Future Kurtbastian fic. It's five years since Kurt graduated and he never left Lima.

Rated M

Warnings: Way too much angst, man on man, overblown yet wafer thin plot, and yes I already know they go OOC on occasion, I claim artistic license and the fact I'm a total romantic (Plus Sebastian is harder to write than he looks), I give up the characters are annoying the living daylights out of me. And this is partly written while suffering writer's block.

There are 39 chapters in total, read on at your own risk.

Don't like don't read, though constructive criticism is always welcome (plus any reviews).

I own nothing, literally.

Make My Heart Start Beating


Once upon a time…

There was a silly frog. And the silly frog believed he was a prince. He believed it so much he made a real prince fall in love with him and he was so very happy.

The silly frog thought he could sing, the silly frog thought he could dance, the silly frog thought he was special.

And then one day the prince woke up and saw the silly frog for what he was…

I hate fairy stories about princes and princesses and how love is magical and everything we should dream about.

Don't get me started on dreams.

Between them, love and dreams, my heart stopped beating.

On the day I graduated High School. On the day I escaped that living hell. On the first day of what was to be my glorious future, my prince broke up with me.

His parents were dragging him away from the unsavoury bad influence of me, as he'd been talking back and thinking for himself, and they packed him off to summer camp. I thought we would get back together afterwards, that it was temporary. He made me understand, gently, always gently, regretfully, full of his own pain and anguish, that we would not get back together.

Incidentally he ended up back at Dalton, with Sebastian. A very angry Sebastian, who had to learn the painful lesson of being sidelined and overshadowed by Blaine. Blaine who took back the soloist spot and was given the beloved leadership of the Warblers and turned them back to the ways of the council.

And that summer after Graduation was hard and it hurt, but I lived because my dreams kept me alive and I reached for New York with all my heart. The final two places at NAYDA came down to me and Rachel.

And so I lost that dream even as she told me how I'd be there next year, just a year behind, and really I could get extra credit, help my dad, and the Rachel Berry star shone brightly as mine burnt out and died.

Every other college was a bust. I'd left it too late.

In many ways it was destined to be because I could work in dad's shop, he could go and kick sense into a bunch of politicians that could never understand what it was like to live in the real world, Carole loyally by his side watching and waiting, being there, strengthening him and keeping his diet heart healthy.

And Finn, sweet Finn who followed Rachel to New York after the army was a bust and could never compete with the lights and the sparkles. Finn who made it through college and came out with a degree, much to his surprise, and who is following in dad's footsteps to enter politics, all those hard nosed people will run smack into my brother's big brown eyes and earnestness and stubborn muleheadedness, it'll be funny to watch them fall flat on their over paid asses.

On the day that I found out I wasn't going to NAYDA that I wasn't going to fulfil my dreams I went to Scandals. I conscientiously ordered the cab, in advance, and the hotel room for one, I'm not that kind of man, and then I proceeded to slowly get drunk. No strong spirits, everything diluted, I just wanted one night to numb it away. No boyfriend. No perfect college. No escape from Lima Ohio, just another Lima Loser after all.

And then I bumped into him, well he crashed onto the stool next to mine, that smirky meerkat face smirking at me, I was drunk, I knew when my taxi was getting here, only another ten more minutes.

He said nice things, no insults, no cruel jibes, I was so desperate but I went to leave on my own and then somehow he was in the cab because I foolishly invited him, then he was in the hotel room, and I have vague blurry memories of heated kisses and touches and fumbles, he was gentle, he didn't laugh at me, he used protection.

I remember the morning very clearly. I remember him getting up and sneering, "Well little lady gay face that was fun, not, I was right Blaine would be better in bed, guess we'll chalk this one up to an experiment gone bad, could you be less adventurous in bed?"

Luckily he didn't stick around and I never saw him again.

I stood under the shower shivering and feeling so dirty and used, I never thought I'd get clean. And then I caught a cab home. I helped Finn pack for New York and as I laid in bed that night I realised my heart had stopped beating.

Oh it pumped blood.

But it had stopped beating.

I threw my beautiful clothes out and bought boring boy clothes. I wanted to blend in, not to stick out, just another Loser in Lima.

Dad's finally stopped shoving college prospectuses under my nose, he's trying to get me to do night school instead. He's stopped asking around for guys my age because I don't date, ever.

Or sleep around.

I fill my days with work, most days the garage, sometimes at the Lima Bean, the gay faced barista, and I volunteer at the high school.

Most days I can forget and simply get through another day too tired to do anything else but collapse into my lonely bed at night.

Most days I can forget the past and live in the now. The quiet boring routine of now that I know so very well.

So I'm startled when I look up from grocery shopping to see a bunch of college brats messing about in the aisle. And then I see him. He doesn't see me. Freezing in place I panic and something hurts in my chest for a second.

I have my earbuds in, no music switched on, it's the best way to pass people so they don't talk to me, and I'm dressed in boy clothes, no product in my hair, he'll never remember me, I meant nothing to him all those years ago, I'll mean nothing to him now.

Passing them I hold my breath. He's the same age as Blaine, he's graduated college this year, so this summer will be his last before he enters work somewhere far, far away while he works part-time on his writing.

I leave them behind and breathe out in relief, he didn't remember me, I'm safe.

A hand lands on my shoulder making me jump as a jolt of electricity slides through me and I'm spun around to see him standing there, his cronies fan out to trap me by the feminine hygiene products, the perfect place for him to insult me about my apparent lack of masculinity.

"Kurt Hummel, I didn't recognise you for a second, you're wearing boys' clothes," Sebastian Smyth smirks at me in such a familiar way and I sigh waiting for the insults to really start.

A/N: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.

And again sorry this isn't up to my normal standards, only 38 chapters to go...