Norma is Old But She is NOT Senile

AN: This is not a continuation of the first story Norma appeared in… this is a 'redo' if you will of that story… It's strictly centered around Norma—the old lady from my other story 'Sweet Old Ladies and Saturdays'—and if you all want and agree, I will be making a little series of Norma installments… please, please, please review me though so I'm not writing for nothing if you like it and you want me to continue…

This was inspired from a review from 'Sweet Old Ladies and Saturdays' and this prompt over on Tumblr: your-loveable-tiger asked: can we have another installment of Norma the loveable old lady?

Most people thought Norma was old and senile… She wasn't senile… She would admit that at 89 she might not be the youngest gal walking around flaunting her stuff—Oh…but in her day… Back when she and Gus were just starting out… She was a real dish. She knew how to strut and which boys to choose and which to stay away from… none of them. She loved making Gus jealous.

Norma sighed as she thought about the good old days. She looked around her small house and stared at a picture of her and Gus from way back when. She smiled fondly at it then looked up to the heavens, "Oh Gus… people just aren't the same anymore…" She said to him. Before she walked out of her house, locked the door and pushed her walker along the sidewalk.

She had noticed that over the years young couples just couldn't seem to figure it out… it was so easy, but they just couldn't seem to do it anymore… She told Gus once that it seemed that it was up to them to play matchmaker or at least push people in the right direction. He laughed and always told her not to meddle in other people's business… but sometimes it was just too hard!

She loved her husband, but now that he was gone, she decided she was going push all she wanted…

She and Ruby had been gossip buddies since Ruby had started working in the diner. Gus always sat back when they got started and hummed every so often, telling her that he was 'listening'. She shook her head at her late husband as she pushed her walker to the diner door.

She had seen Ruby talking to the new Sherriff as she approached. Hopefully she would get a chance to talk to the young woman. She had a bone to pick with her about the Mayor…

She walked inside. She heard Ruby say something, but she hadn't turned her hearing aid on yet… she didn't like to be bothered really unless it was with Ruby, so… she just tuned the rest of the world out most of the time. She judged based on what she saw a lot of the time as she sat and people-watched… a favorite hobby.

"Ehh? What did you say dear?" Norma turned to her favorite little gossip girl and began trying to turn the hearing aid on. She could see Ruby repeating herself like she always did before Norma turned the device on, but she still didn't get it all as she sat down in her chair. She supposed Ruby would be asking what she wanted for lunch… that's usually how their sessions started… "Oh yes, Ruby dear, I think chicken noodle soup sounds good." When Ruby just smiled and nodded at her she knew that that had to have been what she asked her, "How are you today?" She always wanted to know how the young brunette was.

Ruby bent down and got in Norma's face… Norma's cover was blown and she knew it… Guess that wasn't what she asked me… She thought as Ruby took her knee. Ruby only took a knee when Norma hadn't yet put in her ears, "I'm doing much better now that my best friend is here…" She said loudly with a smile.

Norma poked at Ruby. It was her way of telling Ruby how much she liked her… and Ruby's patience with an old bat like her, "Oh, you…"

Ruby spoke again before standing, "I'm going to get your soup… You need to fix that hearing aid of yours if we're going to get through our afternoon gossip…" She winked at Norma then got up.

Norma just smiled at her young friend and adjusted her earpiece before taking in her surroundings again. She saw the Sherriff smiling at her. Just as she was about to pick her bone with Emma, the bone itself walked in. She tilted her head as she watched the Mayor go straight to the Sherriff and sit down across from her.

She watched their entire exchange:

"What can I do for you Madam Mayor?"

"Sherriff, we've been over this. I can only repeat myself so many times…"

"Madam Mayor, I will not leave the town. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've planted those roots you were so concerned it… And as much as you hate to admit it, I am apart of Henry's life."

"Not that… No, you've intruded too much and I've accepted that—"

"No you haven't."

"No I haven't, but whether you can tolerate it or not, you are a part of Henry's life now. There is no more running."

"You don't think I don't know that?"

"I don't know what goes on in that pretty blonde head of yours. I am only saying that if you do run, I will hunt you down and bring you back here myself if I have to."

"I'd like to see that."

"I bet you would…"

I just don't see how they don't see it… She supposed it was like those magic eye puzzle things… once you see lady liberty in the mess of pattern, you can't not see it ever again… She knew that she was going to have to do something to help them along… She knew she was going to have to give that friendly push she always talked to Gus about today. He had missed what else the Mayor had said as she thought about this, but the look on Emma's face as she spoke only led her to want to push two people in love faster than she could plot.

"Yes, Regina?"

Norma saw Ruby come around with their meals… and hopefully hers too, "Madam Mayor." Ruby greeted with a slight, sarcastic curtsy. She had to grin at the girl… she always had a way with getting away with a lot…

"Ruby… Thank you dear."

"You're welcome." She smiled and walked over to Norma, giving her, her soup.

"You were saying?"

Norma barely understood what the Sherriff had said as it was said through a mess of food, Oh now… the Mayor will never accept those manners in her house..or her bed, but there has to be a way… She thought as Ruby set her soup down in front of her, "Thank you dear…" She looked up at Ruby gratefully.

"You're welcome Miss Norma… are you about ready to gossip?" She asked as she looked around, "Oh! Hold that thought, I need to go check on a few tables… I'll be right back though… we will at least get dessert, okay?"

Norma could only smile at the young girl, "Of course Ruby."

Norma turned back to watching the Mayor and the Sherriff… She vaguely listened as they talked about their son… another reason two people in love should be together… but that's just Norma's opinion… She more thought of how she was going to approach them and tell them outright just how right they were for each other when she heard: "So, who will you be schtupping now? Dr. Whale? Sidney?" Norma's head shot up and she quickly became invested… if the Mayor was…schtupping someone, that would definitely put a damper on her plans… She almost forgot about her meal as she watched the scene unfold.

"Miss Swan—"

"Miss? Your porking someone again and you want me to be with our son while you do, and I'm the one being reduced in title?"

"Sctupping? Porking?"

"Well, that's what you're doing… Right?"

"I told you I have meetings…business to handle…"

"Yeah, you'll be handling business… You'll be at meetings in which you're getting a hot beef injection…"

A hot beef injection? Why Sherriff your words are so flattering… Norma thought sarcastically, but listened intently to this long list of names for sex that she had never heard before… If Gus were here, she would definitely be hearing his big belly laugh. Emma continued on though and it distracted from her reminiscing.

"You know, putting some beef in your taco…"

All Norma did was shake her head and grin at the young woman's language… if only she had been as creative… She was as creative; she just never let Gus and her get to this point in flirtation… not that they ever could have really… Gus didn't have a rumor floating around him about his scheduled extracurriculars, and she was brought up to carry on and on like the Sherriff seemed to like… even though she did sometimes…

"Shaking the sheets, getting it on, bumpin' uglies… Sweeping the chimney, shucking the oyster, riding the bologna pony…"

"Miss Swan!" Thank you Madam Mayor… Now… Just tell her how you feel… Norma almost wanted to hold her breath… but Emma got started again. Don't get Norma wrong, it was completely entertaining listening to the Sherriff, but she has other bones to pick… like with that schoolteacher Mary what's-her-name/the Sherriff's roommate and that young man that came out of a coma… She only has so much time left on this earth and she needs to pick all these bones before it's too late… But the Sherriff continued on anyways…

"What? You will!... You'll be knockin' boots, gettin' busy. In your meetings you'll really be getting down to business, dancing the horizontal tango… You'll be boning down, getting freaky, and I'll bet someone's gonna be tapping ass… You'll be boinking and banging, humping and grinding…"

"Are you quite finished?"

"Yeah, I'm done… So who is it?"

There it is… that's the same look Gus used to give me when he was asking if he had heard right about my many gentlemen callers… Norma smirked at the Sherriff's obvious jealousy towards whichever man the Mayor was sleeping with.


What's this? The same question I asked Gus every time he asked me about my gentlemen callers? Is this all a game, Madam Mayor? Norma of course knew that she would never receive a direct answer, but she was positive she wouldn't need one… she's play the game before, she knows all the moves…

"Who are you going to…" Norma watched as the Sherriff made an 'o' with one hand and started thrusting two of her other fingers through it, instead of saying yet another word for sex. Oh dear Lord… that's just the least classiest thing I've ever seen in my life… I love it. Norma thought through the blonde's motions.

"I am not—"

"Just like you weren't fucking Graham late at night in your house while our son was asleep just down the hall?"

"How did you—?"

"I'm not just a rockin' bod, and a pretty face. I caught him coming out of your window."

"My, my Sherriff… If I didn't know better, I'd say you wish that was part of the Sherriff's job description…"

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you wanted it too."

She watched the two of them realize just how close they had gotten. She knew it was the perfect time for that… push… Well… if everyone thinks I'm old and senile, let them… She thought just before she looked around for Ruby to yell so not only the Sherriff and Mayor heard, but everyone would… because everyone needed to see just how right they were for each other… and really, what better way than this?

"Ruby!" She finally saw her behind the counter. "Just when did the Mayor become a lesbian?"

Shes aw her young friend's face light up and her jaw dropped… This was something they had discussed repeatedly, so she knew she wasn't the only one that saw their chemistry… Norma saw that Ruby was still managing a smile and trying to keep from laughing at her question.

"Norma!" Ruby laughed out.

"What? I only caught about every fifth word, but those girls are head over heals!" She had caught everything obviously… but only Ruby would ever know that for sure as she winked over to her young friend before she stood up, grabbed her walked and began making her way over to two cherry red faces.

"Mrs. Winston, I'm not—" Regina started but Norma wouldn't have ever let her finish… this was the 21st century for crying out loud… she was hip. She just saw love where love was due anyhow… always had.

"Mayor, it's okay… All of the town will still vote for you… Nobody will run it as efficiently as you…" Norma had to throw this last part in because it was the truth, "Besides no one wants the job, anyways." She looked over to the Sherriff and back to the Mayor… Time to play 'senile old lady' again She grinned a bit as she said, "You and your uh… Your wife are just like Gus and me back in the day. Young and in love… but the take charge kind of person. Oh no one thought we would make it, but we showed them…" She said as she placed a hand on the Mayor's shoulder, "Just as you'll show us." She leaned over to the Sherriff, "Right?"

"Right!" The Sherriff almost yelled happily.

Well, at least I got to one of you…

"Emma!" Regina seethed.

The Sherriff ignored 'her wife,' "We will, Norma!" She nodded her head once in affirmation as Norma smiled once more before leaving the two of them.

She looked over and winked at Ruby once more before she opened the door and headed out. She saw the Sherriff take the Mayor's hand and kiss it. Oh, now… sometimes, it's just too easy…. She thought as she made her way back home. She would take care of her next project later in the week, but first she wanted to make sure that she didn't need to give them a bigger push…