A/N: Okay, so this is my first fanfiction, I just got brave enough to submit a story. Let me know how I'm doing, if there's any mistakes, or if you have any ideas? Or if you even want me to continue for that matter. And like everyone else says, Rate&Review! Thanks, Allie. =D
A/N2: Okay, I fixed Kathleen's name and a few other mistakes that I found. Thanks to those who reviewed and pointed them out to me!
"Hey, Liv," Elliot called to her from his spot across from her in the precinct. "Kathleen wanted us to go to lunch with her. Have time for a break?" He wanted to make sure she was okay. She had been quiet all day and hadn't said much. Now she was just staring at her computer screen blankly. Elliot could tell she was just pretending to read through her e-mails. When he talked to her she had jumped, immediately refocusing on what she was doing.
They had just finished a case on a little boy who had been being raped by his reading tutor, which a hobo had witnessed. Kid cases were always harder than the rest. Elliot was sure that's what she was thinking about. A lunch date would sure cheer her up anyway. Wait… Lunch date? Ever since the divorce he had been thinking things and saying things like that. Fin and Munch had even called him out on it a few times.
The first time, Olivia had seemed a little startled at the insinuation, but after a few times she had just laughed it off, not giving him much hope for a date anytime soon. So he had to start thinking about what he said before he said it. It made him think he was acting like a second grader…
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, sure El. Let me get my purse," She responded.
They arrived at the diner where they were meeting Kathleen. Olivia slid into the booth and Elliot sat next to her. "So any special reason you wanted to have lunch today?" Elliot asked his daughter.
"Yeah, Dad, human beings need to eat, ya know." She said, rolling her eyes. He glared at her and she muttered an apology. "Not really, just haven't seen 'livia in a while." Kathleen glanced at her briefly.
"You know you could see me any time, right? Any of you kids," Olivia told her. The waiter arrived to take their orders.
Elliot had gotten up to go to the bathroom and Katherine had looked like she desperately wanted to say something her. "Kathleen, what is it?" She looked like she was about to blow laughed at that thought. She noticed that Katherine suddenly looked kind of nervous. "It's okay to say it, whatever it is,"
"Well," she started, "In class we are doing papers on human psychology after something traumatic has happened to them. I decided I was going to do my essay on rape victims." Olivia swallowed and nodded for her to continue. "And I…" Kathleen looked at her, biting her lip, wondering whether she should say what she was thinking out loud. Olivia raised her eyebrows at her, thinking of all of the possible things she could say right then.
"Kathleen," she said softly, "go ahead,"
"I wanted to know if you ever thought about who your father was? I mean, have you ever wondered who the guy was? Like if he was a business man, a serial rapist, or a hobo off the street? It would kill me every day if I didn't know." Olivia had let her head down halfway through Kathleen's rant. These things were all possibilities. Though she knew her father was a rapist. Nothing was going to change that.
"Oh, Olivia I'm sorry. I… I didn't mean to say those things aloud. I didn't mean to make you sad," Katherine pleaded with her, not wanting to make her unhappy.
"Hey," Olivia said, putting her hand hesitantly over Kathleen's on the table, "its fine. I've gotten over it. And… yes. I have wondered who my father was. When I was little, I always used to ask my mom who he was and all she would say was that he was away. When I was 11 I had finally stopped asking about why we didn't have any pictures of him, or why my mom didn't wear a wedding ring. I learned to live with the fact that I would never have a dad,"
"That must've been hard,"
"Yeah," was all Olivia responded softly. "It was."
"Hey, my favorite girls," Elliot said while walking back to the table, "I'll go get the check then we can go," He kissed Kathleen's cheek and walked away.
Olivia lay in her bed, wide awake. She glanced at the clock to her left on the nightstand. The bright red, flashing numbers read 1:27. She groaned, and rolled over onto her stomach, stuffing her face into the pillow.
She was kept up thinking about her conversation with Kathleen at lunch earlier. Who was her father? Cragen. Cragen was the closest thing to her as a father. He protected her, watched her back. Like Elliot. But Elliot didn't do it in a fatherly way, but in more like a worried husband. She laughed at that thought. Fin and Munch were like that too, but in another way. Fin was like her big brother, she was his baby girl. Munch was just the crazy godfather. Heh, that was funny too. She was definitely not sober. She had a few beers while eating some pizza and watching soap opera reruns. Okay, maybe more than a few.
Was her father a ship captain, or a soldier? A lowly drug dealer? A Wal-mart cashier? A clown? That might be the reason for her fright of clowns. Or Stephen King's It… No, definitely not sober. But did she really want to know who her father was? Did she really want to be disappointed any more than she already had? Or, like Kathleen said, would she let it slowly kill her from the inside?
She knew what she had to do. Tomorrow she would ask Melinda for a favor.