This story is set in a mixture of the comics universe and the cartoons universe. Not knowing much about either version won't take away much from the story.
By the way, I don't own The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck or DuckTales, that credit goes to Disney.
As usual, on with the story. Lights, Camera, Action!
"I can't believe that Michael Bayduck is making a movie all about your life Unca Scrooge!" Huey smiled looking out of the cars window.
"I can't wait to see it!" Louie added.
"Hmph." Scrooge McDuck snorted as he adjusted his hat.
Looking at his great uncle, Dewey remarked, "Aren't you excited, Unca Scrooge?"
"Me, excited? Bah, this is all just a lousy re-enactment of what I've already lived though, with actors taking over the roles. Not much to be excited about." With dollar signs in his eyes the duck continued, "On the bright side of the dime, I am looking forward to all the cash this thing will rake in! And the number of cheap merchandise I can sell off of it!"
"Of course Unca Scrooge, how silly of us to forget." The nephews laughed.
After a few more minutes passed, the car arrived at the McDuck Cinema House. Containing several spot lights and lit up in a neon glow, the place stood out beautifully against the night sky. The entrance to the theater was packed with a formally dressed crowd waiting to see the preview. Duckworth pulled the vehicle to the front where he climbed out to open the door for his boss.
"Be on your best behavior boys, I want this thing to run as smoothly and quickly as possible." Scrooge said climbing out of the car.
A TV broadcast women clutching a microphone walked up to the group, camera man in toe, "Good evening, Mary Heartless here and we are at Duckberg's McDuck Cinema House to bring you the live scene of what's happening before the preview of famous Director, Michael Bayduck's, presentation of 'The Life and Times of the World's Richest Duck!' And just arriving we have the very wealthy, well-known duck himself, who this very film is a documentary of, Mr. Scrooge McDuck!"
The woman gave off a very stiff, brought on grin as she shoved the mic in Scrooge's face, "So tell us Mr. McDuck, what are your current feelings of having a movie retelling your entire life story?"
Getting a feeling that he had just been asked the very same question he answered, "I'd say that it isn't the first time that someone has made a movie after a person's life and it won't be the last."
"You are such the joker!" Mary said giving off the fakest laugh any of them had ever heard, "What are your thoughts on having world famous Michael Bayduck being put in charge of directing your very own motion picture."
Scrooge was now getting annoyed with the reporter, "He's a lucky guy for getting the opportunity to make a movie about me."
"Are you nervous about what the audience will think of the picture?"
"No, what I am nervous about is if I'll ever get to take my seat in the theater to watch the movie!"
Before Mrs. Heartless was able to produce another fake laugh and question, a black limo pulled up. Emerging from the car was a skinny brown haired duck giving off a half-smile.
Mary Heartless whipped her head back around to face the camera, her gold hair not moving an inch, "Well look who we have over here folks, the famous producer and director himself, Michael Bayduck! This man has directed other great masterpieces such as 'The Nightmare on Waddle Street,' The Bad Ducks,' and 'Armaquackon' as well as producing famous pictures 'Mystery Duck,' 'I am number Ten', and 'Thursday the 15th."
With that said, the reporter scurried over to corner the director giving Scrooge and the triplets time to make their escape into the theater. Taking their seats in their own private balcony, Huey, Dewey, and Louie proceeded to look around.
"Do you see Unca Donald anywhere?" Dewey asked scanning the crowds.
"Nope, but he said he would be here?" Huey said.
"I'm not surprised." Scrooge said rolling his eyes, 'It's just like your Uncle to be late. Maybe it's a good thing he isn't here."
"Why's that?" the nephews said together.
"Trouble is attracted to Donald like magnets are to each other. Whenever he's around something usually goes wrong."
The nephews couldn't help but laugh, they had been around their uncle long enough to know that what Scrooge said was pretty much fact. It wasn't their Uncle Donald's fault, well sometimes it was, but other times he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The boys continued to keep a look out for their bearer of bad luck uncle but unbeknownst to them Donald had been running late and had been pulled over for speeding as well as driving with his clothes on backwards.
Just then the lights in the theater were dimmed and several trailers for other movies began to play across the screen.
A short man in a trench coat and fedora lurked outside the theater. His face was shielded away by a shadow formed from a popped collar and the brim of his hat. The people were now all inside the building leaving the man by himself.
"Let's see, how do I get into ol' Scrooge's theater without having to fork over money? If I don't I won't know whether or not I have a future block buster to worry about, or a future box office bomb to gloat about."
It was then that a frantic duck came rushing up the sidewalk fixing his tie muttering, "Ah-stupid-police officer doesn't know what he's taking about! I'll show him speeding! Then the parking-aw geeze- I can't believe I had to park 37 blocks down the street that's just ridiculous!"
"That's one of McDuck's pesky nephews!" the trench coated duck whispered pulling his hat down further, "And would ya' look at that! He's got a ticket! Hah hah! I'm in!"
Leaning against a column, he stuck out his foot casually as the other duck ran by, ending with the fellow duck landing right on his face. Leaning down he slyly swiped the ticket up from the ground and helped Donald to his feet.
Dusting him off he said, "There, there now. You better watch where you are going, son. What are you in so much of a rush for?"
"Thanks-I'm late for the preview of 'The Life and Times of the Richest Duck!' I was supposed to be there a while ago."
Walking with Donald up to the guard at the entrance he said "Don't you worry, you're not the only one."
The dog caught sight of the pair approaching and stated, "Sorry the theater is closed down for the night for the special preview and that was sold out months ago."
"Oh well I already have my ticket right here." The trench coated man said waving the paper around.
Taking it, the dog looked over it closely before stepping to the side, "You can come on in, the movie started already, but it still showing trailers so you should be good. It's theater one on your left and you'll be sitting in the balcony."
"Thank you sir." Turning to Donald he gave a wave, "See you inside."
He entered through the doors letting out a dark chuckle, "Or not. Now, I can't go up onto the balcony, I'm sure that's where Scrooge will be. I'll stand up in the back."
Flintheart Glomgold then made his way over to theater one, praying this would be the worst film he would ever see!
"Here is my ticket." Donald said holding out his hand to the dog.
The dog took one look and snorted, "Think you're being funny do you. Well take your jokes somewhere else."
"What are you-" Donald stopped himself short as he looked at his own empty hand. Where was his ticket! He had had it just a moment ago! "Wait-I just had it! Hold on a second, I must have dropped it when I tripped!"
Donald back tracked and looked all over the ground to find nothing but discarded litter! Donald's heart froze, what could have happened to that ticket?
"I don't understand!" he called back to the dog, "I had it with me! Honest!"
"Well honest or not, you don't have proof so I can't let you in."
"But I'm the owner, Scrooge McDuck's nephew!"
"Yea, sure you are. And I'm Mickey Mouse's wife." The dog laughed, "Now you are just getting desperate. Nice try pal, but you aren't coming in."
"I'm dead serious though! Go ask the old greedy guy yourself!"
"He's busy watching his movie, I'm sure he can tell me when it's over. Now will you please leave before I get the police to escort you off of this property."
Donald stormed over to a bench and sat down on it cussing under his breath, "This is just great! I know I had it when I got out the car! I was holding it when I bumped into that weirdo in the trench. And then- HEY! Wait a minute! Did that guy-could he have-? That dog told him his seat was in the balcony? I had a ticket for a seat there!" jumping up to his feet Donald flailed his arms around in anger screeching, "THAT TRENCH GUY STOLE MY TICKET! WHY I OUGHTA-"
"DUCK!" the dog shouted giving him a death glare.
Donald let out a nervous laugh and turned back around glaring, "Oh phooey." And he fell back onto the bench with his arms crossed. Telling the dog that the man before him stole his ticket would do no good; he wouldn't believe him and would probably end up calling the police on him.
Shivering, Donald decided he might as well go wait in his car until the showing was over and he could explain to Scrooge and the boys what happened. Turning the corner, he began walking along the side of the building to his far away parked car. He really wanted to go see that preview, he had been secretly looking forward to it; not that he'd ever let Scrooge know that. Sure, Donald found it boring when Scrooge verbally told stories of 'the old days' when he was young, but to see them played out on screen would be entirely different! With movie magic and special effects to help it along, he had hopes of it being entertaining! But as usual, luck had turned against him.
"Why does this kind of stuff always happen to me?" He complained out loud. In a huff he powerfully kicked a crushed can laying on the sidewalk, but ended up kicking a little too high over it. The power of his kick caused him to do a flip and land flat on his back. His temper now lost, he screamed in rage picking up the crushed drink and chucking it at the building. It collided into a high up vent, somehow knocking the vent cap right off and sending it crashing to the ground.
Donald was left stunned starring at the exposed vent and then looked around him. No one had taken notice to the loud sound. Scrooge wouldn't be too pleased to learn he broke his vent, but then again was he ever pleased with him? Hopefully this would teach his Uncle not to use cheap materials. That's when an idea struck him, an awfully cliché idea, but still an idea. Grinning to himself he walked around the back of the building to find the dumpster. Looking around it he finally found the type of thing he was looking for, a tall metal rod. Dragging it back to the side of the building he walked out into the street, aligning himself straight across from the ventilation hole.
"Okay Donald, if you wanna see this preview, you're gonna have to do some drastic things!" Chagrining forward, Donald slammed the pole into the ground and vaulted himself-right into- the side of the building. But after he another two tries which both ended in face plants into the wall, he pole vaulted himself right into the vent's open hole. He'd be watching that preview soon, from inside of a ventilation shaft yes, but at least he'd be watching it!
Scrooge adjusted himself in the seat as the words 'Now For You Featured Presentation' appeared on the screen. The opening credits played out as the camera panned over Scotland, or what was supposed to be Scotland back in 1877. This was it, time to see how the movie turned out.
The credits ended and the first scene opened up with a view of a castle, and as the screen panned out it revealed what was supposed to be young scrooge and his father, Fergus. The actor who was supposed to be Scrooge looked like he was a weak scrawny teenager instead of the healthy nine year old he had actually been.
"Oh Papa, why did ye take me to this scary place." The actor scrooge said.
"Scary! I never said it was scary!" Scrooge whispered.
"Shhh, be quiet Unca Scrooge." The boys hushed him.
"Tis' the eve of yer 10th birthday Scroogey," the actor Fergus said, sounding more pirate than Scottish, "I think it be about time you came to this place. See that castle over yonder."
"Well that there castle, 'tis yer great-great ancestors. McDuck Castle, tis the name. Our family used to be one o' great glory ya see. But now this is all but is left since the days of the hound. Ye' remember the story of the hound don't ya Scroogey?"
"Aye, the hound chased our clan right out of the castle."
"Aye. And no McDuck has dared to live there since."
After a long dramatic zoom in on actor Scrooge's face, which lasted 5 minutes to long, a Whiskerville entered the scene with, instead of sheep, evil looking rams. After their conversation was abruptly ended with the sound of a howl, it showed actor Scrooge and his actor father hauling butt back to Glasgow. The scene faded out with another whiskerville taking off the costume manically laughing.
Scrooge didn't care for the first three minutes of the movie and didn't have much hope for the rest of it. The movie reached the scene where his mom was cooking dinner in a dirty cramped kitchen with Scrooge's family hanging around…or what was supposed to be his family anyway. His mom looked bulimic, his sisters were scruffy and in torn up clothes, and his Uncle Jake looked like some kind of hillbilly.
The actor Scrooge paced back and forth looking angry before turning to his father, "WHY DON'T WE DO SOMETIN' ABOUT THEM WHISKERVILLES! WE SHOULD KNOCK EM' AROUND AND SHOW THEM WHOSE PROPERTY THAT IS!"
"Now Scroogey," his mother said in a raspy voice, "Since Uncle Pothole moved away to America and Uncle Charlie passed away-"
Scrooge couldn't hold his tongue, "What! Who the #*% is Charlie! I had only one uncle!"
"Unca Scrooge you gotta be quiet." Huey whispered.
Scrooge folded his arms and continued to watch this 'inaccurate' documentary.
Scrooge began yelling "OUR FAMILY NEVER STANDS UP FOR ITSELF! THIS IS THE REASON OUR ONCE MIGHTY CLAN HAD FALLEN! LOOK WHERE WE ARE NOW BECAUSE OF IT! EATING SLOP AND LIVING A CRUMBLING HOUSE! AND ALL BECAUSE OF WEAK MCDUCKS SUCH AS YER SELVES!"
"WHA-" But Scrooge was cut off by a hand belonging to Dewey that was slapped over his mouth.
The movie continued on, showing Scrooge obtaining his shoe shinning kit and finding his first customer, who, for some reason, was a big, buff, tattooed dog? As Scrooge shinned his shoes the dog was kicking him in the face but Scrooge sucked it up and kept working.
"Mr. Burt was the nicest old man in Glasgow." Scrooge mumbled becoming more annoyed by the minute.
As the film continued on, so did Scrooge's anger. The further into the movie it got, the more inaccurate the story became. When Scrooge reached the age of a young adult he was buff and for some reason had blue eyes that the camera enjoyed to zoom in on!
The nephews had to continue keeping Scrooge quiet because his outburst were becoming louder and more frequent. But once the film reached the point where Scrooge was at the Klondike, the triplets couldn't keep him quiet anymore.
They portrayed Scrooge as a playboy and Goldie as some type of pole swinging gal. They made it seem like pure evil when Scrooge slung Goldie over his shoulder, her actor was in tears crying for help and ended up fainting. Scrooge wanted to take the director and throw him at the screen!
Once they were back at Scrooge's claim it got even worse. There were multiple sex scenes in which the real Scrooge had to cover his nephew's eyes. And when he left Goldie she was in tears begging him to stay! And they might have well just quoted the end of Casaquacka! It was terrible!
The final scene of the movie was him returning home to Scotland. There was a dramatic scene where Scrooge saw his mother's grave and grieved by shouting "WHHHHHHHHHHY!" to the sky and ponding his fists into the ground. According to the movie his father was ill and could only walk at the speed of a snail, Matilda and Hortense were just typical teenage girls that said "like" a lot. The movie came ended with Scrooge driving his horse drawn carriage off into the sunset headed for Duckberg.
And so concluded the WORST MOVIE SCROOGE HAD EVER SCENE IN HIS LIFE!
The movie was applauded by everyone…except for Scrooge, whose boos could be heard over all the clapping. And unknown to the flaming Scrooge was that leaning against the wall in the back, Flinheart Glomgold was in tears laughing.
"Unca Scrooge calm down!"
"Calm down! Calm DOWN! Louie, I'll calm down when I get my hands around that directors neck!"
"But everyone liked it." Huey pointed out, but when Scrooge turned to him with a look of bat-shit insane in his eyes, he quickly regretted making a comment.
"They like something that was completely wrong and twisted around! Come on boys we're-"
"Hey boys, hey Unca Scrooge!"
Scrooge and the triplets turned around to see Donald Duck waving from inside of a vent shaft.
"Donald what in blazes are you doing in that vent!"
"Well it's a long story, you see I was-"
"I have no time for long stories, I've got a director to give a piece of my mind too!" Scrooge walked up to the balcony's exit door before turning to Donald and pointing his cane at him, "And get out of my vent shaft you dummy before you break something."
"But Unca Scrooge I don't know which way leads back to where I entered ! Can you undo this cover so I can crawl out?"
"No." Scrooge exited the balcony leaving his nephews and made his way through the crowd that gave him multiple comments, congratulating him on the great film, all comments which he ignored. He had his mind set on finding Michael Bayduck!
Finally catching sight of Michael Bayduck, Scrooge shoved his was past the crowd of people chatting with the director. The director caught sight of him and grinned, "Hey Mr. McDuck, the movie seems to be greatly received!"
"Congratulations, you fooled everyone with your bogus documentary. Or should I even call it that!"
"Excuse me?" Bayduck said taken aback.
"You heard me! This abomination isn't anything like what my life was like at all!"
"But Mr. McDuck," Bayduck laughed nervously, "We had to change some of your tale and add some things in to make it more appealing. The movie wouldn't be as interesting if we didn't."
"Are you telling me that my life is boring? Well I've got some news for you sonny," Scrooge said, shaking with anger as he shoved his cane against the director's beak, "Don't ask to make a movie about my life if it isn't 'good enough' to be one! Unless you're going to be doing things accurately, don't bother doing a documentary!"
"No-no-no, you're taking this out of proportion!"
"No, what I'm 'taking out' is the premiere of this movie! I don't want this thing to be seen on screen again!"
The director was now breaking out in a sweat, "B-but Mr. McDuck, we'd lose so much money! You'd lose so much money! The movie is to premiere in six weeks! If we pull back now millions of dollars will be lost!"
Scrooge was furious, he did not want anyone else to see this disgrace of a documentary, but he equally didn't want to lose all of that money either. He was at a loss. What he wouldn't give to be able to swim around in his money bin right now to think.
It was a little over an hour until the ducks arrived back at Scrooge's mansion. The old duck and his four nephews sat gathered in the living room. All eyes were on the flabbergasted uncle who sat with a glass of whisky in his hands.
"Damn director, thinking he can just butcher my life! See if I ever back one of his projects again!" veins were bulging out of Scrooge's forehead, "Takes my life and treats it as if it is his own creation to screw with! Bah- I can't allow that rubbish to be seen by an ant much less hundreds of people!"
Louie nervously fiddled with his hands, "Well, the audience seemed to enjoy it." attempting to somehow brighten Scrooge's
He was met with his great uncle's death glare, "What they like was a lie! They don't know any better!" he took another sip of his drink before reclining back against the cushions with a sigh, "If only there was a way to stop that movie from being released without losing any of me money."
It was that moment that Mrs. Beakly entered the house. Upon catching sight of everyone she immediately smiled, "Well hello everyone." she took off her coat and hung it on a peg as she continued, "I wasn't quite sure if you gentlemen would be back from the preview yet. You must tell me how it went?"
Donald slapped a hand over his face, dreading to hear Scrooge's monologue of how bad the movie was all over again.
Scrooge eyes were ablaze once again as he stood up, "How was it? I'll tell you how it was! It was the most-"
Donald attempted to cover the ears of Huey, Dewy, and Louie in hopes of blocking out the 'colorful' words Scrooge used to describe the movie and the detailed description he gave on just how he would shove the movie up the director's rear, but unfortunately he had only so many hands. Little known to Donald was none of those 'colorful' words were new to the triplets, on the contrary, they heard them often from his own furious outbursts.
"-So Mrs. Beakly, THAT is how the movie was!" Scrooge finally finished flopping back on the couch exasperated.
"Oh dear." the pudgy duck said taken aback. It took her a moment before she found the right words to respond, "Well, I am so sorry to hear that, Mr. Mcduck."
"So am I." he grumbled taking another gulp of his drink.
"Sooo, how was your movie Mrs. Beakly?" Dewy said in an attempt at changing the topic.
"Yea! Didn't you say you were going to see that Harry Potter movie at the other theater down on Barks Street?" Huey added.
"Well I am afraid I had just as much luck with this film as you did with the preview." She said slightly frustrated, "I often wondered if the director had even bothered to read the book! So much was added and taken out! If they are going to make a movie based off of a book the least they could do is make it accurate!"
"Bah- you Potter fans always complain that the book is better than the movie. Always threatening to stone the director to-" that is when Scrooge's eyes lit up like the sky on July 4th, "Wait a minute! That's it!" the old duck leapt to his feet once more with a large smile across his beak, "Brilliant! I know just what we'll do."
"Flee town and take on new names?" Donald smirked. A swift, reprimanding, swat from Scrooge's cane to the sailor's wrist was enough to leave the duck grumbling quietly.
"No you idiot. I'm going to write an autobiography!"
Donald exchanged a confused look with the triplets before returning his stare to the enthusiastic duck, "Uncle Scrooge, maybe you should call it quits on the drinking tonight and go to bed."
Flustered, Scrooge slammed his cup down on the table, "Come on nephew, even you can't be that brain dead! Don't you see, I will publish a book about my countless adventures. People will read the novel and be educated on my life's story, and the real one at that! Therefore, when the movie comes out-"
"-people will already know what your life really is like-" Dewey spoke out catching on!
"-and see the flaws of the film-!" Huey added.
"-and you don't lose any money!" Louie finished.
"Now you've got it!"
"But Mister McDuck", Ms. Beakly spoke up quieting the excitement, "Your movie is set to premiere in six weeks, and the average book takes months to publish, not to mention write and print!"
"Aye, but that is for your average person, and Scrooge McDuck is no average person!" turning the excited duck addressed the butler who was standing quietly in the corner of the room, "Ducksworth, put fresh ink in my typewriter, we have many years worth of stories to tell!"