Loser Like Me

I let out a long drawn out sigh as I sit in the music room with the rest of Glee Club, still waiting for Mr Shue to finally show up. Last I heard, Rachel was off to see him about not getting lead again; so I guess he won't make it anytime soon. Rachel never knows when to shut up and give the rest of us a turn.

I sit away from the rest of the gang, not wanting to mingle in with them today. The last thing I am in the mood for, is idle chatter! They say misery loves company, well not today he doesn't.

I just sit strumming the strings on my guitar, trying to find something to play, but nothing comes. Over the past few months, music no longer has had any effect on me, I can't find a reason to just sit and play, lose myself in a melody.

Nothing ever comes!

I feel empty on the inside, a void living within me as I just pluck the strings of my instrument, not really caring. My once beloved guitar is just now wood and strings, not the tool to express my inner thoughts, to rock out in my room like I am a member of the Chillies!


Now it is just materials put together to make noise!

I let another sigh escape my lips, as I think about this weeks assignment, the one getting everyone excited, but me.

Guess some people are easily pleased.

We are suppose to be working on love songs! Love songs! Always bloody love songs!

What is it that gets people so excited about crappy little love songs?

Nothing is coming to my mind, no song is singing, well unless you count Puddle Of Mudds She Fucking Hates Me, but that isn't a love song. Ok, I guess he does love to hate the woman he is singing about, so maybe...


I can't see Mr Shue, letting me get away with that, Mr Lives In A Perfect World Where We All Love Each Other!


Guess as you get older, insanity must seep in and allow that rose tint to film over your eyes making everything look just wonderful.


I watch my other Glee Club members around me, my once musical soul mates, and bitterness fills my throat. Mike and Tina, kissing in the corner, Rory and Sugar whispering sweet nothings into each others ear, even bloody Britney is making come and get me eyes at Santana! Then there is Kurt, chattering away on his phone to Blaine!


Three letters, my own little motto, something I now seem to live by!

Only Finn sits alone like me, but he is watching the door for Rachel, he isn't actually alone, not really. I watch as his eyes never fall from the door, ready to pounce at her feet and kiss her shoes.


Or should I really say, lucky?

Bitter much, Sam?

Damn right I am!

All my friends have at some point been in love, all except me, Sam Evans! I sit forever alone in class, on the bench in a football game, walking the halls of McKinley High, always and forever just me! I am everyones best friend, but never the love interest. Yes, ok, some of the cheerleaders want me, but I want more than just a just a show girlfriend. I want someone who challenges me.

I want someone to make my heart go thump!

Is that really too much to ask for?

I don't bother looking up when Quinn walks in, nothing she ever says really interests me. She is normally just chasing Puck and Finn around, and although it is normally funny...not today, I don't think even that will make me laugh today.

I play with my blonde hair, still smelling traces of lemon juice from last night's lightning, wondering when class will be over so I can get home. I want to get back to my room and play some nice depressing, anti love rock music, avoid all this crap. I want to sit in my bittersweet solitude.

I ignore the noise coming from Quinn's voice, not noticing that whatever she is saying has the room going silent, I really don't care right now. I don't look up again until Rachel and Mr Shue come in, still arguing over how she won't be getting lead. I look up and smile as she turns on her heel and storms off towards her lap dog, Finn. The obedient little pup pulls her into his embrace, hugging her cares away and reassuring her she is the star.

Well...least he isn't alone, but he is one brave man!

"Right guys, how is everyone getting along with their assignments?" Mr Shue asks, ever upbeat.

I sigh!

Lets change assignment already.

I run my fingers through my hair, before resting my body on my guitar, my chin resting on my arm.

"Sam! How about you kick us off?" Oh no!

I groan, why me, why?

I was just sat here, minding my own business, happy in my gloom!

Normally I am first up, but today, with this assignment, I just want to not get involved.

I walk slowly to the front, racking my brains for a song to sing...nothing!

I turn to look at the class, all sickening me with their love so I look to Quinn, see who she is sneering at today, that's some fun at least.

As I meet her smug face, my eyes fall onto the new girl beside her. A girl I have not seen before, with long blonde hair, and beautiful cherry lips, is staring up at me. My mouth goes dry as silence falls into the room and all I hear are my raspy breaths. I can't seem to pull my eyes from hers, and only realise I am staring when a few people giggle and Mr Shue's voice breaks the silence.

"Everything ok Sam?" He asks.

I reluctantly drag my eyes from this girl, this beautiful person that has me speechless, and hurry back to my seat, slamming down a little too loudly.

"I...pass..." I tell him, keeping my head down.

He smiles and turns to address the rest of the class, shock horror, Rachel is at the front breaking into I Will Always Love You.

More love crap!

"Sam, you ok?" I turn to the whispers from Kurt's voice.

"Fine." I grunt, a little too harshly.

"I see you noticed Quinn's cousin." He carries on, not upset by my small attack. I am glad things can wash over him so easily sometimes.

Wait, Quinn's cousin?

So that's who she is then?

I turn my head to Kurt, my interest sparked.

"Her cousin?" I enquire.

He nods. "Indeed. Clearly she follows the fashion's just like Quinn, but I don't think she is as, well, Quinnish! Her name is Charley Finnigan, visiting for a term from Devon in England and I think she is fabulous."

I follow Kurts gaze to look at this Charley girl, this pretty blonde dressed in, well, boots and a dress, hey they are just clothes. "Vivienne Westwood." He says softly, as if talking any louder would scare the clothes away.

I stifle a laugh.

Charley Finnigan, such a beautiful name for such a beautiful girl. I can't seem to pull my eyes off her, ignoring everything else going on around me in class.

I watch as she smiles at the people singing, as she whispers to Quinn, as she giggles and plays with her golden blonde hair.

"I HAVE A SONG!" Shit did I just shout that?

I look around me, all eyes are fixed on my seat, and I swallow hard as my eyes meet with Charleys.

"Well, lets hear it." Mr Shue says, but I don't look at him, keeping my eyes on the girl who is re sparking my heart.

I move to the front of the room, my fingers finding the keys on my guitar as a song finally fills my head.

I keep my eyes on Charley as I start to play the notes, clearing my throat so I can start singing a song that seems appropriate.

I threw a wish in the well,

Don't ask me, I'll never tell

I looked to you as it fell,

And now you're in my way

I'd trade my soul for a wish,

Pennies and dimes for a kiss

I wasn't looking for this,

But now you're in my way

I watch as Charley smiles up at me, ignoring all other eyes and grinning faces, all knowing that I have a thing for this English Rose. I allow them all to melt away, leaving just us both in the room.

Your stare was holdin',

Ripped jeans, skin was showin'

Hot night, wind was blowin'

Where you think you're going, baby?

I find myself smiling back at her as I sing, strumming the strings of my guitar as I imagine my hands running through her long hair.

Hey, I just met you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe?

I know this is song meant to be sung by a girl, but I am lost in the moment and secretly hope that she will get the message and hand me a small note with her digits on.

It's hard to look right,

At you baby,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe?

That part is true, looking at her is hard, literally blinding, but pulling my eyes away seems wrong.

I finish my song, ignoring the cheers and claps, the pat on my shoulder from Mr Shue as I keep my eyes on this girl, the one who somehow, without knowing, made me sing a girls song for her, and started to close the void within me.

She smiles getting to her feet, playing with her hair as she walks my way and I move my guitar to my back, awaiting for the note to be handed to me, or even better, for her lips to meet mine.

She leaves!

What the hell!

I find myself following her out the room, dropping my cherished guitar to the floor as I make my way after this beauty, this girl that is somehow making me want to know everything about her. I follow her through the corridor, watching as she looks back over her shoulder every so often, and I jump, pretending I am checking my watch, my cell, my shoelace, each time resuming my pursuit when she carries on.

When she turns the corner I watch as she stops at her locker, just two lockers down and she is smiling looking through her possessions, something definitely amusing her.

"Ever going to say hi, Sam Evans." She speaks my name with such a delicate accent and I almost die, grabbing the locker for support as I fiddle with my clothing, trying to find something to say; anything.

She turns to me, smiling that sweet smile, before she takes a lollipop to her cherry lips and gently sucks it. I squeeze my hands into firsts as I gasp out my breaths at the beauty from overseas.

"I...well...I...erm." I stammer like an idiot.

Great first impression Sam. I mentally slap my face.

She laughs a melodic note that has me captivated, fighting the urge to run to her, take her hand in mine and drag her to the bleachers to steal loves first kiss.

"Are all American boys so silent, Sam Evans?" She says my name again, crossing her arms and leaning against her locker.

I smile, finding my voice as I gaze into her ocean colored eyes, seeing a whole universe of beauty within them.

"Erm...no, only when they are around such beauty as I am I guess." I give myself a figurative pat on the back; well done.

She shocks me by rolling her eyes and turning back to her locker.


Clearly she is nothing like her cousin.

"Sorry honey, but you clearly think I am one of the small brained girls in this school of yours." She faces me again. "You are sadly mistaken, we Brits are made of more." She slams her locker closed, turning on her heel and marched away.


I run up after her and jump in front, stopping her in her tracks.

"Forgive me...please." My heart beat slows, counting the moments, hoping she does.

She smiles.

"Damn, I am a sucker for a cute blonde, ok I forgive you. Just don't ever assume you know me, ok?" She says assertively.

I nod as she walks past me, making her pursuit through the other students. She stops, turns her head back to me and flutters her eyelashes my way.

Suddenly my whole body explodes, scattering my entrails all over the building. Ok, yes, that was a joke, but hey with just one look from her, I feel like I could just explode.

"See you later, Sam Evans." She says, smiling back at me.

So she clearly knows my name in full, wonder how she knows it, did she ask Quinn?

Yep, gotta be Quinn!


I am besotted, following her around for the next few weeks like a stalker. I know she sees me, looking back in my direction smiling that magnanimous smile of hers, before moving on with her business.

I want to take her in my arms, kiss her cherry lips gently, take her hand in mine and lead her through the corridors letting the whole school know we are together. I have finally found the one to wash away the lonely, to be the Yin to my Yang, the Sandy to my Danny!

I just seem to run for the hills whenever I have to face her again, chased away by that long golden hair of hers.

So I watch from afar, devour everything about her. Without talking to her I know her favorite food is lasagna, her favorite drink is Mountain Dew, she loves to sing and dance, and wants to be on the stage.

All this I know without uttering a word as I follow her, her imperfect shadow, a guy not worthy to even be so close.

I lean against the wall, hiding behind the lockers as I listen to that hearty laugh of hers, her magical tone that flows through the corridors to whatever it was Quinn was saying. I lean into the locker, pretending to read as I listen to the conversation.

"Quinn, please! I am not after your man, I have my eye on someone else." Charley's voice, so intoxicating to me.

Wait...she has her eyes on someone?

I fill with dread at the thought of it not being me!

"Whatever, just keep your eyes off my man! Remember, you are staying with my family! Don't make me tell your mum that you have been flaunting yourself all over school!" Quinn snaps.

She passes me, storming off leaving Charley alone at her locker.

Should I go check she is ok?

This could be my chance, to walk up to her and say, hey baby, I am here!

As if!

I want to move, but find my body still motionless, keeping me at bay. I watch as she too passed me, making her way to Glee Club, her head looking to the floor, tainting her perfection. I want to reach out and pull her into me, but for some reason I don't.

Regardless of how much I want to help, I find myself just following in line behind her, on my way to our club.

Don't be sad my angel!

I want to make everything better, I just wish I could find the strength to address her beauty!

I follow her into class and wait with the rest for Mr Shue to arrive. As always, people are with their counterparts, the objects of their own desire. As always, I sit practically alone, watching the girl I can't seem to talk to as she amuses herself with conversation with those around her.

I want her to sit beside me, her words to trail over to only my ears. I want to take her hand in mine, lead her to a secluded tree and serenade her in song, steal kisses beneath the canopy of the trees branches.

I want so many things.

Mr Shue arrives, talking to us about something that just cannot come close to as important as the thing I have in my head, about the heart I aim to steal. He goes over the ideas he has for our next show, his ideas for lead, for songs, for dances. For once Rachel is silent, guess she got the lead again.


I look around me to see all eyes falling over me, Charley smiling my way, Rachel's jaw dropped.

"W...what?" I asked, bewildered,

"You...You got lead! With the new girl...over...ME!" Rachel's voice is strained as she addresses me.





Me...and Charley!

"M...me?" I say.

Mr Shue laughs at me. "Yes, it will be in a week before Charley heads back to England." He tells me.


Before she...


A week!

She is going back before term is even over?

In one week she will be gone?

Back to the small country she calls home?

I look to her once smiling face, and watch as I see the smile is hanging like mine. Her sad eyes bore into me before pulling away, before she makes her escape from the room.

I am chasing after her before I know I even left me seat, chasing the blonde angel out into the school grounds, finally catching her arm.

She stops and turns to me, tears already on her cheek.

I can't speak, no idea what to even say.

"I...I have to go back...I..." She says sadly.

"Why? Can't you just stay?" I ask, a little beg behind my words.

Her head shakes, pulling her bag over her shoulder.

"No! Mum says I have to go back." She tells me, a frown appearing before her eyes. " I can't just stay in America, not when my family are back home, and there is no way they could afford to let me stay. Also, I am not stupid enough to stay in a country for a guy I might like." She turns and walks away.

So she does like me then?

"Wait...me?" I ask, as she makes her way from the school.

She turns and smiles at me.

"Are all American boys as cute and stupid as you Sam Evans?" She winks, before flicking her hair. "See you for rehearsals."

Did she just call me stupid?

I grin as my heart beats like a drum as I watch her leave.

She called me stupid...I can live with that.


Normally doing this kind of show would send groans through me, I mean, it has been done far too many times, cliche!

Yet it's different now as I watch her sitting by the small paddling pool, giving her rendition of Hopelessly Devoted. Charley has managed to make Grease sexy again, as she sits there in her short pink summer dress.

All week we have being rehearsing, me the Danny to her Sandy, and that means, lots of alone time to go over the songs.

Seven days is all we have, well...had, today is the final dress rehearsal and then it's show time before she will fly like a bird back across the water, back to tiny island that is suddenly more interesting to me.


"Well done, Charley, let's take a break." Mr Shue says, freeing her to be able to get a drink.

We haven't spoken since that day, since I chased after her, thinking it was me she liked...guess I was wrong.

I watch as some of the guys fall over themselves to offer her drink, give her sweets and she just smiles, declines and makes her way over to Quinn to chat happily. She is totally unaware of all the men stood breathless around the room. Even...erm...Britney!

I want to run up to Charley and put a sticker on her head, Property Of Sam Evans, but I don't, as always I stand back, totally transfixed by her beauty.

More guys pass her, saying hi, asking her out and although I am growling, I watch as she declines, blushing into her cousin's shoulder.

I stand further back as I watch everyone go about their business, as she glides across the stage when she is needed again and I catch myself collecting my guitar, my fingers dancing over the strings as I close my eyes and sing to myself, as low as I can so nobody will hear my inner song.

You're insecure

Don't know what for

You're turning heads when you walk through the door

Don't need make up

To cover up

Being the way that you are is enough

Everyone else in the room can see it

Everyone else but you

Watching her inspires me, and the song I would normally avoid, I am suddenly word fucking perfect on as I watch my muse.

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell

You don't know

Oh Oh

You don't know you're beautiful

Is that really what makes her so appealing, her inability to see the effect she has on men...and well..Britney? Oh wait, and now Santana!

If only you saw what I can see

You'll understand why I want you so desperately

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe

You don't know

Oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful

Oh oh

That what makes you beautiful

I lose myself in my head as I take her by the hand, and we are dancing through fields of daisies as I sing to her, twirling her around in my arms as the petals of the flowers move up into the air, floating around her, covering her to make their beautiful dress. I watch as her blonde locks move wildly in the summer breeze of my imagination, as she pulls me into her and we fall into the bed of flowers.

I stare into her sapphire eyes, oceans of blue that pull me into them before she reaches up into my hair and pulls my lips to hers.


"Yes beautiful." I reply to the chorus of a masculine laughters.


"Thanks babe, but you're really not my type!" I open my eyes to see Puk smirking at me.


How long has he been stood there?

I almost drop my guitar, but catch myself as I let out a small laugh so he thinks I was joking.


"Time to go, everyone else left, then I noticed you stood here drooling, thought you may have gone all 'One flew over the cuckoo's nest' on me." He laughs.


I look around, taking in the empty room. So they all really did leave!

She didn't...wait!

So that means I won't see her until tomorrow! The day of the show, before she has to go back!

My eyes burn at the thought, wanting to fill with tears, but there is no way I am letting Puk see me cry!

Hell no!

I will just have to wait until I see her tomorrow.


The show is a blur, I fall in line as I become her Danny, as we dance and sing our way through the numbers before an actually packed auditorium!

To set us at ease, so he assumed, Mr Shue announced about five seconds before curtain rise, that talent scouts had come out to see us...so no pressure!

I manage to lose myself in the wonder of her, as we melt into song, totally smashing the original. Sadly with each number, each dance I know we draw closer to our goodbyes.

I have still not even tasted her lips on mine, felt her hair though my fingers. Well, unless you count during our performances, but she was acting, playing a part.

She didn't mean it.

Each time I was just kissing the actress, the Sandy and not the Charley, the girl I have become besotted with.

So this is it, the curtain closing around us, the cheer from the audience for the Glee Club, everything is now drawing to a close.

I stand back and watch as she says her goodbyes, ignoring Mr Shue as he goes to talk to some people, I just watch knowing she has ignored me, forgot about Sam Evans.

I turn to head towards the changing rooms, to get out of these stupid clothes, then I feel it, the hand on my wrist.

"Leaving without saying goodbye Sam Evans?" Her sweet voice is behind me, causing me to freeze.

I slowly turn, to fall into those blue sparkling eyes, that cherry red smile, and I just stand there lost for words, my heart pounding at her touch.

"Not very gentlemanly of you, leaving without saying goodbye to a girl you may never see again." I watch as her smile falters for a moment, as her eyes moisten just a little.


"Charley, I have great news for you." Mr Shue interrupts us, seriously, can he not see we are talking!

And they say we should respect our elders!

She turns towards him, her hand still on my wrist.

"Mr Shue?" She asks.

"I have just been informed, like this minute, that the scouts want to offer you a full scholarship at NYADA! You can start in the fall! You don't need to leave...Charley?"

I notice that she is no longer looking at him, that her eyes are fixed again with mine as she ignores the cheers exploding around us.

"Guess I will be staying after all...Sam Evans." She beams at me, her voice soft and sultry as her touch softens on my wrist.

My heart is beating harder than ever.

She isn't leaving!

She is going to remain here!

Her small laugh fills the room as she leans into my ear. "Guess you have a lot longer, so you can actually pluck up the courage and kiss me." She whispers before looking back in my face, smiling as she turns to go towards Quinn.

She is staying!

The thought is still playing in my head, thoughts of us together.

"Erm...Sam, want to let go of my arm?" I look down, noticing I have copied her grip as she let go.

This is it, let her go, or...

"No...no way!" I say, pulling her into me as I bring my lips into hers and mould my smiling kiss over hers.

I ignore the cheers, the shouts of finally, as I move my lips over hers, running my hands through her perfect hair.


My perfect English Rose.