Title: Out of Reach
Word Count: 4448
Pairing: Edward / Jasper
Summary: They met last summer and fell hard for each other in every way. But the summer's end meant Jasper's departure and eventual complete absence from Edward's life. Can Edward forget what they had and move on? Or could this summer give their love a second chance?
Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. But thank you Stephanie for writing it for us to enjoy and imagine with.
Out of Reach
Summer is out of reach. And with it so is he.
We met last summer. His family rented a house on the lake like so many others, bringing our sleepy town to life for a few months each year.
And then he was gone as if he'd never been.
As if it had all been a dream.
An amazing dream… the most erotic dream. A dream from which I'd have given anything to not awaken from.
It's been almost six months, a fucking half of a year, since Jasper's baby blues skimmed my body with admiration and raw need. Never have I felt such a physical reaction from someone simply looking at me.
Six months since his gentle hands were on me, in me, around where I needed them the most.
I remember the first time I set eyes on him like it was yesterday. He took my breath away. Literally. It was as if the oxygen had been sucked from the air around me.
I'd been struggling with my sexuality, just beginning to accept that I preferred boys. Deep down I'd known for a while, but hadn't had a reason to do anything about it. I hadn't had a reason to explore that part of myself; to start my life.
Everything became clear the moment I saw him. Not a doubt was left in my mind.
I knew I needed to learn everything about him. Everything possible. Like what his skin might feel like beneath my fingers. Or how my name would sound falling from his cupid lips when he called it in ecstasy from the many things I wanted to do to his body. Fucking needed… I fucking needed to do so many things to his mesmerizing body.
I was sitting in my lifeguard chair on the beach as I had a so many times before, trying to pay attention to the swimmers, yet taking in the fresh boys of summer, as Emmett liked to call them. The pretty boys that breeze in for the summer months giving Emmett something, or should I say someone… multiple someones, to 'do' to pass the time. So many summer boys has my best friend, Em, educated in the pleasures of what one boy can do to another. He'd embraced his homosexuality long before he even knew what the word meant.
How dear Em loves the boys of summer. I always laugh and attempt to predict which of them he'll find to be gay, which he'll help realize the fact, and which ones will be straight. Even them being straight doesn't deter him from trying his damnedest to convince them otherwise, and from flirting with them relentlessly regardless. Even the straight ones have a hard time resisting Em's irresistible charms.
I, too, have enjoyed looking at them year after year, that's for sure, but never had I been taken by one.
Until I saw Jasper.
Walking onto the beach all slow and confidently; friendly and smiling to anyone he crossed paths with. I saw his radiant glow even from a distance, felt his warmth and spark.
So I watched him, as he watched me, for days. I watched him from my chair unable to get up the nerve to approach him. I knew I eventually would. I just didn't know how or when.
His come hither glances increased. It had been a week since I'd first seen him, and as if he knew how his actions affected me, he went to the water again. Floating on his back, his tanned and toned abs glistening in the sun, the bulge in his fuck-hot tight swim shorts unmistakable. He was definitely packing some heat. I knew it, and he knew I knew it. I swear I could see him smirk every time I licked my lips.
Each time he would go in the lake, he'd swim the length of the designated swimming area; back and forth with his powerful arms and legs, occasionally stopping to float on his back for a while.
Just when I'd be squirming in my seat, trying like hell to keep my attention focused on the lives I was supposed to be protecting, he'd saunter out of the water, droplets of moisture dripping yet clinging, as if they didn't want to leave his glorious body. And then, as he'd reach the beach, he'd run his fingers through his chin length golden waves, slicking them back to completely reveal his beautiful face. Every damn time.
Never had I seen such a beautiful face. He was an anomaly; so pretty yet handsome; lovely but utterly masculine in every way.
Finally he'd take a seat on his towel, glancing my way with a nod. An invitation?
But that time was different. So very different. Because just as he was lying back, someone sat down beside him. A very big, attractive someone.
Oh god! Emmett!
And I could tell by the predatory look in his eye – a very on the prowl Emmett. He'd already set his eyes on my boy. I'd expected as much, but had hoped I'd have worked up the nerve to at least be competition for the gorgeous blond's affections.
"No…!" I unconsciously yelled out loud, alarming the people sitting near me.
Helplessly, anxiously, I checked the time on the clock above the Snack Shack. Only fifteen minutes till my lunch break. Fifteen minutes for Em to already have turned Beautiful into putty in his hands, fifteen minutes to have him begging for it.
Hell, I'd be lucky if Em hadn't lured the beauty to his empty house in that much time, to fuck him silly as he does all his boys while his parents are at work.
The subsequent fifteen minutes seemed like the longest of my life. I'd skim my eyes over the water, looking for any of the signs of distress that I'd learned to watch for, yet all the while glancing over towards my boy and Em. They were laughing; I could hear them across the beach. Em was full on flirting, fluttering his eyes, showing off his biceps, innocently yet suggestively, touching Jasper's. And touching his fucking hair? Yes! I helplessly watched as Emmett kept tucking a stray strand behind my boy's ear. Fuck, fuck, fuck…
But Jasper kept glancing over his shoulder my way. He wanted me, I was sure of it.
When my replacement finally relieved me, I jumped down from my perch as if my life depended on it. In a way it did, the promise of a love life. Finally.
I was a man on a mission; where my courage came from I'll never know. I walked assuredly, straight over to them. I could hear Em making his move as I approached. Shit!
"Well, Jasper… I don't know about you, but I think I need to get out of this sun, cool down a bit. It looks like you might have had a bit too much sunshine, too," he cooed in his bedroom voice, skimming his finger down Jasper's nose before flirtatiously pinching its adorable tip. "How about we head over to my place? My parents aren't home… won't be for hours…"
As I towered above them, I quite loudly cleared my throat. "Umm, Em…? I got this. You go ahead and get out of the sun. I can look out for…?" Pausing, I raised an eyebrow at the beautiful blond now gazing up at me with a knowing smirk on his gorgeous face, silently asking him to tell me his name. I didn't even know his name yet, but I thought I was already in love. Was that even possible?
He stood and reached out his hand to me, shaking mine as he sexily drawled, "Well, howdy, stranger. I was wonderin' when you'd get around to introducin' yourself… it's Jasper. My name is Jasper. And it's my pleasure to finally make your acquaintance."
I stuttered over my own name as I fought to stay on my feet; as I fought against the countless reactions my body was experiencing. From the heat radiating up my arm and throughout my body due to the simple touch of his firm yet gentle handshake. From the sound of his sexy fuck-me-six-ways-from-Sunday Southern accent washing over me, intoxicating me. From his intent glare, sweeping down and back up my body to finally settle on my own, our eyes seemingly locked to each other, neither of us unable to look away.
"Umm, I'm Ed… Ed… Edward…" I was finally able to mutter, our hands still clasped between us.
The moment stretched between us, seconds… minutes… I don't fucking know. The sounds around us faded away. Gone were the echoes of children playing, gone were distant radios playing distant songs. It was as if the volume had been muted on the world around us and all I could hear was each breath I took, and the sound of my heart thundering in my ears.
And he felt it too. I knew that he did. It was real. It was inevitable. We were meant to be together. In every way.
God bless dear Emmett, the good friend that he is, the all-around good guy that he is, because the next thing I was aware of, besides everything Jasper, was Emmett on his feet beside us.
"Okay then. Yeah… I know when I'm not wanted. I'll just leave you two to it." With a wink and a smack to my shoulder as he started in the direction of the club house, he chuckled, "Way to go, E. I didn't know you had it in you. What the fuck do you know about that? Damn."
Jasper and I were left standing there, still holding hands. Looking up at me through his fluttering lashes, his cheeks were pink; not from the sun's kisses, but because of me. Because of us. And that was it, that was all she wrote. We were inseparable after that. Until the end of summer.
Until we were ripped apart; separated by time and circumstance. Separated by distance. The cruel expanse that left two seventeen year old boys, two star-crossed lovers helpless to do anything about it. There was nothing we could do to surmount the expanse of space between us when summer came to its bitter end, yanking him back to Texas with his family.
Helpless to do anything to breach the magnitude of miles, our phone calls and texts eventually became few and far between as he transformed into someone I no longer knew. A preoccupied, indifferent version of the Jasper I'd fallen for. Finally his calls and texts stopped all together and he no longer answered mine. I was left hurt and confused, completely clueless as to what had happened to our love. Mine hadn't waned. My love for him was still strong, as strong as ever. Had his for me been so weak that he could so easily forget me?
Regardless, I couldn't forget him. I wouldn't forget.
I will never forget our love. Our days. I will never forget our nights in his room, in the guest cottage of the near mansion his parents liked to call a lake house. I won't allow myself to forget as I drive by again and again.
I do so many a night. I drive by the property his family rented, but nobody's home. He isn't there. The house and his guest cottage are abandoned until yet another family occupies them for another summer.
Yet, I can almost imagine that he'll walk out his door, as anxious to greet me as he always was. We'd barely make it inside before touching and kissing, and eventually making love. And fucking. Oh shit, the fucking. He made me crazy with sensations I'd never imagined possible. I'd made him scream with ecstasy from my ass' embrace. I'd made him scream as I'd entered him too, in his bed, on the couch, or even against the wall from time to time. Among other places. So many places. On every surface.
Night after night we'd learned each other, every spot on every inch of each other's willing and oh-so needy bodies.
He'd promised to stay in touch, to somehow make it work. He'd promised to convince his parents to let him visit throughout the year, to make them come back the next summer and the summer after that.
Unfortunately… tragically, his promises were empty.
I'd thought I knew what love was. What did I know? I didn't. I painfully discovered that love isn't anything. Love means nothing. It doesn't conquer all, or anything, for that matter. And it's easily forgotten by some. By Jasper. But not by me.
Those days are gone forever. Our love is gone, his love is gone. I should just let it go, but I can't.
I don't know how long I've been sitting here, staring at the his house and cottage when I'm pulled from my memories by a car pulling up beside my own. Emmett rolls down his window and throws me a life line yet again.
"Come on E… follow me home."
So I do. I make polite conversation with his parents, as briefly as possible. In his room he pulls me in for a bear hug, sitting with me on his bed, rubbing my back. I'm the only boy he brings in here without the intention of fucking. He's told me as much; that I'm special. His best friend. The brother he never had.
Many nights he's comforted me here with quiet words and a shoulder to cry on.
"Come on, E. You've got to stop doing this to yourself. He's gone, and he's not coming back. I'm so sorry, but just forget him already. Please?"
I've heard it before, not just from him. Still, I shake my head against his plea. He doesn't understand. Nobody does.
"You don't understand, Em. You've never had what we had. You can't understand."
He remains calm and soothing, yet, conviction rings in each of his following words. "You're absolutely right. I can't understand what you're going through because I've never been in love. And if you're… if this is an example of what it's like to be in love, then by God… I don't ever want to be. No, thank you. I'll take my one night stands, and no strings attached flings any day over misery and pain. Over love."
My tears are falling again. I'd have thought I'd have cried myself out months ago, yet still they come. Less as time goes by, I guess. But I don't think they'll ever stop completely. Not as long as I'm alive and can remember how good I had it for a few short months when I was seventeen. Not as long as I remember how life with Jasper compares to my bleak reality without him.
"Did he love me, Em? I thought he did…" I croak.
"Yes, Edward. I've told you… he definitely loved you so fucking much. Don't ever doubt that. It was just too far, and you guys are too young. It was doomed before it began. And for what, E? A few months of happiness to be left like this?"
He's right. Emmett is absolutely right. I have an epiphany as I sit here leaning on him again. I realize that he's the smartest person I know because he is so right. What the hell is love worth if it leaves you like this? No more. I've had love, and I've lost love. That's enough of love for me.
But that inner voice in the back of my head, that will always be whispering of Jasper, reminds me that I don't have to swear love off, or even just try to avoid it. What Jasper and I had was a once in a lifetime thing. It will never happen again. The love of my life has come and gone. And whether I search for it or avoid it, it will never find me.
Three months later…
It's the first week of summer and Em is dragging me to the lake on my day off. It's not as if I have anything better to do anyway. Besides, he is convinced that one of the newbie boys of summer will be just what I need to get back into the dating game. A cute little twink named Riley, or so I'm told. Em's favorite of the hopefuls, yet he insists that he's perfect for me.
I've watched the beach and the streets fill with vacationers once more, trying like hell to not keep an eye out for a certain head of golden hair. I've tried not to constantly listen for the deep Southern voice that I continue to dream about every damn night. But I can't help but look for Jasper. As much as I hope to see him walk up the beach, or down the street, I pray just as much that I don't.
For I don't know what it would do to me, how I would face him. How would I deal with seeing the love of my life who decided that I wasn't worth the wait?
I don't know.
Barely making our way onto the beach, Emmett is already introducing me to Riley. He's sweet and gorgeous. I'm attracted to him, I think. But there are no sparks like there were with Jasper. No pull. No need. I will never feel that again.
The thought comforts me as much as it scares me.
Riley and I are getting on quite well, sitting here on the beach with Em and Jacob, Riley's friend. Jacob is almost as big as Emmett, so not his type, yet I notice a sparkle in Em's eyes that I've never seen before. He's not using his usual lines, instead suggesting double dates, and discussing real things like the economy and the environment.
Gradually a familiar feeling comes over me, a buzz through my body that I haven't felt since last summer. Since Jasper. I swear I can smell him. I must be imagining things.
I watch as Emmett's face transforms into that of anger and something I can't quite describe. It's as if he wears the expression of a papa bear protecting his cub, his chest puffing out a bit as he begins shaking his head. But his voice is the clincher. His voice is foreboding.
"Oh. Hell. No." he galumphs, looking past me, behind me.
And I know without turning around that Jasper is there. He is really fucking close, right behind me. I don't want to turn around, but I can't stop myself. I have to see him. I need to see him.
He is standing there with his arms out as if to protect himself.
As gorgeous as ever, his eyes plead with me as he's telling Emmett that he just wants to talk to me, he means me no harm.
"No harm? No harm?" Emmett yells, now drawing the attention of what appears to be everyone on the entire beach. Yet he continues his rant.
"No harm? Really, Jasper? It's too fucking late for that! The harm is done! You broke him. And now you have the balls to show your face around here again? And I figured you for a smart boy, but as it turns out, you're pretty fucking stupid."
"You don't know what it's taken to get back here, to show my face again, Emmett. I am smart and I know what I had and what I lost and what I want. What I need. It's right here. He's right here. And I'm not leaving again."
The whole scene goes on without me, around me. But I take it all in. Jasper loves me, he's come back for me, and I owe it to both of us to hear him out.
"Enough!" I yell, shutting them both up right quick.
Turning to Em, I just hope he can understand. "I'll be okay, Emmett. You know I have to talk to him. Please understand? But I promise I'll be okay."
Nodding his head, the fight rushes from him like a balloon losing its air.
"Yes, I understand, E…" he then diverts his attention to Jasper, "…as long as Jasper here understands how incredibly bad for his health it would be to hurt you again."
"I will never hurt him again," is his simple reply.
We walk to Jasper's without saying a word. I follow him on the path through the woods that leads right to the door of his guest house. Without question I follow him here, not surprised that his parents have rented the same place. This is Jasper's place. No other's.
He attempts to hold my hand a number of times, but I just can't. The wall I've built around my heart is cracking; it's crumbling… yes. Every second with Jasper lets more light in, more warmth.
But I need to know where he went. Where did he go all of those months that I didn't so much as hear one word from him. Not physically... I know he was a thousand miles away in Texas. But emotionally, where did he go?
Because he certainly wasn't with me.
As soon as we enter the quaint little cottage that smells of him already, or maybe still – he turns to me, pulls me into his embrace. He leaves me no choice but to cling to him.
"Fuck, you look so good, babe. I've missed you so much!"
But there is a war raging inside me. My ever softening heart is demanding that I just let what will be, be. That I simply fall back into him. But my brain is challenging me to fight my instincts, to get as far from him as possible.
Momentarily, the latter wins out.
I break free of his embrace, pushing him away, yelling, "What are you talking about, Jasper? I'm no longer your 'baby'. You disappeared on me. And without you I've been lost."
I need to know how he could leave me like he did. Where has he been? Who has he been with?
He's knows the answers that I require without me verbalizing their questions.
"I'm so sorry, baby… Edward. I couldn't handle it. Every day was painful, havin' you, but not. We were miserable. And then my parents refused to let me visit and insisted that we wouldn't be coming for the summer. Not this summer. Not any summer, never again. I thought we were doomed and that if we didn't talk or have any contact, that we'd get over each other and move on… a clean break. But I was so wrong. I'd rather have you long distance than not at all. I'd wait an eternity to be with you for five minutes. Please forgive me. There's been no one else. No one but you. Please, Edward…"
Finally I've heard enough; I cut him off. With my mouth on his and him pinned between me and the wall, I transform his words into moans and whimpers. I feel myself heal on the spot, as the warmth of his lips on mine spreads from my mouth through every cell of my body.
I am well again.
I am whole again.
We start out desperate, ravenous for each other's touch in any and every way. Our shorts and tees are quickly shed and I'm on my knees, between his legs in minutes. I revel in the look of his amazing cock, so hard and visibly leaking through the cotton of his pin-striped jockey's. I lick the wet spot, suckle there, tasting his essence, so delicious on my tongue. Oh, how I've missed his flavor.
"Please, baby… I need to be in your mouth. Please suck my cock now, Edward."
Fuck, what his begging does to me. I could cum from the sounds of his pleas alone. But I don't. Instead I relearn him. Every inch.
And oh, how my boy begs. He continues to beg as I swallow him down to his trimmed pubes, as I take his swollen balls into my mouth. He begs as I lick the crack of his ass and his quivering hole. He begs until I can no longer stand it, and I bury my cock deep inside of him in one hard thrust.
He's below me on his bed; somehow we've made it to the bed, and it hits me that he's mine again. He always was.
"Fuck, Edward… yes, baby, please. Fuck me… Remind me…"
He never relents… never stops begging; needing me so badly. Just as I need him. We move as we always did, in unison, together, perfectly meeting thrust for thrust. I look down at my beautiful boy below me, finally again. I look at his legs spread for me as I grasp his inner thighs. At his cock in his hand, him jacking himself as I fuck him. But once my gaze locks with his, everything that has been and will be is silently communicated between us. And the intimacy of our connection, that time and space could not break, sends of us flying together. We slather his chest and stomach with the proof of our mutual ecstasy, a release we can only find with each other.
We come down from our high; him holding me in his arms, whispering reassurances in my ear of his undying love for me, and how he will never leave me again.
I have to ask, "How can you be sure that you won't desert me again when faced with our inevitable separation."
Running his fingers through my hair, he looks into my eyes. A tear trickles down his cheek as he tries to make me believe. "Been there, done that. I don't ever want to go there again. And I won't. I can't be without you."
I see it in his depths.
He means every word.
"Besides," he continues, "I'm here for the summer, and then I'll be attending WSU in the fall. The distance between us won't be nearly as far. And hopefully non-existent? Are you still attending WSU? You had said that was your first choice?"
Can it be true? Will he really never be out of reach again?
"Yes. I am. I'm going there, too."
"Well… there you have it, darlin'. The only separation we'll need to deal with will be when we're in class, or when I have swim practice and meets. I made the swim team."
He's beaming, and proud and happy and complete. As am I to tell him that even his practices and swim meets won't cause us to be separated…
… Seeing that I made the swim team, too.