Title: Writing the Wrongs
Written for: MissKaterinaB
Written By: BloodRedLust
Beta: Tammy Grrrl (Thank you honey!)
Summary/Prompt used: Missing season 3 scenes
This chapter is "Circle scene in 3x14 – what if Blaine spoke up instead of Mr. Schue"
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"You guys are young. I want you to promise me that no matter how depressed you get, how hopeless or alone you feel, you'll try your best to imagine all of the amazing experiences you have ahead of you."
Mercedes glanced around at all her friends, dismissing Mr. Schue's concerns with a shake of her head. A suicide attempt by McKinley High's former bully, Dave Karofsky, after he was outed as being gay by his teammates at his new school had left everybody reeling, and understandably, questioning their own mortality. The teachers were all suddenly more caring and approachable; this little 'group chat' that Mr. Schue had initiated with the Glee club on the stage in the auditorium was the third group therapy session they'd been given this week. Everyone understood the weight of what had happened, and the importance of what the teachers were trying to do. They appreciated the concern, but after the blatant disregard for their welfare that they'd been used to from the faculty at McKinley, most of them felt that it was a little... well... false.
"Mr. Schue, look, I know we're a little dramatic sometimes, but I don't think anyone would ever consider taking their own life."
Mr. Schue tentatively watched his class, wondering if he should speak up. The silence was deafening. He just knew that he had to share his experience with his kids, because if knowing what he went through helped a single one of them, it would be worth it.
Meanwhile, Blaine's gaze shifted quickly from the faces of each person in that circle to the next, his decision made.
"I did." They said in perfect unison, and then both stopped, staring at each other in surprise.
Will gave him an understanding look before raising a hand to gesture to him, handing Blaine the floor – as well as the concerned stares of the fourteen other occupants of the circle.
Blaine hesitated as it suddenly dawned on him just what he was about to do. His eyes snapped to Kurt, across the circle, and his boyfriend's face was filled with concern, his eyes softly staring back, easily conveying support despite the distance between them. Kurt's head nodded just once, and his cheek tightened, making his mouth twitch up, and Blaine knew he could do this, as long as Kurt was here to support him through it.
"It was my second year of high school. I had gone to a Sadie Hawkins dance with the only other out gay guy at the school, and after the dance we... well, we were cornered by these three guys. They beat the living crap out of us, and we both ended up in hospital.
"I felt so guilty about what had happened. I had a few broken bones, and they'd given me some pretty extreme painkillers to help me cope with the discomfort. My parents went through the motions while I was still in hospital, putting on a show for the staff, but I knew they thought I had only brought it on myself. My father even told me that he hoped that this might help me 'get this nonsense out of my head'. They had booked a weekend away at a resort, and my Mom made a big deal about how it was already paid for, they weren't going to miss it, so they went away for four days just after I got out of hospital. It was only my big brother Cooper who really gave a shit about what had happened, and he kept a close eye on me after I came out of hospital. He stayed at the house with me while they were away to make sure I was okay, and healing properly.
"I was really close to my Mom when I was little, but after I came out to them, she changed. My dad was very much against what he called my 'choice' of orientation, and I'd heard him arguing with my Mom about it, saying it was her fault for having been too affectionate to me when I was little. So she stopped. They were so convinced that I had chosen my sexuality that they thought that changing their behaviour towards me was going to change me back... send me straight. After I was bashed though, I just didn't want to do it anymore. I wasn't ashamed of who I was, but I was very ashamed of who they were, and I was just sick of them.
"Cooper found me one morning, sitting on my bed with the bottle of pills. Then he found the suicide note I'd written, on my bedside table. It's funny though... I don't even remember writing it."
Across the circle, Kurt's mouth was hanging open just a little bit in shock as he stared in disbelief at his boyfriend. He knew things had gotten pretty rough for Blaine after the Sadie Hawkins dance; he knew that Blaine had ended up missing half a semester of school, which was the reason he had had to repeat his Sophomore year of high school and transfer to Dalton, but he'd had no idea that his boyfriend had actually planned to commit suicide.
Blaine looked up then, catching his gaze. His eyes were so sad, so full of guilt and shame that Kurt simply couldn't stand to have any distance between them; he hopped up, stepping quickly through the centre of the circle to Blaine's side, sitting down beside him and wrapping both his arms around Blaine's waist, his head falling to Blaine's shoulder, silently offering support. Blaine stroked his palm across Kurt's hands, taking comfort in the gesture and relaxing into the embrace before continuing, his voice steadier than before.
"He didn't know what to say to me, I remember that he was just so worried that he wasn't going to be able to say the right things to me, and then I would try it again the next time I was alone, so he sat with me for hours while I talked on his phone to The Trevor Project, and he made me tell them everything that I had been feeling, about our parents, about the attack, about being gay and feeling so confused and worried about what that even meant to me, and to my family. He made me stay on that phone for four hours and he never left my side. Cooper saved my life.
"I think back to it, and I know now that nothing was actually as bad as it seemed at the time. I thought my life was just going to be filled with hate and intolerance and pain, and it just wasn't worth it. No-one really cared about me, and I didn't think anyone ever would... especially not in Ohio. I was so miserable.
"But Cooper proved me wrong. He cared about me. And later, I met Kurt, and he proved me wrong too."
Kurt's arms tightened a little around Blaine's waist and he turned his head, buried his face against Blaine's neck, and sobbed quietly against his smooth, warm skin. Blaine would never know just how close Kurt was to letting the tears that were pooling behind his eyes spill over at the thought that he could have missed out on knowing his boyfriend... all he heard were the whispered words 'I love you' against his neck. His hand still held Kurt's hand cradled against his chest, while his other one slid down his boyfriends stripy thigh, kneading the firm muscle comfortingly through the material.
"And now I'm very, very glad that I stuck around."
Around the circle, almost everyone had been affected by Blaine's tale. Britt had crawled over to Santana, settling herself in the brunette's lap and mumbling something about 'lonely dolphins', while Tina and Mercedes were both dabbing at their eyes with tissues.
Mr. Schue spoke up, his voice hoarse and thick as if he was holding back his emotions.
"One little action, and all the pain and embarrassment would be over...I bet that on that day, you felt like it was the end of the world, didn't you Blaine? But it wasn't. I know for some of you, having people disapprove of who you are wouldn't matter to you, but there is something. Everyone has something that would take them to the point that Blaine was at; whether it be holding a pill bottle, or on a ledge, or whatever..."
"And look at all the things I would have missed out on. I never would have met Kurt, or all you guys. I never would have known what it was like to be in love..."
Kurt slid his hand gently up Blaine's chest, drawing his attention, and Blaine at once saw the tears in his eyes. Kurt's fingers fluttered softly against his cheek as he cupped Blaine's face, pulling it towards him as his lips brushed over his in a lingering, slightly desperate kiss. Kurt usually didn't like any form of PDA at school, not even in front of their friends, but this was different. This time, it was absolutely essential... and no-one said a word about it. They could hear Mr. Schue as he started speaking again to the rest of the group, but Kurt just blocked out his teacher's voice and focused on the way his beautiful, courageous boyfriend's lips felt caressing his own, their tongues touching lightly, just the tips... tasting, licking then retreating. Blaine finally broke the kiss with a contented sigh, and Kurt happily melted against his body, feeling a little boneless and light-headed from their kiss.
Their attention was slowly brought back to their friends as they went around the group, each sharing something that they were most looking forward to seeing in their lifetime. They both turned when Artie, who sat beside them, said that he wanted to be there to see his kids' first steps.
And then there was Puck, who was just looking forward to graduating high school. Kurt's heart ached a little when he heard that, and he made a promise to himself to see if there was anything he could help Puck study for.
And Finn, who wanted his father's name honoured...
And his head spun back around, his eyes soon shining with unshed tears and oodles of pride as Blaine stated that he was looking forward to marriage equality in all 50 states. Kurt's mind quickly wandered to the gum-wrapper promise ring that Blaine had given to him in a romantic spontaneous gesture at Christmas, which he had kept in the back of his sock drawer in a small velvet box ever since... the meaning behind it much more important to him than the material it was made from...
He squeezed Blaine's fingers lightly, searching his brain for something that he most wanted to see.
He could say 'getting in to NYADA', or 'being cast in his first role on Broadway', or even 'Living in a City where gay people aren't viewed as lepers'... they were all things he couldn't wait to experience, but there was something that he wanted that was considerably more selfless than any of those...
"I'm looking forward to watching my Dad make a difference in Congress."
Mr. Schue finished the circle with a touching, yet entirely predictable speech about unity and friendship, and as people started to walk offstage in pairs and small groups, Kurt pulled Blaine into the wings, hiding them behind a thick curtain. He reached up, cupping his face gently between both hands as he lowered his lips to Blaine's, kissing him deeply. Blaine moaned beneath the kiss as his hands wove automatically around Kurt's body, pulling him close against him til their bodies melted into each other; chest to chest, hip to hip.
"Get a room, Bert and Ernie."
Blaine grinned a little in spite of himself, breaking the kiss to drop his forehead onto Kurt's shoulder.
"Bite me, Satan." Kurt snapped.
The brunette's laughter echoed behind her as she disappeared out into the hallways, hand in hand with her girlfriend.
Then Kurt's hand moved slightly under his, and Blaine's attention was brought back to the beautiful, pale and flawless boy in front of him.
Kurt reached up a hand, tracing the pad of his thumb up and back along the length of Blaine's cheekbone, holding his gaze. When he spoke, his voice caught on the words.
"I feel so grateful toward Cooper right now. I don't want to imagine a world without you..."
Blaine didn't say anything, he just leaned into Kurt's touch, then turned his face to drop a soft kiss to his palm as Kurt spoke.
"I thought about it once too, you know."
Blaine's eyebrows knitted together in concern, and he shifted slightly, moving to rest a hand on Kurt's waist while the fingers of his other hand entwined through Kurt's in a silent show of support.
"It was the beginning of junior year, just before I met you."
He gave Blaine a sad smile, his thumb stroking back and forth across his cheek.
"My dad had just his heart attack, and I honestly didn't know what I was going to do without him... he was all I had. Karofsky was tormenting me, and for a while there, I thought about what it would be like to just not have to deal with it all anymore. It was only that I had my Glee club, they kept me going. I ... I never planned to go through with it, but I thought about it. I thought about it a lot..."
Blaine cupped both his cheeks gently, cradling Kurt's face as he softly pressed their lips together again, Kurt's slightly swollen lips plump and tantalising beneath his own, their bodies wrapping around each other and their limbs entwining, trying to get as physically close to each other as possible, and for several minutes they just lost themselves in the magic of it all.
The bell rang overhead, but neither of them rushed to break the kiss. Blaine gradually unwrapped his arms from around Kurt's body, and rested them both against Kurt's chest. Kurt's arms retracted slowly from hugging Blaine's neck until they were just resting on his shoulders, his fingers playing with a loose curl behind Blaine's ear as their deep kisses slowed to soft presses, then to light pecks, until Kurt finally broke the kiss with a soft sigh. He pulled back just far enough to meet Blaine's damp eyes.
"I love you so much, Kurt. Knowing you has given me a hope for a future that at one point in my life I didn't even want to have."
Kurt shushed him quickly, wincing from the pain that the thought of those words inflicted in him.
"Well neither of us ever has to feel that way ever again. We've got each other now."
Blaine just smiled at that. Kurt slid his hands into Blaine's open, waiting grasp, and tugged him backwards towards the exit at the rear of the stage.
"Come on, let's go get ready to win Regionals."
AN to all my loyal readers: Sorry to do this on your FAGE Misskat, but this is the first time I have posted anything since my account was frozen and all my fics removed for 'explicit content'. Ffnet is waging a war against smut writers, so I have had to remove 22 of my stories from this site. They also asked me to change my name (apparently the word 'Lust' isn't G rated), which I did briefly, but now I've changed it back... BloodRedLust is who I am, and I'm not changing that for anybody. If they delete me for it, then so be it. I am moving all my fics to a new website, Archiveofourown (AO3), and I will be updating everything on my Scarves and Coffee account too. I hope you will all follow me to these other sites, so you can keep reading my fics.
xoxox Bec (BloodRedLust)