UM SO? I don't really know what went on here, but I'm watching Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows right now (again) and I noticed a bunch of new little details for that wedding scene, and OH MAN IT HURT SO BAD?

sorry I add a lot of unnecessary question marks. But anyway, at the end when Sherlock walks out for that moment, yeah, I literally had to pause this movie and write.

This is kind of angsty :c Focused on Sherlock/John, with onesided Mary/John.


Anyway. Just some almost 'what ifs' and 'too lates' and 'could have been fluff' that kind of wanted to be sad.


ANNNYWAY. I don't own any of the characters. Or the Sherlock Holmes series. Or anything of that sort. I own the writing of this little one shot, that's about it. These characters are not mine. THIS PAIN IS MINE, THOUGH. I FEEL THIS PAIN STRONGLY.

She wasn't what he wanted. She was never what he wanted.

She was, however, beautiful and witty and smart. She took care of him, and she loved him, and she wanted him.

She wasn't what he wanted. But it was what he could get. And second best is better than nothing at all.

It wasn't fair to her. Never fair. John knew it. Mary knew it. They both knew that she wasn't what he wanted, and it got to them sometimes.

Mary, especially. The way he'd drop her in a second to help Sherlock. The way he talked about him like he put the stars in the sky, even when he was bruised and broken from something stupid Sherlock got him into.

She wasn't what he wanted.

John wanted the thrill of adventure; John wanted messy apartments and a knocked out Gladstone and a bruised body.

John wanted Sherlock. But he could never have him. Sherlock was always one step ahead, always one step away. It didn't matter if John took a step forward. So did Sherlock.

Always just an inch out of his grasp. Something he could never have. John knew it, knew it from the first moment he figured out what it was exactly he wanted.

He wanted Sherlock. Would always want Sherlock, can't think of a time when Sherlock wasn't on his mind.

Mary saw how they were. Saw how John changed, lit up, when Sherlock was involved. When Sherlock was around. He'd always love him. Mary knew that she couldn't even ever compare.

But, he'd let Sherlock fix him up on the day of his wedding. He was hung over and beat up, and he'd let Sherlock fix his collar on the alter. Sherlock was his best man, after all. Would always be his best man.

But he'd tighten his hand on Mary's and watch Sherlock slip out of the wedding. Watch his form retreat until he rounded the corner, and was gone. He'd swallow the bubble of feeling down, down, down, because he was married now, and she wasn't what he wanted, but what he wanted could never be his.

Not really.

Not even if Sherlock's fingers lingered for a moment too long on his collar. Not even if he watched John and Mary kiss after their vows, and avert his eyes because he didn't want to look. Not even if Sherlock stood alone, away from everyone else at the wedding, watching the married couple smile and laugh, and have to leave. Sherlock had to leave, because what he wanted couldn't be his, either.

She wasn't what John wanted.

And John tried, God knows he did, but he didn't feel it. Not like he did with Sherlock.

She wasn't what he wanted. But he couldn't have what he wanted.

Not really.

WELL. That was painful.

I hope you enjoyed it, though!

It might have been a little out of character, maybe? I don't know. I tried to keep it as close as I could.

BUT. If you have any constructive criticism I'd love to know!

Hopefully my need to write angst is over and I can write some fluff soon. ehehehe.

I hope you did like it, though! I'd love to hear what you thought. :3