I often find myself wanting to write short, episode tag stories- especially Jade/Beck-centric ones. So I decided to start a collection of them, all in one story (because it's not like several dozen of those exist already or anything). I have no idea when/if/how frequently I'll add chapters, and since each one will be a stand alone, I'm marking the story as complete.


Title: (I Know the Sound of the Handcuffs) As They Scrape Across the Floor

Summary: Missing scene from Crazy Ponnie. In which Jade is plotting, Beck has a solution, and the rest of them try really hard to ignore the implications.

Length: ~1,000 words

Rating: Pg-13 I guess? There's absolutely nothing explicit, but it's pretty suggestive.

Genre: Humor/friendship, with a dash of romance.

AN: Oh man. I am going to a special hell for this. But surely I wasn't the only one who went to an…interesting headcanon place in regards to those handcuffs?

Disclaimer: If I were in charge, no way in hell would it be on Nickelodeon.

"Jaaaade!" Cat implored from her relatively safe position behind both Andre and Beck. "I'm seriously so, so sorry! Please come eat lunch with us. Pleeeeease?"

Jade continued to seethe for a moment, and then broke into a deadly grin. "Sure Cat. I'll come eat lunch with you."

Cat's voice wavered. "Y-yay?"

Andre gulped and took half a step backwards, pushing Cat further behind him as he went.

Beck frowned and glanced between a now terrified Cat and an eerily calm Jade. He recognized the tone of her voice, even if her lack of eyebrows made it slightly more difficult to read her expression.

Jade was planning something.


Andre and Cat swung around to look at him.

"Uh-oh? What uh-oh?" Andre demanded.

Jade shot him a glare and the skin on her forehead twitched in what was unmistakably a single raised eyebrow.

If she'd had eyebrows.

But she didn't, which made the whole thing somewhat unsettling.

"Uh, nothing. Let's go eat, yeah?"

When the four of them reached their normal table, already occupied by Robbie, Beck didn't sit down. Instead he ran his fingers through his hair and looked towards the parking lot.

"I'll be right back."

Cat looked up in panic. "What? No! You have to stay, in case Jade decides to kill me! Or do other bad stuff to me!"

Jade said nothing, but fixed Cat with a wide, unblinking stare.

"I'm coming back. I have to go get something. Something that will stop her from hurting you."

Jade scoffed. "Yeah, don't count on it."

Cat squeaked. Beck smiled.

"We'll see."

After he walked away, Jade turned her focus back to Cat and asked, "Why is it so important that Beck be here to protect you? Andre's here. And Robbie I guess." She added as an afterthought.

"Hey! I resent that!"

Cat shrugged. "He's the only one who's not afraid of you."

"It's true." Andre chimed in. Robbie nodded in agreement and slapped his hand across Rex's mouth, muffling whatever the puppet had been about to say.

She'd known, of course, that Beck had never been scared of her the way most people were. They'd talked about it occasionally, usually when they were goofing around, or curled up in the RV, and Jade was about as intimidating as a hamster. But there was something about hearing it said so matter-of-factly by the others that threw her off. She even stopped plotting her revenge on Cat for a few minutes.

At least until Robbie spotted something over her shoulder and very nearly choked on his lunch.

Andre turned to see whatever it was that had sent Robbie into a coughing jag, and was met with the sight of Beck holding a set of handcuffs that couldn't possibly be regulation.

"Dude. Don't ever explain those to me."

Jade twisted around next to him, and her eyes widened, giving her the appearance of a well-groomed alien.

"You still have those in your car?"

Beck had the common courtesy to at least look a little ashamed. "Yes…"

To Andre's supreme discomfort, Jade was rapidly turning a deep shade of pink.

"Why? Why are you still carrying those around?"

Beck smirked at her. His voice dropped an octave and took on a tone that Andre could have happily gone his whole life without hearing. "Never know when you might need to make a citizen's arrest."

Jade bit her lip and went from pink to crimson. Andre made as much noise as possible while turning back to his lunch, and determinedly kept from looking at Beck looking at Jade.

Cat watched the whole exchange while desperately trying to keep an expression of blissful ignorance. And she was absolutely not thinking about the time Jade had rushed into school seconds before the bell, with weird red marks on her wrists and followed by a more-rumpled-than-usual Beck.

"So, um, how are those going to keep Jade from attacking me?"

Beck answered without taking his eyes off Jade's. "I was thinking if we lock her to the table, she won't be able to reach you. Can't touch you, can't hurt you."

"Yeah," Robbie chuckled. "Because Jade is totally going to let you chain her to-"

"Okay." Cat did not notice that Jade seemed to be having trouble catching her breath. Not at all.

"Dang girl! What were y'all into?"


Jade snapped out of whatever weird mental place she'd gone to, and shot Rex a look so scathing Robbie was a little surprised when Rex didn't spontaneously combust.

"Beck, man! Lock her up before she crazy murders me! Puppet-cide isn't punishable by California law!"

Beck shook himself slightly, his eyes narrowing. "Did you look up laws about puppets? Never mind. I don't want to know. Here Andre, take this end."

"Do what now?"

"Just help me out alright?"

Andre frowned, but he reached for the cuffs anyway.

Jade held out her wrist. "Put it on the outside of my jacket. So it doesn't chaff."

"Uh, yeah. Sure thing."

Robbie watched silently while Andre and Beck attached Jade to the table.

Andre fumbled a little. Beck did not.

Jade muttered under her breath about certain actions being a little extreme. Robbie would have been more convinced if he hadn't heard her agree- almost instantly- to the situation barely five minutes earlier.

When they'd finished, Beck slid the key into his pocket and walked to the empty seat at the table, sat down, and calmly began getting out his lunch.

Cat, in a desperate attempt to derail the silence that was quickly approaching extreme levels of awkward, blurted out the first thing that popped into her head.

"Does anyone know if it's possible to reattach eyebrows? Because technically I still have Jade's in my purse!"

Jade growled and lunged for Cat, only to be stopped short by the handcuffs. Cat shrieked and would have fallen off the bench if Robbie hadn't stopped her with his arm.

Cat shared a wide-eyed look with Andre and Beck. "Um. Maybe don't unlock those until lunch is over?"


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