Summary: Just a short story about my favorite Naruto couple's Valentine's night. Rated T for yaoi, memories of attempted suicide, attempted homicide, and swearing. I dunno; I was listening to Born this Way and Bad Romance by Lady Gaga and this idea suddenly popped into my head. That and I watched an inspiring episode of Glee. XD Look for a lot of Sasuke acting like a stereotypical gay guy; it's kind of funny and a little OOC.
Yeah, I know, this is a major departure from my other stories, most of which are tragedies or pure humor, but I thought it was time to branch out a little.
Chapter 1: Introduction
"Naruto, when are you going to be home tonight?" asks my mom as I grab the keys to my Prius.
"He'll be home after he's had a chance to screw his boyfriend into the backseat of his car a few times," says my older brother Kyuubi, signing for my twin sister Naruko, who nods, without looking away from the TV, where the latest episode of Glee is showing. I really wish I could stay, but it's Valentine's Day, and my boyfriend and I have been planning the perfect date for two months. He would be majorly pissed off if I blew off our plans and watched Glee instead, even though we both love it.
I roll my eyes and stick up my middle finger at them.
"Hey!" yells Mom, throwing a pan at my head. I run out the door, and it crashes against the door frame. Sticking my head back in, I stick my tongue out at her and run before she can throw anything else at me. Jumping into my car, I put the keys in the ignition and slam on the gas. As I drive away I can see her on the porch, yelling and throwing anything she can get her hands on while my dad tries to calm her down. I laugh.
Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I'm eighteen years old, a senior at Konoha High School, blond-haired and blue-eyed –an improbability in Japan, but I'm only half-Japanese, so there- and I'm bisexual. I have an older brother, Kyuubi, a deaf twin sister, Naruko, my mom, Uzumaki Kushina, and my dad, Namikaze Minato, who has been the mayor of Konoha for eight years. And I have had the privilege of dating the hottest boy in my school for almost two years, a boy by the name of Uchiha Sasuke.
Sasuke is eighteen and a senior, like me. He's rather petit and slender for a boy, with hair the color of a raven's wings and these gorgeous deep sea blue eyes you could get lost in for hours at a time if he would let you. We started out as enemies in kindergarten, always competing in gym and in school, and then slowly became as close as brothers. We shared, and still share, almost everything: clothes, the food in our lunches, our deepest secrets, pretty much everything.
He's also the poster boy for your stereotypical gay guy.
I don't know when it was that I realized that I liked Sasuke as more than a friend, but when I finally came to terms with it, I was scared to act on it. One, I didn't know how Sasuke would react to his best friend being bisexual and having a crush on him; and two, his fanclub would murder me. Then, this one night two years ago, Sasuke was sleeping over at my house because his parents were having a huge fight, and we were up talking at two in the morning, and out of nowhere he told me that he was gay.
Well, I was elated. My best friend, the guy that I have a crush on, is gay! But then, I was also worried, because I'd been trying to work up the courage to tell Sasuke about my crush on him, and at the time I was also dating Haruno Sakura, and even before I knew my best friend was gay I was trying to figure out how to break up with her. Honestly, I have no idea how I could have ever dated her, because she turned into an obsessive bitch when she found out that I was bi… Anyway, the elation and the anxiety turned into awkwardness, and we ended up not talking for a few weeks, during which time Sakura and I got into a fight and broke up.
As you might be able to imagine, Sasuke took the awkward silence between me and him as direct disapproval of his sexual orientation. I mean, that's what I might have read into it if it had been me coming out to him and we didn't talk for a while. So one night I finally worked up the courage to go to his house and tell him that I liked him as more than a friend. His mom, a really nice woman, let me in and sent me up to his room. I knocked on the door but didn't get a response, so I finally just opened the door and my heart stopped, because Sasuke had taken a knife to his slender wrists. The normally pristine white carpet was stained bright red.
That's right; this Valentine's Day that we've been planning for and anticipating since Christmas almost didn't happen because Sasuke almost died. The doctor and Mikoto-san told me that it was lucky I'd gotten there when I did; another five minutes and he would have bled to death. He got seventeen stitches in each wrist, and still has very visible and very ugly scars from it. Whenever he's out in public he makes sure they're covered.
Anyway, when he had recovered somewhat, he was transferred from the ICU to the psychiatric ward for four weeks, and it was a while before I could see him again. When he came back to school, I was waiting just inside the doors for him. No one else was there yet, and we got into an epic fight. At one point, I don't know when, we both started crying, and Sasuke asked me why the hell had I saved him, and everything came out. How I was bi, the major crush I had on him, th dilemma I'd been in what with my crush on him and trying to figure out how to break up with Sakura, how I'd finally broken up with her, the terror I'd felt when I opened the door and found him lying on the floor, his blood staining the white rug, how I couldn't imagine life without him.
Things snowballed from there, and we've been dating ever since then. I'm actually surprised Sasuke's parents didn't find out about us before we told them; everyone at school has known about it almost from the get-go, and we have our own recently formed fanclub. (Sasuke doesn't know about the fanclub yet; that will be a very pleasant, happy little conversation.) We've been caught making out in the hallway I don't know how many times over the last two years by the perverted Lit teacher, Kakashi Hatake. It's become a running joke with our friends… "One of these days he's going to ask if he can join you two." "You guys should share a little of your loving with him." (To which Sasuke invariably responds "ew".) And my personal favorite: "If you really don't like the attention then get a room!"
Anyway, back to the present; I really don't like to think about how close I came to losing Sasuke forever, both as my best friend and as my boyfriend.
Just as I pull off of my street, my smart phone rings. I pick it up and tap the screen, and the word Temee appears on the screen. Speak of the devil... Grinning I hook the phone up to the car's speaker system and press Talk.
"Hey, sexy," I say. "I'll be there in five."
"You'd better be," says my boyfriend irritably. "It's getting weird over here."
"Oh dear god," I say, resisting the urge to groan. "Is it Fugaku again?"
"Yeah," he says. "It's been a month since we told them about us, and he's still throwing bible verses at me. He keeps saying homosexuality is a sin, like that's going to change anything."
In the background I can hear Sasuke's father, Fugaku, yelling at him to hang up the damned phone and his mother, Mikoto-san, yelling at the dickwad to leave him alone.
"We should make out in front of Fugaku," I say. "I'd love to see his reaction."
"I wouldn't," says my boyfriend. "I'd like to live to see my nineteenth birthday, thanks very much."
"Well, that's an improvement over two years ago," I say dryly.
"Naruto…" Sasuke growls.
"Kidding, S'uke," I say, rolling my eyes. "I'm a couple of minutes away. I love you."
"Love you too, dobe," he says, hanging up.
I'm sure you're confused, so before I go on, I'll give a little background on Sasuke's father. It's true that Japan is made up mainly of believers of Shinto. There is, however, a minority of Roman Catholics. Now, Sasuke's immediate family is for the most part Shinto, like the rest of Japan, but Fugaku… Well, I personally think there's something wrong with Fugaku to make him want to convert to a weird religion like Roman Catholicism.
Uchiha Fugaku is a hardcore born-again Roman Catholic priest. He converted eight years ago, and he reads the Bible obsessively and quotes it constantly. He presses his wife and his two sons to read it too, and it annoys the living shit out of them. At one time, I think it was eighth grade, it got to the point where Mikoto-san hid the Bible, but then the bastard started majorly wigging out, so she gave him the Bible back, afraid for the safety of herself and her sons. I dunno why she didn't just leave right then…
When Sasuke and I first started dating, we told my parents and siblings. While shocked, they quickly adapted to the idea of their son and brother dating another guy, especially since it was my best friend. We also told Sasuke's older brother, Itachi, who wasn't surprised in the least and congratulated us on finally realizing our feelings for each other. It took us until last month, and a lot of psychological support from Itachi, to get up the courage to tell their parents.
You're probably wondering why it took us so long to tell Sasuke's folks when we told my folks almost as soon as we started dating. Yeah, you guessed it; the born-again Christian father factor. And as it turns out, we were right to worry.
Mikoto-san was fine with it; she told us she'd known intuitively for a while anyhow, both about us dating and about Sasuke's sexual orientation. I mean, first of all, calling each other and hanging out much more than usual kind of clues people in, unless they're completely daft. And seriously, with his impeccable fashion sense and effeminate carriage, how could anyone not figure out that he's gay? Seriously, people, this is the same boy who got suspended for three days and grounded for a month (by his father, of course) for wearing a unitard and a single sparkly glove and singing Single Ladies with back-up singers for the school talent show in ninth grade. (It was a huge hit, by the way. All the girls and quite a few boys were swooning, so I've been told.) This is the guy who played with Barbie dolls as a kid and when his mom came upon him playing with two Ken dolls and asked him where Barbie was he said, "See, Mommy? Ken's happy 'cause he's with his boyfriend." I laughed when Mikoto-san told me that story.
Fugaku, on the other hand, flipped massive shit. He threw the book (namely the Bible) at us, figuratively and literally, saying that our relationship flew in the face of everything holy and that if we didn't repent of our sins we would burn in Hell for the rest of eternity. He went so far as to threaten to kill the both of us "to restore the family honor," and he tried to disown Sasuke. It was only when Mikoto-san threatened him with divorce if he so much as lifted a finger against her son that he kind of "calmed down".
Ever since then, he's been quoting bible verses at the two of us when we're together while he's around, and refuses to talk to Sasuke or even look at him unless he has to or unless he's making pointed remarks about what he likes to call our "sins against God and the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman," although what marriage has to do with it I have no clue, since Sasuke and I aren't even old enough to get married, though we have discussed it in passing, mostly in terms of what we'll do after college. It's quite saddening to me, because what kind of father rejects his own son? I'm surprised Sasuke hasn't taken me up on the offer to move out of his parents' house and live with my family yet.
Before I know it, I'm pulling up in front of the traditional Japanese-style mansion that is Sasuke's house. Sighing, I turn off the Prius and go up the path through the garden to the door. I can hear yelling from inside as I ring the doorbell.
After a few minutes Itachi comes to the door.
"Would you like to come and see the show?" he asks wryly.
"The show?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
"Sasuke came downstairs wearing liquid eyeliner and tinted lip gloss, so Father started quoting Leviticus again and Sasuke told him to shove it up his ass along with the rest of his homophobic bullshit, in those exact words. And that is part of what the yelling is about. He also gave quite a nice performance in church."
"Oh really?" I say, raising an eyebrow. "Did he sing in the choir?" Sasuke has a great singing voice. No one would expect a boy to have the kind of amazing singing voice that he does.
"No," says Itachi, the beginnings of a large smirk on his face. "He told Father to go die after talking at great length about your immensely inappropriate escapades in front of the congregation. He's quite a gifted storyteller, you know."
I have to laugh at that one. Even though Sasuke hates his father with a passion, he generally tries to be polite, even when Fugaku's quoting this stupid shit at him. For him to embarrass the bastard in public he must have been pretty pissed off.
"I have to see this," I say, moving toward the door of the dining room.
"Where are you going anyway?" asks Itachi.
"Dinner and a gay dance club," I say. "Hey, we both agreed on this!" I add when he looks at me oddly, and he raises his eyebrows in surprise. "We do something he likes, and then we do something I like."
Itachi nods in understanding.
"-disgusting and emasculating!"
"How is it emasculating if I obviously like wearing it and feel confident while doing so?"
"As a male and a member of this esteemed family you should not be dressing in an effeminate manner!"
"Fuck you, I will dress in whatever manner I so choose!"
"Sasuke, don't swear at your father!"
Fugaku shouts "he is not my son!" at the same time that Sasuke yells "he is not my father!"
I get to the door and look in. Father and son are standing on opposite ends of the table trying to kill each other with their eyes, with Mikoto-san between them, looking for the entire world like she would like to leave this craziness and never come back. When she sees me she shouts happily.
"Finally!" she cries, going to me and hugging me. "Naruto-kun, help me! They've been going at it for the better part of an hour! They won't listen when I tell them to stop! I need someone sane to break this up, because at the rate they're going I'm going to need psychiatric help!"
I pat her on the back awkwardly.
"You know the apocalypse has finally come when people start to think that I'm saner than Sasuke," I say dryly. "What have you been doing to your poor mother, temee?"
Sasuke turns, looking relieved to see me, but also annoyed. I let my eyes rove over everything… From the artfully torn black skinny jeans and the studded combat boots to the chain-covered black shirt with the detachable billowing rainbow-colored sleeves that he made himself and finally to his gorgeous face. The light blue liquid eyeliner he's wearing makes the navy blue of his irises stand out more, and I find myself distracted by his lips, which sport a light coat of what is probably cherry lip gloss.
"Where the hell have you been?" he asks irritably, his voice slightly hoarse. "Oi, usuratonkachi!" he says when I don't respond, walking over and waving his hand, the nails painted black, in front of my face. "My eyes are up here!"
"Getting ready," I say, snapping out of it. "Itachi brought me up to speed. And by the way, you look amazing."
"Now answer my question."
"I haven't been doing anything to her; I've been fighting with him." He sends a scathing look over his shoulder at Fugaku, who looks ready to kill him. "Apparently he thinks that this" –he indicates his clothing- "is emasculating."
"What is he doing in here?" yells Fugaku. "Get him out of my house!"
"Well," I say, putting an arm around Sasuke's waist and pulling him closer, "I'm here to rescue my boyfriend –whom I must say looks absolutely gorgeous and ravishing tonight- for a night of fun and games. It is Valentine's Day after all. You know, the day when couples go on a super-awesome date and get super-freaky with the mattress dancing afterwards." I sneer at the bastard as I say it.
If looks could kill, which thankfully they can't, Sasuke and I would be a pile of ashes on the floor. Maybe not even that. Fugaku's face turns bright red.
"You!" he roars. "You turned my son into a faggot!"
I snort and roll my eyes.
"Please," I say. "Would that I had the power to turn anyone gay just by snapping my fingers, but I don't, or else you'd be fucking the first fat old dude that came along like a dog in heat. Nope; as the song says we were born this way, honey bunches." I flutter my eyelashes effeminately and blow Fugaku a kiss.
Fugaku's face turns purple, and he begins muttering to himself, probably some prayers for mine and Sasuke's tainted souls or some stupid shit like that. I can feel my boyfriend shaking with suppressed laughter.
"I love messing with your father, temee," I mutter into his ear.
"I love listening to you mess with him, dobe," he says, kissing my cheek.
Then Fugaku picks up a glass figurine.
"I think we should go now, koishii," I say as he throws the figurine at us. It flies wide by more than a foot, but we both flinch anyway.
"That would be an excellent idea, especially given your way with words," says Itachi from behind us dryly.
We waste no time in running for the car, diving in and slamming the doors. Behind us Fugaku is yelling more anti-gay bible verses, but they're muffled by the car windows. We look at each other and burst out laughing.
"We're gonna be in soo much trouble with your mom," I say as I start the car, wiping tears of mirth from my eyes.
"Agreed," says Sasuke, "but the look on his face was soo worth it."
"So where do you want to spend your two hours of Hell?" I ask, smirking.
"I've spent the last eight years of my life since Fugaku converted in Hell," says my boyfriend, rolling his eyes. "Going clubbing is nothing."
"Fair enough. But seriously, have you found any clubs other than the ones I mentioned last week that were 'too sleazy' for you?"
"Born This Way," he says promptly. "It's that new club right across from Ichiraku's Ramen Shop. And I never said they were sleazy; my exact words were 'they lack class.'"
"And by 'lack class' you mean that they don't play a healthy mix of Lady Gaga, t.A.T.u. , and The Birthday Massacre?"
"I'm down with that," I say, "although I could be in a garbage dump with you and that would seem just as romantic."
Sasuke wrinkles his nose in disgust.
"Ew," he says. "I appreciate the sentiment behind that statement, but ew."
I laugh and lean over, planting a kiss on his forehead.
"I love you, Sasuke."
Sasuke rolls his eyes at me but smiles back.
"I love you too, Naruto. So where are we going to have dinner?"
"Well, I was planning to cook for you," I say, "but Mom's pissed at me."
"Why is she pissed?"
"Because I gave Naruko and Kyuubi the finger."
"Were they asking when we're going to have anal intercourse again?"
"Not in those words, but yes."
"Holy crap they're perverts. They're worse than Kakashi-sensei."
"So what's plan B?"
"That new Indian restaurant," I say. "Luckily they're not that popular, so I was able to get us a reservation, no problem."
"You do have money, right?" he asks. "I paid the last time we went out to eat."
"Yeah, about 10000 yen in cash and another 100000 on my credit card," I say, pulling out my wallet. "And last time it was because I forgot my wallet, okay?"
"Yeah, whatever," says Sasuke with a dismissive flick of the wrist. "You're always 'forgetting' things."
I glare at him.
"Bite me, temee," I growl.
Sasuke looks around at the other cars waiting at the stoplight with us and then back at me.
"Right now?" he asks innocently, but I can see a telltale spark of mischief in his eyes as he says it.
I roll my eyes.
"I'll take a rain check," I say. "One, my body does weird things when you're touching it. Two, I don't want to get into an accident. And three, there are witnesses."
"I thought so," he smirks.
When we walk in we get an upturned nose and a disdainful sniff from the proprietor of the restaurant; what few other couples are there are dressed semi-formally, and then there's me, dressed in clubbing attire that blatantly shouts "mal'chik gay all the way," and Naruto, dressed in clubbing attire that gives off the confusing aura of "gothic street thug". It's actually kind of funny, and somehow it works with him. Regardless of the proprietor's evident irritation, we are shown to our seats, without too much fuss, by an Indian native whose name tag says Rajdeep.
"Waiter is with shortly," he says in broken Japanese, setting the menu down in front of us and walking away. When we settle in I take a look at the surroundings. The outside may just be a plain stone building, but the inside is draped with colorful silk, which hangs in the doorways, the windows, and the ceiling.
There's also a lot of Indian art and furniture. I even recognize some of it, from the antique shops around here, and I'm kind of jealous; if only I had bought some of this I could turn my bedroom into a Bollywood paradise. If only Naruto shared my interest in antiques, but all he's interested in is the vinyl: The Beatles, Billy Joel, U2, Def Leppard, John Lennon, and the lot. He even built his own record shelf. I think he has over fifty different LPs by now. Never mind the fact that he has no record player, at least that I know of, and if he bought one, believe me, I would know. That would be all that he would talk about.
I don't mean to say that music artists like The Beatles and John Lennon are bad; au contraire, I have all of the Beatles albums on my iPod, both original and anthologies and demo versions, as well as the soundtrack to Across the Universe and the Glee versions of some of the songs, and all of the John Lennon solo albums too. I even have some Billy Joel and U2 somewhere on there, mixed in with all of the pop, punk emo music, and J-rock. But there's so much more to antiquing than buying old records; you never know what you'll find in terms of clothing, or new bedroom accessories.
Last month, for instance, I found the perfect Victorian Era mourning dress. The proprietor gave me some odd looks –what would a boy want with a Victorian Era dress that has a brown stain that looks suspiciously like blood on the collar? Anyway, when I got home I immediately cleaned it, gave the collar new lace, and made a Suigintou cosplay out of it, so it was all good.
The waiter comes, takes our drink orders, and leaves to fill the orders.
"So how was your Sunday?" Naruto asks me.
"How do you think it was?" I reply, rolling my eyes. "Church was today, and Fugaku spent this Sunday the same way he's spent every Sunday since we told him about our relationship. Today it was about how 'the gay agenda is going to plunge the world into the End of Days,' and he called, quite passionately, on anyone in the congregation guilty of 'sins homosexual in nature' to confess and be saved while looking directly at me. So I stood up and told everyone in detail about last weekend and then told Fugaku to go die in a hole."
Naruto's sky blue eyes widen and then squeeze shut and he bows his head, his shoulders shuddering with suppressed laughter.
"My god, Sasuke, what're we gonna do with you?" he says jokingly. "And what did he do?"
"He started yelling at me in front of his congregation, and I'm not allowed back until I 'fix' myself. He said it like it's a punishment, but that was my intention in the first place. I couldn't stand listening to him preach even before he knew that I was gay."
"I bet," he says sympathetically.
The waiter comes back with our drinks, takes our food orders, and goes back. Picking up my spoon I stir my cup of tea and look at Naruto. He looks back, and I can tell he's doing the same thing I am; we frequently become lost in each other's eyes. It makes me uncomfortable when he does it, and it embarrasses me when he catches me doing it. I can't help it though; Naruto's eyes are the most beautiful shade of blue I've ever seen: a light sky blue speckled throughout with areas that are a vivid cerulean, and a dark blue rim surrounding it all.
'Snap out of it, Sasuke,' I think, and pinch myself, at the same time that Naruto does it to himself. He's obviously trying to be subtle and failing miserably, unlike me, but I ignore it.
"How was your Sunday?" I ask my boyfriend.
"Eh," he says. "Nowhere near as eventful as yours seems to have been. I woke up, I ate breakfast, I went to work, I came home and played video games, and then I went up to get ready for tonight and when I came down Kyuubi and Naruko were watching Glee. Naruko I get, but Kyuubi hates Glee because it's 'too fruity', so that was the weirdest thing that happened to me today. Sakura did come into work though."
"Oh?" That bitch seriously needs to lay off my man.
"Yeah, she sat in my section, so I had to endure her making pointed hints about how 'we worked so well as a couple' and 'are you sure you're really homosexual?' when I told her there's no way I'm interested in her and that for the millionth time I am bisexual. I'm gonna be so glad when we graduate, because I won't have to deal with her on an almost daily basis anymore. Oh, and Sasuke, Konoha High School now has an official NaruSasu fanclub."
I choke on my tea and stare at Naruto, disbelieving.
"That's what I said," he says irritably. "Apparently Yamanaka Ino, the former president of your fanclub, created a new fanclub. She figured boy-on-boy was much more interesting than idol worship."
"Well, that is annoying," I say with a sigh. "If they're as stalkerish as my personal fanclub I am seriously going to kill someone."
"If they're as stalkerish as your personal fanclub I'm gonna kill someone," Naruto says. "These ignorant bitches need to get a life and stop bugging people who don't want that kind of attention for fuck's sake."
"You now know how I've felt for years," I say wryly.
Naruto rolls his eyes and sticks his tongue out at me. I raise an eyebrow and shake my head; he can be so juvenile sometimes.
Finally the food arrives: a side of garlic naan, jasmine basmati rice to share, chicken tandoori for Naruto, and palak paneer for me, because I refuse to eat meat. I am not going to eat something that had a brain and feelings before it became an inanimate piece of meat on someone's plate. Just thinking about it makes me feel slightly ill. I eye everything warily, checking for meat, before scooping some rice and paneer onto my plate and eating slowly, savoring the rich taste of this exotic new food. Across from me Naruto picks up the chicken with his fingers and tears into it like a ravenous wolf. I raise an eyebrow.
"You act like a barbarian, Naruto," I say, smirking.
"Don't be hatin' just because I'm sexy even when I eat," he says snarkily when he's swallowed.
I snort. Naruto sometimes says the weirdest things, but without a doubt they are almost always amusing.
"Hey, if you didn't think I was at least moderately attractive you wouldn't be dating me," he says. "Besides, I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast."
"Really? Because I haven't had anything to eat, other than a yogurt, since last night."
"Why?" he asks, trying to make it sound merely curious, but the note of concern is obvious. I try to keep myself from sighing in exasperation. I love Naruto with all my heart, but sometimes his over-protectiveness and anxiety gets a little annoying. Just because I'm the more effeminate one in the relationship doesn't mean that I can't take care of myself.
"Because I stayed up late working on my Saki Hanajima cosplay, so when I finally fell asleep I overslept, hence the yogurt. Then after church, I stayed in my room working on the cosplay because I was unwilling to get into anything else with Fugaku, so I didn't have lunch because I knew he would be waiting down there with his religious spiel."
Naruto looks at his plate, then at me, and then slows down. The sight is kind of amusing.
"Finally, progress!" I say, clapping my hands together in mock enthusiasm. "I think by the end of the night we might actually be able to teach you what a fork and knife are."
"Shut up, Sasuke," Naruto says grinning.
I smirk at him.
Well, there is chapter one! I was hoping to get through this story with nothing I might need to explain at the end of each chapter, but it seems that like all of my other stories things are going to pop up.
100000 Japanese yen comes out to approximately $953 American currency. ¥10000 is about $95 American currency. I say "approximately" and "about" because the exact figure is several decimal places long and it would be a pain in the ass to put in all those decimal places.
The thing about Sasuke going up onstage –in a unitard no less- and doing Single Ladies was something I find cute and funny, given how un-Sasuke-ish that type of behavior would be. It's also a scene from the finale of Glee in the third season, the one that just ended on TV, wherein Kurt's father does Single Ladies, and the images of him doing the dance are interspersed with flashbacks of Kurt doing the same dance in the fourth episode of the first season.
Also, in the middle of the chapter Sasuke refers to his clubbing attire as "mal'chik gay all the way." Mal'chik Gay (or Mal'chik-Gey, depending on if you're listening to the English or Russian version) is the name of a t.A.T.u. song. Either way, "mal'chik" is Russian for "boy." "Gey/ gay" is pretty self-explanatory. And the cosplays he talks about making are Suigintou from Rozen Maiden and Saki Hanajima from Fruits Basket.