Disclaimers; apply

Author's Note; Death story, angst, m/m relationship

DEATHSTAR,

written by Whipper

When you wish upon a star,

makes no difference who you are

anything your heart desire will

come to you...

He is beautiful, my Childe, as he, hidden in the shadows, watches the sun rise. He's standing just a step away from the golden light of the deathstar... he's, as always, just a step away from hell.

I know, without looking, that he's crying. My man-child, who was once my most Favoured, is crying. Tears of red blood are running down his face. If he just knew how much I hate to see him hurting like this. How much I hate seeing him like this every morning, so close to ending his un-life.

Every morning I pray to God and the devils for this not to happen. I pray that this morning will be the morning when everything changes. The morning that I will leave the doorway and walk up to him. The morning that I will hold him in my arms as he cries. I pray that this morning will be the morning when, just for once, I am there for him.

"Spike," I whisper. Trying to get his attention, trying to make him come to me. And for once, he acknowledges my presens. He turns around with a cocky smile on his beautiful face. And, in my unbeating heart I know that he's made up his mind.

Thank you, God. He's coming back to me.

Like a bolt out of the blue,

fate steps in and sees you thru

when you wish upon a star,

your dreams come true...

Angel is watching me. He has been ever since Dru left me. Not for another demon this time. But for daylight.

I couldn't compete with the sun. Couldn't give her the warmth, the light... I couldn't give her death. Not even as she was so sick that I didn't think she'd last another day, not even when she screamed for weeks as the creatures of her mind haunted her could I giver her death. She wanted me to, she'd beg me for it.

"Help me," she'd whisper with a tired voice. "Help me, Spike. Take me to see the sun? I want to dance with the light... please? Help your Princess?"

But I didn't. I couldn't. So she left me. I woke up one night to find her gone, one of her dolls carefully put just next to me in the large bed. I searched our place, I sent out my minions to look for her. To bring her back to me. But no one could find her. Then Angel knocked on the door.

"She's dead, William."

And I knew he was right. My pet had let the sun burn her... and now she was gone. I sent my minions away. Told them to never return to the warehouse unless they wanted me to feed on them. Then I went to my and Drusilla's bedroom and wept like a child.

I wished for Angeleus. He'd put me out of my misery for acting like such a wanker. But Angeleus was gone and in his place was Angel. Angel will never kill me. In fact, he won't even leave me. He's been staying in the warehouse for a month now. I won't talk to him, won't let him touch me... yet he won't leave.

Now he's standing there, in the doorway, watching me. I almost wish I could turn around and throw myself into his arms. He's not Angeleus so maybe I can love him. Maybe he won't hurt me. But I can't. I can't. Drusilla wants me to come with her. I know she does. She's just a child; she can't take proper care of herself.

She needs me. Almost as much as I need her.

"Spike..."

I make up my mind and turn around to face him. The relief in his eyes almost makes me change my mind. But just almost. I smile at him.

"See you in hell, mate."

Then I join Dru in the sun.