Hey, so I wanted to try my hand at comedy, so here I go! It may or MAY NOT make you laugh. (Probably not) -_-
BUT ENJOY ANYWAYS!
Go On Ahead
Link looked at Ghirahim, eyes focused, trying to plan the demon lord's death, and turn it into a reality. He held Zelda on his shoulder. The one person he searched for the entire time he was here. The main purpose for his actions was RIGHT THERE, passed out on the shoulder of the person he had to say he hated the most.
"The Goddess is mine, Link! Finally, after all the searching, she's mine! Aren't you happy? I sure am!"
"…Never, what? I'm standing right in front of the Gate of Time. I have her right here. I technically already got her, you know."
"Well, you still won't get far."
"…Alright, you've officially run out of things to say."
"I- ok you know what, just take her."
"I can't believe you're still… wait, what did you say?"
"You can have her! Just take the bitch!"
"No, it's not. I've spent the majority of my teenage years saving her ass from whatever situation she's in, and I'm tired of it. I try to get some FUCKING sleep, and here she is, yelling out the window for me to come and rescue her!"
"That's never happened."
"You don't know that! Unless… do you watch me while I sleep?"
"What! I… well…"
"Oh, great. So I've got my own stalker now? And it's you of all people!"
"I didn't admit to anything of the sort! Now I'll just take the girl, and I'll be on my way."
"Go on ahead! See if I give shit about it! I'll be the happiest boy in the world, in fact!"
Just then, Zelda (A.K.A. Hylia. Big difference, right? -_-) awoke from her slumber, only to find herself strapped to Ghirahim's shoulder. She kicked and screamed for a while, but sooner or later, she gained back her ability to speak.
"What's going on here?"
"Oh god now she's AWAKE. You should've taken her while you had the chance!"
"Link, what on earth are you talking about? Save me!"
"Oh, here she goes again!"
"Link! Fine, if you won't help me, then I'll just call rape!"
"Doesn't everyone do that around him?"
"Ah, yes, it's true, I'm afraid. You see, when I was five, I was a happy little demon child. Then my mother came over to me and…" Ghirahim continued on with his sob story while Link stepped behind him so he could talk to Zelda. (You guys were thinking wrong for a moment. I already could tell 0.e)
"Link, why aren't you rescuing me from this guy?"
"He's a bed intruder anyways. He'll just find a way into your room and get you there."
"But I don't… wait, how do you know that he's a bed intruder?"
"I… um… WELL…"
"What are you saying man?"
"Ok so here I was, sleeping in my bed. I turned over onto my side, and found that he was in my bed, watching me sleep, which leads me to believe that he is, in fact, a bed intruder."
"Oh. I thought…"
"…What were you thinking?"
"I don't know, I was just…"
"…As if I would even stoop that low!"
"I'm sorry! Oh look he's still talking."
Right on cue, the cameras pan over to Ghirahim, who is still ranting on about his life.
"…And then my mother told me that I was just… curious! What the fuck is "curious"? I mean, how should I know what that is?"
Link and Zelda stared at him in total and utter confusion.
"Since when has Ghirahim expressed real emotions?" Zelda asked quietly. Link responded,
"I don't… well, there was that one time."
"Um… you see, when I was in the Fire Sanctuary, there was an… altercation."
"It's not my fault that he got physical!"
"I didn't need to hear that"
The demon lord finished his sob story with a sigh and a wipe of his brow. "It's so tiring to tell such a story. Hey, were you even listening?"
"Um… no? Hey, could we just get on with the whole, "I'm taking the bitch and you can't stop me" thing?"
"Gladly. I'm taking the bitch, and you can't stop me!"
"You ruined it."
"Oh? Alright, then I'll just mosey on through this Gate here, and I'll just… awaken my master and you'll all meet your impending fate, I guess?"
"Yup, that's the plan."
"And then you'll rush in and stop me, and the bitch will live, right?"
"As much as I don't want to say it, yes, that's the plan."
"Ok, so… good?"
"Ok then. I'll see you on the other side… but I recommend saving the Goddess at around 10:45 at night so that it's dark, and there's an eerie effect, you know?"
"Yeah, that sounds like a nice setting. I'll be there."
Zelda screamed as Ghirahim walked slowly through the Gate of Time. "Link you bastard! When we get back to Skyloft, I'm going to kick your ass so hard, it'll fly off and stick to the wall!"
"Um… ok? That's kind of gross more than anything, really."
His sword flashed, and Fi jumped out in a more-than-gymnastic way. "Master, the probability of Demise awakening with Zelda in Ghirahim's hands is…"
"…We know. It's a good chance, right? Right. Yeah, now I'm gonna go sleep before it's 10:45. I have to be there around that time, and I'm sure that I'm expected to have a very hero-like entrance. I don't want to forget to get dressed, so I stumble in with my ass hanging out of my pants. Then again, I bet Ghirahim would like that. -_-"
I spent 30 minutes listening to the trololo song, a few seconds of the Family Feud episode about the NEKKID GRANDMA, a few My Name is Boxxy remixes, some of the whole, "Gingers have Souls" thinger, and the Backin' Up Song, and finally, the Bed Intruder Song. (DEAR GOD) I know this is a really shitty fic, but I didn't get ANY sleep last night…