it disappeared. "Goodbye," she whispered.
There was a soft knock on Mamoru Chiba's door, and he jumped in response. Mamoru glanced at the sleeping child in his bed before leaving the room. As he opened the door, Usagi's small frame came into view, and relief washed over him.
"Usako!" he breathed before hastily pulling her into his embrace. "Thank God," he whispered, his voice trembling. "I was so scared…I wanted to be there, but I couldn't leave Chibi-Usa," he explained, hugging her tightly.
Usagi suddenly pulled away, concerned. "Chibi-Usa," she began, brow furrowed, "how is she?"
Mamoru brushed away a stray hair that had fallen into Usagi's face. A sad smile touched his eyes as he looked at her worn features. She looked completely drained. "She's fine," he assured her. "She's resting. You should do the same."
"I will," Usagi nodded before breezing past and him into the apartment. "I think I'll have a shower first. I need to wash this…" she trailed off, searching for the words. "I need to feel clean."
"Usako," Mamoru said, catching her wrist. His lover froze, but did not look at him. "Usako?" he prodded again.
"No now, Mamo-chan," she pleaded, eyes teary. "I'm not ready to talk about it. I'm fine. Really," she lied.
Mamoru saw right through her, but he knew now was not the time to push her. He gave her a gentle nod and watched her slender wrist slip from his grasp. Guilt churned deep within him as he watched her enter the bathroom and then close the door behind her. He should have been there with her, by her side, supporting her. He should have suffered with her. He could see she was suffering still…
"Usako," he whispered.
Usagi turned on the shower, and within in seconds, steam began to fill the bathroom's small space, billowing out from the bath before floating upward to roll against the stark, white ceiling. She stared at that ceiling; she felt like that ceiling—desolate, empty, alone… She blinked hard, pulling her attention from something so commonplace, and began to slowly undress. She casted the pieces of her school uniform to the floor, and stared at them thoughtfully where they lay. She was grateful that, thanks to her de-transformation, she did not have to go through he process of taking off her fuku. She had no desire to see that thing any time soon.
Usagi moved in front of the mirror, gruffly wiping the condensation from its surface, before giving herself a hard look-over. She frowned at her pathetic reflection. In her opinion, she looked like she'd been hit by a truck. She snorted before releasing her hair from their odangos.
The hot water nearly scolded her as she stepped into the shower, but Usagi simply gritted her teeth and let the heat wash over her. She methodically washed her face and hair before reaching for the soap. Usagi gripped the bar tightly as she rubbed it roughly over her body, cleaning her skin in a brutal assault. She clenched her eyes shut, trying to prevent the persistent memories of today's battle from creeping into her mind. She turned toward the spray of hot water, and before she realized it, she was pulled back to her horrific encounter with Pharaoh 90.
As soon as she entered Master Pharaoh 90, she was engulfed in an oppressive, putrid heat, bearing down on her like the hot breath of a drunken, old man on the back of her neck. Her stomach turned and the temperature continued to rise, suffocating her. Her head ached from the violent growl that filled and vibrated in the space around her. Sailor Moon was beaten by his violent power, pushing and pulling at her until she thought her limbs would rip right off.
It was impossible to focus, incomprehensible to concentrate. Why had she come here again? To this place? This awful place…
In her peripheral, she saw a small white light. It was warm, and it reminded her of home. Home… Chibi-Usa. Mamo-chan. Her world. Hotaru…
'I can do this," she scolded herself. 'I have to do this," she amended. Failure meant the end…of everything.
Sailor Moon pulled the power of the Silver Crystal, offering up every ounce of herself if it would aid her in her task.
'Please,' she begged, as a rush of fear and love began to fill her, and reverberate into the crystal. It began to shine brightly, pulsating waves of white light into Pharaoh 90.
'Please!' she cried, as she pushed harder.
Master Pharaoh 90 resisted her white light, lashing out, whipping and burning the young heroine with his attacks. He was unrelenting.
She began to pour herself into the crystal, and the sensation and sacrifice of it were excruciating. Sailor Moon screamed as her power left her body, ripping her apart from the inside out.
Somehow she was aware of Sailor Saturn's presence. She realized that this was it. She was going to drop her Silence Glaive, and sacrifice herself, and possibly the entire planet with along her.
"NO!" Sailor Moon cried, before a brilliant burst of energy left her, casting the world in a wash of white. Then, everything went black…
Usagi jolted violently under the showerhead, suddenly coming back to reality. An uncomfortable, cold sensation washed over her, immediately followed by a flash of heat, just before Usagi doubled over and began to vomit forcefully. She hoped to purge the memory of it all, along with her stomach's contents. She cursed that memory, for she knew even time would never fully erase it from her mind. It will stick with her—attach itself to her. It will cling to her like a leech, sucking every away at her very soul.
Usagi shook her head, and internally scolded her self for her melodramatics. She was stronger than that. She would get over it eventually…maybe…
She washed her face again, and turned off the faucet. She stepped onto the bathmat dripping as she fumbled for a dry towel. Usagi wrapped herself in Mamoru's gray bathrobe, brushed her teeth, and made her way out of the bathroom.
Usagi opened the bathroom door and jumped when she found Mamoru waiting on the other side. She knew he'd been waiting for her, listening to her cry. She knew he wanted to know what had happened, but she couldn't… She didn't know if she would ever be able to describe…to express…
She smiled at her prince sadly and quietly shook her head. He nodded in understanding, and gently kissed her forehead before moving into the kitchen to fix her some tea. She watched his tall, lean figure retreat down the hall, and a slight smile brushed her lips.
Usagi padded through the living room, and slowly creaked open the bedroom door on the other side. As the door opened, soft yellow light rolled across the gray carpet, like a thin coat of paint across a wall. The bedroom was illuminated just enough to make out its contents, and Usagi's eyes fixed themselves on the small heap in Mamoru's bed.
In a daze, she toddled across the room, and quietly knelt next to the bed. Chibi-Usa lie, curled up on her side, sleeping peacefully. Usagi brushed her strawberry blonde hair away from her face, and stared at the girl's innocent features.
"You've been through so much," Usagi whispered, guilt-ridden.
She took Chibi-Usa's hand in hers, and bringing it to her face, she gently rubbed the back of it across her cheek. She flipped the child's small hand in her larger ones and pressed the open palm to her mouth, kissing it tenderly. Usagi had to stifle the sudden sob that welled up in her throat, and she was overcome with a mix of terror and relief, the thought of almost losing her child too much to bear.
Mamoru watched from the doorway as Usagi's back and shoulders shook with silent sobs, and before he realized it, his feet had him moving toward her. He slid next to her, and gently pulled her close to him. She sniffled quietly as she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck.
Warmth began to fill her once again. This what she fought for. What she lived for. She knew this wasn't last war she'd fight, and sadly, it probably wouldn't the worst. But she'd return to hell a hundred times over for them. She'd always be there to protect them—to protect them all.
"Mama? Papa?" Chibi-Usa's tired voice squeaked out. She looked at the two adults camped by her bedside, and awareness came to her features. "Usagi," she breathed thankfully.
"I'm here," she replied, pulling her future child into her arms.