A/N: Here's the next chapter. There are some changes here with Bella's panic attack and stuff. WARNING:::: THIS CHAPTER COULD BE VERY TRIGGERING FOR SOME PEOPLE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Disclaimers: This story is rated M due to mentions of abuse, rape, violence, and generally not nice stuff. There will be some things that are possibly triggering. Read at your own risk. If you are UNDER the age of 18, turn back now. Also; don't own anything publically recognizable
Chapter Five: Ultimate
After my outburst, I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep, but I knew I wouldn't be able to. I felt so bad for driving Carlisle away; I just couldn't be around anyone but Emmett for some reason. He was the person who brought me back from the brink. He held me and let me cry. I have to hold it together for him, even if I don't want to. I can't describe how it made me feel to hear him cry. I never want to hear him cry again, ever. As the bright sun shone through the window, I knew it was time to get up. I opened my eyes and almost laughed at the sight before me. Emmett was curled up on the bed in a really tiny ball trying to give me as much room as possible, he looked so innocent. I quietly got up and padded to the bathroom, hoping I wouldn't wake him.
In the bathroom, I thought about what had happened over the past three days. It felt like more time had passed than that. So much had happened that it was hard to wrap my mind around everything. I stared in the mirror for a good five minutes, getting a handle on everything going on inside my head.
When I came out of the bathroom, Emmett was sitting in a chair staring at the door worriedly. I didn't think he had woken up, and I immediately felt bad. He lost so much sleep over me last night. I waved a little, and smiled, "Hey Emmett."
"Bella? You're okay!" He looked at me, grinning.
"Why wouldn't I be okay, Emm?"
"Well, I thought you tried to hurt yourself again…" He trailed off and got really quiet as he looked at his feet. I ran over to him and gave him the biggest hug I could manage without hurting myself in the process.
"I'm sorry for scaring you last night, Emmy. I was just so scared and tired. I'm always so tired." I wanted to get him to smile, so I changed the subject. "Hey, can we watch movies today? I kinda just want to hang out with you. We haven't been able to do that in a while."
"Sure, Bella, anything you want. What movie did you have in mind?"
"I don't know. Anything I guess. Maybe Gone With the Wind," I asked, giving him puppy dog eyes. He hates that movie. He's always telling me that it's too long, the ending sucks, it's not accurate, blah blah blah.
"Bella," he groaned, "why do you torture me so?"
"Please Emmett? Pretty please? I promise that after this one we can watch whatever movie you want. Please? I'll love you forever."
"Please Emmett? I haven't watched it in a really long time. Not since the last time we watched it. Do you know how long ago that was Emmett? That was over six months ago. Please?" I pouted a little.
"Beeelllllaaa." I made my eyes really wide, and my lower lip quiver, and I knew I had him. Tears were never his strong suit. "Fine! Whatever you want."
"Thank you Emmy. I love you."
"Love you too." After I finally convinced him to watch the movie, I realized something, I didn't have it with me, and it wasn't on the hotel TV. The only choice was to go rent it, but I was too scared to be by myself.
"Emmett, maybe we should find something else to watch. You'd have to go get it."
"Or, we could just have Alice bring it. She's on her way now. She and Jasper are coming." I must have looked confused because he continued. "Jasper is her boyfriend."
"Oh, the one I flipped out on. I feel bad about that. I hope he forgives me." Emmett smiled at me and then my stomach rumbled.
"Bells, when did you last eat?" I honestly didn't remember, so I just shrugged my shoulders. "You need food."
"No, really, I'm fine. I'm too fat. I'll eat tomorrow. I'll be okay until then." I tried to convince Emmett that I was fine and he didn't need to worry more than he already was.
"Bella, you are not too fat. You're perfect just the way you are," Emmett looked at me with sad eyes, "Is that what he told you honey?"
I nodded my head and felt tears falling down my cheeks. Emmett walked up to me slowly and I felt him hug me, I stiffened at first, and then I finally relaxed.
"Bella, what he said wasn't true. Can you please eat for me? I don't want you to get sick." I nodded my head into his chest. Emmett sat me down on the bed while he called Alice to tell her to buy comfort food, the movie and ice cream.
"So, how's college going for you?"
"It's good. I miss home a lot though."
"Yeah, I'll bet. Forks is so missable. Have any girlfriends?"
"I've been talking to Jasper's cousin a little, but I don't think it can go much further. She likes to be the center of everything, and she would be very jealous of our relationship. I wouldn't want to risk her saying something to hurt you even more than you already are." He smiled at me sadly and I was about to say something when I heard someone open the door. "Jesus fucking Christ! Doesn't anyone knock on doors anymore?"
"Sorry brother bear." I smiled when I heard Alice but couldn't bring myself to look up at her. "Hi, Bella. How are you?" I still refused to talk to her because that meant I'd have to look and see the look of disgust on her and Jasper's faces. "Bella, can you please talk to me?" I shook my head no and heard Emmett sigh.
"Can you guys give us a minute?" I heard the door close and Emmett lifted my chin up with his fingers. "Bella, what's the matter? It's just Alice."
"I don't want her to hate me. Everyone hates me. Edward said that's why you guys went away to college, because you couldn't pretend to be my friend anymore. She hates me. She's going to laugh at me and tell me how pathetic I am. Jasper hates me, he has to. He's going to hurt me for freaking out on him."
"Bella honey, that's not true. We all love you. Jasper won't hurt you. No one will laugh at you. Jasper wanted to kill Edward, you know. Alice missed her best friend. Don't listen to what Edward has told you, okay?" I nodded my head and Emmett quickly got up and opened the door. I heard someone run over to the bed and throw their arms around me. I instantly screamed and went defensive, trying to protect myself.
"Get the fuck off me now! Leave me alone! Just go away! Get the fuck away from me."
"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't think…" I heard the tears in Alice's voice and instantly felt bad.
"Alice, I'm sorry. I've had a really stressful couple of days. Please forgive me. Don't hate me please?"
"Bella, I could never hate you." Alice smiled at me and I relaxed."Bella, there's someone who really wants to meet you." I looked at her expectantly and she continued. "Bella, this is Jasper, my boyfriend." I looked at Jasper and he looked amazing. He had honey blonde hair that was messy and fell into his eyes. He was as tall as Emmett, but with a build like Edward. His eyes were green and not at all mean or threatening.
"Hi Jasper. Thank you for helping me yesterday. I'm sorry for getting upset." I hung my head in shame and heard Jasper speak.
"It's quite alright Miss Bella. I understand how stressful that all must have been. Is it okay if I come give you a hug?" The southern twang in his voice made me instantly trust him. There was just something about the way his voice sounded that was calm and comforting. He was another Sam or Emmett. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to me.
"Sure Jasper, I'd like that. Just, go slow, okay?"
"Of course Miss Bella." He very slowly walked towards me and looked into my eyes before hugging me. I don't know what caused it, but I started bawling. Jasper tried to pull away but I clung to him. After what seemed like hours of crying, I finally stopped.
"I'm sorry Jasper. I didn't mean to ruin your shirt. Please don't hurt me." I tensed, waiting for the pain to come, but it didn't.
"Now Miss Bella, why would I ever hurt someone as sweet as you?"
"Sorry, natural reaction. Why do you keep calling me Miss Bella?"
"I was born and raised in Texas. My mama brought me up to respect women. Do you not like it?"
"No, I like it and all, I was just confused."
"Okay, now, how about we get you some food? We can talk later." I nodded and Jasper smiled. Emmett and Alice looked at us in awe.
"So, Alice, what do I have to eat?"
"We stopped and picked up some sandwiches from Arby's, and Jasper insisted on making homemade macaroni and cheese. There are also some chips, dip, cake and ice cream." I smiled and immediately ran to the food.
"It all smells so good. Jesus, did you need to get so much? This is insane!" I laughed and Emmett looked at me incredulously. "What Emmett?"
"Bella, there's four of us here."
"You're all staying?"
Emmett nodded his head, and Alice looked worried.
"Only if you want Bella," Alice said quietly.
"Of course Alice." After we picked our food out, Alice and Jasper took a seat on the floor in front of the TV. Emmett took a seat in the chair in the corner of the room, I sat on the bed and I really wanted to Emmett to sit with me. "Emmett?" He looked up at me, mouth full of food.
"Will you please sit with me?" I gave him my puppy dog eyes.
"Yeah, sure I can sit with you." Alice glanced up at Emmett as he slowly walked over and sat in the bed. We finished the food. "Who's ready for ice cream?" We all looked up at him, "or not." We watched the movie and before long Alice and Jasper were asleep on the floor. Emmett had his head against the back of the bed and was fast asleep. I wish I could fall asleep like them. I haven't had a good night's sleep in days. I just can't sleep. Not knowing when Edward will show up again is driving me even more crazy than I already feel I am. I can feel the lack of sleep taking its toll on my mind as it wanders. I'm hearing noises outside that aren't there, seeing things that don't exist. I started to think back to when I did have a peaceful night sleep. I could feel myself starting to get dizzy. I stood up and carefully walked over to the corner of the room. Making sure not to wake anyone, I gently sat down and pulled my knees up to my chest; rocking back and forth. I started to feel the room spin, and what seemed like the weight of the world crashing down on me, which made it hard to breathe. I slipped in and out of consciousness; maybe it was finally my time to leave. Love ya Emmett…
"Who's ready for ice cream?" Everyone just stared at me like I was crazy. "Or not." Alice put the movie in the DVD player. I could feel my eyes getting heavy. Maybe a nap wouldn't hurt.
I felt the bed move and thought nothing of it at first, but then figured I should just check and make sure she didn't lock herself in the bathroom again. I opened my eyes and looked to the left, where she should have been, and she wasn't. I stood up and found Bella in a corner all curled up, she was taking short gasps, small whimpers escaping from her lips. I slowly walked over to her, and crouched down.
"Hmm?" Well okay, is this like last night? Tears started to roll down her cheeks. She started to whimper even more, and her breath became staggered. I looked over my shoulder and saw Alice standing over me.
"This is not the best time Alice, maybe you and Jasper should leave." She shook her head, "Alice please, let me handle this." Her eyes widened, almost like she was insulted.
"This is my best friend, and she needs me. I'm not leaving." She shook her head and bent down to my level, trying to help.
"Well if you think you know everything, you deal with it. I hate seeing her hurt, so go ahead." I stood up, and was ready to walk away, when Bella said my name.
"Emmett…" I looked down and Alice stood up.
"She wants you, not me, I'll leave." She sounded so pissed. "Come on Jasper, let's go," Alice huffed and started gathering her stuff.
"I know how you feel man, Alice doesn't know, but I've dealt with this. You're good for Bella, you will help her through this." Jasper said quietly.
"What do you mean?" I looked at Jasper, confused.
"Darlin' why don't you go pull the car around, I'm going to say bye to Emmett and then I will meet you down there."
"Yeah whatever." Alice picked her purse up and scurried. So anxious to be away from her best friend. Bitch! Jasper looked back at me.
"I had this girlfriend in high school; she was abused by her parents. When she turned 18, she came and lived with me. She went through this every night. Protect her Emmett, I missed one night, she succeeded in killing herself. I have never lived that down." He hung his head, almost ashamed that he wasn't there. It truly wasn't his fault. "Be there for her no matter what, okay? Be the angel that she needs."
"Of course," I nodded, "Thanks for telling me man."
"Please Emmett promise me that you will never tell Alice." I nodded my head. He looked down at Bella. "And promise you will take care of her, she needs you Emmett. She has the same bond to you that I had with her."
"I promise Jasper." I reached out and gave him a quick hug. "You better go before Alice comes back." He nodded and bent down, reaching out for Bella. He gave her a hug and whispered something in her ear that I couldn't hear. Alice came through the door.
"What's…" she trailed off. "What the fuck!" She ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
"Bye darlin', take care." He let go of Bella.
I waved at him, "Bye Jasper."
"Bye," he said quietly, and he walked out the door, leaving me alone with Bella. Her breathing had picked up and she sounded a little better.
"Bella, can you hear me?" I bent back down to her level.
"Yeah," back to the one worded answers. Great Bella! How am I supposed to help you?
" How you feelin'?" She slowly sat up.
"Okay, I guess." She wiped some tears from her eyes.
"May I ask you, what was that?" I asked, so next time I can help her.
"Just an anxiety attack." She said this like it was nothing. "They're nothing compared to my flashbacks and hallucinations, trust. Why did Alice seem so mad?" I reached out to give her my hand so she could get up. She put her hands up like a baby asking to be picked up. A smile came across my lips and shook my head. Of course being the push over I am, I gladly picked her up.
"Umm, well you freaked out on her. You wouldn't let her get close to you, but you let Jasper hug you. So it kind of pissed her off." She looked at me.
"Do you know what Jasper said to me?"
"No. What did he say?"
"He said, 'Miss. Bella never forget that friends are the bacon bits in the salad bowl of life. You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.'" I didn't know Jasper could be so deep.
"Wow Bella, he's right though, you do. You can make it through this." She looked at me, confusion in her eyes.
"No, we'll make it through this. I need someone to help me; I can't do this alone." I nodded my head.
"I'm here, always." I walked to the bed and gently placed her and I on it. She turned and faced me.
"Is Alice really upset with me?"
"She'll get over it Bella."At least, I hope she will.
"Hey Emmett," she turned and looked up at me, "why was Jasper so loving and understanding?"
"That's something you and Jasper can talk about later. All I'm gonna say is this, that's just how Jasper is." She nodded her head and laid it on my chest before closing her eyes.
"Emmett," she said so quiet I almost didn't hear her, "You're my angel, come and save me tonight, you're my angel, come and make it alright." She took my breath away; it was almost as if Jasper could read her mind. He had the angel thing right. I looked down at her and knew I could never let her hurt herself. I have to save her.
A/N: A/N:Once again, we want to thank our super awesome betas from SparklyRedPen:Ninmessara; she turns our jumble of words into stuff that makes sense and our creative beta: artistic wonder ; she makes me write more. R&R please. Xoxo