A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is my quickly advancing age and the fact that even though I'm almost 40 (oh crap...) I have no gray hair and no wrinkles. Ahhhh genetics...I know you've failed me in other areas (ie my two sisters who look like friggin' supermodels even AFTER multiple pregnancies) but in this, you've done me well. Oh, and my fingernails. I've got good fingernails. I'm happy with those, too. :D
This is the Jasper Outtake that SOOOOOO many of you asked for. The lovely mauigirl60 edited my mistakes in this, so thank you mucho mucho amounts. :)
And now, here's Jasper...
Jasper Outtake – Don't Know What You've Got 'Til It's Gone
I'd know her face anywhere. Even after eight years away from her, she haunted my fucking dreams. Every night.
I couldn't get rid of her. No matter what or who I did.
She walked right past the booth I was standing in, and I couldn't help but follow her. What were the odds that I'd see her at a stupid surfing show? She was such a klutz, I knew she didn't surf. If she'd ever tried, she for sure would have drowned.
That's one of the things I loved about her most. She could barely keep herself alive and breathing. She was so cute and helpless.
I think that's what attracted me to her first. The day she tripped and spilled her book bag all over the sidewalk—I couldn't help but stop and assist her. Plus, I got a good look down her shirt when she bent over.
That, and her big brown eyes, were all it took.
I was an idiot. Too young to know any better. Too young to know what I had.
I followed her down the walkway, watching as she stopped at booth after booth. She looked good, so good that I couldn't get the memories of our last time together out of my head. The way she'd taken control that day our divorce was finalized. The way she'd bent over the sink. The way she'd demanded I fuck her in that bathroom.
I wanted to grab her. I wanted to wrap my hands around her hips and pull her ass against my cock. I was already hard, and she hadn't even seen me. I hadn't even looked into her eyes yet.
I'd probably cum in my pants as soon as I did.
And I fully intended to look at her, to make sure she knew I was there. She needed to see me. She had to see me.
I watched her pull her long brown hair to one side as she bent over to look closely at something. Her neck was right there. I still remembered what it smelled like, felt like...tasted like. Her skin was like honey to me, and I was a starving man. Always had been, for her.
I was stupid. I made mistakes. I knew it, but I was trying. Being better. This was my chance.
I was just about to approach her when a group of people passed between us, and she moved to another booth. By the time I found her again, she was a few stations down from me. I had to wait for another chance.
She'd always been my dream girl, I just met her too early. Before I was ready.
My family loved her, her sweetness, her good heart, her intelligence, her simplicity.
I always treated her as though she'd break. Never pushing her, always being careful. Like she was glass, all naïve and young and trusting.
I didn't deserve her trust.
My mother still reminded me every time she saw me that I'd fucked up. That I should fix it. Find her. Beg her to forgive me and come back.
If only my mother knew why I couldn't do that.
Flirting with Alice had been fun, at first. It wasn't anything serious, just joking and silly and exciting. Then one night, it wasn't.
She tripped, landed against my chest. I caught her. Alice was over hanging out, Izzy had fallen asleep on the couch. We stood in the hallway, my arms around her waist, her hands on my chest. She looked up at me with her big eyes. I couldn't even remember what color they were. But I kissed her. Hard and slow and sexy. With tongue and spit and moaning. I couldn't help it.
And she kissed me back.
It grew from there. She stroked my ego, made me feel alive, daring, dangerous. I knew she was smitten, falling fast and hard. I never meant for Iz to find out. Especially not the way she did. I was going to end it with Alice. I was. I knew it was wrong, but I just needed it a little longer, a few more times.
Then Izzy saw us. Then Alice found out she was pregnant. There was no point chasing Izzy after that. My life had a different priority. Someone more important.
Alice and I tried to make it work. We tried to be a couple, a family. There was just too much hurt, pain, history there. We couldn't do it. We both knew it, but we tried. Stayed together. Went to some therapy sessions. Even played around with other lifestyles.
Nothing worked. She wasn't who I wanted.
She finally had enough when she found out about Maria. It was the same thing that had happened before. Maria made me feel good, forget my problems, get away from reality for a little while.
Only I hadn't been stupid enough to marry Alice. It was easy for her to walk away.
Izzy stood across the aisle from me, and I couldn't stop myself any longer.
"Isabella? Iz?" I called.
I saw her tense up, then turn around. She was beautiful. The most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen in all my life. It was all I could do to not fall to my knees and beg her to take me back.
We small-talked for a moment, and then she mentioned her husband.
What the fuck? She was remarried?
My heart nearly broke all over again when she said it, and I tuned out for several seconds.
It didn't escape me that she didn't want to tell me where she was living. She probably thought I'd try to track her down.
I probably would.
Just as I was starting to apologize, see if there was any hope for us, some guy walked up and put his arm around her. I wanted to punch him. She was my wife, my Izzy. Who the fuck did he think he was? Touching my girl like that?
He stood there with his hand out, after saying he was her husband. Stupid cocksucker. I hated him. He had the one thing I wanted most in life.
I hated him.
It was likely he didn't know who I was. Why would he? I put on a fake smile and shook his hand, making some comment about him finding Izzy. He was practically gloating to me, smiling down at her.
But the way she looked at him... It killed me.
She'd never looked at me that way.
I couldn't help but agree when he said she was amazing. She was amazing. So completely, totally, absolutely amazing.
Then he thanked me. Thanked me for giving him his Bella. Whatever. She was my Izzy. Always was, always would be. At least I'd never called her by some lame name like Bella. Whatever.
She looked me in the eye and told me she was happy. "It took me a long time to get past what happened, but I did. I don't think about it anymore. I don't need to. I have everything I could ever hope or dream for, and I'm happy."
I lied though my teeth, telling her I was glad. Then I watched her walk away.
Bella Cullen. I wouldn't forget that. Not ever. I decided I'd find her, I wasn't done trying. Then I saw it.
Izzy happy, with her husband...and what had to be their son. He looked just like them. And she lit up the room as she held him.
She really had moved on. She really was happy. Without me.
I watched her walk out of the building, her husband's arm still around her waist, and I wanted it. I wanted what she had. I wanted it with her, but I was too late. I'd fucked up too bad. I didn't stand a chance in hell now.
Maybe I never did.
I couldn't fix things with Alice. Maria and I were over before she even got pregnant with Maggie. We just hadn't admitted it yet. Nettie was a sweet girl, but we weren't right for each other. Heidi, Tia, Claire, and Emily were nice. Just not the ones.
Then there was Angela. I'd messed up, but maybe not too bad. Maybe I could still fix it. Maybe I could still have the happy life I wanted, the one that Izzy wished me.
I pulled out my phone as Izzy disappeared into the sunlight with her new family. The one that should have been with me. The baby that should have been mine.
"Ang? Hey, it's me, Jasper."
"Jasper? What do you want? Why are you calling?"
"I was just wondering if you'd wanna have dinner this weekend. I'd really like to see you."
She hesitated. "Why?"
I sighed into the phone. "Look, I know I messed up. I know I didn't treat you like I should have. I know I made mistakes, but I want to make them right. I want to be better. I think I can do that. Will you give me another chance?"
"I don't know, Jazz. The things you said when you left...I don't know who she is, or was, but I don't know if you're ever gonna get past that."
"I will, I swear. I want to be happy. Please, Ang? Just to talk?"
After a moment, she answered. "Okay. Call me when you're back in town."
After I hung up I made a promise to myself. I'd treat Angela the way she deserved to be treated. I'd be good, be better, stop bouncing from woman to woman, relationship to relationship. I could make it work with Angela. Make a life. Have a family.
All the things that Izzy had. I could have them, too. If I'd just let myself.
And the fact that Angela looked exactly like my Iz had nothing to do with it.
Nothing at all.
At least that's what I told myself as I fell asleep that night, my cock in my hand, and visions of my Izzy floating through my mind, her name falling in whispers from my lips.
A/N: Yeah, so Jasper's screwed up. I think a lot of men are. Whether it's a case of "Too young to know better" or "Too young to appreciate what you have" or "Having your cake and eating it too", I think a lot of men do this. And probably some women, too. Oh well, that's life. And yeah, sometimes it really sucks, especially when you want one of those types of guys. :)
Thanks so much for reading this story and for loving the characters as much as I have. This story was sorta therapeutic for me. No, I've never driven up or down the coast of anywhere. :D And I've never tried to surf. :D But yeah, we all have our demons. :)
There won't be more of this. I think this Bella and Edward are in a pretty good place. Why mess with that, you know? :) Plus the sequel idea I have in my head involves Jasper finding Bella and trying to put Edward out of business. And maybe trying to use his daughter Maggie to screw up Brodie's pro surfing dreams. Yeah...it would be pretty angsty. :D Let's just forget all about it, shall we? :D
Thanks for everything. It means more to me than you'll ever know...
Thank you forever and ever and ever and ever. :)