A/N: Did not notice this and don't know if you notice, but on the first episode it had 'Grocery Thugs' when the episode didn't have any mention of groceries in it! Haha sorry about it.


Episode Two: No Fat People


"I heard Hell's Pass is allowing famous people to visit the sick, before they die dude." Stan informed Kyle. They were discussing their new mission, which should be played out correctly this time. They've made fools of themselves on the first job, targeting the wrong person(Kyle). The two boys sat in Stan's room.

"Cool! We can give other kids hope."

"That's what I was thinking." The raven nodded. "It's a good deed to our community by visiting the ill."

"Guys! Guys!" Cartman barged through the door, bustling over to them. Kenny followed behind him. "I know what we could do!"

Stan sighed, "But we just decided we should visit the sick."

"It's humane and kind." The red head added.

"Screw that, that's gay as shit."

"How is it in anyway, gay? We're just going to see kids who might die soon!" Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Justin Bieber." Eric murmured seriously. "He visits the sick kids. Is that what you want? To be like Justin Bieber?"

The gang was silent, they couldn't argue to that. Everyone in the room knew how much a fag the singer could be. Having his own perfume, emphasize perfume! They only assumed that Selena Gomez is dating him, because she must be a lesbian. Must. Even Mr. Garrison once said he love Justin's music. Thus doing something similar he has done, is not a priority.

"Crap," Stan groaned, "fine what's up Cartman?"

"I'm glad you came to senses. Here's the problem: obese people! We need to get rid of them."

Kyle blinked at him, amazed and frustrated. "You're fat, fat-ass!"

"Hey! I'm big-boned."

"Forget about that for a moment," Stan said quickly, "how will getting rid of over weight people be justice?"

"Uh-duh Stan. Does America need more fatties wobbling around here? Sweating pig's balls in our races? Heck naw!"

"Yeah and, there will be more food for the rest of us." Kenny muffled through the coat.

"Ah Jesus, he convinced Kenny. And the real FBI wouldn't do that. Isn't the idea stupid?" Stan turned to his friend, but Kyle seemed to be in thought.

"No...not at all. If we get rid of fat people, then there will be more healthier people."

"Excellent, so you're on board Stan?" Cartman asked satisfied. The raven gave up. "Alright, now how should we carry this mission out?"

"I think we need to start small, let's take down McDonalds!" Kyle suggested.

"No!" The brunette yelled. "That's a holy place you shouldn't dare put a bulldozer by!"

"I agree, they got the best fries." Stan affirmed. "How about we just stop obese people from entering it?" They all settled on the suggestion.

"Ok, this is the plan.." Eric began.

-Next Day-

The gang stood against the McDonalds brick wall, watching citizens pass by in the parking lot. They felt they were actual FBI members, nonchalantly standing idle. Although people didn't know who they were. In other words, undercover.

"There," Kenny pointed to a wide woman who exited the restaurant, already eating a snack wrap.

"Ma'am what are you doing to yourself?" Kyle came up to her, shaking his head disappointingly. "You could do so much better."

"You are dragging our society down!" Stan informed. The woman glanced at them, a bit irritated to be interrupted in her lunch.

"Who are you children?"

"We are," Cartman and Kenny walked up, joining. The gang in unison held up their plastic badges and announced with puffed chests,

"The FBI JUSTICE LEAGUE!"

"...And you are bothering me...?" The woman wasn't amused, squinting her eyes. Eric slapped the snack wrap she had in her hands to the ground. "The hell, kid!"

"Miss you don't need that." Stan smiled. "Go to the Olive Garden, eat a salad."

"A-are you calling me fat?" She gasped.

"No, we're only saying that if the South Park market had a sale for free Twinkies, you'd be the first one there and last one to leave." Cartman sniggered.

"Jerk!" The woman slapped him in the face with her purse, running off crying.

"Fat bitch!" He shouted. "You can't even run right with your weight jiggling all about!"

"Dude let it go..." Kyle pitched the bridge of nose.

"Let what go? She let ALL of herself go!"

"Cartman!"

"I'm just sayin'!"

"Guys..." Stan exasperated.

"Have you glanced in the mirror lately? You're the biggest boy in class!"

"And you're nerdiest boy who'd never get near a vagina, but who am I to tell?"

"Guys..." The raven tried again. Kenny just watched random people going into McDonalds. A familiar man left the restaurant.

"Stan, isn't that your dad?" The blond questioned. The raven looked over and saw him.

"Stanley, what are you doing hanging around here?" Randy asked. "I got dinner, some hardcore big macs!"

"That's good and all, but we're trying to get rid of fat people."

"Ah, no fat chicks right? Know exactly what ya mean. Cya at 8." With that, he left.

"No...fat chicks?" Stan raised a brow. Kenny shrugged,

"I don't see what's wrong with fat chicks, they got the best boobs."

"Ugh, gross man." He laughed, punching him in the arm. "But that gives me an idea."

The two friends turned back to Kyle and Cartman, who were still ranting.

"GUYS!" They stopped. "My dad said something about no fat chicks. So maybe we only need to get rid of big girls?"

"Brilliant! Those girls' sweat stank more than males anyways." Eric said.

"I guess it'd be fine. But we have to do it in more softer way to express it, girls are really sensitive." Kyle noted, remembering the woman who had just recently ran off crying.

"How can we show it without saying it in their faces?" Stan asked.

"I know a way." Kenny assured.

When they went to school the next day, they were wearing white shirts that read: No Fat Chicks!, on them. Kenny gotten the shirts from his mom, since she's a fan of clothes like that. Explaining why she wears the shirt, I'm with stupid, all the time.

Obviously, that cost the FBI JUSTICE LEAGUE a 3 day detention, girls screaming at them, and a week being grounded.


Yes I know this didn't exactly dealt with actual criminals and such where the actual FBI would work with, though I couldn't help but to make this! Also, wouldn't one say being obese is a crime to your own health and nation?