A/N: Don't worry, the original characters in this story don't play a major part. They're mainly just here for show. =) I'm not particularly fond of original characters.

a note - i am a sarcastic humorist. bear with me. thanks to elly for bearing with me while i complained and bitched about this story. also for proofreading. Even though she hasn't yet. =)

Mister Bunny was a very cautious rabbit. He never strayed far from his home or favorite clover patch, and never, not once, entered the realm of those noisy, grating creatures that clogged his precious air with smoke and other polluting substances. Oh no, not Mister Bunny. He was more than content with Misus Bunny and their handful of some fifty children (it was a wonder if the forgetful Mister Bunny could ever remember any of his children's names!).

As said before, Mister Bunny was a very cautious about everything. Not only was he cautious, but he was, not surprisingly, neurotic. One might even venture to call him a spaz. But the careful were usually the smart, though. Mister Bunny couldn't count on his fuzzy little paws just how many times he'd come back from his strenuous work at the cabbage patch to hear about how one of his many friends had been caught victim to those strange mechanical monsters. He also couldn't pretend he hadn't heard the dreamy whispers about what was on the other side of the blistering, sparkling, black land. However, unlike the other rabbits, there was no way he was going toy with fire. Those humongous, toxic spewing monsters practically lived on the glamorous black land, racing back and forth at mind-blowing speeds! No way, Mister Bunny was much too prudent for that.

Unfortunately, Mister Bunny wasn't exposed to the real world yet.

"HELL YEAH!" a distinctly female voice crowed at the top of her lungs, accompanied by a loud roar. Since Mister Bunny hadn't been exposed to the real world, and he had no idea that those monsters were commonly known as 'cars' in the human world, he also did not know what off-roading meant.

"To the seven gods above!" another voice cried in terror, but at that point it was impossible to distinguish the gender of the other character. The roar of the engine had become too loud.

Mister Bunny was terrified. He had no idea which way to go, since he was not able to see the monster creating all that noise. To him it sounded like it was coming from all directions. He could feel the rocks tremble under his tiny toes and the dirt quivering in anticipation.

Mister Bunny never had a chance.

"YEAH!" the first voice shouted gleefully, and suddenly the monstrosity came into Mister Bunny's view. All the somewhat dull rabbit could do was stare.

"Yuffie!" the second voice cried out. If one were to look into the surprisingly small car, they would see a young man clutching to the armrest for his dear life. And if one were to look even closer at this rather attractive young man, they might notice that, surprisingly, his pupils were dilated to the point where only a small fraction of his gray irises could be seen. "Heavens! Slow down!"

Unfortunately for Mister Bunny, this 'Yuffie' ignored the young man and all but sped up. Mister Bunny turned tail to flee, but almost as soon as he turned around, the monster was on top of him.

Poor, poor Mister Bunny.

A few minutes later, the small clearing was once again thrown back into its peaceful serenity, disturbed only by two long tire tracks indenting its once immaculate soil and a small, white rabbit lying between them. After a few moments, Mister Bunny regained his senses and pulled himself to his feet, his red eyes as wide and bug-eyed as they could get.

Mister Bunny ran like all hell.

If rabbits could smoke, Mister Bunny would have been on his second pack by now.

Off-Road
Chapter One: To be a princess. by Clara


"I hate you," the young man flat out growled as he shakily stepped out of the small car. He leaned heavily against the now-soiled door after slamming it shut, then raked his fingers through his messy hair. Yuffie grinned as she mimicked him, shutting the door much more carefully than he did.

"Ah, stuff it. You know you had fun."

"Loathe you."

"Aw, is my big brave cousin trembling?" Yuffie mocked, swiping a bit if mud from her side mirror. She frowned at her dirty finger for a moment, then wiped it on the side of her pants.

"Despise."

"Ha! I've rendered you to one word answers, cuz I'm so cool like that," Yuffie grinned smugly. Unnecessarily, she locked the doors.

"Abhor."

"See, now your vocabulary is just getting silly. Come on, we'll be late, and we don't want to leave daddy waiting."

"No, of course we wouldn't," the young man agreed, after finding his vocal chords and making better use of them. "That way I can tell your dad what a complete lunatic you are!"

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Yeesh, Keilana, calm down. It's not like there was any other way to get here.."

"Oh, I don't know," Keilana said with exaggerated calm. "The road is the first thing that comes to mind, for me.."

"And face all that traffic? Hell no. I can't understand why people don't carpool. I mean, it would be so much better for nature."

"This coming from the girl who just went rocketing through what's supposed to be a dense forest area! Forest! I think you ran over at least twelve families of squirrels! Don't give me any of that 'save the nature' crap!" Keilana exploded. The young girl watched him with mock tolerance, before starting to walk to her original destination.

"Those squirrels are becoming a nuisance, anyway. Too many of them, if you ask me. Lord knows they're spreading rabies or something to the more important animals, like rabbits." Irony was twisted, once in awhile.

"Yuffie," Keilana heaved a great sigh, before following after the younger girl. "You're supposed to be a princess."

"Yeah? You're point?"

"I don't know," Keilana said, sarcastically, "but the last time I checked, trying to four-wheel in a small car wasn't in the job description for being a princess."

Yuffie laughed uproariously at that, smacking Keilana with surprising strength for someone as small as her on the back. Keilana reeled a couple of steps forward, then glared at the smaller girl. "Job description! Ha! That's rich, Kei. You make it sound as if I can quit this job whenever I want to!"

A Freudian slip is more commonly known as a 'slip of the tongue'. This happens, of course, when someone accidentally says something that reflects on their unconscious thoughts. Yuffie practiced this technique at that moment when she made the quip about 'quitting her job'. Unfortunately, Keilana was too focused on being mad at her to notice her Freudian slip.

As mature as Keilana liked to make himself appear to others, there were times when he was just as immature as the young girl walking in front of him. He was proving this theory right by giving Yuffie the silent treatment.

Yuffie, however, seemed quite content with this. She was busy examining her homeland with proud eyes, hands jammed in the pockets of her rather baggy cargo pants. Before she knew it, she was at her father's temple.

As much as her family got in her case about how she wasn't the stereotypical proper princess, this land was going to be hers. All hers. She would be the most awesome ruler in the..

"Yuffie Jezebel Kisaragi!"

..world.

Yuffie jumped, then was suddenly nose to nose with a very livid squarish face. She blinked a couple of times, almost unable to make the connection that the person in front of her was her father.

"Hi, Godo!" Yuffie chirped rather cheerfully. A blind man could tell that her father was, to put it lightly, exasperated.

"What on earth are you doing driving off-road?! In an automatic, no less!" the older man growled. The future leader of Wutai snuck an accusing look at Keilana, who just looked smug. "Do you realize how dangerous that is? That you could have gotten injured? You might have even hurt the car! Honestly..."

Yuffie blinked at her father. His words were floating through one ear and right out the other. Actually, he amusingly sounded like the adults from that old cartoon she used to watch. What was the name of that show again?

"...no respect? You might have hurt Keilana, too! Do you know how much trouble we would have gotten in if your cousin was in any way injured? Your uncle is not a forgiving man, young lady!"

Oh yeah. Peanuts. She always did like Snoopy.

"..which is why I'm sending you away to get the proper training as a princess."

Yuffie blinked. Then blinked again. For the hell of it, she blinked one more time. Her father had just completed a one-eighty and leapt completely off-tangent from his original rant. At least, she thought. So she hadn't been really listening to Godo..

Hmm. How was she going to respond to this new predicament. Ah, yes.

"WHAT?!"

Godo winced. He had prepared himself for the tantrum he knew was come along with his order, but no amount of preparation could ready him for the banshee shriek that came from her lips.

"You heard me right," Godo said sternly. Yuffie stared at him in flat out disbelief, and even Keilana looked surprised. Godo ignored them both. "Do you remember your friend, Reeve?"

"Of course I remember Reeve! What does this have to do with anything, though?!" Yuffie paused and took a deep breath, preparing herself for a long-winded rant. Unfortunately, this gave Godo a chance to talk.

"I had a chat with him."

This knocked Yuffie off balance. In fact, if she hadn't been such an awesome ninja (as she told herself every day), she would have probably collapsed in surprise. "Wh-what? Y-you hate anything that has to do with Shin-Ra.." Her rant momentarily fell from her mouth with a 'woosh' of breath.

"He wouldn't stop pestering me, actually," Godo said, sounding a little uncomfortable. Yuffie silently chalked one up for Reeve. "He brought up the keen point on how you would need the proper training for being a princess.."

Yuffie destroyed the point she had chalked up for Reeve and made it impossible for any other points to be upped for him.

"..and somehow managed to convince me, after several hours, to allow you to be trained under him."

"WHAAAAAAAT?!"

Keilana smacked his hands over his sensitive, slightly pointed ears and winced. Yuffie had a wonderful set of lungs on her.

"But.. but..!" Yuffie spluttered, windmilling her arms slightly. To say her father caught her by surprise would be putting it lightly. Very lightly. "But you hate Shin-Ra! Despise it! Loathe it! Abhor it! Wutai had a war with it!" she cried, using a bit of her newly learned vocabulary. "Why on earth would you want to send your only daughter there?!"

"Hated the old Shin-Ra," Godo corrected passively. "And Reeve was a bit.. ah.. persuasive."

"What did he do, threaten you?" Yuffie snorted in disgust.

"No, blackmail."

This time, Yuffie's disgust turned genuine. Of course. Leave it to her father. "I don't get it, though! Why would Reeve.. the new leader of Shin-Ra, of all people, would want to train me!"

"That," Godo said, relieved to see that Yuffie's puzzlement temporarily replaced her anger. That gave him time to escape, "is for you to find out on your own. You will be leaving Friday evening, so I suggest getting everything packed." With that note of finality, Godo quickly walked off before Yuffie could remember her fury.

Unfortunately for Keilana, who was just standing there in surprise, she remembered it rather quickly.

Ensue chaos.

*

Friday rolled around much to quickly for Yuffie's comfort, and before she knew it she found herself sitting on her favorite bridge and waiting for her doom to arrive. Keilana was sitting beside her quietly, not speaking in fear of being subjected to her infamous temper.

"Wutai hates Shin-Ra," Yuffie growled, startling Keilana. "So what does Wutai do? Send their future leader to be trained under them. I don't get it. Even though Reeve is a friend, why does he want to train me, and why is my father letting him? What's this blackmail Reeve's got on him? Lord, Kei, I'm going to go insane."

"Reeve is a friend," Keilana repeated. Yuffie nudged a pebble she was playing around with into the placid water, disturbing a koi fish.

"Yeah?"

"Then why are you so dead-set on not going?"

Yuffie snorted. She was not about to explain practically her whole life story to her cousin. Besides, she had.. other reasons for why she didn't want to go.

"No good reason?" Keilana guessed. She glared at him, but didn't answer. "I'm surprised, actually. I thought you'd be jumping at the chance to get out of here. I mean, you leave every chance you get, what makes this time any different?"

"You wouldn't understand," Yuffie growled. "You're not a princess."

For a moment, Keilana understood. Wisely, though, he kept his mouth shut.

Another thing that bugged Yuffie that she would never tell her surrogate brother (they had been very close as children, so she had named him her brother even though they were already cousins) was that although her subjects seemed mildly disappointed at her departure, that was about it. They seemed to agree in unison that training would be good for her.

That annoyed her to no end. Was she not good enough for the people of Wutai? Sure, she was a little.. eccentric..

Before she could continue this disturbing line of thoughts, she was interrupted by a loud chopping sound and a heavy gust of wind. Not to her surprise, a jet black helicopter came into view, then sped overhead to land in the clearing Yuffie and Keilana had previously careened through.

Poor Mister Bunny. If a rabbit could be an alcoholic, Mister Bunny would be popping the cap off a Jack Daniel's right about now.

Yuffie dropped her head in her hands, letting out a long groan. "Kei, tell me this is all a bad dream and that I'll wake up, all safe and snug in my bed? Please?"

Much too soon, the roar of the helicopter died and excited shouts came from the clearing. Yuffie briefly wondered if she could will these strangers from her land with her non-existent psychic power. She wasn't surprised when those voices came closer. To her displeasure, her father's voice was among this disarray of voices.

Keilana placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Hey, kid, you never know. Maybe this experience will turn out for the best."

"As if," Yuffie snorted, then pulled herself to her feet. She glanced down at her taller cousin and offered him a half-hearted, crooked grin. "Well, I'll see you when I see you, Kei." She picked up her large duffel bag and stomped towards her doom.

Keilana sighed, then wondered if this 'Reeve' person would be able to handle his overzealous cousin for more than a day. Then he wondered if there was any way he could tape Yuffie's visitation. He needed a good laugh.

*

"Hello!" Reeve greeted cheerfully when he saw the young princess. He couldn't help glancing over Yuffie, not in a way a man might check out a woman, but in a way to.. observe her. She didn't pull off the 'princess' status in appearances, that was for sure. She had kept her hair in a rakish crop-cut, and the outfit she was wearing was entirely unflattering. He mentally sighed. Even as she approached eighteen years old, she still hadn't grown out of her tomboyish stage. However, the beginnings of a rather lovely young lady were peeking through those defying gray blue eyes, and she was much more developed than she was when she was sixteen. That was a start.

"Yo," Yuffie almost growled, her hands still jammed in her pockets. As if to silently spite him, she slouched. Reeve snorted. Yes, he most definitely was going to have his work cut out for him, especially since she was so determined on making this as hard as she could for him.

"Are you all set?" Reeve asked politely. Yuffie and he had been able to form tenuous friendship over the past years, but he could see it being strained by his sudden disturbance of her life. But he wasn't about to let the ties of this friendship get in the way of his future plans.

Yuffie sighed and silently nodded, slumping over a bit further.

"Groovy!"

Yuffie choked. "Did you.. did you just say.. 'groovy'?" she asked. A tentative smile was touching her lips, and Reeve had the uncomfortable feeling that she was going to start laughing at him.

"Yes, is there something wrong with that?" he asked as he led her into the black helicopter. Black is not the right color to paint anything that flies that close as close as it did to the sun, keep in mind.

"Man, Reeve, get in the now," Yuffie said waspishly as she followed him, hauling along her oversized bag. "Groovy was soooo last century."

Unfortunately, in all her dismay at having to leave her home and be trained as a princess, Yuffie had forgotten about how she always got motion sick.

Heat, noise, and the bumpity-bump of the helicopter mix well together to make a healthy concoction of the worst motion sickness Yuffie ever had in her life.

*

To save some from the gruesome detail of the flight (Yuffie had gone through several paper bags throughout the trip), they landed a good two hours after they took off, much to Yuffie's dismay. Two hour was a long time.

However, as soon as the helicopter landed, Yuffie somehow regained her use of her legs and fled from the stuffy 'copter, trembling from head to toe. She hated.. hated flying.

To her surprise, she was standing in the middle of a plush green field filled with every flower imaginable. A devious smile touched her lips.

..She wanted her car. Driving, for some reason, never made her motion sick. Even though one would hesitate to call her the safest driver in the world..

Okay, so they would deny it ruthlessly. Whichever.

Unfortunately, though, her car was a good thousand miles away from her at the moment. That reminded her of her current situation, in which she decided that glaring at her 'captor' was the best possible pastime. Too bad for her, though, as Reeve just ignored her and started walking towards a rather.. polite looking town. Stuffy, if she wanted to be rude.

With a tall building right smack in the middle of it.

"You haven't disappointed me, Reeve," Yuffie said caustically, shouldering her huge duffel bag and swallowing the remnants of the corrosive bile biting at the back of her throat. "Your company is just as noxious as usual."

"Save your smartass comments for your teachers," Reeve said most irritably. Anyone would be irritable if they had to spend two hours with a whining brat.

"Teachers?" Yuffie repeated in surprise. "But.. but.. I thought.."

"That I was going to teach you?" Reeve asked, chuckling as they started to walk towards the town. "Really, Yuffie, I'm much too busy to teach. But don't worry, I'll come and visit you often. However.."

"Reeve!" a surprisingly, terrifyingly, and down right nerve-wrackingly familiar voice cried.

"..here's one of your teachers. Hello, Elena!"

Yuffie screamed internally.

Elena appeared into view, her sun-ripened blonde hair windblown; half from the slight breeze that danced over the field, and half from running towards the helicopter. The pilot of the helicopter abruptly took to the air, almost ironically, and tossed all their hair in a frenzy. It was almost as if the pilot wanted to add to Yuffie's already hideous day.

Elena stopped her mad dash towards Reeve and stared at Yuffie, before whirling on the other man. Her face was a picture of fury. "When you said I was going to have to help teach some girl how to be a proper young lady, I didn't think you meant some Avalanche brat!" Elena bit out after the helicopter disappeared over the trees, folding her arms over her chest. Yuffie glared back at the girl, informing her through her eyes that she would also rather be anywhere but there. But that went unnoticed, since Elena wasn't paying attention to her.

Reeve opened his mouth to say something, but Yuffie beat him to it. "You.. you have no idea what you're doing, do you?" Yuffie asked, eyes widening in sudden realization. The new president of Shin-Ra took a step back in surprise. "This.. this is just an elaborate plan to.."

Elena's and Reeve's eyes both dilated in shock. When had this girl gotten so smart?

"..to kidnap me!" Yuffie finished with flourish. Both Reeve and Elena practically fell over in comic disbelief.

"Forget her being smart," Reeve commented, his eye twitching. "She's nothing but a spoiled brat!" He sighed, then pulled himself up with much dignity, brushing himself off. "I'll let you handle her." With those final words, Reeve hurried off, trying to make it look as if he wasn't running from the two girls. Elena shot a dirty look at his back.

"Hey! HEY! You owe me some explanations! Don't you DARE run away from me!" Yuffie hollered, chasing after Reeve. Elena stood still for a couple of moments, then sighed.

This definitely did not come in the job description of being a Turk.

.:end chapter one:.

Don't get me wrong. I love Elena. She's hilarious. Sorry for the re-upload. Some mistakes were just pissing me off too much.