I'm just writing this crackfic because I'm bored. It's not going to make sense. At all. And I'm not exaggerating either.

Disclaimer: Who owns Shugo Chara? Not me. Peach-Pit does.

It was a normal day at the Royal Garden, sipping tea and discussing school business. Tadase was the current speaker.

"I believe that we should probably enhance the volleyball court by getting better ne-"

"Good morning, my lovelies~" squealed Tsukasa, as he happily skipped inside wearing a Puss in Boots cosplay.

Nikaidou came in after, dressed in a panda suit. "Tsukasa-san, I still don't understand how a panda can be a cat's sidekick," he complained.

"KITTY!" Yaya screeched. She ran over and jumped on Tsukasa.

Rima turned towards Nagihiko. "What are these two trying to be, geeks?"

Nagihiko shrugged nonchalantly. "I thought they were already geeks before."

Amu just slammed her head down on the desk, trying to block out the rest of the world.

Tadase tried to restore order. "Now, now, everyone… Tsukasa-san, maybe you should come back another time-"

He suddenly exploded. His infamous sparkles started raining down upon everyone else.

Yaya looked like she was about to cry. "T-Tadase…exploded?"

Amu's head shot up, and she immediately rushed over to Yaya. "Don't cry, Yaya… Look at me! I can turn my hair into different colors!"

Yaya looked at Amu excitedly. "Really?"

"Yeah! Watch this!" Amu's pink hair changed into a teal color, and then to dandelion, and then to pine green.

Yaya was brimming with joy. "THAT'S SO COOL!"

Meanwhile, Rima and Nagihiko were conversing as if nothing happened. Rima reached out, grabbed a few of Tadase's sparkles, sprinkled them into her tea, and took a sip.

"Tadase's sparkles taste like sugar."

Nagihiko looked surprised. "Really?" He tried sparkle-ifying his tea, and much to his dismay, it turned into onion soup.

Tsukasa suddenly appeared again wearing a ballerina tutu. "These sparkles are perfect for some ballet!"

He started doing the Nutcracker.

Nagihiko looked up from his onion soup. "Wasn't he in a Shrek character cosplay a moment ago?"

Nikaidou suddenly appeared behind him, dressed as a hippie from the 80s. "What are you talking about, baby?" he spoke in an Elvis Presley voice. "This is our stuff."

He turned on some mysterious unseen spotlights and started dancing under the mysterious disco ball that nobody ever noticed before in the garden.

Amu's hair was now an indigo color, much like Nagihiko's.

Yaya giggled. "Amu-chi looks like female Nagihiko with short hair!"

Nagihiko peered over, having heard his name. Rima glared at Amu's hair.

"Change that hair color, fool," she commanded. "NOW."

To avoid conflict, Amu quickly turned her hair into neon orange. Rima smiled in satisfaction.

A scream came from above. Ikuto came down, dangling in midair above their table on a rope tied around his waist. He smiled cheekily.

"Yo, peeps. Don't mind me, I'm just a human from up above."

He looked around, and his gaze fixed upon Amu's new hair color. "Okay, I swear to myself that her hair was pink before… But that's not the point. Now I can't call her my little strawberry now…"

Yaya, now utterly hyper, raised her hand and jumped up and down. "YOU CAN CALL HER YOUR LITTLE STROBE LIGHT NOW!"

Ikuto thought about it for a moment. "Little strobe light… Yeah, I like it. Thanks Yaya."

Amu had a look of betrayal on her face. "YAYA! Why would you say that? I hate that name-"

Kukai ran into the Royal Garden, with Utau hot on his trail.


Ikuto finally was able to free himself from the cursed rope, and as a result, he fell down on the glass table on his back. "Oh my god… That hurt…" He got up, and winced when pain shot down his spine.

Rima was outraged. "Do you see what he just did? He landed on our table! Now the teapot's broken and the tea's all wasted! All because of him!"

Ikuto sighed in relief. "Oh, thank God… No, no, I'm not saying that I'm happy your teapot's broken," he said quickly when Rima gave him the death glare. "It's just that… Your tea's all spilled and now my back is completely wet. I was just really worried that it might've been something else…"

Utau was still chasing Kukai. "I'M GONNA GET YOU, SOCCER KID!"

Kukai squeaked at Utau's scariness. "UM, GUYS! MY LIFE'S IN DANGER HERE!"

Ikuto jumped in front of Utau. "Hey, little sis, how's it going?"

Utau's anger immediately disappeared. "Oh, it's been going great! I'm working really hard on a new song and it's really awesome and I think it's going to be a hit-" She stopped, seeing Tadase's sparkles. "Ooh…"

She fell through the trapdoor that she was standing on.

Ikuto looked at the Guardians. "I didn't know you guys had a trapdoor."

Nagihiko shrugged. "I don't think any of us did either. But it's pretty convenient."

Kukai finished drawing on his hand. "Check it out! I drew a Facebook 'Like' button on my hand! Now all I gotta do is get Utau to poke my hand! Then we're officially a couple!" He jumped down the trapdoor. "WAIT FOR ME, UTAU!"

Silence ensued.

The trapdoor opened, a hand reached out, and grabbed Yaya's ankle.

Yaya's eyes widened and she looked down at her foot. "EEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!" She tried to get the hand to let go, but another hand just shot out and grabbed her other ankle. "ZOMBIEEEEEE!"

Rima rolled her eyes. "Yaya, zombies don't exist."

"Food…water…" The creature holding onto Yaya gradually crawled out of the trapdoor. "Please…"

Rima stared. "Or maybe they do…"

Nagihiko crawled out of the trapdoor. "I've been stuck…in there…for 3 weeks…"

"Three weeks- Then who's that?" Rima pointed at the other Nagihiko who was still minding his onion soup.

Tsukasa and Nikaidou, now long forgotten, were sharing a giant cookie, along with some milk.

The onion-soup Nagihiko tied his – or her – hair up in a ponytail. "I'm Nadeshiko," she said, her voice suddenly turning higher. "I came to fill in for Nagihiko who disappeared mysteriously." She gave her onion soup to the real Nagihiko, who accepted it more than willingly.

"I told you I was stuck down there for 3 weeks!"

Ikuto looked at Nagihiko. "Did you see Kukai and Utau down there?"

Nagihiko looked up from his soup. "Sure did. It's so dark down there, I couldn't see them, but I can tell it's them from their voices. I heard some scuffling…"

Rima and Yaya shared a glance. "They're probably making out."



"…Or probably something even more inappropriate."

Kairi suddenly stormed into the Royal Garden. "I need the other Jacks right now!"

Ikuto looked at him. "But one's doing some stuff with my sister and the other is practically starved."

Nagihiko started eating the snacks that came with the tea. "Ain't that the truth."

Kairi groaned. "Don't you see what crackfics can do? They can kill off a character if they want to! I'm ending this before this gets taken too far. And Hinamori-san, you might want to turn your hair pink again."

lolwut. What is this thing? :P

R & R!