I really never thought I'd write pallettshipping… You may well wish I never had. This is probably OOC as hell, and it violates my "Pokémon is a separate universe" rule, but hopefully it's at least mildly amusing. The actual… shishi… will be in the next chapter. ::g::

alnykleo, this is for you.

**Randomness**

~ I'm never going to fall in love. I mean there's, well, Misty. And I guess I kind of thought that when we were older we could sort of, you know, go out together. Or get married and stuff. I mean, she's a scrawny tomboy, but she's the only girl I really like much, and Pikachu really loves her. Maybe too much. And that way Pikachu and Togepi would never have to be apart.

I guess I'd have to buy her a new bike, though.

But when I told Tracey all that, he started laughing so hard I thought he was going to stop breathing. I had to get Squirtle to water gun him in the stomach until he stopped. And when I asked him what was so funny about me marrying Misty, he said, "Prima."

I don't get it. What does Prima have to do with anything? I don't think Pikachu would ever be happy with a Jynx.

Not that I care. Romance is for girls, anyway.

When I told Tracey that, he laughed even harder, and said Misty would probably agree with me. He's very strange, sometimes.

Pokémon are so much easier to understand.

~ Girls suck. One day, it's "Oh Gary, you're the greatest, sexiest trainer there ever was!" Not that such appreciation is very surprising. I mean – it's a simple statement of obvious fact. But then… you lose one little match and…

Smell ya later, girls.

It's like they had their taste surgically removed, or something. I mean, I'm still the same gorgeous, witty, talented trainer I was before. I just had one little… slipup. How could they be so shallow?

I think I'll get a cloak. Cloaks are mysterious, swishy, glamorous, evocative, powerful… me.

Not that I'm swishy, of course.

I'm never going to fall in love.

** Some months later**

~ Misty gets more and more like a boy every time I see her. She's kind of cute, in a scruffy way. I mean, she's not the kind of stylish, elegant, curvy girl a man of the world like me needs on his arm, but…

No, I'm not desperate. I am *not.* I'm just having a little dry spell.

At least my Umbreon loves me.

I wonder if Ash was impressed by my new look? I bet he was overwhelmed by my pure sex appeal and loner allure. Haha, loser.

~ Gary has a cloak. He thinks he looks cool and mysterious in it. Loser. No wonder all his cheerleaders ran away. They were probably afraid Darth Vader would win them over to the Dark Side.

Actually, it kind of suits him.

I wonder if I'd look good in a cloak? Brock says it would probably clash with my Pokémon League cap.

~ I wonder if Whitney would go out with me? She's kind of cute, even if she'd wet herself before she found a toilet. I, of course, have a perfect sense of direction. I would look after her, as is only right for a manly… man.

But – a Clefairy and a Miltank? I could never date someone with a Clefairy and a Miltank. My prestige would suffer an immeasurable blow. I need to date someone with something cool like… a Pikachu.

But Richie would never go out with me.

~~ Maybe I could go out with Casey? She's kinda young, but she's cool, and she has great clothes sense.

Nahhh. Chikorita would be too jealous.

Note to self: Do not marry anyone with a Chikorita. It would not be worth the death of an innocent pokémon.



tbc