In the Mind of a Rasputin (An X-Men Fan Fiction)

Everything has changed ever since the day I died and even though that sounds a bit strange, it really is not, once you have been through what I have been through.

Of course, perhaps I should explain about my death. Four years ago, there was a terrible legacy virus that killed many mutants, including my dear little sister, Illyana. In order to save the mutants from contracting the same dreaded virus, a mutant had to sacrifice their life for the cure to work. I was that mutant who sacrificed his life to save the mutants of this world and after I had performed the deed, I felt happy that I was able to save the mutants from the terrible fate that befallen my sister.

But now, I am here, alive and well and you are wondering how that had happened. Well, not too long ago, an alien named Ord brought me back to life, only to have me be tortured by all kinds of experiments to create their "mutant cure," whatever that was. I still remembered all of the rage I had built up inside of me from being imprisoned in that laboratory and the sort of satisfaction I felt when I was pummeling Ord to the ground.

Of course it seems like I am repeating that story over and over again as I tell my tale and you must believe me, my tale is quite strange after all.

But now, I can finally live my life in peace once again…or can I?

I may be alive and well again, but everything feels so…unfamiliar to me. When I am standing outside of the Xavier Institute, breathing in the fresh morning air, even the air smells so strange and looking at the beautiful landscape with the gorgeous trees and the small pond near the back of the Institute, just makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

Is it because I have spent so much time in the…dark while I was dead? I do not know how to quite explain what it is like to be dead because I could not feel anything or see anything while I was dead and…I do not think I am making much sense here.

As I am trying to grasp everything that is going on around me, I see Logan coming up the hill towards me.

"Hey Petey! How ya doing?"

"Hello Logan!" I greet my old friend, glad that I actually have some company to talk with.

Logan just stands in front of me with his arms folded and said, "So, how's things holding up for ya? You still feel like you're some kind of outsider in the land of the living or something?"

How does he know about that?

"How did you…" I started to ask.

"Bub, I can smell the fear on ya a mile away and it's a lot of fear I'm smelling," said Logan.

"Oh, can you now?" I said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I can. Look Petey, even though I've been through so much heck in my lifetime, being a former thug and all, death ain't easy to deal with. But hey, what matters is that we're alive, so you just have to suck it up in the end," said Logan.

"Ah, but remember my friend. You have healing powers which manage to save your life many times before, while I am only able to turn my body into steel and I still die," I said smiling a little bit despite myself.

"Hey, just telling it like it is, Bub. Anyway, hope you get back to your old goofy self. See ya later!"

Logan then took off down the hill and I just watch him with a sort of admiration for his attitude. Logan may be tough and blunt towards anyone, but he does truly care for his friends and I have to admire his strong attitude about life. It is what keeps him going through his life…what keeps us going on with our lives.

I decided to go back to the Institute and still try to get accustomed to everything that has happened to me, when suddenly I smelled the stench of brimstone and my friend, Kurt pops up in front of me. I have often been used to Kurt popping out of nowhere with the stench of brimstone following him, so I just say my hellos to him without worrying about the stench of brimstone.

"Hello Kurt my friend! How is everything going with you?" I asked him.

"Good! Good Piotr! And how are things with you, my friend?" asked Kurt.

"Well, I have just bumped into Logan," I said.

"Logan's being his usual blunt, rude, mean and egoistical self?" asked Kurt.

"Yes, yes, yes and yes. But he has told me things about death that makes so much sense. Kurt, did you ever feel like you have become an outsider in a world that you seem to have known your whole life, but it was because you were gone from it for so long?" I asked him.

Kurt looked at me with those intense eyes he always gave me whenever I was sad or puzzling over something.

"Well Piotr. To be honest, I could only relate to the "being an outsider in a world that you seem to have known your whole life" part since my frightening looks is not something that is taken kindly very often. However, even though I am usually considered an outsider, I still try to make the best of the situation as I can. I have no regrets about being who I am and I still keep on with my life with no regrets. You should do the same too Piotr, even though you just got back into this world," Kurt told me smiling.

"Thank you, Kurt. You have helped me much more than Logan ever could," I said smiling.

"Always willing to help a friend in need, my friend," said Kurt bowing low. "Oh, I must be getting back to the Institute before everyone misses my company. Goodbye, Piotr!" And Kurt disappeared in a cloud of brimstone right before my eyes.

It is funny that I am talking to my friends like this, like my whole experience with death had never really happened. I wonder if it is normal to feel that way and maybe I am in self-denial about my death. Or maybe conversing with my friends is helping me realize more about the life I am cherishing right now and how I should…

"Hey Peter!"

And then my heart starts beating fast at a rapid pace. For that melodic voice came from one of my good friends…well, I should say we are more than friends actually…

"Katya! It is so wonderful to see you!" And I just ran towards Kitty Pryde, not caring about where I am going, except towards her and embracing her in my arms.

Kitty kissed me on the lips and said, "Hey handsome! What are you doing here by yourself?"

"Oh, I am just thinking about some things to myself," I said.

"You're still thinking about the whole death thing?" she asked.

Am I seriously that readable?

"Let me guess, is my face looking so gloomy to you?" I asked shyly.

"Well to be honest Peter, you were never that good with hiding your true expressions on your face, so it was an easy guess," said Kitty.

"Da. Do you know how much I love it when you just see my true emotions and be gentle about it?" I said.

"Hmmm…I supposed it's a gift," said Kitty, touching my nose with her finger. "Now, what's the matter?"

"Well, I have told you about my death experience with the legacy virus and how I was resurrected. Even though I am still alive, it feels like I am a ghost wondering around this world because I have been gone from this world for so long that I am still not used to everything that is going on in this world. It is just so difficult right now to get accustomed to everything and I want to live my life normally as I had before I died, but it is still a feeling I cannot get over."

Kitty was silent for a few moments and then she said, "Peter, do you remember that conversation we had when we were about to fight that creepy ghost girl in the Institute?"

I thought for a moment and then said, "Da. I remember."

"Well, I said that you're still alive and that being brought back to life means that you have another chance at life. Peter, you don't have to be afraid to get accustomed to the living world again. I mean, sure it will take you awhile to get over that horrible experience you went through, but you always got people who care about you who will help you through this," said Kitty.

Now I was silent for a few moments and then I said, "You are right Katya. I do have my friends who truly care about me and I will try hard to get accustomed to this world once more. Besides, there is just one person I really want to get close to while I am still alive."

I slowly wrapped my arms around Kitty's waist and whispered in her ear, "And she is sitting right here."

Kitty blushed and said, "And the man of my dreams is sitting right over me."

Then Kitty and I kissed with such passion that it nearly took our breaths away and we stayed that way for the rest of the day.

There are many things I have learned about life and death over the years and while some of the experiences I had were quite unpleasant, it was those terrible experiences that made me into a stronger person. I know that it may take me a long time to get used to the living world after the horrible experience I went through, but my strength and my confidence will come in pieces one by one, as long as I have my true friends by my side, living life by my side.