Title: Living a life that I can't leave behind
Word Count: 10,400
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong JK Rowling and associated publishers. I make no profit from this endeavour.
Author's Notes: Written for hds_beltane 2012. Beta read by singlemomsummer, edited since, mistakes all mine.
Summary: More than twenty years after losing Lily Evans to James Potter, Severus is devastated when history starts to repeat itself after Harry and Draco give in to their feelings for one another.
The first thing he was aware of was the light. The glow from the artificial strip lights of the room burned through the lids of his eyes which refused to open despite his best efforts. Wherever he was, it wasn't somewhere familiar to him. He didn't like bright lights, he was too used to the muted shadows of the dungeons at Hogwarts and he knew without doubt that wherever here was it wasn't Hogwarts; he couldn't feel its centuries old magic gently caressing his skin when he reached out for it. No, this place was somewhere else, somewhere wholly unfamiliar.
The second thing he noticed was the warmth. The heat emanated from his right hand. Someone was holding it and that someone had rough warm flesh and a thumb that liked to rub the top of his palm rhythmically. It was soothing and oddly comforting. He couldn't remember the last time someone touched him with any kind of affection, and whilst he'd really never missed what he'd never had, he liked the sensation. It felt like someone cared.
Lastly it was the voices. Through the fog in his brain he struggled to hear what was being said around him. The voices were familiar but he couldn't quite place them. A woman's voice, speaking with stern affection…if he could just reach out and pull the sounds into himself, he could hear—
"…two months! This isn't good for you. If he starts to wake up they'll let you know straight away, you know they will. Please—just come home."
So familiar, so damned familiar! His brain scrambled to make the link.
"I've told you, I won't leave him. He doesn't have anybody. He deserves to have someone here when he wakes up! After everything he has done, surely you can't disagree with that?" Merlin – it was Potter. That immediately placed the other voice: Hermione Granger. Who else would talk to Potter in that tone?
An uncomfortable silence followed and then Granger finally said, "I just don't understand, Harry. Sure, visit regularly, do your duty if that's how you see it, but to almost live here? It's unhealthy."
He could feel the stubbornness emanating from Potter even from his state of not-quite-consciousness, the stubborn Gryffindor idiot.
"I'm staying until he wakes up." His tone was firm.
Granger sighed. "Alright, Harry," she said. "But you know you have to give evidence tomorrow don't you? That's one thing you can't avoid."
"I know that, Hermione, I know."
It went quiet, footsteps moved away, but the warmth of the hand on his remained, soothing him back into the darkness once more.
"Seamus, do you mind if I go early? I don't feel so good." Harry forced a smile, thinking that 'I don't feel so good' was an understatement and a half, and that he really had to get out of there before he passed out altogether. It was almost closing time anyway, and Tuesday nights were never that busy at The Time Turner.
Seamus glanced up at Harry, breaking his concentration on the pint he was pouring, and glanced at Harry in concern. "No worries, mate" he replied, adding, "If you need to take tomorrow off can you let me know by lunchtime?"
"Thanks, Seamus," Harry said gratefully, his mind on his bed at home. He'd never felt as odd as he'd been feeling over the last few days, well, since the day after Beltane, which had been last Thursday. It was like something was draining his energy from within. His magic was wonky, his head hurt, and he was having the most bizarre and vivid dreams. Tonight he intended to take a Dreamless Sleep potion and knock himself out good and proper.
He wearily stumbled into the staff break room to grab his bag before heading to the pub's Apparition point. He closed his eyes like he always did when Apparating, his wand tucked just under his sleeve. The pull never came. He opened his eyes, muttering under his breath, "What the hell?" He tried again but still nothing happened. Could it be that he was just too tired and his magic didn't want to work? It had never happened before, but still, that had to be the reason. "Sod this," he grumbled, heading for the Floo in the corner, grabbing some powder and stating, "Grimmauld Place," before stepping into the fireplace and out into the living room the other end, picturing his bed in his mind's eye.
Severus was sitting at the desk in the corner reading what looked like one of his favoured potion books. He looked up when Harry arrived, his expression surprised. "You're early," he said coolly, slamming the book closed and rising to his feet, not quite meeting Harry's eyes as he made to leave the room.
Harry lids fluttered closed. He didn't need this, not now. Severus had been in this foul mood for a couple of days, acting like he was still Professor Snape and Harry was still eleven years old and the object of his absolute contempt; as though they hadn't built a friendship over the last three years that meant as much to Harry as his friendships with Hermione and Ron did, probably more. They'd shared the same house for those years for Merlin's sake!
"Before you go, Severus, have you got any Dreamless Sleep in?" He couldn't deal with why Severus was being like this right now, he was too tired for anything. He just wanted to go to sleep and stop feeling so drained.
Severus paused, his hand on the door, and turned with a frown. "Your nightmares have returned?"
Harry nodded. "Yes, no - not really - not in the same way; I've just had some very odd dreams the last couple of nights that's all," he said. "I just need some proper sleep."
Severus's face softened slightly, although he quickly pulled himself back in again, the familiar impassive expression covering any hint of his caring. "I've got some in the lab, I'll fetch you a vial." He turned to go, and Harry exhaled. Something had upset Severus, and Harry had a feeling it was him. It wasn't the first time they had had a falling out of sorts, but things always settled down after a while. Harry usually knew what it was he was supposed to have done. This time, he had no idea. He circled his neck to loosen the stiffness there and followed Severus into the hallway and stopped to wait for him by the photograph of himself, Ron and Hermione taken about a year after the war. Just two years ago. They still looked exhausted there, like they hadn't caught up on the sleep they had missed when they had been on the run all those months before the final battle.
Six months after that photo had been taken Ron and Hermione had got married. Ron had said, 'Why wait? We both know this is what we want?' and Harry had stood up beside him at the ceremony as best man and smiled like he meant it. It wasn't that he hadn't been happy for them—never that—but that he was alone then, forever excluded from their trio. He loved them, he wanted them to be happy and he knew they still wanted him around; but, it would never be the same. He knew he could have followed the same path with Ginny so easily, but he didn't love her, not in the way a man was supposed to love his wife, and the way she had reacted when he'd refused to leave Severus's bedside after the battle, and worse, when he'd given evidence at Malfoy's trial… When Severus had moved into Grimmauld Place, Ginny's reaction had been the final death knell to their relationship and Harry hadn't missed her.
He leaned back against the wall, vaguely congratulating himself on the complete renovation of Grimmauld Place when he'd decided to make it his home after the war, and a wave of dizziness overtook him. Everything went blurry and turned to black.
When he came to he was in his bed, fully clothed under the duvet apart from his boots. He blinked, trying to chase away the confusion. Someone was sitting on the side of the bed staring down at him? "Severus?"
"Why didn't you tell me you were feeling unwell?" Severus accused; his voice harsh even though his face betrayed him as it so often did these day. He reached forwards and brushed Harry's fringe out of his eyes. "Tell me."
Harry swallowed; pleased Severus wasn't so angry with him after all. "I just feel so exhausted. I couldn't Apparate earlier either." He licked his lips. "I just need some sleep and maybe a day or two off work." He co-owned The Time Turner with Seamus and the work could be tiring, and perhaps a couple of days at home in bed would sort this thing out.
Severus looked away, down at his fingers as they twisted in his lap. "You couldn't Apparate?" he asked, not taking his eyes from his hands.
"No, I tried but nothing happened." Harry's eyes dropped closed. "Merlin, I'm so tired."
Severus sighed heavily. "I'll leave you to get some sleep, but if you start to feel dizzy again just call my name. I'll set a charm so that I can hear you." He stood and walked towards the door, stopping to look back at Harry who had managed to open his eyes to slits to watch him go.
"'kay," he mumbled and closed his eyes again. As he was pulled down into slumber his last thought was that he hadn't taken any Dreamless Sleep after all.
When he woke up his head was pounding. Water that was what he needed; he rolled over with a groan and tried to push himself up to his elbows and was immediately assaulted by dizziness. He slumped back on the bed. What the devil was going on here? Seriously, he was starting to worry himself.
"Severus!" he croaked. He hoped Severus wasn't asleep. He did tend to keep late hours, but Harry had no idea what the time was, "Tempus," he muttered, going for wandless and failing when nothing happened. Fuck.
The door opened and Severus appeared, still fully clothed. "Harry?"
"Sorry, Severus… My head - can you get me some water, please?" Harry closed his eyes against the look of reluctant concern on Severus's face. He'd upset Severus in some way and he had no idea how to fix whatever it was, not at the moment. Not when everything felt so out of sync.
"How do you feel?" Severus moved closer, conjured a glass of water and held it out to Harry who tried again to sit up and was conquered by the dizziness again. His head slammed back against his pillow with a depressing thump.
"What the hell is wrong with me?" he groaned. He managed to open his eyes narrowly to glance sideways at Severus whose face was bereft if emotion again.
"Do you want my honest diagnosis?"
"Yes!" Harry said with more force than he actually had the energy for. "Severus, whatever it is, please-"
"I think you're pregnant."
Pregnant! But— Oh Merlin. Last Thursday night—Malfoy. Fuck it all.
When the owl arrived, Draco was staring, unseeing, out of large floor to ceiling window at his parent's house. He knew it was raining, he knew the sky was grey, but other than that, ask him what day it was and he wouldn't be able to say.
All he could think about was what had happened with Harry the other night. Salazar, his life was so fucked up.
The owl found its way in through an open window, hopping onto the arm of Draco's chair and proffering Draco its foot. Draco gave it his full attention, finding a smile was not impossible as he stroked the bird, taking its missive and summoning a treat from the stores in the kitchen. "Hello, Gerald," he greeted. This was Sev's owl, Draco would recognise him anywhere. He shared his owner's colouring—black eyes, almost totally black feathers—and was a fierce looking creature that Draco knew deep down was soft on the inside. Just like Sev. The owl took the treat, scarfed it down and hooted a farewell. No instructions to await a reply then.
The note was short and to the point:
I require your presence at Grimmauld Place at your earliest convenience.
Draco closed his eyes. His friend, mentor—someone he loved very much—and Draco had betrayed all of that for a foolish fuck with Harry Potter. He sincerely hoped that Sev never found out.
Draco was no fool. He knew Sev was in love with Harry. He'd watched it happen, seen as Sev's manner changed towards his one-time nemesis, how the light in his eyes that used to be contempt slowly became something else entirely. He knew that Sev fought with himself. Once upon a time he'd made Harry's life misery, his resentment towards his father, James Potter, for stealing Lily Evans away driving all of that. He'd fallen in love with the son of a woman he'd once loved so much he'd risked everything. He was still trying to protect him by hiding his feelings from him. Draco saw it all.
It was why had never acted on his own feelings for Harry before. He respected his Godfather greatly. Draco loved Sev. He loved Harry too—and how the hell that had ever happened he didn't know. He'd always loved Sev, despite his prickly demeanour, he'd always been there for Draco and never more so during his sixth year—even though he now knew that Sev had been playing both sides, he'd been the voice of reason in his head—and okay, he hadn't really listened at the time, so distraught as he had been with fear for his parent's safety, but now he understood all too well. If it weren't for Sev, it was likely Draco would've been killed for failing to kill Dumbledore.
Draco's thing for Harry, well, that had started when Harry saved him from the fire. After everything Draco had done to Harry, he'd still come back for him—and yes, Draco had resented him for that for all of five seconds before admiration had set in. Harry was the second person he owed his life to. Never mind that Harry had almost ended him once and he still had the scars to prove it—the war was over, and when Harry had testified for him at the trials and Draco had walked free, he had sought him out straight afterwards and thanked him.
He still remembered that like it was yesterday. "You don't deserve Azkaban, Malfoy," Harry had replied to his words of gratitude. "You played your part in winning this war."
Draco had blinked at that, and then, with new eyes, he'd really seen Harry. He wasn't tall, probably never would be now, and he looked exhausted with huge circles under his eyes—deep, deep green eyes that could swallow Draco up if he wasn't careful. He was actually kind of beautiful, and why had Draco never seen this before? His hair was getting longer, sticking out at all angles but his face was near perfection. So maybe that was the moment something unfurled inside of Draco—and he'd panicked. This was Potter, he couldn't—
"…I really think it might help if you came along too."
Draco had tuned back in. "What—didn't hear you—come where?"
Harry sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as though he carried the weight of the world still—maybe he did. "Snape's still in the coma. I thought that if he heard your voice he might—that it might trigger something."
Draco immediately felt like he was drowning in guilt. He'd known that Sev had survived Voldemort's attempt to kill him and that he was in St Mungos, and he'd been relieved he was alive and that he would live. Then he'd become embroiled in legal matters, under house arrest in the manor which still stank of death and war. He'd buried himself in making the place feel like home again, or at least less like a place that had seen so many traumas. His mother brought him news of Sev; that he was 'doing well'—he had of course hoped to see for himself if he escaped incarceration. He just hadn't realised he was still in a coma.
Or, that Harry would care so much.
"Take me to him, please," he'd said immediately, and Harry had.
When Sev woke up the following day, Harry had thanked Draco, saying that if it wasn't for him maybe Sev might never have woken up. Sev's first words as he came round were, "Draco, is that you?" and Draco hadn't missed the way Harry's face had fallen slightly before he'd sidled up behind him, unsure of his own welcome.
Still, Sev had agreed to go with Harry to Grimmauld Place to convalesce and Draco had become such a regular visitor that he'd actually got his own room, although he didn't officially live there. Becoming Harry Potter's friend had been easier than he'd ever thought it could be, and over time, they had become firm friends. Even Weasley and Granger had thawed in their approach to him. Weasley liked to play Draco at chess claiming he was the only worthy opponent he knew, and Granger, well, her mind was sharp, and with them both returning to the Academy the Ministry had set up for those effected by the war to finish their education full time, they'd taken to studying together and whilst he doubted they would ever be best friends, they had a certain respect for one another.
Now though, now—the other night he hadn't been able to stop himself—there had been something in the air that night. The Time Turner's Beltane celebrations had started in the early afternoon with dancing and a May Pole in the pub's extensive gardens, and Harry had looked so fucking beautiful, so happy, that when Draco had waited around for him to close up after the pub closed and they'd Apparated home together, the tingle of the magic of Apparition over their skin had washed away Draco's reservations—Sev being the main one—and Draco had kissed him.
Draco had only stopped into The Time Turner for a couple of pints, as he often did, finishing work early for the celebrations. He liked to sit at the end of the bar and talk with Harry while he worked. Sometimes he thought that he really was a glutton for punishment, that he was only really setting himself up for heartbreak, because spending time with Harry didn't help cauterise the way he felt about him, rather it fed the obsession. He knew something was going to have to give, that he was going to have to talk to Sev about it—but then his feelings for Severus were confusing as well. Sometimes he looked at his old mentor and was overwhelmed with such a burning desire that it hurt to breathe.
Pansy had said, many times, "You're in love with two people, Draco, it's not a crime," when it got too much for him and he had to let it all out. Was he in love—with either or both? He supposed he was…of course he was. Draco Malfoy could never do things simply when he could complicate it completely.
Severus had never shown any interest in him romantically, his eyes only for Harry. Who could blame him? Certainly not Draco—Harry was fucking gorgeous.
Both he and Harry had partaken of the May Pole dancing, weaving in and out, their eyes meeting more than once as they threaded the ribbons around the pole. When the music had stopped, Harry's eyes had been on him. Something had clicked into place, the air crackling between them. The sensation was still there hours later when they'd gone home together, unspoken, and that first kiss at Draco's instigation had been the catalyst.
"You're so beautiful, Harry," Draco said, trailing kisses from the corner of Harry's mouth along his jaw line to the hollow of his neck. "I want you so much."
He backed Harry up against the wall in the sitting room, hands sliding under his shirt, around the smooth warmth of his back. Harry's head was tipped back, exposing his throat to Draco who took full advantage. "Want you too," Harry rasped, reaching a warm hand between them and cupping Draco's cock through his trousers. "Want to come with you inside me."
Draco nearly lost it at those words escaping Harry's mouth. There was no way he could resist that. He didn't want to. All other thoughts left his head and all that remained was the feel of Harry, his smell, his taste… Draco Apparated them both up to his room, the one he didn't live in but really kind of did, and pushed Harry down onto the bed, straddling him. He held Harry's hands above his head, staring down into Harry's eyes, seeing the fire there and responding to it. He kissed Harry like it was his only chance, exploring his mouth, meeting Harry's whimpers with whispers of his own, want you, need you, can't stop thinking about you, and grinding their clothed groins together desperately.
He was so turned on he didn't afford the time to undress them both. Wand in hand he cast the required spell, placing the wand by the pillow for later use. Salazar, but Harry was a vision to behold. Draco's cock filled even more at the sight of Harry Potter naked beneath him. It was everything he'd thought it would be, and more.
Harry bucked up into him, his slighter form easy for Draco to hold down as he kept hold of Harry's wrists above his head and teased his other hand down Harry's face, along the curve of his neck, his collarbone, down to his nipples where Draco joined his mouth to where his fingers met peaked flesh, his lips taking over and sucking, causing Harry to gasp, "Draco—Do that again…" Draco smirked as he did as Harry requested, releasing Harry's hands, before moving south, placing soft feather kisses down the flat plane of Harry's stomach, teasing the dark hair that led down from his navel and clouded around the base of his very erect and wonderfully red cock that stood pointing skywards.
Draco couldn't help swiping his tongue out and catching the drop of precome gathering at the head. He looked up at Harry then and hazy green eyes gazed back at him, the fire still there. Draco smiled and offered his fingers to Harry, who didn't hesitate to suck Draco's fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue over them, never once taking his eyes off Draco.
Draco retrieved his hand, winked at Harry, and started to explore the length of his cock with his greedy tongue, his saliva lubed fingers breaching Harry's hole as he did so. Harry arched upwards. "Draco!"
Harry's hands threaded into Draco's hair, yanking him back until Draco released Harry's cock, looking up at him again. "What do you want, Harry?" he asked, spreading two fingers inside Harry as he spoke. "Do you want me to fuck you, is that it?"
Harry nodded. "I already told you that. Now, Draco, please…" Without either of them incanting a spell, the vial of oil Draco had secreted in the bedside cabinet for wanking purposes floated towards him. Draco blinked, momentarily non-plussed, then Harry said, "Draco!" and Draco popped the lid and tipped a generous amount into his hand and went back to work on Harry's hole.
Harry wriggled, lifting his arse up off the bed, and who was Draco to ignore that summons? He positioned himself between Harry's legs, sat back on his heels, and lined up his cock. He leant forward, gripped Harry's hips with both hands, and pushed himself slowly inside. Harry moaned and bore down, his hands folded in the sheets beneath him for leverage. "Yeah, just like that," he groaned then added, "Are you gonna fuck me hard, Draco?"
Draco hadn't thought much beyond this moment, but fucking Harry hard sounded like a wonderful plan to him. So he did. He lifted Harry's legs to rest on his shoulders, leaned forwards and pounded him the way he'd always fantasised about—like he rarely did with his casual lays, the ones he never brought here—like he'd thought he'd never have the chance to do with Harry. He bent Harry in half, and drove himself into him with a force he hadn't known he possessed. Sweat dripped off him, slick between their stomachs, he tipped forward enough to kiss Harry, their tongues curling together, masking Harry's groans.
Harry's hand was around his own cock, pumping himself as he chanted Draco's name, and Draco felt his climax building slowly, a distant goal he'd been chasing that started in his toes and surged though his stomach, "Harry," he warned. "Fuck—Harry!" and Harry had to have been holding back for this moment because that was when he came, erupting hot sticky come all over Draco's middle and tipping him over the edge, his cock pulsing and his vision blurring as he expelled his seed into Harry.
When his cock stopped pulsing he leant forward again, kissed Harry, and rolled to one side, pulling out as he did so.
That had been days ago now, and Draco hadn't seen Harry since. He'd crept out in the dead of night and come back to the manor. The guilt was killing him. Somewhere amongst this mess, he'd had the best shag of his life with someone he knew better than to deny to himself that he loved, and betrayed the person who shared the other side of his heart.
Now, by the looks of it, he needed to face both of them.
Severus paced the floor in the sitting room, casting a Tempus far more regularly than he could ever recall before.
Yet he felt as though time stood still.
He'd left Harry to sleep, but not before he'd called in a favour from his old colleague Madame Pomfrey and she had come through to confirm his diagnosis on Harry. He was right, he always was, but Harry seemed to need to hear the confirmation from another source that wasn't him. When Poppy had said, "Severus was right, dear, you are in the early stages of pregnancy," Harry had paled and shot a panicked look at him, eyes wide.
"I'm really pregnant?" he'd asked stupidly, seeming as though the words were stuck in his throat. "But—"
"May I be the first to congratulate you both?" Madame Pomfrey said, misinterpreting the look they'd shared. "You'll both be wonderful fathers."
"I'm not—" Severus began, at the same time as Harry said, "Thank you." Severus snapped his mouth shut, looking at Harry, but Harry was chewing his lip, both hands on his stomach, eyes fixed there as though there was something to see already.
"I have to get back," Madame Pomfrey said. "You know where to find me if you need any further favours."
"Thank you," Severus said, waiting for the whoosh of the Floo before turning to Harry. "Why did you let her believe that I'm the father?"
Harry's eyelids drooped. "Part of me wishes you were." His eyes closed completely and his breathing deepened. Severus was left, heart pounding, staring down at the boy he'd come to love over these last few years: the boy that carried Draco Malfoy's baby, not his. Both of his boys had grown into wonderful young men, Severus couldn't be prouder. To think how he'd once felt about Harry compared to how he felt about him now made him shudder. They'd found each other now, Draco and Harry, and Severus was to be cast in the role of uncle. The past was repeating itself.
Part of me wishes you were. He'd headed straight downstairs, scrawled a note to Draco and had his owl summon him. Draco was involved in this. He needed to know what was going on.
When Draco finally arrived he was all fake smile and guarded eyes. "Sev, what can I do for you?" he asked, meeting his gaze briefly before walking over the mantle and making a show of looking at a photo of the original Order of the Phoenix that Harry had placed in pride of place.
"I know about what happened with you and Harry," Severus began, watching with some satisfaction as Draco's head snapped round and his shocked eyes meet his.
"You weren't exactly quiet." Severus didn't tell Draco that he'd heard every moan, every word…that he'd pictured what was going on inside that room in his head, never before feeling more turned on or more lonely. He'd never felt more betrayed—and he'd been a spy for many years—nothing else had come close to listening to Harry and Draco together.
"Merlin, Sev, I'm sorry!" Draco rushed. "I never meant for it to happen, I swear. I know how you feel about him, I would never have—I just couldn't stay away."
Cold fear gripped Severus. "How do I feel about Harry Potter, Draco?"
Draco looked uncomfortable. "I'm not blind, Sev, I see the way you look at him. You're in love with him."
It was on the tip of his tongue to deny it but he'd stopped lying when he'd got his life back after the war. Omitting things was one thing, keeping his feelings internalised, but lying so blatantly—not anymore. He opted to say nothing. Admitting that yes, he'd fallen in love with Harry Potter whilst he was still in his coma, that living with him every day only made his love and admiration for the young man grow—admitting that was not an option. Better to say nothing at all. If he started down that route then he might as well tell Draco that he felt the same way about him and that was just as pointless.
Instead he announced, "Potter's pregnant, you're the father," and waited for Draco's reaction. It wasn't what he'd expected: shock, fear, joy—disbelief.
"He can't be."
"I assure you, he is."
"I can't be a father, Severus—I don't know how!" Draco's face crumpled. "My father—" Stricken grey eyes met his and Severus reacted on instinct, which for him was difficult as he had lived most of his life suppressing his feelings, and reached out for him, wrapping his arms around the boy he'd known his whole life, offering him comfort. He could understand Draco's concerns knowing his own father had done such a poor job raising him.
Draco let him pull him close, his face in Severus's neck. Severus knew Draco wouldn't accept the comfort for long, pushing back and facing him head on, their eyes meshing from mere inches apart and Severus couldn't help it—it had been so long since anyone had been so close, never mind looked at him in that way. He dipped in, pressed his lips against Draco's, barely surprised when Draco responded, opening up to him, Severus lifting a hand to run through the fine hair at the back of Draco's neck. Severus felt everything, arousal, guilt, love, and that horrible cliché that had no place in his head. Knowing. This was where he belonged. He'd never had that.
A crash from upstairs had them both jumping apart guiltily. Harry. "Harry must've woken up," Severus said, instant concern flooding his veins. He reached out and tipped Draco's chin, meeting his eyes with concern. "Are you ready to face him?"
Draco paled, if that were even possible considering his complexion, nodding.
Severus forced a smile. "Let's go up then."
He took the stairs two by two, bursting into Harry's room, his mind inventing a hundred scenarios to what he might find. He didn't expect to find Harry on his feet, rummaging through his wardrobe frantically. "Harry?"
"I've got to tell Draco," Harry said without turning around. "I've got to tell him about the baby, we've got to decide what to do. Dammit, where are my black jeans?"
Severus felt Draco closely beside him. "I'm here, Harry," he said quietly. "I already know."
Harry still and turned to face them both. His eyes were bright in his pale face. "I'm keeping it," Harry said immediately. "I always wanted children, and I didn't ever expect it to be like this, but I don't care, I want this baby."
Draco stepped forward, reaching out for Harry's hand. He cast an apologetic glance at Severus before turning his attention to Harry. "I want him too," he said. "We can do this together."
Severus couldn't recall a pain like this. Even lying there listening to them fuck hadn't been as bad as this. We can do this together. Just like that Harry and Draco became a ready-made family unit. They were in love, although they probably didn't realise that yet, but Severus did, he'd known it for years—the selfish part of him refusing to point it out to them—if he was going to be left alone like this then they had to discover what they wanted for themselves. Severus wasn't that selfless.
He backed quietly away from the unfolding scene before him and once out in the corridor he rushed to his room, leaned back against the door and with an intake of breath, straightened and Apparated away.
"Look at it," Harry laughed, poking his flat stomach. "How can there be a baby in there?" He lay back on the sofa, his head on Draco's lap, enjoying the feel of long pale fingers threading through his hair. He was shocked how quickly he'd come to terms with all of this, but then, he'd been bedridden for nearly a fortnight with plenty of time for thinking. Had it really only been two weeks ago that he'd felt so incredibly ill and had turned to Severus for help?
It turned out, according to his newly assigned Mediwizard, that the temporary loss of magic was because the embryo was settling itself in and required maximum magical protection to do so. After a couple of days his head had cleared and he felt better than ever. He'd been advised that because he was male, this was a magical pregnancy, he would not experience any of the sickness and cravings that women often did. Unfortunately that didn't excuse him swollen ankles and growing to the size of a house.
No one had explained to him that he would feel incredibly horny once the temporary loss of magic had passed. The sensation of Draco's hands in his hair was doing things to his cock and he was glad of the spell he'd cast earlier, one that every teenage boy is taught for these situations.
"A baby boy," Draco insisted, as he had from day one. He smiled down at Harry. "This is still sort of surreal don't you think?"
"I suppose." He sat up then, swinging his legs to the floor and twisting to look at Draco head on rather than have Draco's face upside down from his lap view.
"I'm glad that you want to be involved, but—I'm confused."
Draco rolled his eyes. "Isn't that a permanent state for you, Harry?"
"It is around you," Harry admitted. "What are we now? We've been friends these last years haven't we? Then suddenly we're having a baby—are we together now?"
Draco cast a quick glance at the door and then the stormy eyes turned to Harry. "When Sev told me you were pregnant, I panicked—you've met my father, you know why—and I don't know what happened—Sev hugged me and I…we kissed."
Disappointment coursed through Harry and he recoiled. "Oh. You and he...?" So that was it. He was the losing party in a three-way friendship—again. "I'm an idiot." He'd been quietly attracted to Draco since they'd become friends. He and Severus, they had become his family. Oh, Ron and Hermione would always have a place as well, and all the Weasleys, but the three of them, they fitted together. At least they had.
"Stop jumping to conclusions, Harry," Draco said, his hand on Harry's arm, "This is more complicated than me kissing Sev."
Harry slithered to the other end of the sofa and pulled a cushion onto his lap, hugging it close; no, not complicated, not for Draco obviously. "It's not like you and I are together or anything, it was just one time, you can kiss whoever you like—I'm not going to deny you access to the baby for that." He would just have to come to terms with this new situation. He couldn't kick both Draco and Severus out of his life because he was jealouseven though he knew them getting together would kill him.
Draco sighed. "Are you going to listen to me?"
No, because right now Harry just wanted to get out of there, out of the house, away from Draco, away from Severus—Severus who was avoiding him anyway and had barely been home since they'd found out Harry was pregnant, and now he knew why. Sev was in love with Draco, Draco was in love with Sev—Harry was in the middle—now one stupid night of whatever it was that had happened between he and Draco and everything had gone to shit. It had to have been Beltane, May Poles and ancient rites messing with their magic, lowering their inhibitions. Harry had heard rumours of similar things happening before, he'd just never thought it could happen to him.
Such an idiot.
"It's okay, Draco, I won't come between you."
"Harry—would you listen!" Harry widened his eyes in shock as Draco straddled him, pushing him back against the cushions and caging him in with his arms.
"You're an idiot you know that?"
Hadn't Harry just told himself the same thing? "Thanks. Do you have to sit on me to tell me that?" Draco's close proximity was sending signals to his cock and this was so not the time.
"Needs must," Draco reached up and brushed Harry's fringe out of his eyes. "I'm in love with you, Harry…but, I love him too."
Draco's gaze was fixed firmly upon him and Harry could see the conflict in his eyes; in love with two people…in love with Severus. Harry's head began to spin, the need to escape returning. He pushed hard on Draco's chest sending him sprawling. "I can't—I have to go. I can't do this now." At the last moment he remembered that he wasn't allowed to Apparate when pregnant so he ran to the Floo, called out 'the Burrow' and almost dived in. He knew Draco would never follow him there, not that he intended to stay there long, just long enough to say hello and move on through to Ron and Hermione's.
When he arrived at the other end he found Molly Weasley in the middle of cleaning frenzy, something she stopped when she saw him. "Harry, my boy, you look terrible - come sit down and I'll make some tea." Harry's intentions to move on faded as she enveloped him in a warm hug and shooed him over to the table. "It's just me here at the moment, dear; everyone else is out at work. So lovely of you to stop by—we don't see nearly as much of you as we would like."
She bustled away to fetch the tea and Harry stared down at his hands, his mind rushing with what had just happened. In love with two people. He let Molly pour him tea, fuss over him, answered her questions about Draco and Severus's wellbeing without breaking down, and talked about how the pub was doing. No one outside of himself, Draco and Severus knew about the baby yet, not even Ron and Hermione. He just—he needed to get away for a while.
When the time came to leave, he had honestly intended to Floo to Ron and Hermione's, but that wasn't what came out of his mouth. There was only one person he wanted to see, apparently, and in that Harry surprised even himself.
"Draco, calm down, for Merlin's sake!" Severus ordered as Draco jumped up from his chair again and started pacing the kitchen. "He'll come back when he's ready."
"How do you know that? He's been gone over a week! A week!" Draco turned on Severus. "I should never have told him what happened between us, Sev, at least not like that. I should've let him get comfortable with me first, told him how I felt about him." He stepped closer to Severus who leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. Draco closed his eyes and let Sev's calming presence soothe him. Thinking of Sev as calming would once have seemed a complete contradiction in terms, but that wasn't the case anymore. Sev was steady, no longer required to live a double life, he'd turned into the person he probably always would have been if circumstances hadn't been what they were. That he'd fallen for Harry after what he'd gone through at the hands of his father before losing Lily to him spoke volumes to Draco.
He still remembered the night Severus had told him about his past. He'd seemed so detached from it all, as though it were just a story of events that had happened to someone else and if it hadn't been for the barely there tears clinging to his dark lashes by the end Draco might have thought just that. That had been the night things had change for him towards Sev, when he'd stepped over the line of friendship to feeling something more.
"What are we going to do, Sev?" Draco was worried stupid over Harry. He'd left that awful day and there hadn't been word from him since. Apparently he'd shared tea with Molly Weasley and said he was going to see Hermione and Ron, but according to them he'd never arrived. Draco was at a loss as to where he might've gone. Seamus had received an owl at the pub advising him that Harry wouldn't be at work for a few another days and that he'd be in touch and that was it.
"We wait. There's nothing else we can do. When he comes home, we sit him down and we have this out. You tell him that what you feel for me isn't as strong as what you feel for him—" Severus's grip tightened on Draco's arms, "—and you have that baby together."
"What about you?"
"It's about time I stood on my own feet again. Spinner's End is still there waiting for me. I can run this business from anywhere."
"No—you're not going anywhere. There has to be a way."
"Harry's in love with you, Draco; that much is clear. He sees me as a friend, and at the moment, a rival for your affections. There's no place for me in this equation."
Draco's knees felt weak. Want, love, need - Sev made him feel all of those things and now that he knew they were returned, he couldn't let Sev out of his—their—lives. His and Harry's night together had been a catalyst, but this was what he wanted, what he'd never thought he could have—Harry and Severus.
Harry didn't feel the same. He loved Sev, Draco knew that, but as a friend, brother—Merlin forbid—as a father figure. Draco loved them both, couldn't see a way out of this, and then there was his son—his heir—growing inside of Harry and getting bigger every day. In his mind's eye he pictured him: he'd be blond like he was, but his eyes would be green like Harry's. The three of them would pick a name for him from the stars.
"That's not happening," Draco said, sliding a hand behind Sev's neck and pulling him back in, "You're going nowhere."
He pressed Sev back against the wall. This. This could take away the worry, for now, this was what he needed, this could make the hurt stop. Sev's eyes were dark, inscrutable as always but Draco could feel his heart rate increase and knew Sev was feeling this too.
"Draco," Sev began, his voice that of Professor Snape, all authority and disdain. All fake. Draco closed his mouth over his. Sev was still, unresponsive, until Draco bit down on his lower lip, twisting his hands into his hair.
"Want this," Draco said, his cock filling with blood as he ground it into Sev's thigh. "Want you."
He felt the moment Sev gave in, and moments later he was spun, his back against the wall, Sev's lips pushing against his, their tongues meeting, long and slow and fast and hot—Draco felt like he was flying, the adrenaline pumping through him, making him dizzy with want. The feel of Sev's responding hardness pushing into his thigh was the catalyst. He wanted Sev inside him, he wanted to be fucked, hard and fast, he wanted to forget just for a while how scared he was; how he missed Harry. How he wished Harry was here with both of them.
"Fuck me," he whispered, pulling back, looking into Sev's eyes. "Please."
"Yes." Long fingers began to divest Draco of his clothes, no ceremony, just strewn onto the nearest surface whilst Sev plundered his mouth. Draco's own fingers scrambled for purchase as he attempted to get Sev's robes off him, only managing to push them off his shoulders. Sev spun him again, hooking his hands under Draco's buttocks encouraging him to left his legs around him. Sev carried him to the table, pushing a chair out of the way and lowering him down.
The coolness of the surface beneath his now naked arse sent a shiver through him, but Sev's fingers teasing over the head of his cock, slowly tracing a pattern along his length, his head dipping and sucking the tip with a swirl of tongue, sent a tremor through him. Dear Merlin. Sev's fingers found his hole, and there was some kind of oil coating them—magic was invented for occasions like this—Draco gasped in shock when the first finger breached him, but Sev's mouth was still on his cock and the pleasure vastly outweighed the discomfort. He curled his hands into Sev's long hair, thrusting upwards into his mouth. He wanted more, wanted Sev inside him; now.
"Sev, please, Sev—"
"You always were an impatient little brat," Sev said, lifting his head, pulling Draco closer to where he stood between his thighs, their eyes meeting. Sev looked the best Draco had ever seen him, lips red and swollen, skin flushed, dark hair mussed from Draco's hands. Draco wiggled, arching his hips, inviting him in. "You're perfect."
Sev lined his cock up and muttered a quick spell, one Draco should've thought of that night with Harry. He gripped hold of Draco's hips and pulled, thrusting into him with a strangled moan. Draco grimaced from the force of it, leaning back on his elbows and watching the emotions chasing across Sev's face. This was exactly what he needed, to be filled, owned, forced to forget his own name. Sev stilled, staring down at him, his breathing laboured. "Okay?"
Draco nodded and tightened his legs around Sev. "Don't hold back," he said. "I need you."
Sev smiled, his face changing from almost severe into something else. "God, Draco," he said; harsh, desperate; he began to move then, fucking into Draco almost feverishly, a strong rhythm, each thrust sending shock-waves of pleasure through him. This was what Draco needed, the desperate desire to come overtaking everything else. He reached down and took his cock in hand, yanking himself with a rhythm that matched Sev's thrusts.
"Sev," he groaned, "More." His head fell back and he felt his elbow give way beneath him followed by Sev lifting him up, Draco's legs still tight around his waist, and somehow manoeuvring them to the sofa, still connected, Draco astride Sev's lap. Ah yes, this gave him more control, this. This. This. He leaned forwards and kissed Sev, loving the feel of his hands around his back, one finger running up and down the seam of his buttocks, reaching down and ghosting over the rim of his hole where they joined. "Fuck!" he cried. Fuckfuckfuck. He needed to come, he needed that release, but it was too soon, he needed more of this—but even as he thought it he felt it start, rising up through him, making him a slave to himself.
"That's it, Draco," Sev whispered. "Let go, you need it, let go." He buried his face in Draco's neck, sucking on the soft skin there, not once slowing the speed as he fucked up into Draco. "Come, Draco, come." Draco did, almost losing consciousness at the intensity of his release. He coated himself and Sev in sticky fluid, sagging forwards into Sev's arms. Sev lifted Draco off his cock and sat him further back on his thighs, took his own cock in hand and pumped, once, twice, three times and came, his come joining Draco's all over their stomachs.
Draco's eyelids drooped. It wasn't that the nagging worry about Harry's whereabouts had gone away, but that he hadn't slept in days because of it. He barely felt the tug of Apparition as Sev took the easy route upstairs, just enjoyed the warmth of being wrapped in his arms as he fell asleep. "Love you, Sev," he said as he drifted off.
The hold around his waist tightened.
When Harry finally resurfaced, as Severus had known he would eventually, he had been missing for three weeks. Severus had been determined not to show Draco how worried he really was. Draco had been freaking out enough for the both of them and Severus couldn't blame him. They were meant to be, Harry and Draco, opposites in so many ways but fitting together so perfectly. He'd seen it coming, tried to keep himself from becoming entangled in it, but fate had seen fit to deal him a harsh blow; again.
He'd had these last couple of weeks with Draco, and he could even pretend to himself that there was more to it than comfort for Draco. Draco belonged with Harry. Severus's feelings didn't come into it. They couldn't.
Draco was asleep when Severus heard someone coming through the Floo downstairs. They'd fallen into one another's arms again easily, almost daily, since that first time. It was the only way either of them got any sleep. Severus crept out of bed and went downstairs. He didn't want Draco to wake for a false alarm.
Harry was sitting at the kitchen table, and for a moment Severus drank him in, worried eyes scanning him for harm and pleased to find that he looked well. In fact, he almost glowed. That would be the baby's doing. "Sorry if I woke you," he said, his green eyes lifting to meeting Severus's concerned gaze.
"I'd be more apologetic about the disappearing for so long without a word if I were you," Severus said sternly and Harry flinched. "Where the hell have you been?"
"Luna's," Harry said and as soon as Harry confessed that Severus wondered why he'd never considered that before. Luna had been a good friend to Harry since Hogwarts. "I just had to get away, Sev, I'm sorry if you were worried."
It was on the tip of his tongue to deny that he'd been worried about Harry's whereabouts, but it all came back down to the honesty thing and he couldn't do it. He cared about Harry, about Draco, more than he'd ever cared about anyone or anything—other than Harry's mother of course, but that seemed like another lifetime ago now. He'd thought it had been over when Lily married James. When he'd heard she was having his baby he'd thought he would die from the pain. When she'd been murdered and Harry had survived—he'd channelled all of that pain and grief, anger at the way James Potter had treated him, onto one year old Harry Potter. Now look at him, stupidly in love with the son and almost in the same boat as he had been twenty years before.
Would he find himself resenting Harry's baby as much as he had Harry himself?
"I never had you down as selfish, Harry, but that disappearing act was cruel. Draco's been desperate with worry." There, he hadn't had to deny his own thoughts on the matter.
Harry flushed. "I'm sorry." He bit his lip and took a deep breath. "I never meant to come between you."
"Don't be such a fool, Harry!" Severus couldn't stand it. "I'm the one coming in between you and Draco. I'm the one who should be sorry. Any fool can see how much you love each other. I'm only surprised it took you as long as it did to realise it."
"But he loves you too!"
"Tell me you haven't been—" he waved a hand, "—you know, whilst I've been away."
"I can't tell you that."
"Oh Merlin," Harry closed his eyes. "I can't do this. I have to go. I can't…"
"Don't you dare go anywhere, Potter!" Draco was stood in the doorway, low slung pyjama bottoms clinging to his hips, his hair in disarray. His grey eyes fixed Harry to the spot, and then Draco was across the room, pulling Harry to his feet, wrapping his arms around him. "Please, don't go."
Harry stood stiffly in his embrace, his panicked gaze meeting Severus's over his shoulder. He pushed Draco back. "I won't stop you seeing the baby, Draco. I promise. I just can't—"
Severus felt the anger he'd been holding back these last few weeks, erupt to the surface. "Both of you; sit down and shut up - NOW!"
Two pairs of wide eyes stared back at him, but they did as he commanded. Professor Snape again—always worked like a charm.
"I'm sick of this. We need to put our cards on the table. No one is making any decisions until we've all been completely honest with one another."
Harry squirmed and stared down at the table. There was only one thing for it. Severus held out his hand and said, "Accio Veritaserum!" It took a few seconds but sure enough, the vial he'd requested landed in his outstretched palm. "Now, you are both going to take this. It's perfectly safe for foetuses, Harry, so you've got no excuse."
Harry looked as though he might protest, but other than fold his arms across his chest and glaring at him, there was no argument. Draco took the vial from him and took a sip, holding it out for Harry to take. Harry hesitated and took it, taking a sip and passing it back to Severus. Severus downed the rest of it and took a deep breath. It could take a minute or two for the potion to get into their systems.
"Now," he said, "Harry, when I ask you your name, try to lie." He paused.
"Harry, what is your name?"
"Ol—Harry Potter," Harry said, his name dragged from him. Satisfied, Severus repeated the process with Draco.
Not he just had to make sure he asked the right questions.
"Harry, how do you feel about Draco?" he said, deciding to go for the question he dreaded the most. Even now, with Harry carrying Draco's baby, he was sick with nerves for their responses.
"I love him," Harry said simply.
Severus cast a glance at Draco who was watching silently. "In what way do you love him—friend, brother, lover, what?"
Harry swallowed. "Lover. Partner. Friend. I'm in love with him."
"Since when, Harry?"
"Since I got to know him after the war and realised he's not what I used to think he was."
Severus had figured this much out for himself but he'd needed to hear it from Harry.
"Draco," he said, turning to the other boy. "How do you feel about Harry?"
"I love him," Draco said like an echo of Harry's earlier words. "As a lover and a friend, as the other father of my baby."
"Draco, how do you feel about Severus?" Harry blurted, cutting Severus off mid-sentence. His eyes were huge in his face as he watched Draco intently.
"The same as I do about you, I'm in love with him," Draco confessed. Sev felt his own heart rate increase at Draco's words. He'd hoped—but he'd never dared to let himself believe that this could ever really be true. "How do you feel about Sev, Harry?"
Severus held his breath. If Harry didn't feel anything other than affection for him then he was still in the dark, because Harry was the one carrying Draco's child, it was they that were a family waiting to happen. Severus couldn't stick around for that, not even for Draco's sake, if Harry didn't want him there—which he wouldn't, would he, as Severus was a rival for Draco's affections. He found himself unable to look at Harry even though he felt his gaze boring into him.
Severus had faced the Dark Lord, yet it was the words of one young man that scared him more than that crazed old megalomaniac ever had.
For a moment Harry considered trying to fight the serum, this was all so fucked up. Draco loved him, he loved Severus, but who did Severus care about? He snuck a glance at Severus then and saw something that he'd never seen in his expression before.
He stopped fighting the serum and said, "I've been in love with him for a long time," he admitted, realising the truth for the first time himself, his eyes fixed on Severus, meeting his obsidian gaze straight on. He saw him swallow and glance at Draco. Harry followed suit to find Draco staring back at him with a guarded expression.
"Sev," Draco said slowly, his eyes still on Harry, "How do you feel about both of us?"
Severus looked down at his hands. The tension in the air was palpable. "Love," he said quietly and Harry had to strain to hear.
"My love for Draco changed from that of a Godfather to a Godchild to something else at the same time as my hate for you turned to love. When I was in the coma, you spent every day with me and you didn't need to, you owed me nothing, but you did it anyway, and after that I saw you in a different light. I tried not to but I fell in love with you. You make me into a better person - you both do. I'm not Professor Snape anymore, I've left him behind, and I feel like me for the first time ever when I'm here with you both."
Harry tried not to gape. That was the most Severus had ever said in one go in his presence when not talking about the properties of some herb or potion ingredient. It was the unguarded moments and the things he did that had led Harry to the real Severus Snape.
"So," Harry said, something bubbling in his chest that made him want to run, jump, scream and perform cartwheels. "What happens next?"
"Hopefully we all get naked and fuck," Draco said and clapped his hand over his mouth, his grey eyes wide with horror.
Harry felt his cock twitch. There was no hiding from that truth. "That works for me," he said, internal thoughts forming words and the serum forcing them out. "I want Severus to fuck me into that sofa whilst Draco watches," Harry admitted, feeling himself blush. How many times had he wanked to that fantasy? "Then I want Draco too."
Oh Merlin, this serum was making him say things that belonged in his head.
"Fucking hell, Potter. You've thought about this before!" Draco hissed, his face breaking into an evil grin "What do you say, Sev, should we give Harry what he wants?"
Suddenly the air was tense with a different kind of tension surrounding them. Blood was rushing to Harry's cock. The fact that something still niggled, nothing was really resolved yet, got pushed to the back of his mind in the light of what he hoped was about to happen. Feeling bold he stood, pulled his jumper over his head and threw it over the back of a chair. He then started to unbutton his jeans. "Come on, or I'll get started without you."
Severus grabbed his wand from the table beside him and vanished all of their clothes. He stood and approached Harry, running the back of his knuckle down the side of his face and Harry leaned into the touch.
Harry reached up and wrapped his hand around Severus's wrist, meeting his gaze straight on. "What took you so long?"
"I—" A rare smile spread over Severus's face. "The serum's worn off. Ask that again in a few months and I might tell you."
Harry's unease dissolved. He glanced over at Draco and reached out his other hand. "What about you? Was it just Beltane?"
"Hardly; it was your arse in those tight jeans you were wearing."
Harry rolled his eyes. "I think I liked you better when you couldn't lie."
"Who's lying, Potter?" Draco smirked, dropping to his knees and using his spare hand to work on Harry's buttoned jeans.
Harry suddenly couldn't think about anything else beyond Draco's fingers on his cock and having Severus inside him for the first time.
Everything was as it should be.