Urahara hadn't been back to the Squad 12 laboratory for a few weeks. In a fit of rage at Mayuri calling her a cockroach not worth dissecting, Hiyori had urinated in Kurotsuchi's latest experiment, and told him so as soon as he had downed the test tube. Needless to say, the Head of Research and Development had turned scarlet beneath his skull paint, and had thrown a home-made grenade at her, screaming in his reedy hiss that anyone with an IQ lower than his hat was banned from the lab. Hiyori had simply dodged and laughed, but Urahara, knowing that Mayuri, for all his faults, was endlessly innovative and the key to the Department's success, suggested they leave him be.
"You're kidding, right? You're going to let that wackjob insult your lieutenant? What kinda captain are you anyway?" Hiyori had complained at the time, until Kisuke reminded her that without intervention Mayuri would probably poison himself with his own concoctions. This thought cheered the short shinigami, and she had avoided the lab since, like a kid resisting the urge to hunt her Christmas presents.
Urahara missed his research, though. It had been three months and he had several stab-proof gigais to get working on, not to mention a few rather lucrative aphrodisiacs, commissioned by a certain pink-coated captain ahead of Valentine's Day. While Kisuke wasn't afraid of Kurotsuchi in the slightest, he didn't want to spark off a tantrum that culminated in Mayuri stomping off into the sunset, taking his notes with him.
Still, what was that maniac working on in there? He supposed it was pretty irresponsible not to know what was going on in your own barracks and besides, his curiosity was getting the better of him. Pulling on his old stealth cloak to muffle his spiritual pressure, Kisuke grinned. Hell, a spot of undercover work reminded him of the old days under Yoruichi. He was a sucker for a bit of espionage.
He waited around the corner of the building until finally, at sunset, Mayuri emerged.
"What an exhausting day!" declared the scientist. "So much new data! Why, if it were anybody less brilliant than myself, their heads would surely explode with the possibilities!"
He turned back to the laboratory window, which had been blacked out months previously.
"And less of your lip, you bloated cow! Really, what a disappointment you are! Quite useless, quite useless."
Slamming and locking the door, Kurotsuchi paraded off towards the food halls. When he was out of sight, Urahara sidled out quietly and tried his key. As he had suspected, Mayuri had changed the locks, but it was nothing a stolen hairpin couldn't remedy. A wink of tongue sticking out as he worked, Kisuke jimmied open the lock, smiling to himself as the old squad two skills came flooding back to him. Breaking into your own barracks - this was a new one.
Only one thought rattled round the captain's brain. Who had that madman been talking to just now? The lab assistants were all drinking on the east side of the seireitei; he'd passed them not five minutes before, just as a tipsy Hiyosu was hanging little bells on Akon's horns. With the research staff out of the way, who was this 'bloated cow'? If he'd been curious about Mayuri's misdoings before, Urahara was fascinated now.
Finally, the catch gave, and with a slight squeak, the door opened, a faint whiff of sulphur escaping into the night air.
"Uh, hello?" The captain scanned the room. Dark, except for the odd glint on a conical flask or beak, and silent, but for a stew of chemicals bubbling away on a low heat in one corner. Kisuke shone a torch into the crannies of the room, nervous but enjoying his expedition.
Hey, there was his old gigai! Digging out an old cloth bag from his pocket, Urahara deflated and stashed the soft version of himself, noting with amusement the dart in the forehead. It was a strange relationship he had with his deputy. Most people would be grateful if you'd bust them out of jail, but Kurotsuchi was not one for gratitude, and Kisuke had little doubt that the scientist was ultimately plotting his downfall. Still, good to keep your enemies close. Ah! and these soul candies would come in handy too. Into the bag! Now, what else?
As Urahara reached for a favourite lab coat (now stained with some purple substance), a sweet dead voice rang out in the blackness.
"Captain Urahara. I've been waiting to meet you."
Kisuke jumped in surprise and crashed clumsily into a tripod and gauze, sending them clattering to the floor.
"Hey, show yourself!" he shouted, .
A small, slim figure stepped into his torchbeam.
Urahara wagged his finger, mock-strictly. "No fair, spying on me! I mean sure, I was spying myself, but what other perks does a captain have?" Grinning crookedly, he fumbled for the lightswitch.
The girl was about 5'6, with long, braided black hair and a porcelain face that bore no expression. On her feet she wore straw sandals and white socks and a lab coat wrapped her small frame. As Urahara watched, she undid the buttons on her coat and discarded it to reveal an ultra-short shinigami uniform with cute puffed sleeves.
Kisuke's eyes took a detour to her legs, two smooth, lean lengths of milky skin. Maaaan, he thought. I haven't seen a pair like that since Shunsui's old lieutenant Lisa. She was pretty hot. I wonder if all short-skirted girls are raging perverts...
Ah, man, Kisuke! Snap out of it! This needs investigating!
"Now then," he smiled broadly, scruffing up his blond hair. "Just who are you? I don't recall enlisting you and whether he likes it or not, Mayuri has to run every new assistant through me."
"I'm his deputy," replied the girl. "He made me."
"He made you his deputy, right," nodded the captain. "And he picked you up where? Rukon district? Further afield? Because believe me, I know every soul reaper by face - some better than others, if you know what I mean - and I've never seen you before." He leaned forward conspiratorially and winked. "I'd definitely remember you."
"No, Sir. You don't understand. He made me. Lord Mayuri made me using his own genetic material."
This took a moment to sink in. Then Urahara beamed.
"That ingenious bastard."
"Lord Mayuri's genius knows no bounds," agreed the girl.
"Woah, wait a second. What's with this 'Lord Mayuri' business?"
"I am supposed to call him this. He grows angry if I forget, and then he blows me up again."
"I thought I was a pervert," mused Urahara. "Mayuri makes himself a deputy who happens to be a pretty girl who wears about the sexiest uniform I've ever seen and makes her call him 'Lord' -"
"Sometimes 'Master' too," added the deputy.
"Hehe, or 'Master' then. And then makes her combustible. That's kinda kinky, even by my standards. Hey, what's your name anyway? Mayuri even give you a name?"
"Nemu," said the girl, bowing quickly.
"OK then, Nemu. Can I count on you to snitch to your master that I was here, or is there any way I can buy your silence? See, I just want to keep tabs on what's going on in the lab, being the Squad 12 captain and all. I know 'Lord Mayuri' from a while back, y'see, and he's - well, he's not got the highest ethical standards."
"I know, Sir," said Nemu. "He is a cruel man, and his experiments seem to cause their subjects great pain. But science is a wonderful thing and sometimes sacrifices can cause great progress to be made. I often feel curious myself, about certain things."
"I see," said Kisuke. "Truly a chip off the old block. What could a robot like you be curious about, Nemu?"
"Oh, I'm not a robot, Sir. I bleed. I experience pain. I feel things, the same as any other soul. Some things I cannot explain."
In the flickering neon of the lab lights, she swayed awkwardly.
"I feel as though I want to...interact with others. Master Mayuri has fitted me with a regenerative mechanism. When I am injured, he alone can...restore me."
"Sort of thing?" Kisuke was intrigued, though his attention was partly diverted by the swell of her pert breasts, shfting under that tight kimono.
"He puts his energy into me. I must lie down so he can rejuvenate me."
Yeesh. Urahara had no idea Mayuri was even interested in sex. Now he understood why. Kurotsuchi had been making his ideal partner all this time. Nobody less than perfect would do. Nobody who wouldn't comply utterly. What a freak he truly was. But in fairness, Nemu was a triumph. Beautiful, shapely, clearly intelligent, for all the creepy Mayuri-worship. And boy oh boy, those legs.
The more he stared, the more Nemu's quiet voice began to fade into the agitations of the test tubes around her, as filthy thoughts backed up in Urahara's head. Imagine that body pressed up against you, those juicy breasts in your hands. He bet she was super strong too, and the thought of Nemu's thighs wrapped tightly around his waist caused a drip of sweat to run down his long blond forelock. Already he could feel the heat rising in his groin, and drew his captain's coat around him to disguise it.
Phew. He had to get away and have a good old-fashioned jack-off in his quarters. That'd clear his mind.
"I...er, listen, its been good to meet you, Nemu. I have to...do some paperwork. Heh. The admin never stops, eh?"
As Kisuke reached for the door handle, Nemu flash-stepped in front of his escape route.
"Please wait a second Sir. I have a favour to ask."
"S-sure, name it!" By now, Urahara could smell her, a sweet orchid perfume emanating from her.
"I wish to conduct an experiment. Lord Mayuri will not let me initiate my own studies, and will surely punish me, but I desperately want to try the rejuvenation method with someone else. And I feel it would work especially well with you."
Was she really asking to...? Urahara had never been so directly propositioned. It was a little unnerving, hearing that cold, colourless voice asking for sex. And wouldn't it be wrong to take advantage of this creation, who was practically built to be that sicko's love slave? I mean, what was she exactly?
Nemu brought her white-gloved hand up to Urahara's toned chest, manoeuvred it inside his cloak and stroked his torso gently. It was like someone running an ice cube over his skin. A tiny groan escaped him, surprising him.
So tempting...but what if this was a trap?
The tiny hand began to move lower, brushing the blond hairs of his navel, and Kisuke felt himself twitch and rise in response.
Gah, he couldn't do it. Pushing her gently away, Urahara thanked her for the offer of 'collaboration', but admitted he should probably not experiment with subordinates, and turned again to leave, cheeks burning.
"Please, Captain Urahara." There was a tiny star of emotion in Nemu's voice. "I have watched you training...seen your body..."
Urahara routinely trained topless, around dawn - it got pretty warm otherwise.
"...and feel we would be compatible. It is my dearest wish to experience this with someone as aesthetically pleasing, and no doubt skilled, as you."
Was she trying to say he was hot? Well jeez, he'd never rejected a compliment.
"It burns, sir. I need to defuse the heat inside. I cannot sleep and I think often of you. I map out the experiment, though the methodology is unclear. Sometime I try to push the heat out of myself -"
"OK, you sold me," Kisuke shut the door, mopping his brow. He was only human. Sort of.
He pulled Nemu into a rough kiss, which surprised and seemed to delight the girl.
"Mayuri never kiss you?"
"No, he only rejuvenates me. This is new to me."
"Don't know how he can resist,"chuckled Kisuke, as he pinned her to the wall, his nimble tongue darting between her delicious lips as his hand fondled her silky hair.
Nemu was shocked at the warmth of the captain's mouth, how strong the muscles of his tongue were, and how fresh he tasted. Mayuri's scent had always reminded her of chemicals and meat, but this was like being tickled with spices. Captain Urahara was hungrier and more joyful in his touch, and she breathed in sharply as he slipped two fingers into her moist mouth.
"I find this to be a very useful element in the...er, procedure," Kisuke whispered in her ear, and gently pushed open the fabric of her uniform to reveal that gorgeous upper body.
Never thought I'd say it, but thank you Mayuri, thought Kisuke, and, as desperate as he was to simply grab and squeeze Nemu's firm breasts, he began instead to encircle each strawberry areola with his moistened fingers.
Nemu gasped as the sensation hit her, and threw back her head as Urahara smiled filthily, enjoying the slow build of her excitement. When she could stand no more, he began to suck on each hardened nipple, cupping the firm swell of each tit in his greedy hands.
"S-Sir, this is unprecedented...I've never...this feels...amazing..." she murmured, as he nipped lightly with his teeth and sucked harder.
Her body was unbelievable. Urahara had to hand it to his deputy, this girl was hotter than hell. Already he could feel his cock, bound up inside his clothing, complaining. He was growing so hard it practically dizzied him.
Nemu gripped his chest, as if in a fever, and tore apart Urahara's uniform top as if it were paper. Yep, pretty strong, thought Kisuke, feeling the cool air on his chest hardening his own nipples. Nemu sucked her own fingers slowly, causing him to groan in arousal, and began to mimic his actions.
"Nemu...you're a hell of a girl..." gasped Kisuke, as those deft fingers pinched and pulled at his nipples, and his own hands dropped away from her body.
"Please don't stop...Captain...Sir..." Nemu was actually blushing. Urahara wasn't sure what to expect, but plunged his hand up and under her little skirt. Ahhh, little white underpants. Mayuri, you dirty fucker.
Yanking down the cotton until it manacled her ankles, Kisuke pushed his hand between her legs. No hair, but by God, she was soaking wet. He began to pull and rub her swollen clitoris, causing her to sigh breathily.
"Sir, I'm sorry," gasped Nemu. "I'm not sure why this is happening to me. I...can clean myself..."
"As...much as I would like to watch that, it's...perfectly normal Nemu," Urahara couldn't help but press his hard outline against her, and moaned as the head of his cock met her warmth.
"Really, Captain? It never...happens with Lord Mayuri, but he...he never does...this!"
She let out a squeal of pleasure as Urahara pushed three fingers up inside her, working them deep into her with a firm action.
Considering what that maniac had been doing to her, she was as tight as a doll and wet as morning grass. Kisuke couldn't hold out much longer, and pulled her away from the wall, bending her forwards over a workstation. Glass broke and liquids spilled, but neither figure noticed.
"Now, Sir. Now." moaned the girl, and Kisuke pulled off her askew kimono, throwing it aside. He untied his own hakama and released his aching cock, spreading Nemu's flawless cheeks before thrusting into her.
"Sir...oh, Sir!" cried Nemu, as Urahara pulled out, flushed, and drove back in. "Harder, please. It is important..."
"For science!" panted Urahara, laughing, and began to pound into Nemu, groaning each time the head of his cock hit her heat. Leaning forward, he squeezed her breasts together wth one hand, while the other reached between her legs and began to rub and pinch at her clit again.
Nemu began to shake, her orgasm building. "Captain, it feels as though...I will ex...plode. Is this..unhhh...right? Sir, please don't stop..."
"It's...all good...Nemu!" gasped Urahara, bucking into her, his blond locks flying. "Yep...I'd say it's pretty...fucking...good right now!"
Nemu grabbed the hand that held her breasts and licked at Urahara's battle-hardened fingers, twisting round to blink innocently at him, before transferring them to her behind.
"You are filthy," grinned Kisuke, as he slid first one finger, then two, into her tight hole, then pushed them in and out as he continued to screw her, causing a huge spasm of pleasure to wrack the young girl's body. As she shuddered, the movement pushed Urahara over the edge, and he came, hard, into her, shaking and panting uncontrollably. At that moment, Nemu too cried out, coming onto his exhausted cock.
"Captain Urahara...that was...ground-breaking," Nemu said, eventually. "Never has an experiment yielded such...satisfying results on the first attempt. Sir, I will sleep easy tonight. Thank you."
"Any time," said the scruffy blond beside her, coughing as he examined the ruins of his captain's coat. "For the record, Mayuri's an idiot. Fancy designing you like this and then not letting you have any fun."
As they dressed, Kisuke still looking like a tramp who'd stolen a haori, Nemu immaculate once more, the black-haired girl touched Urahara's arm.
"Sir, I think it would be wise to repeat the experiment sometime. It is advisable to rule out anomalous results. And to conduct a control. What I'm saying, Sir, is that I would like to collaborate with you again. Perhaps when the Department Head is absent once more."
"As a fellow scientist, I couldn't agree more," beamed Urahara, knowing that he wouldn't be sleeping that night, even if she would. "And hey, maybe I can train in this area of the seireitei a little more from now on. Maybe by that window."
"An excellent idea, Sir," Nemu agreed.
With a tip of an invisible hat, Urahara exited with a bow, still smiling broadly.
Returning later, Mayuri couldn't for the life of him understand how three of his test tubes had gotten broken, when Nemu was normally so careful. Or why, in her sleep, she almost seemed to be smiling.