Loki rubbed his eyes and blinked at the sunlight streaming in from small window. He yawned and rolled over, and hit something very hard and white.
Oh. Of course. He was on Earth. Tenderly rubbing his arm, he wondered why on Asgard was he sleeping next to a toilet bowl, before remembering the happenings of last night. He'd fallen asleep in the bathroom. Loki smiled quietly as he thought of the remarkable vengeance he'd executed upon the mortals. Not his best work, but pranks for revenge were always sweet.
Until the victim caught him. Loki sighed. He didn't particularly feel like getting up now and facing the wrath of the Midgardians. He curled up under the sink, burying his face away from the sunlight and grumbled when the soothing sound of running water stopped.
Someone gave a cry from behind him and Loki shot up, banging his head on the bottom of the sink. He stumbled to his feet, turned, and saw something he could have lived without seeing.
Clint was staring at him with wide eyes, one hand still on the tap. "What the hell!" Surprise quickly turned into anger. "When the hell did you get here?" Loki felt his cheeks burning as he grasped for the words that had left him. Clint suddenly seemed to notice that he had about as much clothes on as Bruce after a transformation. Hissing, he pulled the shower curtains over. Loki thought he looked flushed as well.
"When I catch you, you little prick, I'll-" But Loki never got to know what Clint would do, because Clint had leaned too much out of the bathtub.
Clint slipped on the side of the tub, did a spectacular flip, and landed face-first outside the tub; giving Loki a view he wished he could un-see.
Loki flung open the door and ran.
The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and Loki had just been mentally scarred for life.
What a beautiful morning.
When Clint marched into the kitchen with his bow and a full quiver, Loki dived under the table.
"-And when I came out, he was just there, curled up under the sink, looking at me!" Clint finished, and glared at Tony, who was laughing again.
"Loki never left the toilet after last night." Thor protested. "You were the one who invaded upon him."
"This is why we knock before we enter the toilet." Steve said with a serious face.
"But it was my toilet!" Clint snarled. "Damn, I don't think I'll ever be able to use that toilet again."
"It was no pleasant experience for me either, Mister Barton." Loki said from under the table and quickly withdrew his head again when Clint held his bow into position and nocked an arrow.
"Whoa, please, no more fighting in the tower." Tony sighed.
"Boys, boys." Natasha shook her head exasperatedly. "Stop arguing, or I'll make you stop."
"And speaking of arguments, I heard a lot of noise outside yesterday. Mostly Nat's snarling and Clint's...manly screaming." Bruce had been so quiet, everyone had almost forgotten he was here. They jumped when he spoke in his low but firm voice. " I thought we were past fighting over little things."
"I wouldn't call it little." Tony gave a full-body shudder. "It was horrifying. Luckily you weren't there. But then again, I think even the Hulk would have died from the smell." Tony pointed his spoon at Clint, splashing milk across Thor's face. "And you, please don't eat whatever you ate yesterday."
"The second one wasn't me, okay?" Clint growled. "Besides, how wonderfully convenient of Loki to have to use the bathroom right before that... phenomenon."
Loki suddenly seemed very interested in a particular spot on the carpet.
"You know what, I have my eyes on you." Clint growled. "And the next time you pull shit like that, I'll see you, because these eyes missnothing ."
"You have no proof that I did it!" Loki protested, in the typical guilty kid voice that killed all doubt as to whether he was responsible.
"Whoa, stop it you two." Tony held out a hand as if to make peace. Clint looked like he would bite it off. "Seriously. Shake hands, give each other a hug, and make nice before someone gets set on fire again."
"Make nice? The little shit walked in on me naked."
"I was in the room first!" Loki pouted. "And it was not very fun for me either."
"Whatever!" Clint shouted, throwing down his bow under the table, hitting Loki squarely on the head. He squeaked and scrambled away from his spot. "Serves you right, little shit."
Tony was a little appalled. Sure, Loki had made Clint responsible for about half the men who died on the helicarrier, and probably made him do worse things, but mini-Loki wasn't exactly Loki. Surely he didn't deserve this kind of treatment. If someone slapped Tony on the head with a bow and called him a shit, he'd be really pissed.
But looking at Loki, he didn't show any signs of anger, except for his little fists clenching, and a cold, calculating look in his eyes that made Tony fear for Clint's life.
Clint was looking satisfied with himself. "Anyway, Nat, I believe you owe me an apology after what you did to me yesterday." He fetched his plate of eggs and walked to the table.
Natasha didn't even look up. "Look out."
"That's not an apology." Clint began to sit down, before what Nat said registered in his head. "Wait, what?"
Loki swiftly pulled Clint's chair away, and Clint landed on his butt clumsily.
"So, what were you saying about your eyes?" Loki said nonchalantly, backing away from a stunned Clint. "They miss nothing?"
Clint gave an impressive roar that made Thor's battle cry look like mewling. He stumbled as he rose, and gripped the tablecloth to pull himself up.
The table of eggs, pop-tarts, and pancakes came descending down upon him. Natasha didn't even blink at the sudden loss of her cereal, just sighed, got up and left the room.
Clint was dangerously purple the face as he screamed something incoherent, brushed off the mess from his face and grabbed his bow.
Loki turned tail and ran, leaving several stunned Avengers sitting around a wrecked table.
"I had not even started on my poptarts." Thor said mournfully.
"Come on, let's go eat out." Tony grabbed his jacket and walked towards the door.
"Do you really want to leave those two here?" Steve asked. He had not started eating either.
"Hopefully, they'll kill each other." Tony shrugged and smiled. "Much, much less property damage for me in the future."
Steve looked unsure, but it was clear he was hungry. The four Avengers piled into the lift.
Before the doors closed, a resounding crash echoed through the hallway. Tony winced, and only then did he realize that he might not have much property left to come back to after breakfast.