A/N: Hey, hey fanfic people. So I kinda thought up this idea and have some plan about where I want this story to go. I know that the whole baby thing has been done time and time again, but this take adds a bit of a twist. You will see soon what I mean, but I'm sure some of you will predict it.
In response to the comments about I Only Miss You When I'm Breathing about adding a chapter focused on Leo, I'm thinking about it now. Not really sure what to write yet so that may not happen right away, but I will try to come up with something.
Also, I am sort of looking for a beta cause I noticed a lot of mistakes in my previous fic. If someone wants to help me out, just let me know and that would be awesome.
Tried So Hard and Got So Far:
They had been trying for months. Arizona Robbins, the woman who was forever against having her own children was trying to have a baby. The woman who had left multiple women over this issue was settling down and getting ready to start a family. On the outside, everything was fine. On the outside, Arizona put on a smile and never missed an OB appointment. On the inside; however, Arizona was slowly falling apart and a total mess. When she agreed to have a baby with Callie it was way more for the sake of keeping the beautiful woman in her life than wanting a baby. She convinced herself that she did want a baby and that everything would be okay because she didn't lose the love of her life over the issue. As the weeks went by and Callie became more obsessed with having a baby, Arizona became more opposed. She would never tell Callie this or act like this wasn't working for her, but it was starting to bubble up now.
At first they were trying to impregnate Callie, but it didn't work time and time again. Callie would be absolutely devastated and Arizona would pretend to be upset. In reality, every time the stick said they were not pregnant Arizona inwardly let out a sigh of relief because it gave her more time to not have to deal with the issue. After quite a while and a lot of negative outcomes, Callie had begged Arizona to try. Of course she didn't want to, but she couldn't say no to Callie. She was crying and her gorgeous big brown eyes pleaded with Arizona to do this for her. She had finally muttered a simple yes knowing she was just digging herself a deeper hole. They had the most amazing sex that night and then the whole process started over with Arizona.
Months of trying continued and more failed attempts. One Saturday morning Arizona was lying in bed reading alone. Callie had gotten called in the middle of the night for an emergency, so Arizona was getting some time to herself. Usually she would want to wake up with her lover and laze around in bed, but it was getting harder and harder for her to hide her true feelings.
"Hey Baby!" Callie said enthusiastically as she bounced into their room.
"Hi, you must be exhausted," Arizona responded looking up from the newspaper.
Callie crept across the bed and gave Arizona a deep kiss as she laid her body completely on top of the blonde.
"Usually I would be tired, but today's the day!"
"Did I forget about something? There are definitely no anniversaries or birthdays anytime around here."
"I grabbed some pregnancy tests and its time to take a test. I can just feel it. Our baby is in this beautiful belly," Callie sung as she moved down and kissed Arizona stomach. Arizona's heart sank. She could actually be pregnant. There was no going back when you were actually pregnant. They had so many negatives that she was starting to feel like this wasn't real and it was never going to happen. She sort of dragged her feet into the bathroom and took the test. Callie just took her odd demeanor as nervousness about wanting to be pregnant, so Arizona got away with not totally covering up her dread.
"Oh god Arizona, I can't look. What does it say?"
Arizona took a deep breath and looked at the stick: Not Pregnant. She breathed a sigh of relief and Callie broke down into tears.
"I—I just don't get it. So many stupid teenagers get pregnant by accident and here we are two amazing surgeons who would make wonderful parents and could support a child, but we can't get pregnant try after try."
"I'm sorry Calliope," Arizona said meaning a whole lot more than Callie even knew.
"Maybe we should implant more eggs next time, just to up the chances. Eventually it has to take right?"
"Calliope, maybe we should hold off for a while. We are so caught up in this that I feel like we aren't even us anymore."
"Hold off! You want to just put our family on hold because it isn't easy. How can you even say that?"
"Well, we have been trying for a long time and every negative makes you devastated. Then we try again and you get your hopes up and are sure this time is the time, but they crash down again anyway."
"I'm devastated because I want this more than anything. This is my dream, we can't just give up on my dream."
"I'm just saying maybe we should give it a rest for a while and just enjoy being together."
"We are not getting any younger Arizona and I know I want this, so I don't want to wait any longer. Maybe we should start looking into adoption."
"Yeah, people do that all the time. I really wanted to have a baby this way, but there is more than one way to start a family."
Arizona was starting to sweat and about to have some serious word vomit. She tried to keep it down, but then it just came out, "I don't want a baby Calliope."
"What? You don't want to adopt?" She said totally not comprehending that she meant any baby at all.
"No, I don't want to adopt and I don't want to make a baby. I don't want this."
"You have got to be kidding me?" Callie threw back getting extremely angry.
"Calliope, please just listen. I know I said that I want all of this and sometimes I convinced myself that I did, but I really just want you. I don't want a family, I just want to spend my life with you."
"You told me that we would be a family. You swore to me that you did want this," Callie said in disbelief.
"I know and I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have led you on like that. I was just so afraid to lose you and I know that saying no would have meant losing you. I couldn't take it because I love you so much, so I told you what you wanted to hear and just hoped that I would get used to the idea."
"I can't fucking believe you right now. God, I don't even know you at all."
"Calliope, don't say that. You know me, I'm the same person I was just minutes ago, I just don't want a baby. I know it was wrong to say I did, but I said it to keep you and then you were so insanely happy that I couldn't tell you the truth. Then when you begged me to try when it didn't work for you and I just wanted you to be happy again. All I ever wanted was to make you happy."
"You know what would make me happy? A family. What would make me happy is a partner who doesn't lie to me continually about something so important."
"I know," she admitted, "I screwed up so incredibly bad. You have to know that in my own way it was because I love you so much."
"Don't even say that to me right now. I don't even want to look at you!" Callie yelled as she stormed out of the bedroom.
Arizona followed her and watched as Callie grabbed her keys and turned around before exiting. "Don't you dare follow me Arizona!"
The sound of the door slamming rang in Arizona's ears and she knew right then and there what she had to do. It was over. She was being selfish trying to keep Callie and she needed to let her go. She couldn't give her a baby and fulfill her dreams, so she was going to have to let someone else do that.
As cowardly, pathetic, and messed up as it was Arizona decided to leave before Callie got back. She couldn't face her right now and everything about this situation was absolutely breaking her heart. The love of her life had just walked out the door and she couldn't get her back. All because she couldn't get over her fears and set in stone ways enough to want a baby. Arizona packed her things, then sat down and wrote her final goodbye. She hated herself even more for not having the balls to wait for Callie to get home and end things that way. Arizona didn't have the strength for that though because she knew that the moment she saw her again she wouldn't be able to let go.
Hours later Callie came back into a dark apartment. She didn't notice the note on the counter and went straight to the bedroom. Surprised that Arizona wasn't there, she looked in the bathroom. That's when she noticed. Arizona's toothbrush, perfume, blow-dryer, and other personal products were gone. She rushed into the bedroom and tore open the closet. Arizona's side was empty. Callie fell to the floor in a heap and sobbed for what felt like days. Eventually, she pulled herself off the ground and went to the kitchen in search of her phone. There on the counter was a note, no doubt a goodbye note.
This is honestly the hardest letter I have ever had to write because my eyes are flooded with tears and I feel like I can't function with my heart in so much pain. First of all, I am so deeply, deeply sorry for lying to you and not being honest about my feelings. I know you don't see it now, but I only did it because I love you so much. I couldn't bare to lose you and I honestly though that if I pretended long enough that I would end up wanting what you wanted. In the end I lost you anyway and just hurt you in the process. It was selfish and I should have let you go long ago. You are the most amazing and beautiful person I have ever met and I am a better person for being with you. I don't regret a single moment I spent with you because I'm positive you are the love of my life. Even though I don't get forever with you like I wanted, at least I got to be with you for a little while. I hope you find someone who can make all your dreams come true like you made all of mine come true and I am so sorry I couldn't be that person. I love you more than you will ever know, forever.
Callie noticed that Arizona's tears were all over the paper and now her own tears were mixed in. This was it; they were officially over forever. There wasn't really anywhere to go from here and Arizona didn't even leave her the option of trying to figure it out.
Alrighty! I have like two more chapters written and a basic plan for where I want this to go, but I'm totally up for comments and suggestions. Last story a lot of fan ideas went into shaping my plan so hit me up with that.