"Scorpius, you need to take a bath," Draco observed as his son came stomping in the house, tracking mud everywhere. In fact, he was covered with it.
"No, I don't," the small boy argued.
"Yes, you do. Just look at you! The house elf is going to have a heart attack when she sees the mess you've made."
Scorpius just shrugged and made his way into the kitchen. "I'm hungry. What's for dinner?"
Draco followed him. "You're not having any dinner until you take a bath."
"I'm not taking a bath!" Scorpius snapped at him. At first, Draco was taken aback. Then he was furious. He struggled to keep his voice calm when he said,
"Don't take that tone with me, young man."
Scorpius stomped his foot, angrily. "I don't want to take a bath! I hate baths!"
"You're not sleeping in your bed like that!" Draco told him.
"Then I'll sleep outside!"
"FINE!" roared Draco out of frustration. "But there's nowhere outside to plug in your night light. And what are you going to do when the werewolves come out?"
Scorpius's hands flew to his mouth in horror. Draco had combined his two greatest fears: the dark, and the monsters that lurk in it. The five-year-old said quietly, "I changed my mind. I don't want to sleep outside anymore, Daddy."
Draco felt oddly satisfied. There was no way that Scorpius would refuse to take his bath now. "You don't have to sleep outside. Just take your bath."
"What?" There was no way that Scorpius just said no to him.
"I said no."
Think, Draco, think. He already used commands and fear. How else did he get people to do what he wanted? Bribery! he thought, Of course! "Wait here," he told Scorpius and retreated to his bedroom, returning to the kitchen minutes later with prizes. "Look at this. A candy bar and a big, shiny Galleon for the first little boy to take a bath. What do you say, Scorp?"
"I say that if you love baths so much, you should marry them."
Draco groaned. "You are the most difficult child on the planet. All the other kids listen to their parents. Why can't you?"
"All the other dads are nice. Why can't you be?"
"I'm tired of arguing with you, Scorpius. Get in the bath right now or you are going to be in a lot of trouble!"
"You're not the boss of me!" shouted Scorpius.
"Yes, I am! Now get in the bath before I write to your mother to tell her how bad her son is being."
Scorpius's eyes filled up with tears. "Don't tell her."
"If you get in the bath right now, then I won't tell her. Okay?"
"Okay," said Scorpius, and then he disappeared into the bathroom.
Pleased with himself, Draco unwrapped the candy bar in his hand and took a bite out of it for a job well done before following his son into the bathroom. When he got there, Scorpius was sitting, naked, on the toilet, looking miserable. Draco ran the bath for him and as soon as Scorpius got in, he began to cry.
"What's the matter? Is the water too hot?" he asked.
"I miss Mummy," sobbed Scorpius.
"How can you miss her? She writes you a million letters every day."
Scorpius ignored this. "When is she coming back?"
"In a few days," said Draco and handed his son a bar of soap. "Don't forget to clean behind your ears."
"I won't, Daddy."
Scorpius was still crying as he cleaned himself so Draco gave him the other half of the candy bar as a peace offering. He didn't know what else to do. Why was that? Because Astoria is the good parent, you dolt, he cursed himself.
When he got Scorpius out of the bathtub, Draco let him have ice cream for dinner and then promised that they would write a letter to Astoria in the morning, and then tucked Scorpius into bed.
"I love you, Daddy."
"I love you too, Scorpius."
Only after Scorpius was fast asleep did Draco realize that he had just rewarded his son for bad behavior.
"Merlin's beard, Astoria, you'd better come home soon."
A/N: Hey, everyone. This is my first Harry Potter one-shot, and I hope it wasn't too bad. I'm not crazy about it but I had fun writing it. I'm a big fan of Draco/Scorpius father-son stories so there might be a few more of those coming. I hope I kept Draco at least a little in character but if not, let me know! Reviews would be appreciated. This one-shot was inspired by the SpongeBob episode "Gary Takes A Bath". -Rachel