Ta-daaa, I'm finally back! I'm not sure about this chapter, it's nowhere near as short and snappy as the last...but I wrote it quickly and I really hope you like it!
"What now?" scowled the orange-haired boy from his position in front of the TV, furiously button-bashing his controller so the cat on the screen punched the mouse repeatedly.
"Can you tell me why Shigure has so many 'condoms'?"
The controller clattered to the floor. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
Tohru hid behind the doorframe, peeking her face out ashamedly. "Oh, am I asking silly questions again? It's just, I was cleaning Shigure's room, and I saw these little packets..."
"Right!" Kyo sighed, trying to shut her up quickly. "Don't go in that damn pervert's room anymore, okay?,"
"Okay," beamed Tohru, cheery as ever again. She came into the room and knelt beside Kyo, who took up the controller again. "Can I ask one more question?"
Kyo groaned internally. "I guess so..."
"Is a condom one of those plastic things that you put on cucumbers to keep them fresh?"
Kyo calmly set the controller down again and gently put his head into his hands. "Who told you that's what condoms are for?"
"Oh, I walked in on Uo showing Hana how to put them on and they explained to me," Tohru replied, blissfully ignorant of Kyo's suffering. "And when I opened one of the packets, it looked the same."
"You OPENED ONE OF THE PACKETS?"
"...Was that wrong?"
"I am going to kill Shigure," Kyo growled, ignoring her.
Somewhere in the city buying groceries, Shigure got the strange feeling that he shouldn't go home that night.
They heard the front door open: Momiji, Yuki and Hatori walked in.
Kyo stood up and stormed out.
"Oh, hello!" Tohru smiled up at the three remaining Sohmas. "I didn't know you were coming round for dinner."
"Well, when Shigure said he couldn't make it home, we were so worried that you wouldn't have anybody to take care of you!" Momiji exclaimed.
"Like I said, Momiji, you really didn't need to come. Shigure only asked me to take care of the place."
"Well, Shigure says we can't trust you with Tohru all by yourself, Ha'ri!" Momiji replied, wide-eyed, effectively silencing Hatori.
"I'm sorry about this, Miss Honda," Yuki apologised.
"Oh, it's fine, really!" Tohru stood up quickly. "I'll just get started on dinner, then. It's cucumber soup, I hope you like it."
"Anything you make will be fine, Tohru," Momiji beamed enthusiastically.
Yuki followed Tohru into the kitchen to help her, but when he saw what was laid out on the counter, he paused. "Miss Honda?"
HHHatori and Momiji reached the kitchen just as Tohru began peeling the condom from the first cucumber.
"Hey, what's that, Tohru?" Momiji asked.
"Oh, this? It's a condom," Tohru beamed, proud that she had some wisdom to impart on the young boy.
"That's not what those are used for, Tohru," Hatori said darkly. Yuki went pale.
"Oh, really?" Tohru's face fell. "What are they for then, Hatori-kun?"
"Yeah, tell us, Ha'ri!"
No, no, no, Hatori thought to himself, I am NOT doing this again.
"Oh, no, Shigure says Hatori-kun is shy. Remember? He wouldn't show me what sex was. I couldn't ask him to show me what condoms are for, too."
Kyo, smelling food, ventured back downstairs and into the crowded kitchen.
"Ah, Kyo! Why don't you show us what a condom is for?" Momiji piped up.
Kyo and Yuki exchanged looks. "Shigure!"
In the distance, Shigure suddenly started laughing manically.