Loyalty, at least in the form of slavish devotion to the greater evil, was a virtue possessed even by demons. And demon vessels, given how determined the kyuubi demon vessel was about trying to distract him.
Itachi thought it was adorable. He'd been right, Naruto was clearly a good person. It came easily to some people, he thought enviously. For a moment he considered kidnapping Naruto both for his cover as a member of Akatsuki and for some advice on how to act like a good person, but no, Sasuke needed his assistant and Itachi didn't actually like the Akatsuki enough to do something that helpful. Kisame was the least annoying of them and he kept stealing Itachi's sunscreen.
Which was why it was annoying that Orochimaru was cutting through the clones now, clearly trying to find the real body. If he kidnapped Naruto, Sasuke might follow to try to rescue him, or at least enter into negotiations to try to get his accountant back.
Ugh, Orochimaru was so annoying. "If you want Sharingan eyes so much, why not take them from Danzo?" he whispered as he pressed back the snake sannin's sword with his own.
Orochimaru's eyes widened in realization, then he quickly covered it up with arrogance. "Kukuku, I'll retreat for now. The Uchiha will be mine another day, and his little fox too."
The eyes of the Narutos widened. Oh crap! Without Orochimaru to divide his attention, now Itachi could focus on getting past him to where Sakura had Sasuke. Sakura was doing her best to train herself into an unpredictable ninja with a thousand jutsu from the Uchiha clan library, but what if that wasn't enough to hold out against someone like Itachi? Someone able to kill the entire clan that gathered those jutsu in the first place? It wasn't, especially when Sakura was restricted to low-powered jutsu by her still-small chakra reserves?.
Naruto was doing his best to get stronger too, to defend Sasuke and the family that was his now, but Itachi had brushed his clones aside like flies. Even chuunin-like ninja skills were no match for a genius yet, especially when Naruto had no chance to prepare the ground and his stealth skills would only be of use if he lost the fight, trying to hide with Sasuke and Sakura. He could bait Itachi towards the old man and Tsunade-sensei, but what if Itachi killed them? No, Naruto wasn't going to risk his precious people.
"I won't let you!" he roared, calling on the demonic power inside him. Quickly he shunted it off into a shadow clone that materialized in front of Sasuke. And met Sasuke's eyes. The Sharingan that could control biju.
Already-practically-a-Chuunin Uzumaki Naruto wasn't enough to take down Uchiha Itachi, huh?
Naruto smirked. Time to see how Itachi liked the kyuubi.
Pressed protectively against Sakura's body, Sasuke blinked. When he'd sensed Naruto calling on the Kyuubi's chakra, he'd known what was about to happen – this was a plan they'd come up with together for emergencies.
He'd expected the clone to turn into a nine-tailed fox, not a woman in a nun's outfit.
The force of puberty compelled him, and he was only able to meet the demon's actual eyes for a minute before his eyes sank lower.
The kyuubi giggled and jiggled, shaking large breasts that reminded him of Naruto's teacher's.
The kyuubi was sexy.
He thought the kyuubi was sexy.
Sasuke screamed in horror and both Narutos and Itachi paused in their battle as Sakura asked what was wrong. He ignored her screaming again.
He thought the nine tailed fox was sexy.
By the gods, he was a furry! A kind of pervert that even other perverts were ashamed of, from the reading he'd done on the subject, learning how to identify perverts to keep them away from the children.
"I'm a pervert!" he yelled in horror and grabbed for the chakra blade at his waist. Sakura dropped him on the ground and started to wrestle with him, trying to keep him from turning it on himself.
Narutos grabbed his hands and quickly tied them behind his back with the rope Naruto carried as part of his prank-cough-serious-Chuunin-ninja-supplies. Suddenly a host of hands picked him up and he was carried off over the rooftops by a team of Narutos.
"Old man, Sasuke thinks he's a pervert and he tried to commit seppuku! Sasuke hates perverts!"
Sarutobi sighed. He'd known this was coming. Sasuke's anti-pervert measures (involving Naruto's sexy no jutsu) were why he could only assign gay male and straight female Anbu to monitor the Uchiha compound and protect the children from those out to kidnap them for their eyes. There had been some chance the boy would be asexual, but he'd known that the odds were that at some point puberty would kick in and Sasuke would get taken down by a nosebleed when he told Naruto to test for perverts. Sasuke was obsessive: it wasn't hard to predict how he would react to the idea that he had become a danger to the children, another Itachi.
He cleared his throat. "Sasuke, as you grow up it's normal to experience certain feelings. Especially as a young man, it's very easy to become sexually aroused, even by things you don't actually find sexy." Rocks.
Although it was almost certain that there was someone out there with a rock fetish and some ninja who had made a rock clone or puppet in order to cash in on the client's kink.
The ninja academy had very through sex ed, mechanically at least. The clans insisted on it.
That was because it was very important to control who got pregnant when, because unplanned pregnancies could end with your grandchildren being raised as brainwashed weapons by other hidden villages and sent to kill you. You couldn't just tell your kids to just not have sex… well, you could teach abstinence, but only if your clan numbers were down so badly that you wanted the surge of teen pregnancies that came from teaching abstinence.
Even if sex per se wasn't always great for mental health, it was at least a reason to get it up in the morning and actual relationships were great for mental health, and mental health improved mission survival. The two ways to keep a clan's numbers up were to have children, yes, but also to have the members live longer, saner lives so they could train those children.
Because of that the clans encouraged their members to have sex and fall in love, as long as it wasn't with actual enemy ninja. The Hyuuga even taught all their members erotic massage and a thorough knowledge of anatomy while mandatory training kept even the civilian members lithe and nicely muscled, although that was a plan by the clan elders to keep the branch members too busy having sex to rebel.
There was some ancient civilization that believed that teammates should be lovers, because it motivated them to perform well on the battlefield. Konoha was all about preaching that teamwork, even the clans not whispering about putting clan members first, because the ninja saved by some other ninja's Will of Fire could be a member of the clan. The bonds of trust between team members made them a natural choice for sexual experimentation.
Marriage was about clan bloodlines and alliances, but that just made it even more important for spouses who weren't into each other not to piss each other off by demanding sex when a trip to the medic nin would do just as well or getting between their spouse and their lover(s).
It was only natural that despite his determination to restore his clan bloodline, at some point Sasuke was going to realize he was attracted to Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu form when Naruto was his helpmate as well as his teammate, and when attraction to Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu form was the benchmark by which Sasuke measured perversion…
Taking a drag on his pipe Sarutobi calmly explained this while Naruto stuffed a gag in Sasuke's mouth to keep him from biting his tongue.
"Sexy no jutsu. Right. That's what turned Sasuke on." Naruto laughed nervously.
Left alone on the deserted field of battle, Itachi regarded the woman who stood in front of him. He could sense the kyuubi's chakra, and as clan heir of course he knew of the kyuubi's human form and the importance of sending one of the most attractive ninja in the clan to service her every generation to strengthen the Uchiha clan's demon blood.
She winked at him and jiggled.
Despite everything, Itachi was a loyal Konoha nin, and right now his village needed him.
With a shadow clone body, the kyuubi wouldn't be able to do as much damage before it was stopped, but Konoha was already weakened and distracted by an invasion. Who knew how much devastation would be unleashed unless he intervened now and kept the kyuubi from going on a rampage.
Yes, he thought, stepping forward to take her hand, kiss it, and shunshin them away to a deserted training ground.
This would definitely count as his good deed for the day.