A/N – This fanfic was based upon an Avengers Interview that I saw randomly on YouTube. It was hilarious. And the one phrase "Renner, where's the hammer?" made me laugh sooo much. Therefore, I wrote this story based on that one phrase.
So I'd suggest watching the video first so that you understand what the hell I'm talking about. The specific bit is at 2.28 to 2.48 at this link: watch?v=OAiq8y9GR7o&feature=relmfu or if the link doesn't work the type into YouTube "The Avengers on The Morning show"
So, please enjoy it~
Where's the hammer?
Chapter 1 – Where Thor discovers humans are pretty good at mass production
One day at SHIELD HQ…
It was brilliant summer day and Thor was stuck in SHIELD HQ. He'd been summoned by Fury for a debriefing about his maintenance check on the recently rebuilt Bifrost Bridge. According to Fury, this could prove the push they needed to make alliances between the two planets. Something humanity sorely needed.
And so, there was Thor. Stomping his way through SHIELD HQ, Thor attempted to find Fury's office which was annoyingly difficult to find in the maze like place. According to Stark, it'd been designed this way to confuse any infiltrators. Sadly it affected newcomers like Thor – who would not admit he was directionally challenged – just as badly. Thor walked randomly around the place, turning his head from side to side to look for any directions or clues. It was just as he turned his head back to the area in front of him that a glint of silver caught his eye.
Thor stopped. Took two steps back. And looked straight into the room that had caught his eyes. A breath choked in this throat.
"What!" he exclaimed loudly (for Thor is loud as we all know). Because sitting there on a wooden table was his hammer: Mjolnir.
"My hammer!" he cried and rushed into the room. Several scientists who were sprinkled around on workdesks piled under paper jerked their heads up in surprise at the sudden entry.
"Oh." Said one scientist as he realized who had entered. "Thor."
"What is this…this thievery?" Thor demanded, a thunderous expression appearing on his face. "Why do you have my weapon!"
His raised voice was gathering attention from outside and the scientist stepped forwards to hush the man. "Calm down" he said impatiently. "This isn't your hammer."
"No?" Thor was puzzled. "But I do believe it is my hammer. It looks exactly like my Mjolnir. What is this…trickery…I see before my eyes."
"That's the point." Said the scientist proudly, puffing out his chest.
"Explain." Thor sounded impatient, but curious.
"My name is James Culthold and Fury ordered me and my team to create a replica of your hammer." The scientist explained as he picked up the hammer and twirled it around, as if to demonstrate its lightness. "Fury wanted copies made of all the Avenger's weapons in case we ever needed to mislead enemies."
"Ah, clever." Thor admitted. "But then, if it is a copy, where is the article you copied it from?"
"Oh, you mean your real hammer?" the scientist smiled. "It's somewhere over there." He pointed carelessly in the general direction behind him where there was a second room joined to the first.
"My real hammer." Thor sounded indignant. "How on Asgard did you acquire my weapon?"
The scientist placed down the fake hammer and grinned wide as if he was about to reveal a fantastic secret. "Well, Fury gets the credit." He shook his head with admiration. "He contacted Odin, your father, and asked for permission. So Odin agrees, waves his hands and casts some sort of light that summons your hammer and dispels whatever magic only allows you to handle Mjolnir."
"What?" Thor sounded angry now. "All humans can now touch my hammer! That is inexcusable."
"No, no." James said hurriedly to pacify the god. "It only lasts for a day, then it's all yours again."
"Ah." Thor quieted. "Then that is acceptable."
But his brows suddenly furrowed as he thought of something he hadn't thought of before. "Uh. But why didn't Fury just ask me directly?"
James stiffened. He hadn't wanted this question to come up, but sadly it did and now he had to face the music. "Um…well...truthfully… " he began watching Thor's heavy eyebrows rise, beckoning him to continue. "He was worried you'd say no."
"Why." Thor questioned. "I am a reasonable man."
James facepalmed. Of course the god believes he's reasonable. All Gods do. Whether they're blowing up Manhattan street, controlling other humans or unleashing large robots to destroy cities. Ah yes, it's all okay because they're soooo reasonable.
James faced Thor's questioning gaze. "Let's just say…that we didn't want to disturb you." Please be satisfied with that, he pleaded in his mind.
Thor gazed at his with narrowed eyes, obviously suspicious. But then he suddenly let out a heavy sigh. "Very well Cuthold, son of man, I will accept that reasoning and just trust that I will have my hammer back."
James wiped away sweat that beaded his brow. Fury was totally owing him a holiday.
"Are you finished with my weapon human?" Thor asked.
"Oh." James looked up. "Your weapon. Yeah. We've finished all the tests and stuff so you can have it back."
"I give you my gratitude, human." Thor inclined his head. "Where is my weapon?"
"Umm…" James turned around and walked over to the door. "Somewhere in there…" he trailed off.
Thor walked over to the door and his jaw dropped. Because in front of him there wasn't just one hammer and not even two or three. In front of him was at least one hundred hammers. He gaped openly at the mass of copies. "How many did you make!" he gasped.
"Well…" the scientist looked sheepish. "It was a fascinating opportunity…so we kinda got carried away."
The other scientists behind him mirrored his embarrassed expression.
"So…" Thor began with a doubtful tone. "Which one is mine?"
"Uuuhhh." James stammered looking a little pale. "Which one is his?" he called back to the other scientists. A female scientist scrambled for the main computer and typed several numbers in.
"Umm." She said in a nervous voice. "It's somewhere in there…but it's a little lost."
"Lost?" Thor raised his voice.
The scientist turned around to explain further. "We scientists aren't exactly renowned for our tidiness…but we can find your hammer. We've just got to run the scanner over all the hammers to find which one emits the real Asgard aura."
"Asgard aura?" Thor was plainly confused.
James picked up where the female scientist had left. "Thanks Judy. That's just the name we call the UV rays that the hammer emits. Your hammer emits the strongest so we can just scan for it and we'll be able to find the highest frequency immediately."
"Very well." Thor said, tired of the confusing scientific matters. "Just find my hammer."
"We can do that." James said quickly. "Just give us 5 minutes. Judy, run the scans." He called out.
"Then I shall wait-" Thor began, just as a beeping sound interrupted him. "What is that infernal sound?"
"That's your com-card, Thor." James explained and pulled out the paper-thin computer to silence the beeping. "It's saying you have a meeting with Commander Fury. So you better go."
"And my hammer?"
"We'll have it out by the time you're back." James promised.
"Very well." Thor nodded towards the scientists. "I will trust your words and be back as soon as possible."
With that Thor exited the room, much to the relief of many scientists who slumped in their chair, glad that they had not been fried like chicken.
"Found it!" declared Judy much to the relief of the scientists who were relieved that Thor wouldn't fry them with lightning on his return either. "It's in box 14 on the table."
"Good, good." James said. "We'll notify the man when he returns. For now, let's get back to work." He commanded and the other scientists returned to their various projects on the current hammer which sat on the table.
Therefore, they did not see the shadow cross the ventilation roof in the conjoining room where the mass of hammers stood. They did not see the shadow detach itself from the ceiling and drop onto the floor, curiously investigating the hammers. They also did not see the wicked grin that spread across the shadow's face as the person picked up one hammer and toss it easily from hand to hand.
There's the first chapter.
Originally it was only meant to be a oneshot…but it kinda got a little long. But I promise to upload this thing in one go since I've pretty much finished writing it. Just gotta edit the rest.
So hope you enjoyed it. Please R&R to let me know how it went.
Over and out –