I've seen plenty of fanart with Suika wearing Reimu's clothes and exposing her lolita oni armpits, but I don't recall seeing anything where Suika actually fills in Reimu's occupation as Hakurei miko. That's why I wrote this; so that the tsurupettan would have a big responsibility. Two obscure PC-98 characters appear in this chapter, and they were both even in the same game :D

On a totally unrelated note, I think more fanfics where other characters become shrine maidens (like this one or my Rumia/Kogasa fic) should be written; I'm sure they'd be a good thing, especially with humorous characters like Suika!


"Nooo…ten more minutes." Suika didn't want to wake up, much to Reimu's annoyance and dismay.

"You said that an hour ago!"

"But I'm sleepy~"

"Too bad, get up." Dragging the tsurupettan oni outside by her arm, Reimu tossed the oni on the stone path in front of the shrine where the midday sun would get right into her eyes.

"Ow!" Getting up to her feet and popping the cork off her legendary gourd of endless sake, Suika asked "What's up your armpits today?" SLAM! Next thing the soon-to-be drunken oni knew, her forehead was covered in a yin-yang shaped bruise. "Quit hitting me!"

"Yukari's got me going to the outside world to resolve an incident there that could threaten Gensokyo if it's left unchecked, so I need you to make yourself useful and fill in for me as shrine maiden until I get back since I'll be gone for quite a while, alright?"


"Suika," Reimu said, clearly getting more frustrated by the second. "You eat all my food, sleep wherever you damn please, and you don't pay me a single yen of rent for it. Either you do this simple task for me, or you'll have to find somewhere else to be a freeloader."

"That's quite a proposal," Suika said, taking a large sip out of her gourd. The drunkenness would soon follow, and Suika would be at 100% Suika-ness. "I really like this shrine; it's pretty and comfortable, and pretty comfortable too. It's where everybody gets together to have parties when incidents are solved, and Yukari comes here a lot, so…yeah, I'd love to be the shrine maiden!"

"Good," Reimu said as a gap opened behind her. It seemed that Yukari was here the whole time; just on the other side of the border between visible and invisible. "Keep the place clean, solve whatever minor incidents occur, and try not to destroy the place." Reimu stepped into the gap, it closed, and like that, no more Reimu in Gensokyo.

"Hmm…I'm the Hakurei miko now."

"Quite an occasion," Yukari said, gapping onto the shrine grounds in front of Suika. "I'd say something like this calls for a celebration."

"Yeah! You go spread the news; I have to go put on Reimu's clothes!" No Hakurei miko was complete without the red and white armpit-revealing outfit that probably defined Reimu more than her shrine. Suika knew where to find the changes of clothes Reimu kept; she'd been freeloading here for quite some time so she knew where to find most everything. And Reimu told her to keep the place clean, solve incidents, and…what else, again?

Sunset; Hakurei Shrine…

"Quite a party, ze," Marisa said, indulging herself in a sip of sake from a dish filled with the finest sake from Suika's bottomless gourd. Having an oni like this at the party meant drinks for everybody! "I wonder if-" CRASH! The grounds of the shrine shook fiercely for a brief moment, but before long, it was done with. "Was that an earthquake, ze?"

"Nah, any oni…or even anybody who -hic- lives in Former Hell long enough can tell ya. That's -hic- the sound of oni wrestling!" Running over to the scene to see who would win, Suika was willing to put heavy money on Yuugi. Three of the Four Devas were at this party to celebrate their friend becoming Hakurei miko, and the fight breaking out was Yuugi against an enemy of the last miko; Konngara. "Grab her by the horn," Suika shouted to the two wrestling oni, particularly to Yuugi. "Grab Konngara by -hic- the horn, Yuugi! Like you do when we fight!"

"Don't help her," Konngara shouted back. "Yuugi the Strong needs no help in a fight!" SLAM! The Astral Knight was slammed into the stone path in front of the shrine, breaking the stones into little more than gravel. "Oww…I forfeit."

"Ha-ha, it was fun while it lasted," Yuugi said, pulling her black-haired friend up to her feet. "An oni doesn't need a sword, Konngara. You've gotta ditch that metal stick of yours and learn to fight with your own two fists; I'm sure Kasen would be happy to teach you. If you see her, make sure to ask her where she was tonight; Suika being a shrine maiden's a big deal!"

"That it is." Looking over to the oni miko herself, Konngara asked "Being the Hakurei miko, if I caught up with Gensokyo right, means you'll have quite a few things to worry about."

"Things to worry about," Suika asked, but not before another massive swig of saké. "What kind of -hic- things?"

"Poverty," Konngara started, going over the list. "I hear Yukari makes annoying company, but I doubt a good friend of yours like that is going to be annoying. And then there is one more thing to worry about. An old friend of mine; we met in Hell."

"Oh? No wonder none -hic- of the other oni couldn't find you; you weren't even in Former Hell!"

"That's…a long story. Anyway, this friend of mine. She's a magician, and a damn strong one too. She's been around for a real long time and last I heard from her, she was trying to take the Hakurei miko's powers."

"I bet I could take her; I'm -hic- an oni after all."

"Not to mention one of the Four Devas. Anyway, her name is Mima and-"

"Did somebody say Mima, ze?" How Marisa heard Konngara from across the shrine's grounds, or how she got across said grounds that fast, was anybody's guess. Perhaps some kind of minor teleportation spell taught to her from the green-haired goddess herself. "What, is she coming back or something?"

"Can't say for sure." Looking to Suika and Yuugi, the Astral Knight said "You two should enjoy the sunset; I hear it's quite a sight to envy from here. Besides, any friend of Mima is a friend of mine so I'd like to get a little more acquainted with my new friend here." Waiting for the other two oni to disperse (literally, in Suika's case) Konngara turned to Marisa again. "If she does, I'll be the first to hear about it since we're close friends and we both live in Hell. I'll be sure to deliver the message…what's your name again?"

Between bites (and not bothering to swallow the current bite) of a chicken leg, Marisa said "Marisa Kirisame, ze. Pleased to meet ya, and you're?"

"Konngara. Astral Knight Konngara. Mima's talked about you, you know." Cue spit take. Konngara barely had time to blink before her face was covered in cooked chicken flesh. No big deal; this was a lively party and Marisa was pretty drunk for a human, so this one time, it would go forgiven. Pulling the otherwise tasty food off her face, the oni continued "She would usually talk about her human apprentice named Marisa, and that she's been wondering how you're holding up without her."

"I'm doing great, ze," Marisa said, once again not bothering to swallow her food. Put some alcohol in Marisa's system, and manners go out the window. "I've been inventing new spells, and I've been nearing the cap of my potential, ze. I do miss her, though. Not a day goes by that I don't miss Mima-sama, ze."

"I can't blame you." Konngara sat down on the ground beneath a tree, and looked up at the stars, taking a sip from a sake dish her own. "Mima's quite the person. Charismatic, refined, intelligent…"

"Hands off my Mima-sama."

"Oh, I didn't plan on anything like that!" Offering some of her sake to Marisa, which the witch hastily accepted, Konngara explained "Her and I are just friends. We both understand it and plan to keep it that way. You know, you're a bit like her yourself."

"Glad you think so, ze."

Five in the morning; Hakurei Shrine…

"Well, it's -hic- getting late," Yuugi slurred, stumbling her drunken way out the doors of the shrine. "See ya -hic- later, buddy."

"Buh-bye," Suika happily said, giving her friend an exaggerated wave goodbye. This was one hell of a party, and like always, Suika was the life of the party. Everybody got drunk, had a good time complete with excellent food and drink supplied by Yukari, and by now Suika could hardly stand up. Yes, she'd just crash here, against the wall of the shrine. No doubt if Yukari thought it was a bad idea, she'd move Suika onto a bed, so there wasn't anything wrong with it. Or at least, there wouldn't be anything wrong with it if Suika could fall asleep. This annoying little green firefly kept distracting her! Only one way to solve the problem; kill it!

SLAM! Suika's oni fist rammed as hard as it could right onto the floor where the firefly, leaving a sizable hole in the floor. "Oops…well, I -hic- killed the firefly so -hic- I'm sure…"


"Ha!" This was a pretty skilled firefly; it evaded Suika's attack and now was right behind her! "Then it's a fight, firefly!" SLAM! Suika's fist flew right through the wall to try and kill the firefly, only…she missed again. Now it was on the table. SLAM! Another miss!

A good fifty slams later…

"…" Suika couldn't see the firefly anymore. Either she killed it, or scared it off. Either one was fine with her. She'd ran all around the shrine, and couldn't get it, but now that wasn't a problem anymore. It lead her back outside near the end of Suika's intoxicated pursuit, so she'd just have to go back inside the shrine and… "Crap!" She destroyed it! Looking at the leveled Hakurei Shrine, Suika took another swig of saké to quench the thirst she worked up in the pursuit of that damned firefly. And then, as bad luck would have it, that damn firefly came back again! "It's all -hic- your fault," Suika said angrily, pointing right at the green glowing insect. "Thanks to you, you -hic- dumb firefly, I went -hic- and destroyed the shrine!"

"My fault," the firefly hissed back, glowing even brighter.

"Hey! Fireflies -hic- don't talk! Stop talking, fire-hic-fly!"

"Firefly?" In a bright-as-day flash of green light, the firefly was gone, with a tall green-haired woman standing in its place. "Who on earth ever said I was a lowly firefly?"

"Hey~" SLAP!

"Focus. That may be a little tough in your drunken state, but focus, Suika. I need to ask you a very important question."

"I don't answer -hic- to strangers. Reimu -hic- told me it was bad to talk to strangers."

"Ugh…my name is Mima. I need to ask you a very important question, Suika, so I need you to focus…" SLAP! Another red mark on Suika's face, this time because her gaze drifted from Mima to a squirrel climbing up a tree. "Focus, dammit!"

"Oh, alright…whatcha need, -hic- Mima?"

"You may wear the uniform, but you aren't a Hakurei shrine maiden."

"Ya. Reimu had me -hic- fill in for her."

"Where's Reimu at, Suika?"

"Gone. Like, -hic- poof, outta Gensokyo. She went -hic- to the outside world," Suika explained, her words getting more and more slurred with each passing syllable, becoming barely intelligible by the time she was finished talking. "Yukari says she's gotta solve something there~"

"I see…" Well, no big deal. Mima wasn't here for the Hakurei power; far from it. Time passed differently in Hell than it did in Gensokyo, and what seemed like only a few years here was at least a thousand in Hell, and during those thousand years, Mima had time to think. "Mind if I stick around until she gets back? I need to speak with Reimu."

"I'm -hic- the miko, so whatever you can tell her…" Thud. Suika was passed out like a drunken and snoring light bulb.

"…" No matter. The shrine appeared to be rather destroyed; Mima had to trick Suika into doing that so that the seals keeping her in Hell would get destroyed as well; that silly little firefly avatar was all she was able to do until just recently. Time to put her magic to the test after so long, it would seem. Pointing her palms toward the wrecked shrine, the rubble of the Hakurei Shrine began to glow with a faint green light…


Chillaxed Mima-sama makes for a mellow end to a hectic start of this bizarre fanfic. Much of me wants to have a few silly chapters starring Mima where she tries to sabotage Marisa's harem one-by-one~