Those Three Words
I cannot let him say it.
If he does, everything is doomed. My current lifestyle, my job, my reputation, everything. This golden ring is my leash. It reminds me of my place in this world, and as I take it off I know its influence still traps me, chains me to the person I have become: the great Xanthe Atros, respectable businessman and a married man. Taking it off will not make things better, no, because as much as I crave for it, freedom is impossible to reach.
I cannot get rid of this spell.
I know however that those words, those simple words coming from him, would free me forever. The first word would probably just draw my attention, prepare me for the blow. For sure it would be whispered, hesitant, shy as he is.
It would actually be the second word the architect of my demolition. Linneus looks at me, and I can clearly picture him saying it, his pink sweet lips (oh my god, so sweet…) forming the letters, letting the air go from his lungs and straight into my heart.
I am definitely not prepared for that word.
The third one would only be a confirmation, a coup de grace, of what the second word already implied.
Said by anyone else, those damn words would leave me cold. I know because Lilith said them once. I know because Ivette abuses them without regard to their importance almost every day.
None of them touched me. It was as if they were not directed at me, because I don't recall ever responding to them, or being surprised or glad. My heart did not skip a beat. Some people say I'm nothing but a monster. Am I? Sometimes I think they might be just a little bit right: no matter how hard they try, no one can convey those feelings to me.
But somehow, I suspect he can.
Those three words coming from Linneus would change everything. Smash it up and build it anew at the very same instant.
I am so very sorry for being a coward.
I cannot bargain my present and my future.
I cannot give it all up for you.
But don't misunderstand me, if you said that, I would. Right now, in this room, while I'm holding you and you are looking at me as if we are one, I would not reject your words. I would not deny your feelings. I would throw everything away.
And that, my old friend, I fear the most.
So after taking off that ring, I am looking at him, this stubborn man that manages to make me blush like a teenager. There are newborn tears in his eyes; and it's such a sad expression that it makes me wonder what my own face looks like.
He opens his mouth, and I notice he is trembling.
No sound comes out, I silence him with a kiss.
Because I cannot let him say it.
And specially, I must avoid saying it myself.
Love these two and had to get this tiny drabble out of my sistem after reading page 118.
Thank you for reading and do review while you are camping for the next page!
PD: Not a native speaker, so please forgive any mistakes!