Burn Notice still doesn't belong to me unfortunately.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who reads my stories. I really do appreciate it.
Special thanks to my friends and PCC ladies Purdy's pal, DaisyDay and JediSkysinger for reading through early drafts of this.
This is a very short one shot based on the season 6 premier.
She wanted to be angry with Fiona for causing her son this much pain, but she also knew that her beloved daughter in law had turned herself in because she loved him
Madeline watched her son intently while he sat on her couch staring off into space. She had been surprised that he'd agreed to come and stay with her for the night, especially after she'd learned from Sam what had happened. No one had even really understood how deep Michael's feelings were for Fiona until now. He'd always been so private and closed off keeping everyone at a distance, but even Madeline knew that with Fiona he was different.
She wanted to be angry with Fiona for causing her son this much pain, but she also knew that her beloved daughter in law had turned herself in because she loved him. How could anyone have known that the love they shared ran so deeply; they weren't exactly a traditional couple. Yet it still broke her heart to see two people obviously so much in love, to be so cruelly ripped apart.
She glanced at her son sadly before turning her eyes onto the spot he was focused on, as if her silent vigil would strengthen Michael's infinite message of love and devotion, and carry it across to Fiona, wherever she was right now.
Reaching out to touch his hand he turned to her only to snatch his hand away and move backwards. "Sorry," he told her mournfully. "I thought…" he turned away then, closing his eyes briefly before forcing a smile to his face as he looked at her. "I'm fine."
"I know you're thinking about her again," she told him gently, her heart breaking for him. She knew that Fiona was the woman who occupied his thoughts and even though she wasn't here she was so tightly woven within him now that she didn't know if either of them could survive this separation. "You whispered her name."
Michael lifted his head and instantly focussed on her and she could see the pain shimmering in his eyes. He watched her helplessly, his mouth opening and closing before he looked down at the floor.
"It's okay," she whispered. "You don't need to explain it to me. I know how it feels to lose someone—"
"She's not dead," he told her quickly, his eyes once again shimmering with emotion before he clamped them closed and turned away from her.
Madeline could feel her own grief welling inside her and she wished she could take his pain away, if only for a little while. He had been holding himself together for so long and she knew it was only a matter of time before the dam burst and the sorrow brought him to his knees. She just hoped when it eventually happened that she would be with him to help stem the flow.
"You should eat something honey," she told him softly not really expecting him to answer. When he didn't move she tried again, needing to at least try and ease some of his pain. "Michael—"
"I'm fine, mom," he sighed, his defeated voice broke through hers, but he avoided her gaze.
Moving to the couch Madeline sat down beside him and reached out to touch his arm. Seeing him like this broke her heart and no matter how many times she'd tried to reach him she knew there was only one woman who could ease his pain but she wasn't here now. She ran her fingers down his arm until she reached his hand, turning it over so that they were palm to palm.
"Fiona wouldn't want—"
"Mom…please…" his voice choked out and she knew he was battling to keep hold of his emotions when his eyes glistened with tears.
Taking a breath she nodded solemnly and focused on their joined hands. She had never seen him like this, not even after all the times Frank had beaten him down. This was a man who had lost everything and she didn't know if she would ever recover from seeing the utter desolation in his eyes.
"Try and get some sleep," she told him softly as she untangled their hands. Getting to her feet she looked down at him before she bent to place a soft kiss onto his head and then slowly stepped away. "I'll see you in the morning."
When he didn't answer she nodded anyway, blinking away her own building tears. Her eyes glanced up at the photo of the two of them and she couldn't stop the lone tear that carved a wet path down her cheek as she slowly turned away, bidding him a soft goodnight when she left the room.
Michael let out the breath he'd been holding when he was finally alone. He'd come to his mother's house because he couldn't face going back to the loft, not when Fiona's presence dominated their home. He couldn't face looking across at her snowglobes without missing her or see all of the little touches that were so hers. He couldn't face their bed, not when her scent was still on the sheets…he just couldn't…do it.
Despite it all he'd still lost her…he'd still lost sight of everything she had tried to tell him because he was trying too hard to save her. His heart ached and he was feeling a loss that he couldn't ever describe. This was nothing like Ireland when he was the one who left her behind. Had this been how she felt when she woke up in their bed alone?
He'd taken it for granted that she would always be with him, no matter how many times he'd pushed her away. When he was first burned he'd tried to keep her at arms length even though the magnetic pull between them was as strong as it had been all those years ago. He had felt the spark the second he'd seen her again and no matter how many times he'd tried to fight it, the pang in his heart had been far too strong.
So he'd surrendered to that need and opened his heart, allowing the only woman who had over occupied it, in. In some far part of his mind he'd worried that the old problems that had caused them to part would still be present, but he'd realised soon after they started seeing each other again that they'd both grown out of the past.
He loved her, and if he'd been honest with himself all those years ago he knew back then that there would never be anyone else. She was his heart, his soul and everything in between…but now…she was gone. His last vision of her would haunt him forever and he knew that when he had to relent and eventually close his eyes, she would be there.
Right now he was trying to keep his anger from swallowing him whole. Fiona had always been the only one who'd kept him grounded. She had tamed that part of him that had been angry at the world. Because of her he had a relationship with his family again, she'd made him a better man, one who had moved on from his past and allowed himself to love…so what would he do now?
Was he supposed to carry on without her now? He knew Sam and Pearce kept a close eye on him, both of them had watched him worriedly when he'd slipped into fury so easily. He'd seen the shock and hurt on his best friends face when he'd pulled a gun on him, and even now he wasn't sure whether he could have stopped himself from pulling the trigger. Everything just felt so…helpless.
Lying against the back of the couch he looked up at the ceiling, his eyes focussing on the hole that his mother had made. He'd almost lost her too today and telling her he loved her was something he should have told her a long time ago. He just wished he could have told Fiona too.
Closing his eyes he felt the sting of tears burning there but he fought them with everything he possessed. He couldn't fall apart, not now, not when Fiona needed him to fight for her.
Her image danced inside his mind and he swallowed against the growing lump in his throat. Where was she now? What was she going through right at this moment because he couldn't help her? The thought of her alone and in some hole somewhere caused his eyes to water furiously and no matter how much he fought it he couldn't seem to stem the flow.
Through blurred eyes he scanned the room, his gaze falling onto the shelf that housed his mother's treasured photographs. Swallowing the lump in his throat he shifted forward off of the couch and stood up to lift the framed photo of him and Fiona off of the shelf.
Gazing down at it he focused on her face, his beautiful Fiona. She was everything and he hadn't been able to tell her… The walls he'd built up around himself slowly evaporated when a sob escaped from somewhere inside him. His eyes filled and his heart ached as he finally gave into the sorrow that he had been fighting to keep at bay for so long.
Falling back onto the couch he dissolved into sobs, his heartache pouring out of him in an endless flow as he gave in to his sorrow. Reaching a hand out to the photo frame he placed his hand flat on the glass surface trying to focus through his tear blurred eyes. He would fight for her even if it cost him everything because she had given everything up for him. His tears dripped onto the glass in his hand but he let them flow, willing her to feel him and his love that still burned…