A/N: Just a short one-shot to help me get back into the swing of writing again :) reviews are always welcome. Hope you enjoy.
Nobody Has To Know
Here I was again, sitting in my beaten up truck, staring straight out the windshield at the door of the motel room. My knuckles were turning white as a result of my vice-like grip on the steering wheel. I know she's already behind that door, waiting for me. She's always waiting for me. Part of me knows that she always will.
I should be ashamed of myself. I have become one of those women I used to be disgusted by; the type of woman who does what she likes and doesn't care who she hurts along the way. I don't even have the excuse of being unhappy with the direction my life has taken. I've never been happier. Edward is so perfect that I sometimes wonder if I dreamed him into existence. I know this is wrong; I've known it from the start, but it's not like I planned this. Nobody ever plans this.
Seven months, three weeks and two days. That's how long I have been having an affair with my fiancé's baby sister.
I close my eyes as I let my head fall back against the headrest. Behind my closed lids I can see Alice's beautiful face, and how the mere sight of me makes her lips pull into a genuine and endearing smile. Her eyes sparkle as she looks up at me from under her eyelashes, a red tinge appearing across her cheeks. I force my eyes open again, willing my mind to stop conjuring images of a girl I shouldn't care for the way I do. She's so young; so innocent. I feel like I'm taking a little bit more away from her each time we have a secret rendezvous.
"Nobody has to know," her angelic voice had whispered in my ear that first night. "It'll be our little secret."
I wish I could say that she had seduced me; that she had talked me into doing something I wasn't altogether comfortable with; that I fell victim to Alice's charismatic teenage charm. But I can't say that. I wanted her just as much as she wanted me that night. And when it was over, I didn't regret it. I still don't. As much as I hate myself for betraying Edward, in the most unforgivable of ways, I can't bear the thought of not being with Alice. The wedding is in two months and our time together is running out. It isn't something we have talked about, but it is an unspoken realisation that we both know to be true. The look of pain in her eyes each time I walk away from her is enough for me to know that she isn't naïve enough to think this can continue after her brother and I are married. It's risky enough now.
Finally letting go of the steering wheel, I run my fingers through my long, unmanageable hair. I adjust the rear view mirror and quickly check my reflection, looking just long enough to know that I am presentable. I avoid looking myself in the eye as much as possible these days. With one last deep breath, I open the rusty door of my truck and slam it shut behind me.
My heart is hammering in my chest as I rap on the door, waiting for Alice to let me in. Her face soon appears at the window and I see relief flood across her features before she disappears again, hurrying to open the door. Before I enter, I take one last scanning look around me. Just in case.
As soon as the door closes behind me, I utilise the security chain and turn to face the tiny girl locked in with me. Our eyes meet and the world melts away. All I can see is her. All I can see and hear and feel is Alice Cullen. Her very essence is consuming me as I stand there, hypnotized by her sparkling blue eyes. She slowly walks towards me and I notice she is already barefoot. I have always loved her little feet…
I extend my hand when she gets close enough and gently stroke the side of her face. Her eyes close and she leans into my touch, an involuntary sigh of contentment escaping her. She closes the remaining distance between us and buries her face in my chest, while my arms wrap around her. I've missed you, she is telling me with her actions. Just like she always does. I've missed you, too, I am replying, when I thread the fingers of one hand through her black, silky smooth tresses. Just like I always do. I turn my head slightly and inhale her incomparable scent, feeling it affect me, just as it always has.
Several minutes pass and I am feeling so content that when I feel Alice's full lips on my neck, it makes me gasp in surprise. I tighten my grip on her hair and tug gently, making her give a quiet moan. She places sweet kisses around my pulse point, down my jaw and finally I am feeling her soft lips brush against my own. No-one has ever kissed me the way Alice does. The emotion and feeling she can convey, even with a simple chaste kiss, is almost heart-breaking. Nobody has ever made me weak at the knees with just the power of their lips before. But, then again, there are a lot of things Alice makes me feel that nobody else ever has.
It doesn't take long for our actions to become more frantic; my tongue gliding against hers; her tiny hands sliding under my shirt and caressing the bare skin; me pulling her hips against my own. This is heaven.
Abruptly, Alice pulls away from me and I miss her touch instantly. She maintains eye contact, however, and takes her bottom lip between her teeth. I can feel my heart beating in my ears and I swallow hard. I know what's coming next and the anticipation is making me tingle all over. I clumsily make my way to the bed and sit on the edge, my two hands resting on the mattress, either side of my body.
Slowly, Alice begins to undress in front of me. She knows I love it when she does that. In some ways, it's my favourite part – watching with bated breath as every inch of her porcelain skin is slowly revealed to me; knowing that it will soon my hands, my body, covering her. One by one, her clothes fall to the floor and soon she is standing before me, naked and vulnerable. I've never seen anything so beautiful.
Without even thinking about it, I outstretch one hand, silently beckoning her towards me. She accepts my invitation and glides towards me on her tip-toes, wasting no time in straddling my lap, her dainty arms wrapping around my neck. My arms snake around her and I am kissing her again, my fingers dancing up and down her back, memorising every curve and contour I touch. I can already feel the heat radiating from between her legs and it makes me moan into her mouth.
As much as the thought disgusts me, I can't help but compare Alice to Edward. My husband-to-be is soft and gentle and perfect when he makes love to me. Every single time. Sometimes that's not what I need. Sometimes I need Alice. I need to feel her unbridled passion; to see the fire burning behind her beautiful blue eyes. I need to know that she wants me that way.
That somebody wants me that way.
I shift my position and encourage Alice onto her back, taking the opportunity to admire how her perfect breasts sway, almost hypnotically, as she moves. I lean over her, looking her in the eye, and here she is; my Alice lying below me, just waiting for me to worship her, a look of anticipation on her face.
My mouth is on her neck, her chest, her stomach… before I start peppering kisses up her inner thigh. She loves it when I do that. I feel her fingers tangle in my hair as my lips finally make contact with the place she wants me the most. The taste and smell of her is making my head spin. I hear her moans of pleasure get louder and louder as my ministrations get faster and faster, and even when she comes undone, I don't stop. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stop.
Our time together passes in a blur, as it always does. The minutes turn to hours, as we make each other writhe and squirm and cry out in pleasure. My chest is heaving and I have one arm draped across my face, as I wait to come back down to earth and reality once more. I feel Alice's legs entwined with my own and I know we have been reduced to nothing more than a tangle of limbs and damp sheets. Warm fingertips trail along the length of my arm that is still draped over my face, and I know Alice is silently asking me to look at her. My movements are sluggish and heavy with fatigue, but I comply, shifting so that we are facing one another. My eyes rove across her features, before our gazes finally meet. I see her pain and heartache staring back at me, and I know for a fact she can see the same thing in my brown orbs.
I raise my hand to her beautiful face and softly stroke my thumb across her cheek. It's okay, I'm telling her. It'll be okay. Alice squeezes her eyes closed and leans into my touch. I want to believe you, her actions tell me. I wish I could believe you…
An obnoxious, high pitched alarm emanates from the back pocket of my discarded jeans, which ended up being flung near the window. We both know what that noise means. I feel my eyes flutter shut and I feel like crying. The thought of leaving Alice is almost too much for me to bear. In an attempt to make me stay, the tiny girl shimmies impossibly closer to me and buries her face in my neck. I know I have to leave right now. Otherwise, I'm not sure I will be able to leave at all. I have to leave…
With one last soft kiss to the top of her head, I force myself away from Alice, untangling my limbs in the process. The air feels cold and harsh against my bare skin and a shiver runs down my spine as I find and pull on my underwear. I can feel Alice's gaze on me as I stand with my back to her, tugging the rest of my clothes on as slowly as possible in a futile attempt to spend more time with her.
"Wait ten minutes before you leave," I mumble over my shoulder, just like always, before making my way to the door.
"Bella," I hear Alice whisper. My hand freezes on the knob and my eyes go wide. This isn't part of our routine. I turn my head just enough to see her. She looks conflicted; like, she's not entirely sure what she wants to say.
"I…" she begins, not finding the right words. I watch as her gaze shifts to the sheets she is still tangled in and I notice her fiddling with a loose thread. "I don't love you," she mumbles, before lifting her head and looking me straight in the eye. "You know that, right?" Her voice sounds suddenly stronger and almost pleading. I swear I can see tears shining in her eyes.
I can do little more than stare blankly at her for a moment, unsure how to respond. I feel an odd tugging sensation in my chest and my mouth is suddenly dry. "I don't love you, either," I finally breathe out, my voice sounding oddly husky. The unshed tears I saw in Alice's eyes finally spill over. I can't see her like this. I whip my head back towards the door and fling it open, letting it slam shut behind me. I clumsily plod my way back to my truck, my heart breaking with every step I take.
As well as everything else, we are both goddamn liars.