Behind the bush


Ohmygiddygodstrousers! It was Masimo! You know, the Masimo that I fancied for months and months, only to then get snogged by him even though he had a girlfriend back in Italy, I'd been his girlfriend for a while but then he suspected that I might have the horn for Dave and then he decided that he wanted to go to London with the Stiff Dylan and leave me. That Masimo.

Now that I think about it, Robbie and I broke up because he went off to be with Koala bears in Kiwi-a-gogo land. Maybe I'm jinxed or something.

After I had finished being utterly shocked that Masimo was here and walking towards me, I pulled up my trousers faster than a pulling up pulley thing and stepped out from behind the bush, trying to maintain at least a little bit of maturiosity. He had reached me by this time and I saw that he was wearing a thin blue jumper and tight black pants, he also had on a matching black leather jacket that made him look really phwooar, but I had chosen Dave so obviously I didn't notice this. I could feel my face turning bright red, especially my nose, not a very good look to have when faced with an Italian stallion.

Ok Georgia, display glaciosity, calm down. After a lot of coughing and shuffling around I said,

"Erm, it's not what you think, I was just trying to…erm…try on my new pants."

"Ah, si si, but you could not do this at home Miss. Georgia?"

"Well, you see, we're decorating so I'm not even allowed into the house, in fact, I'm staying at Jas' tonight and I wanted to wear the pants when we meet up in a little while. I was a little chilly in my shorts….."

I continued on like this for a while, I knew that I should stop talking but it was like my brain wouldn't let me, so I just kept going on and on about how cold it was even though there were people sunbathing on the grass across the path from us and I was red as a red thing from wearing shorts, tights and trousers.

"You are a strange girl Georgia."

The awkward silence continued, he just stood there looking at me in a kind of disappointed way, as if he expected better of me or something? News flash, I'm not perfect Italian cream cake; I'll have to eschew you with a firm hand for this sort of behaviour. That and the fact that we were broken up now.

"Erm, aren't you like, erm, supposed to be in London or something?"

God, I was turning into Ellen, he spared me some of the embarrassment by saying,

"The train has been delayed so I am to stay here until this evening."

Just then, I heard a group of lads chatting around the corner, laughing and being loud like boys always are, it'd never figured out why though, it's like they don't even realise that their mate's stood right next to them. I asked mutti why once and she told me that some guys talk loudly to make up for a lack in the trouser snake department, I really didn't want to think about that now though.

I prayed that it wasn't the rest of the Stiff Dylans, Masimo was acting really strange and I didn't know what he'd say to them about me, I'd probably be expelled from every cool gig and party for the rest of my life after this incident. Oh god, they're coming closer…

30 seconds later

They just turned the corner, and thankfully it wasn't the Stiff Dylans, I let out a massive breath and Masimo just gave me yet another weird look. When I did see who it was it didn't feel much better because it was the Barmy Army, Dave was walking along in the middle of the group with the rest of the lads. When he spotted me, I flashed him a quick 'jesus-christ-help-me' kind of look so he came over to where me and Masimo were standing.

"Sex kitty! Can I have a little chat with you please? Don't worry Masimo I won't be long with her." And then he actually winked at him, I wasn't sure whether to die of embarrassment or burst out laughing, but that would have probably made Masimo get his handbag out so I just settled for embarrassment.

"Is ok Dave, I am to leave now anyway…ciao."

He shuffled off then, he shuffled because his pants were so tight and he couldn't bend his knees properly. His back was hunched over like he was trying to do my impression of Quasimodo which I was so famous for. He looked rather awkward which was really odd for Masimo.

"What's got his knickers in a twist?" Dave said when he had disappeared around the corner.

"Listen, I've kind of got to go and meet the Ace Gang in town, but how about I call you later on and tell you all about it?"

I knew that I was smiling like an idiot and my nose was probably spreading all over my face, but I couldn't help it. Dave just did that to me.

"Ok Kittykat, but how about a hug for the biscuit before you go?"

Without waiting for my answer he wrapped his arms around me, putting one hand on my back and one hand on my head, pulling my close so I was bundled up tight with my head on his chest. He smelt amazing! He wasn't wearing any of that crappy aftershave that I'm sure Mark big gob bathes in, he just smelt like soap and Dave.

"Oi, stop sniffing me!"

"Sorry, it's kind of a thing that I do."


I cannot believe what happened today! I've actually only just remembered it now because I had a marvy day with the Ace Gang in town; I ended up arriving with my hair everywhere and a really red face because, after the events with Masimo, I had to do a kind of shuffly run in my heels just to make it on time. Plus, I still had my pants on.

When I sat down a cappuccino was waiting for me so I took a few small hamster sips using the technique that I developed to stop from getting a foam moustache. I looked up from my cup and all of the Ace gang were staring at me, all agog as two gogs, but couldn't figure out why until Rosie, who was sucking on a pipe, said,

"So Georgia, are you EVER going to tell us why you called us here?"

I started with the story about what had just happened in the park; Jools, Jas and Rosie just looked at me and said,

"Ohmigod!" To which I replied,

"I know."

"So wait… Dave hugged you? Well that was kind of odd," Jas said, she fiddled with her fringe. I was very tempted to pick up my coffee and dump it all over her stupid fringey head. But I didn't, instead I said,

"Not really seeming as he's kind of…my boyfriend."

I don't know how I was expecting them to react but I did not see what Rosie did next coming. She sort of did a little jumpy thing from her seat when she stood up and slammed both of her hands down on the table, but the table was a bit wobbly and her coffee cup flew up into the air and spilt all over Jas' head. Kind of freaky how that happened when I had imagined the exact same thing moments ago. Rosie ignored the coffee and came over to where I was sat and gave me a massive hug.

"It's about time mate!"

Jas didn't notice and she soon scuttled off to the toilets to dry her fringe underneath the hand dryer. I hadn't realised that everybody already knew that I'd kind of had the horn for Dave ever since he first nip libbled me back when I still wanted Robbie. Strange as I hadn't realised this until very recently, as always I would be the last to know what's going on in my own head. When Jas got back from the toilets her fringe was sticking up in all directions and she stared daggers at Rosie until she noticed that Rosie wasn't paying attention to her. Now that we were all here I then had to explain the whole story, even the bits that they already knew.

"But you already know this bit Jas,"

"I know, but I forgot some of it."

She really is dim. So I told all of the bits, including the part where I asked him to be my girlfriend, which was totally embarrassing and made me seem like a big fat loser. I actually really enjoyed telling the entire story though because I kept getting little bits of jelloid knee every time I thought about the part where Dave told me that I was the secret girlfriend that I thought he'd dumped Emma for. We talked all afternoon until the guy that owned the café got sick of us and asked us to leave. At this point Rosie stood on top of her chair and said,

"You can tak our seats, but you cannei tak our freedom!"

For some reason she had become Scottish which made the shop guy give her a really strange look. I truly thought that we going get banned from the café, but all that happened was that Rosie got a bit enthusiastic and fell of her chair, me and Jools took the opportunity and quickly rushed in and grabbed her arms before dragging her away.

"Hey, where's Elen?" I said once we'd come a fair distance from the café, I'd only just noticed that she wasn't there because I'd been too preoccupied telling the story.

"Oh, she had to babysit for her mum," Jools said, "Omg, I just realised! You're going to have to tell her about you and Dave…"

A look of doom crossed the faces of the Ace Gang and all I remember thinking was, oh bloody buggering hell.