"Silver," Gold said firmly. "Your hair has an erection."
Silver glanced up from his gaudy paperback novel, his hands obscuring the title, and frowned deeply at his friend's non sequitur comment. "What do you mean?" Silver said, staring at Gold with askance eyes. "My hair follicles do not produce blood flow. Therefore, it is biologically impossible for them to be aroused."
"Your hair has an erection," Gold repeated.
Indeed, Silver's hair did have "an erection"—static from the dry air of Gold's tiny bedroom was causing a portion the redhead's hair to stand up straight. Silver wasn't doing anything that was sexually enticing in any way—he was merely sitting at the card table in the center of the fuzzy mint-green rug in Gold's room, perched on a barstool that Gold had smuggled from downstairs. And though they had been together for several months now, the pair had a good five inches of space between them. Silver was reading the romance novel he'd picked up from the bookstore on sale—it was apparently a bestseller, and Lyra had gushingly recommended it to him multiple times—and Gold was watching him, gauging his reactions from his position, palms caressing his cheeks and elbows on the table.
"It's your damn room!" Silver snapped. "It's the middle of the summer, and we haven't had rain in six months. Can't you turn on the air conditioning, for Arceus's sake? My hair will go back down, if it bothers you that much."
"Too costly," Gold mumbled, eyes still on Silver's hair "boner." "Mom yelled at me last year for overrunning the gas bill. I don't want to incite her wrath again. I might not get dinner." Licking his thumb, Gold reached up and pressed the hair down to Silver's scalp.
Silver shook him off. As he did so, the "erection" popped back up, very persistent. "Dammit, Gold, that isn't going to help!" He said. "Stop it! You're my boyfriend, not my personal stylist."
"Hey, we're gay," Gold pointed out. "What's the difference?" He studied the hair boner with extreme interest. "Maybe your hair is just excited at the sight of me." The Johto champion wiggled his eyebrows and licked his lips in a fruitless attempt to be seductive. Silver rolled his eyes, because Gold was being a touch more ridiculous than he usually was. And Gold could have been awarded with several honors at his idiocy at this point.
Silver sighed and placed his book face-down on the card table. "My hair is not my crotch," he educated Gold. "Did you not pay any attention in sexual education in school?"
"No," Gold said dreamily, gazing lovingly at the stubborn patch of hair. "I abandoned school to go on my Pokemon journey and defeat the mortal God of humanity."
"Red is not that special," Silver said.
"Can you battle without saying anything?" Gold challenged.
Shrugging, Silver gave him that victory. "Fine," he said. "Red is a master. I honestly don't care. Do you have a hairbrush or something that I can use?"
Gold blinked at him in disbelief. "I'm a guy," he stated plainly. "If I have to, I wash my hair in the toilet. You honestly expect me to have a comb on hand? Hey, I might be gay, but I'm not fabulous."
"Oh, shut up, you twit," Silver growled. "I can tell you're jerking my chain. Where. Is. Your. Hairbrush?"
Sighing, Gold pointed to his dresser. "Top drawer, left-hand side." Silver sniffed and rose, making his way toward the drawers and pulling the first one open. He rifled around through Gold's boxer shorts and t-shirts before finding the lavender-colored, sharply-toothed comb. He walked back to his barstool, sat down, and began brushing his hair violently.
While his lover cleaned up, Gold picked up Silver's book and perused the contents. "Fifty Shades of Grey?" He inquired, nonplussed. "Doesn't seem like this type of literature would be your cup of tea, Silver."
"Lyra told me to read it," Silver grunted as he worked out a knot, "and frankly, so far, I think it's utter bullshit."
"Isn't it like, pure porn?" Gold asked.
"Flip to a random page and find out yourself."
Gold, keeping one finger on Silver's place, did so and scanned the words. His face paled, and he placed the book back in its original position. "Holy crap," he whispered, his voice squeaking. "That's, uh… kinky."
"Yeah, it's not much on the tame side," Silver said as he finished combing his hair. He nonchalantly tossed the comb on the card table. Weak and rickety, the table nearly buckled under the few ounces of plastic. "But it's a bestseller and I'm not much of a reader, so what do I know about literature?"
"Probably more than I do," Gold opined. "The last thing I read was in school last semester was The Canterbury Tales, and I couldn't get a word outta that. Hell, we read a ton of Ray Bradbury in English, and I was the only one who didn't make heads or tails out of him. And he's apparently easy material."
"English isn't your strong suit," Silver observed.
"And," Gold said, gesturing back to Silver's hair, which was sticking up once more, "personal beauty isn't yours."
Silver slapped his hands over his hair. "Argh!" He yelled. "Not again!"
Gold's eyes were half-lidded as he leaned in to Silver, the tip of his slender nose nipping Silver's. He breathed on the other teenager, his smell sharp and sweet. Butterscotch, to be exact. They'd had blonde brownies earlier that afternoon, and the scent still lingered. "I think you're just trying to hide your obvious desire for my sexiness," he purred.
Their proximity was driving Silver crazy, but he did his best not to show it. "N-No, I am not," he denied. "It's… it's just… blonde brownies."
"Sure," Gold muttered huskily, pressing his upper lip against Silver's. "Food really gets your hair going."
"N-N-N-N-N-N…" Attempting to reconstruct his jumbled speech, Silver opened his mouth widely—and Gold's tongue shot out to lick a slow circle around his lips. Silver's lips were chapped, but the wetness from Gold's saliva made his muscles twitch. Gold grabbed a fistful of Silver's hair and tugged gently. Inadvertently, Silver moaned, his mouth dangerously close to Gold's, the prickling ache turning him on. His entire body convulsed at the contact, and he felt tingling sensations in his toes. Stars swirled in his eyes—from pain or from pleasure, Silver was not entirely sure.
To his bitter disappointment, Gold frowned and drew back, untangling his hand from Silver's ragged mane. He was looking derisively at the spot where Silver's hair was acting up, his glower deep. "Seriously?" He said.
"Gold, you stupid ass, why the hell did you stop?" Silver's voice held the unmistakable tremor of want.
Gold pointed at Silver's hair, narrowing his eyes. "Your hair boner went down."
There was a break in speech as the couple pondered this. It hit Gold first, and the boy threw back his head and laughed profoundly loud, his guffaws shaking the room at the seams of its caulking. Silver sat, mouth agape, as he tried to figure out the connotation behind that—and finally, he did. Gold was right.
"I told you!" Gold howled, beating his fists on the card table, which was threatening to give way at any minute. "Your hair does channel your horniness! That's awesome!"
Silver flushed. "Wha—No!" He cried. "It does not! That's impossible!"
"Well," Gold said, "when I pulled at it, your body jerked and your hairection went flaccid. Clearly, your scalp had an orgasm. There's no other explanation for it!" He started laughing again, for the whole situation was deeply amusing to him.
"M-Maybe it was defying gravity!" Silver said.
"Bro," Gold chided, "that is a dumb rationalization, and you know it. Come on, just admit it. You wanted me, and your hair spoke for you."
"Your hair betrayed you!"
"No it didn't!"
"Yes it did!"
Silver grabbed his book and buried his face into the thin pages. "I'm just gonna go back to reading, if that's okay with you, you despondent idiot," he hissed.
Gold, smiling, shrugged. A hint of his teeth poked through his upper lip. "Hey, it's okay, man," he said with mock comfort. "At least it's not the other way around. That way, when I turn you on in public…" Gold lowered his eyes and bit his lip. "… It'll be less awkward."
Damn you to hell, Silver thought, going back to reading. Of course, he did not notice—but Gold grinned as he watched the same few strands of Silver's hair rise up once more.