Authors note: Warning, while this is not clop, it does allude to some adult themes. You have been warned.
Two ponies sat at the bar. Both wore expressions of some rather severe shock.
"So. Uh. Yeah." Said the orange coated earth pony, lightly adjusting her stetson. "So. That wer'...that wer' Spike." Her voice had a rather far away quality to it.
There was a pause. They each downed a shot. The bartender dutifully refilled their glasses. He'd been at this business long enough to know when he needed to keep them coming. And these were ponies that needed some severe inebriation.
"...an Rarity." Continued AJ. She pondered the wood beneath her glass for a moment, searching for universal secrets, perhaps, within its grain. Or just the stain in the shape of some weird cutiemark. Either or.
The purple unicorn considered this for a moment, and nodded. "It was. Very definately. Them. Um. Yes. Together. Yes. Definately." Her eyes were particularly large and round.
The farm pony pondered her glass for a minute. "Boy's gotten...hadn't realized how...gall durned...big he were." She said at length. Twi paused for a moment, before nodding very slowly.
THey each considered this statement, and all the details it hinted at, and each downed their current shots, which were quickly replaced.
"It makes sense, I suppose. I mean...the greed growth was the first sign. Now his natural growths starting, pretty much a teenager at this stage, and, I suppose, hormones..." Both winced at the last syllable there.
"Twi...I'll thank ye not to bring up...er. Moans." The stetson clad mare said slowly. She shared a look with unicorn, and they both sighed, slumping in their seats as one.
"Still. I mean. Knew he had a thing fer her an all, heck, every pony done knew he thought she were prettiest thing since cider, but didn't think the fussy britch'es would ever...uh." She paused, trying to think of of a word that wouldn't have them both reaching for their glasses again.
"...Reciprocate his advances?" Supplied the egghead. The orange pony simply nodded. "Well. He is a dragon." Twilight continued. " Naturally good at finding gems...diggin them up...all that. Even his scales are starting to take on a gemlike countenance. And he's always been eager to...help her out. Maybe now he's just become...um. Her...type. "
Aj considered this for a moment before sighing. "Or maybe she jus' walked in on him in the bath some time, and saw his...growth." She muttered.
They paused. Shudered in unison. Took a shot. And sighed in unison.
"You know, I feel silly now." Said the unicorn. Still staring at the bartop beneath her once again full glass. "I was starting to think you and her had a...um. Thing."
The stetson wearing mare shrugged. "We did. " She said casually. "Didn't last. Some rolls in the hay. Fun. Nothin serious. Kinda thought she was goin after you next, comin from the big city and all. " she commented, regarding Twilight with a raised eyebrow.
The unicorn considered this for a moment and blushed. "Well. Maybe thats a factor in...er. Them. I mean, Spikes from Canterlot too." she mumbled, cheeks red as certain images swam through her somewhat pickled mind.
The orange pony nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. S'pose so. " She looked at the bartop, not looking round as three more mares bellied up to it on either side of them. Each wore a variation of the same shocked expression Aj and Twi had worn, entering the establishment. The bartender nodded, quickly setting up shotglasses for the newcomers. Hoo ee. He'd rake in the bits tonight.
The yellow pegasis's cheeks were as pink as her mane. The blue and rainbow pegasis' eyes were wide as dinner plates, wings twitching oddly. And the pink earth pony seemed...almost contemplative, scarily enough.
They each regarded the glasses in front of them for a moment before tossing back the contents, which were quickly replaced.
"...Wow." Said the blue pegasis."Just. Wow. I mean...wow. " She considered her drink for a moment. "Didn't know she was that flexible. "
There was an almost inaudible squeak from the yellow pegasis. It might have been an agreement. Or it might have been a hiccup from the alcohols burn.
The rest considered this, and nodded.
"...Is that why he wanted to borrow your lasso yesterday, Applejack?" Continued Dash, remembering his eagerness to find the farm pony the day before. Said farm pony made a face, shaking her head violently. "He can durn well keep it now...was just mah spare..." she muttered.
Pinkie hummed slightly, stirring her drink with a candy cane she'd pulled from somewhere no one else had seen. "So...you ever...with him Twilight?" She asked, staring into space. "I mean...he's so...and he's...Wowy zowy. "
Twilight made a face, and downed another shot. "Ew. No. Gah. Luna's flanks, no. Hes like my brother. " She shuddered.
The pink part pony simply nodded, sucking idly at the now booze soaked candy cane. "Can I try'im then?" She asked curiously. Could almost hear the gears in her head clicking into place.
Twilight sighed. "I'm not the master of Spikes...um. Social...proclivities. Don't need my permission." She shook her head. "If you think you can drag him away from...er...Rarity, you're welcome to try. " She shuddered at the thoughts this conjured.
"Yay! " Said the baker with a return of some of her trademark enthusiasm. "Have'ta bake him an extra big cupcake to jump out of!" She crunched the candy cane loudly.
The other four dutifully considered this, and took a shot apiece at the mental images it conjured.
Fluttershy's blush deepened, and she hiccuped loudly. She looked down at her refilled glass, and downed it, squeaking, "An I thought...Mac was...big..." She hiccuped again, while the stetson clad mare blinked and chose not to even ask.
The blue pegasis was oddly silent. She took another shot. "I didn't know dragons had...two..." She said, an odd note of wonder in her voice.
They all paused at this, remembering that particular detail burned into their brains. Each of them took a shot.
"Well. At least I have a new...lesson about...friendship to send to the Princess." Said the purple mare, speech sluring just the slightest. "Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned..." she trailed off as her brain failed to produce more words.
"That sometimes friends...uh. Hook up? and its durn awkward? to walk in on'em?"
"That sometimes friends have surprising amounts of leather? And really cool lookin toys!"
"That dragons have...two...?"
"That dragons are...big..." Inaudible squeak followed.
"That some mares have some serious lungs on'em?"
"That...um..." More inaudibil squeaks, and a hiccup. "...Sorry"
"...Two? I mean...wow. Endurance."
"That friends grow up? And grow, and grow and grow, and get all intrestin lookin, and spikey wikey grew spikeys!"
Twilight sighed. "Dear Princess Celestia. Booze is good. Booze helps forget really awkward situations, and I'm going to drink until i forget...ahhg. Purple thrusting..." She shuddered, and simply grabbed the bottle from the bartenders hoof.