While there were many who hated Itachi, a lot of people would have been surprised to learn that Tenten was on that list.

Some civilian kids had lemonade stands. Tenten had a family business and a craving for sharp pointy things. Seeing her true passion for the field, her father decided to put it to work: she could have the weapons she wanted, provided she did a good enough job of demonstrating them that she was able to meet sales quotas.

He was envisioning a cute little girl practicing in front of his shop, drawing in civilian parents who would be reassured to see that their children could own sharp things without hurting themselves with them.

However, Tenten was usually in the shop when the Uchiha police force came by to collect their protection money, and her father had explained to her what was really going on.

A future ninja, Tenten was very able to put two and two together when those twos were 'Daddy will give me weapons if I get money by demonstrating weapons, which means stabbing things' and 'if I have weapons, I can threaten to stab people and they will give me money.'

So, all she had to do was find some people who had money she could extort from them! Since she'd seen her Daddy give them money just last week, little Tenten headed over to the Uchiha district.

Which was how Uchiha Mikoto found an adorable little ball of sunshine on her front porch. (Note that while most people associate sunshine with warmth and love, the affection of Amaterasu, Mother of us all, the Uchiha considered it fiery death, and thus still awesome). Smiling up at her and threatening stabby mayhem if the clan matriarch was foolish enough to not want to buy kunai and explosive tags.

And indeed, anyone who didn't want blades and fire was clearly Senju, civilian or defective and had no right to live. And why was this intelligent child picking a fight with an Uchiha? Because she wanted a sword of her very own, and was willing to risk torturous death to acquire a weapon with which to inflict torturous death on her enemies.

Aww.

If this was the old days, Mikoto would have kidnapped her then and there, but there were laws the Uchiha had to pretend to obey and Tenten's father was one of the best sources of stabby things in Konoha.

How to acquire this cuteness for herself and those weapons for the Uchiha clan?

Clan matriarchs did not survive long as clan matriarchs without having the ability to generate plenty of wonderful, awful ideas. "Itachi, dear?" his mother called.

"Yes?" her son answered.

"Draw your sword and show it to this little cutie," she told him.

He complied.

"Would you like to marry my son?" Mikoto asked as Tenten examined the blade.

Tenten had barely begun her ninja training, but she had devoted herself to learning the business of weaponry already, or as she preferred to think of it 'getting the money to buy all the shiny stabby things by selling them when I get bored with them.' "Does he come with the sword?"

Hook, line and sinker. Kushina's partner in crime smiled. "He comes with lots of swords. Let me show you my personal armory." Every so often the Uchiha needed to take in non-demon blood to avoid inbreeding to the point they started showing physical signs of their true nature, but they absolutely couldn't afford to dilute the clan's passion for blood, fire and steel.

This would do nicely.

When the Uchiha Massacre occurred, Konoha lost its most prestigious clan and Tenten lost her tall (well, -er than Sasuke), dark and handsome fiancé, a good portion of her door-to-door sales income (Mikoto wasn't the only Uchiha who found small and stabby absolutely adorable) and the goddamn Sword of Totsuka he could summon with his sharingan, the blade wielded by Izanagi when he killed Kagatsuchi for burning Izanami to death. While the contract could have entitled her to possession of Sasuke, she was no fool: without a clan, she wouldn't be able to do much about the Council's pressure to revive the Uchiha Clan if she revealed its existence. They'd want her to retire and get to work on that early, and the hell with that.

That was why when she eventually picked out a replacement boyfriend, she went for someone from a Branch Clan who didn't want to have any kids to serve his cousins. It wasn't that Neji didn't like Hinata, but her marrying Sasuke made it near-certain that the next Clan Head was Hanabi, and she was a brat.

Neji didn't see the appeal of weapons, but eh, people rarely married taijutsu specialists like Lee or Neji for their brains. Not when they had all those lovely muscles.

At least it meant she could count on him not to run off with her goddamn swords.


Before the massacre, members of the Uchiha Clan avoided Naruto so people wouldn't think they were associating with or trying to free the kyuubi. Sasuke was the first Uchiha Naruto encountered, and then he made friends with Sasuke and all the younger members of the clan. Uchiha were never really mean to him, not by the standards of a boy who had to worry about getting beaten up by strangers. When Uchiha tried to beat him up, they were only playing. Except Sasuke when Naruto ruined the lunches, but he totally deserved that.

While most people were jerks, with a handful of exceptions like the Old Man, a hundred percent of the Uchiha Naruto had met became his friends.

Naruto was aware that different clans had different traits, like the Inuzuka had friends that were dogs. So it made perfect sense to him that one of the traits of the Uchiha clan was that they had friends that were Naruto. Which meant that all Uchiha were good guys! The best!

Well, Itachi was evil, since hundreds of Uchiha? If it weren't for Itachi, Naruto would have hundreds of friends!

That meant Itachi was the exception that proved the rule that Uchiha were great people. He had to be really evil to kill so many good people, but killing good people was what evil did, so Itachi definitely had to be evil. It made perfect sense to Naruto.

Sure, Sasuke said that the Uchiha were evil incarnate, but that was just to make Naruto feel better about the kyuubi. Since Sasuke was the best, and so were the Uchiha.


A week before the final stage of the Chuunin Exams, a Naruto came running into where Sakura was sparring with one of Kakashi's water clones while their sensei read his book and giggled. "Sakura, help!"

"Wrong Sakura! What do I know about chakra control exercises?" Or control in general.

"Oh, right!" Naruto exclaimed, remembering.

Two minutes later, another clone yelled. "Sakura, help!"

His teammate didn't look up from her book to see the librarian's kunai take out Naruto's shadow clone.

"Come on Sa-" Kunai'd.

This one managed to run up to her without yelling in the library, but when he grabbed her tight enough to make her vanish into a puff of smoke.

"Oh!" he realized, hitting himself on the forehead to dissipate himself before the kunai could hit him.

Back at Sakura and Kakashi's training ground, Sakura's real body was running an obstacle course while she and Kakashi read their pervy books. Since she read so fast, she was already at the juicy part where the 'name changed to protect our publishing house from being burned to the ground' Uchiha-based character was on his hands and knees begging the redheaded 'Uzumaki because they love to read about themselves having sex almost a tenth as much as actually having sex' heroine to return to him, crying that he couldn't live without her anymore and would accept his place as her slave and do whatever she wanted for the rest of his life. "You idiot!" she said when she saw Naruto. "Of course I was going to use my real body for physical training!" Meaning the Sakura in the library had to be the shadow clone. "Don't just manhandle delicate maidens! Unless they're Hinata," she added hurriedly, because she liked it when Naruto dragged her along enthusiastically and she didn't want to ruin that for her.

Also if she got over her crush on Naruto then maybe she'd decide to actually take advantage of her engagement to Sasuke, and then Sakura would have to kill her.

"Well, I thought you'd put Inner Sakura in the clone," Naruto said, although in hindsight that did make sense, yeah. Sakura would think of those kind of things.

"Because she's the real me?" Sakura asked him, rolling her eyes.

"I'm the real me!" Inner Sakura yelled.

Sakura nodded. "I'm the harmless civilian girl personality I created in order to be accepted by my peers."

Naruto and both Sakuras burst out laughing.

"Yeah, right," Sakura admitted. "I wanted people to worship me and my intellect, so I created this me to be a good girl and do all the boring things like studying."

Naruto nodded. That was Sakura! He probably would have thought of something like that, if it weren't for the fact that no mask he could wear would make most people like him, when they thought he as the fox, and Old Man Hokage would have seen through any mask an amateur could put together anyway. "Even thought I can summon the Slug Boss without storing up chakra in advance, the Old Lady says I need to do it anyway! You've got great chakra control, and you've been reading all the jutsu, so you know some great chakra control exercises, right?"

Sakura rolled her eyes again. "I practice my fine chakra control by refining jutsu outside my elemental affinity and other useful stuff. I need chakra control exercises like a fish needs a snorkel or you need exercises to increase your chakra supply."

"But my shadow clones do exercise and develop my chakra pool…"

"Exactly!" she agreed. "Naruto, remember doing that research into everyone's learning styles?" Naruto learned best by running his mouth, which wasn't all that useful here, but second-best by doing. "Get out of my hair and get to it," you idiot. "I'm not going to teach you a shortcut!" Not when he was already ahead of her! Especially not when they had the last stage of the Chuunin Exams to look forward to. In theory, there was no way she was facing Naruto. In practice, rearranging the matches at the last moment was a very unfair and hence ninja thing to do, and even though part of the exam was seeing if the Chuunin would have the intelligence to spy on their probable foes, research them and plan their strategies and training accordingly…

"But it's haaaard," he whined, clearly just to get to her but Naruto always knew just how to piss her off.

Stalking over to him and hitting him upside the head that hard disrupted her shadow clone, but it was totally worth it. Naruto could punch and kick people freely with his, but that was because he had a stupid amount of chakra in addition to being stupid.


"Guys, guys," Konohamaru had to catch his breath after running over to the clan compound. "I went to check on the Boss, and Tsunade's got this thing where he has to sit there glaring in a mirror at his forehead to make a chakra jewel, and he's really bored!"

A dozen black heads turned towards him. "Naruto's bored?"

"Naruto's bored!" Yay! He'd been too busy training for the Chuunin Exams to get properly bored and play with them properly in ages!

Elsewhere, Iruka felt a shiver down his spine, the ninja's reflexes automatically making him duck and cover.

"So you're the Senju?" the brat hanging upside down from the tree by her knees asked. "Is it true that you're total losers that'll believe anything?"

"Oh, oh, I know this one! She's the Legendary Sucker!" another one exclaimed, pointing at her.

"So Naruto must have tricked her into teaching him all of her jutsu." Two of them nodded at each other. "It's still not cool to learn jutsu, but Naruto's not an Uchiha." So he could never be that cool anyway. Still, making a Senju his minion was good! First a Sarutobi, and now a Senju!

Tsunade's eye twitched. She might have considered killing them (they might look like children, but it wasn't as though Uchiha were people), but she was pleasantly buzzed and the dark energies the Uchiha radiated were the one thing she'd missed about Konoha.

"Is the Awesome Clan going after the Fan Girl?" one of Naruto's clones asked as the original Naruto groaned and stared harder at a certain point in his forehead. There didn't seem to be anything there yet but a wrinkle from all the creasing his brows were doing as he concentrated: there had to be some way to make his Shadow Clones do this! Except Tsunade didn't want him to try adding that level of complication before he demonstrated that he could at least do the basic stuff right, and that did make sense. He didn't want to spend years making a crystal and then find out it was built wrong and he wouldn't be able to use it.

"Nope, Aniki bought her! Since all the fans should belong to the Uchiha." Listeners nodded. The fan was the Uchiha Clan symbol and the Uchiha were the best: no one else deserved to have any fans. Especially when that would make people hot and miserable and that was the secret purpose of the clan!

Hmmm, Tsunade thought. Eight Purification Sake-marinated Uchiha… She would have to be around the next time Jiraiya found an excuse to get Sasuke drunk for blackmail material. The quiet hilltop she'd chosen for Naruto to train so that all the biju chakra he was broadcasting uselessly instead of forcing it into the chakra jewel would be safely absorbed without panicking Konoha was overrun with excited children eager to plot some fresh devilry.

Grandma Sakuya's leaves looked greener already.