A/N: Here it is, the smut you've been waiting for, and it's whopper, let me tell you. Much longer chapter to fit it all in. Toppy!Justin, again, kind of, cause I just had to. My muse took me there, I went with it, there's no arguing with him. It's a bit different than the standard steamy scenes between the boys, but I think you'll get why I wrote what I wrote.

Chapter 17

Of all the things Justin could ask him or say, that was totally not expected.

Nobody had seen his scar, hell, he refused to look at it.


That look on Justin's face, those eyes, that hair, this beautiful man. Justin was amazing, and he didn't know why he was getting all mushy right now. Maybe it was just that he didn't know what to expect after the C-… cancer, and while he wished he could forget his mother's reasoning for the cancer… he'd much rather see Justin as the reward for something he must have done right.

Justin could sense how big this was for Brian. Not just the admission of having cancer, but testicular cancer, in such a sexual man, but also now letting Justin see the scar. He couldn't explain why, but he had to see the scar. Obviously he knew that Brian was here, and that this cancer was over a year ago, but Brian didn't tell him the results of his physical. He had a feeling that Brian was okay, but he needed to see, to prove, on some cosmic or karmic level, that Brian was still okay, still here, not going anywhere.

Brian stripped faster and was on the bed on his back before Justin got his pants off. It was almost like he just wanted to get this over with. Like it was an exam. It sort of was, but it was to ease Justin's soul, to prove that a little scar that represents something so huge wouldn't make Justin disappear.

As Brian lays on the bed, legs spread, hands resting on his chest, eyes closed… he looks both nervous and peaceful, distressed and beautiful. If he works this right he can show himself that Brian is perfectly healthy, prove to Brian that he's perfect, and finally have his moment to fully explore this body, this man, offering himself over to Justin. He's wanted to explore and taste and smell, completely, from the moment he first walked into the loft. It's hard to believe that that was just yesterday.

He crawls on to the bed between Brian's legs and just sits there for a moment, admiring, and falling even farther.

"What was the result of your physical?" he asks quietly.

Brian doesn't open his eyes, and his response sounds clinical. "Completely healthy. Cancer free," the relief that floods Justin is like a physical weight being lifted from his body.

Justin decides to get it over with, ease Brian's mind and hopefully relax his worries. Justin was going to start down at Brian's magnificent feet (he'll have to draw those one day very soon), but he can almost feel Brian's anxiety, so decides to head straight for that scar.

It's almost weird having Brian lay here, cock soft, of course it looks smaller, still impressive, but that's the main reason he knows Brian is worried about Justin's reaction. Justin scoots forward and lifts Brian's legs onto his own. He may be sitting, but he's matching Brian's position. It still surprises him how little body hair Brian has, he never thought about body hair before (short of their being too much on some guys), but on Brian the lack of body hair is very sexy. Even his pubes are trimmed and so damned soft.

The hair is dark, but he can just make out the scar once he lifts Brian's cock (which is hardening slightly… big relief) and inspects his balls. He wouldn't have been able to tell the difference before… and it's no different now. If Brian hadn't have told him he would have no idea that Brian had one fake ball. He couldn't imagine what that would have done to Brian's reputation, at least as far as his own psyche.

Brian's cock in hand is getting harder by the minute and he can see the warring expressions on Brian's face. Justin slides back enough to kneel between Brian's legs and leans down to kiss the scar. Brian moans softly at that, not because it's a turn-on (although he'll admit later that it is), but because of what Justin means in that kiss.

Justin was going to kiss the scar and then kiss Brian's lips, but he gets a little lost in the smell that is Brian. The feeling of the soft course hair on his face, Brian's smell permeating his nose. He takes Brian's balls into his mouth, first one then the other. He can't tell the difference this way either, and he doesn't care. He loves to taste Brian, he had discovered that last night and this morning, but never got around to finishing what he wanted to do.

Brian's moaning at what Justin's doing to him. He knows which testicle was removed, but Justin doesn't, nor does he seem to care. Just the fact that Justin is still here, still wants him, practically worshipping him means more to Brian than any verbal declaration can mean.

Justin spends several minutes just sucking Brian's balls, licking underneath, running his hands up and down Brian's legs. He doesn't even realize that his hips are rocking, so turned on at just being down here, sucking Brian, reveling in the little gasps and moans he's getting from Brian. Knowing he's the one causing those noises is mind-blowing.

Justin runs his tongue from behind Brian's balls all the way up his cock to the head. Brian is moaning louder now as Justin continues his oral assault. He licks back down to his perineum, but doesn't go further, he's not sure if he should.

Brian doesn't want Justin to stop, it feels so good, and it's been too long since he's been rimmed, and the fact that Justin wants to… he's all for it.

Brian grabs the pillow and puts it under his hip. Keeping his eyes closed, and hopefully telling Justin what to do without needing words. He hears Justin moan a little at that, and moan even louder as Brian lifts his knees and spreads wider. Clearly message was received.

To hell with going slow, Justin thinks, and he dives right in. He spreads Brian's ass cheeks apart as he stabs and licks and sucks his hole as fast and hard as his tongue and mouth will allow. Brian's writhing in pleasurable agony, moaning and gasping more than he can remember ever responding before.

Justin is relentless in his assault. He wants Brian to come from this like Brian made him come, but he really wants Brian to come in his mouth. He continues licking and sucking, and tongue fucking Brian until he can feel that Brian is close to coming. He pulls away, replaces his tongue with his fingers and deep throats Brian. Brian practically screams as his forgotten cock feels the best fucking blow job it's ever received. Justin's sucking and licking and humming around Brian as he bobs up and down over and over.

Brian risks opening his eyes and glances down. Fuck, he is beautiful, and so fucking hot… such a fucking turn-on to have the person blowing you be turned on just from tasting you. And to have that man be Justin is beyond anything he's ever felt. He can't figure out why he tried to stop the couple times Justin had tried this already.

Every time Justin feels Brian getting close to the edge, Justin slows down and releases his vacuum like suction. Brian groans in frustration each time, but loving what Justin is doing. He's never been with anyone who could read his body so well, tell his wants and needs sometimes before he can.

When Justin can't take it anymore and he wants to finally taste Brian coming in his mouth, he deep throats him one more time and jabbing his prostate like Brian did to him. Within seconds, just as Justin sucks the tip and stabs his gland Brian comes, shouting Justin's name.

Justin spends a few seconds licking up all the come that he might have missed, loving the taste of Brian even more now. He glances up at Brian and grins a lazy sweet grin as he notices Brian watching him. Brian is so boneless and satisfied that he can't even bring Justin up to him to kiss him, and he wants to. Fortunately Justin recognizes the look and crawls up Brian to kiss him, sharing some of his come with it. Both men moan into the kiss.

Brian pulls away and just takes a moment to look at Justin. When he recovers from that powerful orgasm enough he reaches his arms up and pulls Justin on top of him and resumes kissing him. He could feel the wetness from Justin's own come as he moved on top of him. Clearly Justin got off sucking off Brian, just as Brian had done that morning.

Justin pulls away from Brian a moment to say something when he can't hold back a yawn. Which causes Brian to yawn, which leads to them both laughing for a few seconds.

"Is the little boy tired?"

"Not little" Justin responds with a little pout, that makes Brian want to suck on his lip some more.

"Well you were chasing around an 8 year old for a few hours earlier."

"You yawned, too."

"I was chasing around a hot blond who was chasing after that 8 year old."

They both smile at that, it's true Brian had been following them, he got a kick out of watching his boys play together… and he won't spend right now concentrating on how good that actually felt to think.

"Have you gotten your reward for chasing around that hot blond?"

"Part of it, but I'm wondering if a certain ass has recovered enough to reward my cock once again before we go to sleep."

"Well if you're cock is up to it, my ass would love a good pounding."

"Oh, I'm more than up to it… but I think I'll return the favor from earlier."

"And which favor was that?"

Brian grins the sexiest fucking grin Justin has seen, "ride me."

Justin practically jumps out of bed to grab a condom and the lube.

"So down Sunshine, we have all night."

Justin turns around at the nickname Debbie had given him so long ago. He likes it even more now than he did then.

"I want to watch you prepare yourself."

Justin and Brian wear equally matching salacious grins, "and you call me a naughty boy."

"A naughty boy who's gonna fuck himself with his fingers while this naughty man watches."

Justin's already moaning at that and he hasn't even moved. He opens the condom first and slowly rolls in on to Brian's already hard cock. He loves hearing Brian's moans, and he loves that they're all for him. He kneels next to Brian and squirts out lube on his fingers. He reaches around and slowly rubs just his opening, causing himself to gasp. He increases the pressure every few strokes before he sticks one finger in and moans. He slowly fucks himself on one finger, then two fingers, at three fingers he's holding still and groaning as he can just reach his prostate.

He freezes when he hears Brian's growling "Justin." He removes his fingers and looks up at Brian. Brian's eyes are dark with need and lust, breathing ragged, cock throbbing. "Ride me Justin."

Fuck, his voice. Justin can only nod as he climbs over Brian. He grabs Brian's cock and lowers himself down onto it. They both groan at that. It's only been a few hours, but even that short of time seems like days or weeks or a lifetime without Brian being inside Justin. Brian doesn't know how Justin is still so damned tight, but he feels so fucking good. And looks? God, Justin looks fucking amazing on top of him, riding him, fucking himself on Brian's cock.

"Justin… fuck… harder."

Justin nods again, leans forward and braces himself on Brian's chest and starts bouncing in earnest, like he's riding a bucking bronco. Instead of a stupid fake bull, he's riding the Stud of Liberty Avenue, Brian Kinney, and he's all his right now. And Brian's beautiful cock is ramming into him over and over. His eyes are closed, just feeling everything, lost in pleasure and bliss and Brian.

"That's it Justin, fuck yourself on me…. So fucking hot… do you know how hot you are…"

Justin looks down at Brian and can't help himself, he needs to kiss those perfect lips, that say the nastiest hottest fucking things. They kiss and grind and thrust, and Brian's had enough of letting Justin have control. He takes Justin in his arms, flips them over and then pounds back into Justin. He raises himself on his knees, lifts Justin's legs onto his shoulders, grabs his hips and pulls Justin on him while he thrusts into him. Justin is moaning and yelling in ecstasy at every thrust.

"Touch yourself Justin… fuck your own hand like you did in the diner."

Justin can only nod, has lost the ability to speak in his haze of lust and pleasure. He reaches down and starts stroking as fast as he can. He moans at the first touch, and jerks harder in time with Brian's pounding.

Brian almost feels like something is missing, as powerful and amazing as this fuck is, he can't put his finger on it, but there's something… something he needs. And then it hits him, stunningly, amazingly, it hits him.

He stops moving, to which Justin moans a complaint and looks up at Brian, wondering what's going on. He was so fucking close to coming.

Brian looks down at Justin and isn't sure how to word this, if at all. "I need something more and I … I don't know if I can ask."

He knew Justin was his equal, but this just absolutely proves how fucking right that is. Justin looks at Brian, really looks, and he sees, picks up on it right away. He looks directly into Brian's eyes and nods. Brian pulls out slowly, both men had been so close to coming that it's almost painful to pull out.

Brian lays down as Justin gets up, willing his aching hard-on to stop hurting. Brian looks over to his side table and indicates the bottom drawer. Justin leans down and opens it… holy shit, he had no idea that one person could need that many toys. He looks up questioningly at Brian, not sure what he's asking, not sure what he wants the answer to be either.

Brian just indicates that Justin needs to pick something… but mainly he wants to reassure without Justin looking at him. "Every gay man gets the itch to bottom, and I don't trust others. You're only the third Justin, but I trust you. And I need this tonight."

Justin doesn't look at him, doesn't answer, controls himself, keeps himself from wanting to hug and cuddle Brian and tell him he's honored and understands. But he totally gets it. There are some gay men who don't bottom or top, but all tops have that need to bottom eventually. And after their conversation and revelations tonight Justin completely understands.

He also understands that Brian is saying that these toys are only used by Brian on Brian, or that he has them because he wanted to try them but never has. Speaking of wanting but not trying. There's a package at the bottom back of the drawer, and he could understand being leery about using that on yourself.

Brian can hear the package opening, having no idea what Justin is doing; he hadn't purchased anything in years. He didn't even know he had anything in there that hadn't been opened. Then he sees Justin come up and walk into the bathroom… but he still can't see anything. He hears the water and some drawers opening and closing. Justin comes back out carrying something in his hand behind his back.

Sneaky little fucker, he really wants to know what Justin has, but… maybe he doesn't. Sometimes surprises are better than knowing what's coming. He's already anticipating what Justin will do. Justin climbs up between Brian's legs, but far enough to watch what's going on. He reaches for the lube, squirts some on his hand, and when he knows that Brian can barely contain himself, Justin pulls out the string of vibrating anal beads and lubes them up.

Brian's eyes widen and his breath hitches, he remembers buying those now. It was right after the surgery and he wanted to prove that he could be aroused, but he never had the guts to try them. At least they were on the smaller side.

Justin leans down and presses a kiss to Brian's scar before licking his balls. He can taste the condom, but it's worth it for Brian's peace of mind. Brian's not sure he's relieved or annoyed that Justin knows where the scar is, but he thinks that maybe it's okay as he can tell that will become a trademark of Justin being with him.

Justin climbs up to give Brian a kiss, and just as Brian returns the kiss Justin pushes one bead into Brian. Brian breaks the kiss and pushes his head back and gasps. Fuck… he'd never had anyone do this to him before, and these were bigger than the couple of dildos he'd tried. Justin continues kissing and licking his lips and neck, sucking on his ear, and slips in two more beads. Justin licks down Brian's body and sucks his nipples as he pushes in two more beads. Brian is a writhing, heaping, mess of arousal. He can't concentrate on anything, just surrounded by sensation, and he fucking loves it.

Justin licks his way down to Brian's belly button and rims it for a few seconds while pushing in two more, then pulling out three, causing Brian to buck and groan. Justin smiles, unable to process that he's causing Brian this much pleasure, and being absolutely thrilled that he's trusted enough to do this. Whatever happens, after all this, he'll never leave this man's side willingly.

Justin licks his way down to Brian's balls, again, and as he sucks in both, then one, then the other, slowly pushes in one bead at a time until the whole strand is in there. Brian's lost, completely lost to what Justin is doing to him. Justin would almost be hurt that his cock didn't do this, but it's not about what it is, it's about where your head is at. Sometimes there's no clear reason, you just need that something extra.

Justin unwinds the cord that's connected to the beads that cause them to vibrate, but doesn't turn them on yet. He pushes once on the last bead just barely visible, causing Brian to moan again at that added sensation.

Justin makes sure that the condom is still all the way on and applies plenty of lube to Brian's cock, cause him to moan again.

Brian opens his eyes just in time to see Justin sink down on his cock, again. Only this time he feels completely full. He's filling Justin and he's full and he can't believe that this is what was missing. And the fact that Justin was the one to fulfill that need without question or comment was unbelievable.

Justin starts riding Brian fervently, riding him like when he first climbed on several minutes ago, only this time he'll be able to finish Brian off and make him come like they both need to.

Brian reaches down and grabs Justin's hip and pounds up into him and Justin grinds down on his cock. With every move and thrust the beads move around rubbing his prostate causing more stimulation than ever before, and with Justin's tight ass surrounding his cock, this is exactly what he needed.

Justin was close before and it doesn't take him long to come this time. A couple more thrusts by Brian and he's coming all over Brian's chest, squirting hard and everywhere. He's almost ready to collapse, but knows he needs to get Brian to come, because he knows it's just as much of an emotional release as a physical one.

Brian looks up at Justin once he's finished coming and knows he hasn't come and wonders what Justin plans. He knows Justin has this figured out, but sometimes it's not pleasurable to still have something in your ass after you've come. But if Justin's little devious smile is anything to go by, he's not having a problem at all. Justin leans down to grab something, which he had let go. The movement pulls Brian's cock with him causing Brian to moan again.

Justin starts riding Brian again, not moving off and on, just a grind, back and forth, pulling Brian's cock with every movement. Brian's groaning again, writhing in pleasure, forgetting that Justin has already come. He's so ready to come, he's so full and …

"AAAAAH!..." Justin pushed the button. The beads vibrate, only two speeds, they're on high and Brian can't even move. His hips are jerking of their own accord, so Justin turns it to low.

Brian's head and back are arched back, the beads in his ass vibrating his prostate, one constant continual vibration… so much… too much, not enough… "Fuuuck… Jusss… Justin…"

He's moaning Justin's name like a chant, and decides that he wants to taste Brian again, to hell with the taste of rubber.

Justin gets off Brian, pulls off the condom, deep throats Brian with all the suction he can allow and turns the beads to high while pushing them in further. Brian arches off the bed as he comes. It's mind-numbing and painful and blissful and powerful. His hips are jerking and thrusting into Justin's mouth, prostate over-stimulated, but it feels so fucking good. As the last few squirts of come enter Justin's mouth he turns off the beads, but doesn't remove them. He licks Brian's cock clean, thinking that maybe there's something to be said for flavored condoms.

He sits up a bit and stares at a blissed out Brian. If it wasn't for that mind blowing sex, he would think that Brian just took the best drugs known to man. He just sits and admires, but still doesn't pull out the beads, he has a feeling that Brian needs that fullness still. He'll let Justin know when he's ready.

Brian is floating, completely empty, worries gone, thoughts gone, if he believed in heaven, he'd swear he was there. That was the hardest and strongest and longest he'd ever come, and he didn't have to take anything for it, just let Justin be in control of his body. And then he feels that fullness and pressure as Justin starts playing with the beads. Not taking them out, he doesn't want that yet. It's still amazing to him that he wants anything in there, but now that they're there he doesn't want to feel empty.

"Now I know… why you groan… when I pull out."

He's still struggling to breathe right, but that earth shattering orgasm was more than worth it. Justin looks up at him and smiles and nods. "I love being filled by you. Anytime you feel the need, let me know." He's half teasing, half being serious, wondering what the reaction will be.

Brian smiles back and nods, "I will… you'll be the first to know."

Brian thinks about that statement for a moment, "You'll be the only one to know."

Justin's smile gets even bigger, "Only one, huh?"

"I know we haven't talked, and maybe this is an odd time, but I feel amazingly fulfilled, satisfied in a way that sex never has before. Not that what we've done already hasn't been the best sex ever."

"It's okay Brian, I know what you mean. Being able to do that to you and for you? That is something I'll treasure always, and will be happy to do anytime you need it."

"Just like when I rimmed you. That was pretty special, too."

"It was."

They both breathe a sigh of relief and happiness. "I mean it though Justin. I didn't know what to think about it earlier, but I can't imagine ever needing anyone if you can do that to me."

"I can imagine at the moment though, you might agree to anything, not the best time to make relationship decisions."

Brian would get upset and defend this, but perhaps Justin is right. Brian feels pretty damn agreeable to anything, and when has that ever happened?

"Okay, one month. One month of dating or whatever you want and we'll revisit that conversation, before being under the influence of post-orgasm bliss."

"Dating or whatever, huh? Real specific there."

"I hate dating, but if you want dates, we can. I've never been in a relationship, I have no idea what to expect."

"Hmm… well I was thinking I come over a few nights a week, provided all my assignments are done, maybe I make something to eat or we order in and then we spend all night fucking until we pass out and do it all again the next day."

"That sounds incredibly easy."

"It's amazing how easy I am to please."

"And easy on the eyes."

"Sweet talker."

"Only when you're listening."

Justin can't hold back another yawn, which makes Brian yawn, but this time they're too tired to giggle.



He clears his throat and blushes a little, before saying "beads."

Justin hadn't forgotten they were there, but he almost thought that Brian needed them more than he originally thought. He nodded and moves down Brian's body. He waits until he sees Brian completely relax before pulling them out slowly. Brian still can't help groan at the loss, but it's nothing he can't ignore and move past. Justin did more for him tonight than maybe anyone ever had.

Justin takes the beads in the bathroom and washes them, and brings back a cloth to clean them up with. He puts the beads in the drawer and then wipes off himself and then Brian. Both their cocks try coming back due to the sensual rubbing Justin is doing, but it's just not happening. Not that it needs to, Brian can't ever remember being this satisfied, ever.

Brian sets the alarm a little earlier than usual, with Justin here he figures he might need some extra time to get ready. Justin goes around the loft turning off extra lights and double checking the door and alarm. In the dark loft, with no light other than the moonlight from the windows he sees Justin walk towards him. And not for the first time, and certainly not the last, he admires Justin's beauty and thinks about how lucky he is that Justin is his, for now, hopefully for longer.

Justin walks up to Brian's bed and climbs in next to Brian, who opens his arms, which Justin happily climbs into. He leans up to give Brian one last kiss goodnight, which lasts longer than your average kiss goodnight, but neither one of them are complaining. They both pull away after several seconds and just smile at each other. Justin puts his head on Brian's chest and rests his arm and leg over Brian. And Brian has never felt closer, safer or more wanted than he does right now in Justin's arms. And he could care less how corny or clichéd that sounded, because it's so fucking right with Justin in his arms.

End Note: Thank you again all you lovely readers and followers and reviewers. I would love to continue writing, but I'm typed out for the moment. I need sleep and it's back to work and school in the morning. I can't promise a time for updates, but I can promise I will update. Cheers, Laura :)