Hello lovelies! Thank you all for the reviews/ pm's (because it wasn't letting some of you review)! They make me smile! Smeyer owns all characters associated with the twilight saga unfortunately. Sorry for the delay! My computer has been acting up so I had to take it to the doctor AND I finally got my hubby back after a yearlong deployment so I've been a bit…distracted ;). This Chapter is a bit longer than usual to make up for it! Hope you all enjoy!
"Alright, Sweets. Is there anything you want to do before I make you a sparkly Vampire?" He asked, trying to lighten the mood. There was, but from our talks I knew sex wouldn't be something that he would give me until I was like him. He must have felt my lust because he spoke again before I could say anything. "Darlin', you know there is nothin' I'd love to give you more than a good roll in hay but I can't…not until you're changed. While our bites can be pleasurable to our Mates, that's when they are both Vampires; I've heard that it can have very bad consequences to put you through the change while havin' sex, psychologically speakin'. I know I've said it before but I just can't do that to ya, darlin'."
"I know, Jas. I wasn't even going to ask it just popped into my head. I understand, really I do. So are we going to do this or what, Major?" I asked.
"You sure you want me to change you now? If you aren't ready we can wait a few days…." I could feel how concerned he was even if he weren't projecting, it was written all over his face.
"As sure as I can be….like Pete said, whether I'm ready or not it needs to happen but I promise I want to start our forever together, Major. I know that if I get too lost in my emotions than you will be right there to bring me back, I trust and love you with everything I am. I want this to be over and done with so we can be together without any worries." I told him and brought my lips to his in a soft kiss. I pulled back slightly so I could speak, my lips brushing against his as I did. "Bite me, Major." I said smirking slightly.
"Bite me, Major" She said smirking slightly. I chuckled and pulled back to look into her eyes. She was feeling determination and love.
I could still feel her other emotions warring with each other but I had a good hold on them. I hated that I had to change her before she came to terms with her emotions but if Peter says it needs to happen then I have to listen. He's never steered me wrong and I've learned it's better to listen to him in these types of situations. I can only hope that everything turns out ok. I've been around Peter long enough to hear the unspoken words in what he said; she would die if she's not turned. The thought of my Mate not existing made my inner Vampire roar. Our Mate is strong, she will be fine!
"I will take as much of the pain away as I can, Darlin'. Three days and then you will be mine in every way. Think of all the memories you want to keep, keep playin' them over and over in your mind so you don't forget. I'll be here with you and talk to you the whole time. I love you, Sweets….Forever." I told her. She bared her neck to me and I leaned in and nuzzled it before placing a light kiss on her pulse point.
"I don't want you to take all of it, Jas. It may sound weird but I want to experience it ok?" I nodded. I figured she would want that and it wasn't worth an argument, I would help out however much she would let me. "I love you, Cowboy." She said as I bit into her neck.
I felt her shock and then pain; I hated to hurt her like this. I worked quickly, barely taking any of her blood but pumping as much of my venom into her as possible. I laid her down on the bed and moved to her wrists and ankles. When I got to her right wrist I couldn't help myself and bit over James' mark to replace it with mine; my Mate would only wear my mark. I am a possessive creature and she is mine, just as I am hers, and the thought of another Vampires mark on her has never sat well with me.
When I finished I sat behind her on the bed and took some of her pain away. I know that she said she didn't want me taking all of it but I could at least make it a little easier for her. The screamin' began soon after I settled her against me and I felt like my heart was being torn into pieces. I talked to her, telling her story after story and helping with the pain. Eventually I had to hold her arms down so she couldn't claw at herself; I lost all sense of time and just focused on my Mate.
Pain… burning… absolute and total agony.
I wanted to turn to ash, to disappear and have relief from the burning. I was told it would be unbearable but I didn't understand what that meant until his venom entered my system. This was so much worse than what I felt when James bit me. I could feel him, hear him talking to me, I also could hear my own screams. I knew they had to be hurting him, I knew that I would get no relief from my screams, but I couldn't control it any more than I could control the burning. I also knew that he was taking some of the pain into himself and I was extremely grateful for that, yet at the same time I didn't want him feeling this again.
Red…everything is red. Everything is on fire.
It'll burn everything away if you let it…Don't let it consume you. Remember who you are. A voice whispered.
I don't know how long it had been but I started to be able to think around the pain. I started to replay as many memories as I could; the good and bad. I didn't want to forget everything I have been through, everything that has brought me to this point, made me who I am. Anything that had to do with Charlie, Renee, Phil, and Jasper were ones I replayed the most. The heartbreak, happiness, anger, hate, love….all the emotions Jasper was keeping at bay and more were swirling around me. My mind was working differently now, a part of it was replaying memories, another was trying to make sense of everything I had gone through, another focused the burn, and then there was the voice…it was new, yet I knew it was a part of me. It kept whispering to me, guiding me through the burn.
Focus…Focus on your memories…on your past…remember! Do not forget! We will have our happy ending after everything is said and done. Our Mate will make sure we do. He is the God of War, one of the most feared, he will help us, protect us, and we will protect him as well. He is OURS. The voice said. I was starting to realize that she must be my inner Vampire; the one Jasper said all of his kind has... our kind. It was strange to have a voice in my mind that was a separate part of me; completely different from the conversations I had with myself on many occasions. I know she is a part of me but she's a new part that I've never had before and I have a feeling it's going to take some getting used to.
Don't let it consume you! Remember everything!
Time was starting to have meaning again and I could focus on listening to Jasper more. He was telling me as many of my memories as he could all while he kept taking some of the pain from me. My mind was still on the same loop it had been but now I knew I had been burning for 66 hours, 37 minutes, and 12 seconds. I felt some relief at knowing the change only takes 3 days and that it would be over soon but then I realized that as the hours past the burn got more and more intense. Every time I would get used to it, it would get hotter.
Time was a strange thing to me now. Sometimes it felt like I had been burning for weeks and other times it felt like minutes. It all depended on how focused I was on the pain. My mind was still trying to figure out what I had done in my life to warrant all the pain I had felt and all the things that were done to my family. I fell in love with a boy, hardly a crime, but that boy was a Vampire and because of that someone else's Mate was killed. I get the whole Mate for Mate thing…if anyone EVER tried to hurt or take Jasper from me I'd kill them, but Victoria has taken this way beyond what it should have been. I was a human. She could have killed me at any time after the Cullens left…. The more I thought about it less sense it made. Something is seriously wrong with that bitch. This has to go further than her Mate being killed…
You are over thinking it. I know you think there is a connection to everything that happened with the Cullen's but I don't think there is. She is a separate problem from whatever the fuck is going on with them. We need to figure it all out though and she needs to be taken care of as soon as we are trained enough…The voice I'd been hearing replied to my thoughts.
Oh yeah that's definitely going to take some getting used to. I sighed internally but before another thought entered my mind I felt my back arch off of the bed and the pain become even more unbearable. I heard Jaspers voice and tried my hardest to concentrate on what he was saying to me.
"…darlin', it's almost over. A few more hours and you will be mine, Sweets. I love you."
The burning was faster, hotter, and all around the most agonizing thing I have ever felt. Being thrown into a volcano would have been easier than this. The voice was back again, urging me to play my memories in more detail so I wouldn't forget. One memory after the other flashed before my eyes and the dream I had about all the details I had missed when I was living them started to stand out more and more; the looks and whispered words making me feel uneasy. The memories came faster; it felt as if they were being filed away into a different part of my now vast mind. Time…it is such a weird concept to me already and I'm not even 'awake' yet.
Remember, Isabella! Remember EVERYTHING! You cannot forget…do not forget! The voice was getting louder yet softer at the same time. It felt like it was a part of me…more than before. The hotter the burn the more insistent the voice but it was becoming harder and harder to keep everything at the forefront of my mind.
I felt Jasper squeeze my hand and heard him murmur something but I couldn't focus enough to actually hear the words. What I did hear was myself screaming again….I'm not sure if I ever stopped, maybe I just got louder…I don't know. My back bowed off of the mattress again as the pain got even more intense. I wanted to die. My whole body was feeling pain like it never had and I couldn't handle it. Somehow I found the strength to close my mouth and keep the screams down a little. I knew they were killing Jasper and the thought of doing something that hurt him, even emotionally, made me sick. The burn started to recede from my hands and feet, up my legs and arms but got hotter the closer to my heart it got. I was begging in my mind for whatever powerful being was out there, be it God, Allah, the fucking candy man, whoever, to make it stop. I was being incinerated. I couldn't focus on anything but the pain and my mind was reeling. I didn't think this sort of pain existed.
Suddenly everything stopped. The amount of confusion I felt was palpable. One minute I'm burning in agony and the next I was fine, better than fine actually. I could feel the power running through me, the strength. The only sounds I could hear were birds flapping their wings and running water. A stream maybe? I was briefly distracted by the fact that I could hear those things when I was pretty sure I never saw either one since I got here. Here? Where is here? Where am I? Why am I having trouble remembering?
A shuffling sound close by caught my attention and I took in a startled breath, as I did I found I could taste the air. It was musty…old…but the most predominant taste…smell, I corrected, made me feel like I was home. It was a smell that was totally him, totally… Jasper. What I thought was hay and campfire was something completely different. My senses were so weak when I was human. He smelled like a freshly mowed field after the rain, leather, and a spicy smell that I couldn't quite put my finger on, it could only be described as absolutely delicious. I had the unbearable urge to cover his scent with my own so no other female could smell his mouthwatering scent, so they would know he was MINE. A low growl was coming from my chest at the thought of another female claiming his scent or him for herself. As soon as I realized I was growling it cut off, I was startled I could make such a sound. I heard a light chuckle from beside me and was up and facing the sound before I even thought about it.
"Nice of you to finally open your eyes, darlin'." Jasper said smirking. I was crouched on the bed facing him and took a minute to look him over. Scars…so many scars stood out like a warning. One part of my mind was telling me I should be terrified of this Vampire, another was telling me I was being stupid and that he's my Mate and would never hurt me, and another part was demanding I claim him before someone else takes him. Am I fucked up for thinking they make him look sexy as hell?...probably but fuck it. He's my Mate of course I would think he's fuck hot. He was wearing a long sleeved shirt so I could see the ones on his neck only but if they could freak me out momentarily… Shit no wonder everyone's scared of him. I raised my eyes up to meet his but not before doing a quick once over of the rest of his body and all I have to say is a big fat thank you to whoever made this god of a man.
When I finally met his eyes it was like the world stopped. I had felt something like this before…in my living room…the hazy memory popped into my head and left as quickly as it came… but now…now it was so much stronger. I could see our bond solidifying, it was amazing and distracting; I swirled my fingers through the shimmering rope that looked solid but my fingers passed right through making it waver slightly. I probably looked like an idiot as I kept trying to touch it a few more times until I got bored with it. I had the sudden urge to feel his skin on mine so I reached out to touch him and as soon as I made contact with his cheek a pleasant tingling sensation shot up my arm. Unprepared for it, I jerked back and hissed quietly. I was having a hard time keeping my mind on one thing for long, always moving my eyes to look at something with my new eye sight, but my gaze would always go back to Jasper. He was still sitting there smirking at me. It was getting kind of annoying if I were to be honest.
I took a deep breath and reached out to touch him again, prepared to feel the tingling this time. What I hadn't expected was the combination of his scent and the way his skin made mine feel. It was bliss and before I realized it I was practically sitting on top of him with my lips attached to his. He tasted better than he smelled and I had a feeling that I'd never get enough. Must claim him! He is ours! Claim him! I was about to…well I'm not really sure exactly what I was about to do since I never got to do it. I was suddenly distracted by multiple footsteps coming our way and was off of Jasper and in a crouch so fast it made my head spin…or would have.
The closer the footsteps the louder I growled, I couldn't have stopped if I tried. My thoughts were a jumbled mess but the ones I could grasp were telling me to kill or escape. Jasper moved in front of me, crouching down slightly, and a low growl coming from deep within his chest. I was stunned at how sexy it sounded and wanted nothing more than to attach myself to him again. His hand reached back and found my right hip and he squeezed it lightly. Shit! Empath! I had momentarily forgotten that little detail. I was then distracted by the fact that his hand was on the bare skin of my hip because my shirt had ridden up. The sound of the door opening brought me back to the moment and as soon as I saw the vampire standing in the doorway I snapped. I was around Jasper in the blink of an eye growling at the intruder.
My eyes were darting from the figure standing in front of me to Jasper and then around the room searching for an escape. A memory struck me as I took in the Vampire in front of me and I growled louder. Jasper hissed out something but I was too far gone to understand what it was. A red haze had settled over my vision and I sprang before I had a conscious thought to do so. I was confused when I didn't get very far and then realized that Jasper had my arms locked behind me and pulled straight out as far as they would go. It wasn't painful, which was another thing I could add to my "list of weird Vampire things", but it kept me immobile. I struggled against his hold but couldn't break it so I settled for snarling and growling.
"Darlin', as much as I would love to let you go right now so you could rip that motherfucker to pieces, I won't. You'd regret it later…at least I think you would. I know you are confused and havin' a hard time keepin' to one train of thought but I need you to listen to me. Focus on my words, my voice, and my feelings." He said softly while pulling me back into his chest and wrapping his arms around me, pinning my arms to my sides so that I couldn't move again. "Peter! Get him the fuck outta here before I fuckin' let her go and help her with what she wants to do!" He hissed.
I was still pissed but the red haze had dissipated and the feeling of him pressed against my back was making my mind focus on one thing only….Must claim. He is ours! Must claim! I heard a purring sound and was shocked to find that I was the one making it. I felt Jasper relax slightly when I started and it made me smile. I'll have to remember that. When I focused back on the door I saw we were alone again and relaxed even more. My arms were still pinned at my sides and Jasper was nuzzling my neck and taking deep breaths. This went on for another 2 minutes and 28 seconds before I tried to wiggle out of his arms. I heard him sigh, felt his arms release me, and him take a step back. I panicked for no reason, spun around, and launched myself into his arms again. Small whimpers were coming out of my mouth as I was trying to figure out what had happened to make me act like this but my mind was clouded with my need to be touching him.
"Shhh its ok, Sweets. I'm not goin' anywhere. I just thought you didn't want to be in my arms anymore so I was gonna give you some space. I won't ever leave you, darlin'. You know this…there's no reason to panic. I'm right here." He soothed and rubbed his hands up and down my back gently. That purring sound started again and I was surprised to find it was coming from Jasper this time and not me. The sound made me relax and I nestled into his embrace further.
"Jasper…" I said and then blinked… twice. My voice…that can't be my voice! It's too pretty to be my voice. It was smooth and slightly bell like but also had a husky quality to it. I still sounded like me but at the same time it was completely different. I took a deep breath and started again. "Jasper, I-I don't know what happened…I don't even know why I freaked out like that. Everything's so confusing and new and I feel like I could see sound if I tried hard enough…I know that's silly but everything's just so…VIVID and BRIGHT. My mind is thinking about 18 different things at this very moment and I can't focus on just one and then there are things I know I'm not remembering and it's frustrating me to no end and that stupid voice won't shut up about….I just want it all to stop!" I buried my nose into his chest and took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. My mind was racing a mile a minute and could feel the beginnings of a panic attack happening.
"Bella…you are fine. Take deep breaths, darlin'. It's all perfectly normal…actually you are amazing…. most newborns would have acted absolutely feral. I know you are disoriented and that there's so much goin' on in that pretty little head of yours but I am here to help you though all of this. I am right here. Would you like me to help you calm down?" I nodded. I felt the mixture of calming emotions settle over me like a warm blanket and took another deep breath. He pulled away from me slightly to look in my eyes.
"Better?" He asked. I nodded. "Good. Now that you are calm we should take you huntin'. You up for it?" As soon as he said hunting the burn in the back of my throat became horrible and my hand automatically went to it. I whimpered again and Jasper grabbed my wrist and pulled it away from my throat. His fingers trailed down my throat softly and I felt my eyes darken and the burn from my thirst recede while a whole other burn started. "I'm sorry, Bella. I should have taken you as soon as you woke up but you…distracted me." He said and smirked a little but then spun me towards the door and took my hand. "I want you to hold your breath ok? There's a lot of Vampires here you don't know and it will set your instincts off." I took a deep breath and nodded again. "You know, your voice is beautiful and you can't get away with never speakin', Sweets. I know it's different but you'll get used to it, just like everything else. " I sighed. I should have known he'd catch on.
"Sorry, Jas. It's just going to take some getting used to. Everything will. How do you deal with the voice? It's annoying me to no end and it won't shut up about…" I trailed off before I could finish that sentence, partly because it would embarrass the hell out of me and partly because I was distracted by the sound of a heart beating. My mouth pooled with venom and I was in a crouch, growling and ready to spring. It was getting closer and I could smell it…I wanted it…no I needed it. It was the sweetest smell. I could almost taste it! It smelled like the sweetest chocolate and strawberries.
Mine! It's mine! Find it! Drain it! MINE! I roared in my mind. Must have it! Need it now! A steady stream of growls were coming out of my mouth but before I could spring I found myself face down on the floor spread eagled with a hand at the base of my neck, one pushing down on my lower back, and Jasper between my legs; my hands were caught between the one on my lower back. I growled and thrashed against his hold. The smell was the most amazing thing in the world aside from Jasper and I would not be denied it. It's MINE!
"Hold your breath, darlin'. It won't do much but it may make it easier for you to think." I growled and thrashed against him some more. His hold tightened on me and his mouth was suddenly at my neck. I stilled and my growling cut off immediately. "Now, Isabella…I told you to hold your breath. That is what a human smells like. I know you want it, darlin', but you can't have that one. That is the receptionist we met when we first got here and I don't think Aro would like it if she turned into your first meal…though it is her own fault for comin' this way when she knows there's a newborn here…" He said off handedly. THAT'S what a human smells like!? Fuck! How did he stand it! How did any of them stand it!? I want it! I must have it! It's mine! I started thrashing in his hold and once again his teeth pressed lightly to my neck. I stilled again and he sighed.
"I hate havin' to put you in this position and treat ya like this but it's the only way for you to stop fightin' against me. Listen to me, Isabella! Listen! You cannot and will not have her. Do as I say and hold your damn breath so your head will clear! Pete's gotten her away from here so calm the fuck down." He said and applied more of his weight on me. I fought for control of myself and did as I was told. I really didn't want to eat her…ok that's a lie, I wanted her so badly but hazy memories of meeting her popped into my head and I knew I shouldn't eat her. He was right, of course, the longer I held my breath the better I was able to think. The memory of her scent and the sound of her heart beat were still bouncing around my mind but without actually hearing and smelling them it was getting a bit easier. I felt calm settle over me and I relaxed a little bit more, as did Jasper.
"Luckily the windows in this place are all open so her scent is gone now…if I let you up will you behave?" He asked and I felt his lips tug up at the corners against my neck. I nodded, not trusting myself to taste the air yet. In one fluid movement he had us both standing and his arms wrapped around me. "Alright, let's get you outta here so you can hunt. You'll feel a bit better after that and then you can meet everyone again. Where do you want to go, Darlin'?" I knew what he was asking, even though we discussed it one time before. Forest or town…After smelling…well I couldn't remember her name…Gina…Georgia…I don't know . But after smelling her I knew what my answer was.
"Town." I semi hissed out. He nodded and took my hand.
"Hold your breath, Sweets and don't take one till I tell ya to. Ok?" I took a deep breath, nodded, and then we were running through the castle.
End of chapter! Hope you all enjoyed it! Leave some love if you feel like it! It always makes my day hearing what you think…good or bad. I will start writing the next one soon so hopefully I get it out before too long!