Chapter 21: Lies
'Who's been hiding in the closet for so long?
Have a guess. Our beloved singer Santana Lopez.
To all the guys… Well we're sorry. Seems like you missed your chances.
We have spotted Santana with BFF Brittany Pierce more than once together. Santana takes her to her movie premieres and we have seen her at Santana's last concert of her tour last year.
But the thing is that Santana and Brittany are a lot closer than we all would've thought. While everyone thought that Santana and Sam Evans were an item, now we know why they aren't dating.
Santana Lopez plays for the other team. And the fact that Sam's currently dating Brittany's cheerleader friend Quinn might also be a reason.
Santana has always been a really private person when it comes to her relationships and in general her life outside of the media and business. But we managed to get some rear pictures of Santana outside of glitz and glam.
We have spotted Santana with her girlfriend being all lovey- dovey and may we add that you two look adorable together. Also we assume that 'Ocean Eyes'- current top hit from Santana's new album 'Stardust' which has given us some great new songs and hit after releasing it, number one in the charts internationally- is dedicated to girlfriend Brittany who also has ocean blue eyes. That's so sweet! We didn't know that you could be such a sweetheart, Santana.
But as much as we love your sweet lady lovin' it seems like only one is into the relationship.
Our sources have been telling us that as much as Brittany seems to love Santana this is all just an act. "Brittany is just using Santana in order to become famous." says our source.
Brittany you are one smart girl and Santana as much as we love and adore you, you've been blinded by love. So we'd say Brittany: Mission accomplished! Everyone knows your name now.
And Santana, chin up, maybe you could play golf with Ellen DeGeneres someday in order to forget your heartache.'
She was seeing red. Her anger was running through her body faster than anything. It made her blood boil. It caused her to clench her jaw and fists tightly until her knuckles turned white. Until her nails were digging half-moons into her skin. Until she couldn't feel anything anymore.
She wasn't sure if she'd been ever so mad or angry in her life before. Humiliated, stupid, mad, angry. Those were just a few feelings cursing through her body.
"Santana?" Shelby interrupted Santana from her inner mess. Santana looked up angrily at her manager. She fisted the magazine and threw it across the kitchen. She took a deep breath, her chest rising for a long moment until she exhaled too calmly for this situation. She opened her mouth to say something. Her words were starting to get stuck in her throat, unsure in how to deal with everything right now. She closed her mouth again and pressed her hand to her forehead instead. Her lips were sucked into her mouth while she started pacing through the kitchen in front of her family.
Sam was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Alarmed by Santana's too calm behavior. He gripped his coffee mug tighter and started staring holes into it, too afraid of Santana's belated reaction to the article. Holly was looking worriedly at Santana, following her with her gaze and when Santana came to a halt abruptly and turned towards them Holly startled.
There was fury in Santana's eyes, no matter how calm she seemed on the outside. She was starting to suppress her feelings again. But Holly could see from how Santana's clenched fists were trembling in rage and gritted her teeth how furious she really was. Holly's gaze followed Santana's trembling hands that Santana placed onto the kitchen island slowly.
For a moment she wondered how the kitchen had become the place where all the news was delivered. This was the place where they had told Santana that the paparazzi had found her in Lima, this was where they had always gathered after something had happened or was about to happen. It felt weird that the space where they ate and cooked was filled with so many memories, news and emotions from which neither were always happy and joyful.
The room was silent while everyone was anticipating Santana's reaction. It was almost too silent. It was somehow piercing and it didn't feel like silence at all. Silence shouldn't feel loud and deafening but it did and somehow that was one factor contributing to everyone's anxiousness.
"Why are you even getting paid?" Santana started slowly, breaking the silence. Her voice was low and icy and surprisingly calm for the anger she was feeling. A chill ran down Sam's spine at Santana's demeanor. He looked up from his mug just to see the same icy stare in her eyes. Gone was the fury from minutes ago.
"It is your fucking job." She continued, looking down at her still trembling hands. She clenched them back into fists in order to stop them from trembling. She stared down as her shaking fingers closed down into her wrist and the she looked up again at Shelby.
"It is your fucking job." Santana shouted this time causing everyone in the silent room to jump. "It is your fucking job to remove this shit from the media. Are you aware of the fact that not only is that incredibly humiliating, that this is throwing a bad light on everything I've ever worked for? It is your fucking job to not let things slip!"
"Santana, I didn't know what was happening until it was published. I tried to remove it after it was published. I tried to do damage control but it is all over the media. Internet, TV, tabloids, magazines. Everything! And not only in the U.S."
If it was supposed to calm Santana down and make everything better then Shelby did a crappy job and Holly shot her a disapproving look. She shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose.
The saddest part was it wasn't only the article. It was also the fact that there were pictures in it, too. On the front cover a picture of Santana kissing Brittany when she was sitting in the shopping cart. There was a picture of Santana dropping off Brittany while holding open the door for her girlfriend. Pictures she had posted on Twitter, pictures of the premier where they were speaking to each other. Every picture was of them caught in the most intimate moment.
This was a huge intrusion into her privacy. Not only in hers, but also in Brittany's. Santana felt violated.
She stood up abruptly, her bar stool falling over because of the force. She picked up the magazine from the corner it had landed when she threw it and ran upstairs. Minutes later she appeared again dressed in sweats and a hoodie. Her shades were already placed on her nose shielding every emotion her eyes might give away.
"Where are you going?" Holly jumped up and followed Santana outside. "You can't just leave. You do know that everyone is in Lima now trying to get pictures? At least wait until Joe gets here. Santana, please!"
But Santana didn't listen. She just continued walking quickly into the garage. She unlocked her car and climbed into it.
"Santana! Don't do something you'll regret."
"Already did." Santana answered monotonously and with that she slammed the door shut.
Just as Santana parked in front of the Pierce's house, she saw their car driving off at the end of the street. She was glad that Brittany's parents wouldn't at least be there because the less people saw her like this- so mad and emotionally agitated- the better.
She had driven way too fast although the streets were iced and the snow was still covering everything. She didn't care, she was too mad. But she was still glad that nothing had happened to her.
She looked down at her hands that were gripping the steering wheel tightly as if her life was depending on it. Her knuckles were already white. She looked to the passenger seat where she had thrown the magazine on. She looked at the cover and frowned. She started feeling nauseous when she read the name of the article again. It made it even harder for her to calm down.
She knew she shouldn't believe what was published. Most of the things about her weren't even true. She had told Brittany from the beginning that she shouldn't believe what was written. After all Brittany believed that Santana and Sam were dating when they first met.
But no matter how many times she tried to reassure herself that it wasn't true, the less she believed it. It made her doubt. It was Brittany who hadn't liked Santana and it was Brittany who had been so mad that they weren't outed. Maybe she wasn't pressuring but that didn't lessen the feeling of Santana feeling pressured indirectly. And now she had been pushed out of the closet and she landed right on her face in the mud.
She was angry, so angry that if she wasn't holding onto anything should be trembling in rage. For a moment she believed that her hands would crush the steering wheel if she held onto it a bit tighter. She clenched her jaw tight, glad that since the magazine hadn't been in the stores for long it gave her some more time till the paparazzi would flood the streets of Lima in order to demand pictures and interviews just to make money. Grabbing the magazine from the passenger seat, she got out of the car and slammed the door shut loudly behind her not bothering to take her keys with her.
She ran up all the way to Brittany's door and started slamming her fist onto the door repeatedly. She heard a hurried 'coming' from behind it and seconds later Brittany opened her door. A smile appeared onto her face that faded just as quickly when she saw the state Santana was in. She couldn't see her eyes, just the tears that were emerging from underneath the sunglasses.
"Baby, why are you crying?"
Santana hadn't even noticed the tears that had started streaming down her face probably since she first read that article. She wiped her hand across her face in order to remove some of the wetness but more tears followed and eventually she stopped. Brittany opened her arms in order to hug her girlfriend but Santana took a step back.
"Don't." She heard herself saying.
"Don't! You don't get to call me that." Santana interrupted her, hysteria and anger underlying her voice. She had started yelling by now. She didn't care if anyone heard them. It would come out eventually just like her sexuality had.
"Is that why you wanted us to be open about this relationship? I was just prop so that everyone could know your name?"
"Santana, calm down. What are you talking about?"
"So now you decide to play dumb?" Santana asked. "This is what I'm talking about." She shoved the magazine into Brittany's arms causing her to stumble a few steps back by the force Santana had used. Santana had never treated her that way and it stung more than she would have imagined. Taking a deep breath she took the magazine and looked at the front page. She flipped open the page and started reading through it quickly.
"And I was dumb enough to believe you. Stupid enough to trust you and you know the funniest part is that I genuinely loved you. It's hilarious that people at McKinley think that you're stupid because honestly I'm the stupid one. I am! To this point I would've done anything for you. Isn't that funny?" She started laughing hysterically. A shudder ran down Brittany's spine.
"Isn't that fucking funny?" She repeated again louder.
"Santana, no this is not-" Santana raised her hand. She wanted Brittany to stop talking.
"Don't bother explaining. I don't want to hear any of your excuses. I'm done. It's over." And with that she started walking back to her car.
"Santana!" Brittany shouted back. She even started running after Santana but she had already started the engine and drove off. Seconds later as Brittany was looking at Santana's Porsche speeding off and getting smaller with the distance everything hit her and she realized that this was the end. It didn't take long for her to break down onto the side walk on the snow and hot tears started streaming down her face.
She was hurt and devastated. But most importantly she was just confused because none of the things in this article were true. She had a hard time making sense of everything in her head and she could already feel a headache approaching. The only thing she could do was dial a familiar number and choke out a 'Quinn' when she heard her best friend picking up.
Sam looked disbelieving around. He clutched his phone to his ear tighter as if it would make the words that left Quinn's mouth disappear magically, as if everything would just go back to normal. He exhaled deeply and ran his hand through his short hair. Anger spread through his body and he started shaking his head.
Shelby, Holly, Joe and some members of his team were looking at him. He furrowed his brows and sighed for the umpteenth time.
"Okay, I'll try but I'm not promising anything. Yeah and give me her number, I'll call her. And you really think that this is a good idea? Because I don't know if you remember, but Santana's gets pissed off by her pretty easily."
There was a pause while Sam waited for Quinn to finish what she was saying. No one in the kitchen knew what they were talking about but they could hear Quinn yelling on the other side.
"I'll do my best. Just stop yelling. This is also hard for her. You have no idea how difficult it is for her to deal with that. She just got outed by some asshole who thinks it's funny to mingle in other people's business. You may be my girlfriend, Q, but she's my sister, okay? You can't talk about her like that. You have no right. We don't know anything right now. Talk to you later, okay? Bye."
And then he hung up. He threw his phone onto the kitchen island and leaned his hands onto it. His head slumped forward and another deep sigh escaped his lips. He felt a hand on his shoulders and seconds later Holly's arms wrapping around him from the side. His head relaxed onto her shoulder.
"Why does she always have to do that?" He asked and Holly's body shook with laughter for a few seconds before she started stroking Sam's hair.
"Because she has a temper and she's in love." Was all Holly said. Sam pulled himself together and after hugging Holly a bit tighter, he pulled away and turned to Joe and his team.
"I want a few of you to go over to Brittany's and Quinn's. Quinn told me that paparazzi have gathered around Brittany's house, waiting for her to come outside. I don't want anything happening to her, Quinn or Brittany's sister. Joe knows the address. If you need anything call me."
Joe nodded and minutes later there were only two of his team left. It didn't take long for the silence in the kitchen to be disturbed by the loud banging of the door echoing through the house. Santana was just about to pass the kitchen when Sam jumped off his stool, the force knocking it over and tried to pull her into the kitchen. All he received as a response was a shove that caused him to tumble to the ground.
Santana looked down at him, her mouth wide opened because she was shocked at how she had reacted. She had never ever behaved like this towards her brother. Sure they did fight sometimes but never had she been violent towards him.
Santana didn't want to talk about it. With anyone and she wouldn't let herself get forced into something she obviously was uncomfortable sharing. Or she was just hurt and acted on defense mechanism. That's what Sam was thinking.
When Santana was hurt it didn't matter what the truth was. She just wanted to protect herself from further pain and therefore she shut off. It was ridiculous. She always drove everyone around her and most importantly herself insane. She never saw that she was hurting herself and Brittany even more by acting this way.
Even if the pain was evident. He had been able to hear Brittany in the background sobbing loudly. And Quinn had been furious. She had said a few things that Sam didn't want to hear as a brother and boyfriend. This was hard for him, too.
On the one side he had Santana- his sister- who he would support no matter what and on the other side he had Quinn- his girlfriend- who was pressuring him into trying to talk to Santana. She had no idea how hard it was to try and talk to Santana. To say that he was stuck between two sides was evident to everyone with an objective view to the happenings.
"I- sorry." Was all that came out of Santana. It was barely a whisper. Just loud enough for her to be sure that her words had left her mouth and for Sam to understand. Within seconds a few tears started slipping down her cheeks which she wiped forcefully from her face with the sleeve of her hoodie. Angry at herself for being so damn emotional again she clenched her jaw shut and disappeared downstairs in their gym.
She had too much anger and fury inside of her to just be sitting still somewhere and think. She knew that if she didn't do anything about it now, it would all come out when it shouldn't; so she changed into her work out gear and tried to slip into her boxing gloves which was difficult to do when no one was there to help her. Eventually she gave up and just went with bandages around her knuckles. She tied them carefully just like Joe had shown her how to do it when he was showing her some tricks to be able to protect herself. She concentrated onto the task trying to calm herself as much as possible by being fully engrossed into her task.
When she finished she stood up and eyed the punching bag carefully. She was determined to beat the crap out of it. She would think about all of the people who always tried to bring her down. She would think about those idiots spreading rumors about her, about those paparazzi who never gave her a minute of privacy. She would think about everybody who hated her. People who were jealous of her, celebrities who talked nicely to her and about her, but were ready to stab her when she turned her back. Santana wasn't stupid. She knew exactly when polite behavior was fake and when it wasn't. She practically invented that behavior and attitude.
She would think of everything that's ever gotten her mad. Her parents' absence, her failure when it came to maintaining her façade and for letting everything slip out of control so easily. She would think about her hate towards the people who took her right away to come out of the closet when she wanted to and was ready to. She would think about how it was so easy to get weak at one gaze of ocean blue eyes.
And with that she landed the first punch. The punching bag swung back and then returned to Santana. That didn't stop her though from throwing another punch. And then another one and another one. She let her anger take control of her. Every time ocean blue eyes would appear behind her eyelids she would clench her jaw shut harder in order to hold back the tears and the punch would be twice as hard. For a moment she didn't recognize herself. She had never experienced herself as angry as she was now. But then again she had never let anyone get as close to her to cause that feeling in the first place.
She didn't know how long she was trying to get the punching bag to fall off its hinges. Maybe it was a few minutes, maybe a few hours but when she stopped because of dehydration and the pain in her knuckles, her clothes were drenched with sweat. Her top was clinging uncomfortably to her body and her shorts were a lot heavier than she had remembered them being when they were dry. She slid down the mirror that was covering the wall and gulped desperately the water out of the bottle as if her life depended on it. Suddenly the buzzing energy she had in her while punching the bag, disappeared.
Somewhere between trying to fill her lungs with as much oxygen as possible and unwrapping her sore and swollen knuckles from the bandages the painful reality hit her and all her efforts to ignore it were thrown out of the window. Sobs ripped through her body and hot tears started sliding down her cheeks as she buried her head in her knees and wrapped her arms around them in order to keep herself from falling apart. Because that's how it felt. It felt like she was falling apart.
Santana was pulled away from against the mirror and instead of its cold surface she had a warm body pressed against her back and arms wrap around her frame. She didn't fight it. The person was familiar and so was the scent that reached her nostrils.
"Shh, honey, it's alright." Holly whispered into Santana's ear and pulled her closer to her body. Holly started rocking her body from left to right in order to calm Santana down. She hugged Santana until her sobs died down and there was only light sniffling coming from Santana. Holly pulled Santana off her chest where she had buried her face during her crying fit and looked down at her god daughter. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, but most of all, the thing she saw was exhaustion.
"I'm going to make you a tea and you will take a shower okay?" Holly said softly and waited till Santana nodded. She pressed as kiss to Santana's forehead and helped the younger girl up to her feet.
Half an hour later, Holly heard the padding of feet shuffling down the stairs as she placed a cup of steaming tea onto the kitchen island. Santana took a seat in front of it and leaned her head onto her hand while the other one gripped the mug despite the throbbing in her knuckles. Somehow she liked the pain because it was making her feel something physically instead of emotionally and although the thought of it was kind of terrifying, it calmed her. Her damp hair was falling in front of her face covering her exhausted features.
Holly grabbed an ice pack from the refrigerator and gave it Santana to cool her swollen knuckles. She gave Holly a weak smile in return and placed the ice pack onto one of her hands enjoying the soothing feeling that came from the coldness before taking a sip from her tea, letting the liquid warm her up inside. Santana was glad that Holly didn't pressure her to talk. Instead she just took care of her. She combed through Santana's hair with her fingers and tied it to a loose ponytail with an elastic that she kept around her wrist.
"You look exhausted." Holly said while taking a seat next to Santana. She rubbed up and down Santana's back, watching the girl closely while she put the ice pack onto her other hand. Holly looked down at the hands and started stroking over Santana's knuckles, desperately trying to take some of the soreness and pain away.
"I am exhausted." Santana replied quietly, looking down at her tea. Her voice was hoarse from crying and not speaking for a while.
"Let's go to bed." Santana nodded again and after placing her empty mug into the sink, she followed Holly upstairs. "Are you going to be alright?" Holly asked when they reached Santana's door.
"If you need anything just come over. Good night, Santana." Holly pressed another kiss to Santana's forehead and started walking towards her room. Santana watched the door of her own room for a while. She didn't really want to be alone right now. She was upset and there were memories in that room. Pictures and some of Brittany's clothes. She was pretty sure that even her sheets would smell like Brittany. And if she tried hard enough she would be able to hear Brittany's soft moans and pants echoing through the silence.
Santana wasn't ready to face everything just yet. And before Holly could slip into her own room Santana called out her name. Holly just smiled at her and held open the door. Santana's lips twitched into a smile and minutes later she was in the safe embrace of her god mother, hoping that she would get some sleep.
Holly watched exhaustion take over Santana's body as her eyes fluttering closed. She exhaled deeply and freed Santana's hair from the elastic letting it sprawl onto the pillow messily. She combed through raven looks for a while, mustering Santana's now relaxed features and listening to the steady breath escaping Santana. She squeezed Santana tighter to her body, burying her nose into dark hair.
"It's going to be alright. I love you." Holly whispered and let herself fall into sleep as well.
A/N Thanks for your patience. It was pretty hilarious to see how everyone reacted to the last chapter. I know this is a bit heartbreaking with everything happening on Glee right now. I hope you still enjoyed the chapter though :)
Let me know what you think either here or on my tumblr: kissinglips95. tumblr. com