This story takes place right after Hanson captures Amy's killer in Orpheus 3.3 from Season 2. Loads and loads of angst.

I've cleaned up the chapters so someone newly reading the story doesn't have the scroll through my notes. There is some harsher language in chapter 13.

I hope you enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: I do not own 21 Jump Street.

Chapter 1: 0.3 Days

Hanson lowered his gun and let his arm drop listlessly to his side. He stared off into the bay giving no indication that he saw Amy's killer smiling at him as he was marched down the stairs or that Fuller was there watching him.

"Good work, Hanson," Fuller said carefully.

"Thanks," Hanson replied automatically.

"You did everything a good cop is supposed to."

Hanson dropped his head. He didn't believe one word Fuller had just said so just stayed silent.

"Did you get back that 3.3 seconds?"

Hanson thought about it. Everything he had done the last week didn't bring Amy back. He shook his head and looked up at Fuller, "No."

Hanson looked back out at the bay again and felt himself waver a bit. He felt so tired. He was only vaguely aware that it was snowing and that he had only a bloody shirt on. It was not nearly enough to keep him warm but he felt numb so it didn't really matter. He felt Fuller gently touch his right hand and remove the gun from it and then put his hand around his arm and start to guide him towards the stairs. He blindly followed Fuller's lead without complaint. All the fight in him was gone. Now that Amy's killer was caught, all Hanson wanted to do was crawl into a hole and disappear.

Somehow the two of them made it down off the boat and over to the waiting entourage of swirling red, white and blue lights and shadowy figures running around in the dark barking orders that Hanson couldn't understand. Fuller made him sit down on something hard and said something about staying there until he got back. Hanson closed his eyes and lowered his head. He felt himself shaking but didn't feel like the shaking was caused entirely from the light snow gathering on his shoulders and hair. His training told him he was in shock. Finally, he was in shock. He no longer had the strength to force himself to breathe, or move, or pretend that he was okay. He wasn't okay. The world had collapsed burying him under its mountains of rubble.

He heard familiar voices near him but didn't bother trying to make out what they were saying. A blanket made its way onto his shoulders then an arm around his waist pulled him to his feet. His left arm sang out in pain from the sudden movement and he grimaced.

Oh, yeah, there's a hole in my arm.

"Man, I'm sorry. You okay? Can you walk?" Ioki said from somewhere on his right.

Hanson couldn't respond at first. Excruciating pain was shooting up his arm and down his back.

"We need to get you back to the hospital," Ioki continued, "You're freezing out here. Your lips are blue."

Hospital?

Suddenly the world came crashing back to glaring clarity again. If he goes back to the hospital, he'll be on display again for everyone to poke and prod and give sorrowful faces and comments to. No fucking way was he going back there. He pulled himself out of Ioki's grasp and had to catch himself before he collapsed on the sidewalk.

"No, I'm not going back there." he told Ioki forcefully but Harry grabbed his right arm and held onto him tightly.

"Hanson, you need to go back. You're getting hypothermia out here. You can hardly stand up."

Hanson felt cold sweat gathering on his back and under his arms and his heart rate and breathing doubled in the matter of seconds. He yanked his arm back but Ioki wouldn't let go.

"I'm NOT going back there. Please just leave me alone." Hanson could hear his voice chatter from the cold and stress. His plea obviously wasn't going to be a convincing argument.

"Hanson, calm down. Breathe. Let's just get in the car and get out of here, okay?"

Ioki started to pull on his arm but Tom stood fast not willing to give up the little control he had left. That was until Fuller came back and grabbed onto the back of his shirt on his left side not wanting to touch the arm that he had been shot in and both Fuller and Ioki pulled him in the direction of a waiting squad car.

"Tom," Fuller said to him as they made their way to the car, "you're going back to the hospital."

Hanson tried to slow down his panicked breathing. He did not like Fuller's tone of voice. It sounded like the way he talked to children….or victims. The only reason he didn't protest as he was put into the backseat of the car was that he didn't want to attract any more attention to himself. He already knew everyone was watching him. Dozens of eyes were on him. They were eyes of pity and they were entranced. They couldn't tear themselves away from watching him fall apart. They wanted the freak show. Just like when his dad died.

Oh, god. What did he do? His dad would have never let Amy die. How could he ever face anyone again knowing what a failure he was. He let her die. He watched her die. He held her in his arms as she took her last breath. Her blood had been all over him. On his arms, his face, his clothes, his shoes. He doesn't even remember the guy leaving the store. Why didn't he go after him then? Why did he just stand there and watch while they took pictures of her lifeless body and put her in a bag to be stored in a refrigerator. Her blood everywhere. Hanson felt like he was on the verge of emitting the scream of horror that he had been holding back for a week but nothing would come out. No scream. No tears. He was frozen. Catatonic. The only movements he made beyond the uncontrollable shaking were short shallow periodic gasps that substituted for actual breathing.

Ioki got in the car along with a uniformed officer and Hanson heard sirens on top of him signaling that the squad was rushing him back to the hospital. Oh, goody. Ioki gave him little uncertain statements of solace and tried to touch him but Hanson pushed him off. No one should touch him ever again. He was poison.

As soon as they arrived at the hospital, the cop that drove them there jumped out and ran inside. Like flies, within seconds several people were on the car forcefully hauling Hanson out of it and onto a gurney. He barely had time to realize what was going on when the world spun out of control and then was gone.

End of Chapter 1