A/N I'm not giving up on Secrets Told, if you're worried. I just had this idea pop into my head and it wouldn't leave me alone. Now that this is out of my system, I should be able to write more Secrets Told. On with the story!
"Write a two page report on the definition of your name, and how the meaning is relevant to your personality and behavior," said Wally's teacher. "The report is due next Friday. Class dismissed." The students filed out of the classroom chattering about their plans for the weekend. Wally paid them little attention, and was instead worrying about having to write a paper on the name 'Wallace'. Wally hated his name with a fiery passion, and despised the notion of having to write a two page essay on it. He knew that he would wait until Thursday night, or even Friday morning to write the paper. This, as he knew from experience, would lead to a subpar report. Wally knew his teacher well, and knew that she would pick the worst essay and read it to the class, resulting in more teasing about his name.
"Wallace," he grumbled, walking into the cave. "Out of all the names in the universe, my parents had to pick Wallace."
"What's wrong, Wally?" asked M'gann. "You're usually happy when I make cookies." Wally had walked into the kitchen out of habit and hadn't noticed the Martian's presence.
"Nothing's wrong, sweet cheeks," said Wally, quickly changing his face to one of optimism.
"Really?" asked M'gann, seeing through his lie. "When you walked in here, you looked really upset."
"Just school stuff; I have to write an essay about my name."
"That doesn't seem too bad. I've been wondering what my Earth name meant. We can both look our names up!" exclaimed the girl. Without another word, M'gann dragged the speedster out of the cave to get the 'Baby name book' from the library.
Conner walked into the living room half an hour later. He raised his eyebrows as he saw what they were looking at.
"Why are you looking at a name book?" Conner asked.
"We're looking up our names! Would you like to join us?" said his girlfriend. Conner shrugged his shoulders and sat down. A few pages later, he found out that his name meant:
"Wolf-lover! How appropriate!" said M'gann. Conner rolled his eyes at Wally's snickering.
"Hey, M'gann, what does 'Wallace' mean?" asked the clone. He was oblivious to Wally's tongue sticking out at him.
M'gann eyes widened.
"Oh my gosh! Did you know that Wallace is also a girls' name? Wally choked on his cookie.
"WHAT! IT CAN'T BE A GIRLS' NAME!" shrieked Wally, in a slightly girlish tone.
Artemis and Robin had just arrived from Gotham when they heard Wally's shouts. They looked at each other and ran to the living room.
"What's a girls' name?" inquired Artemis.
"Wallace!" answered M'gann. At that revelation, Artemis and Robin burst out laughing.
"Dude! I expected that from Arty, but you? Seriously? I thought we were friends!" said Wally, clearly hurt at his friend's laughter.
"Um, Artemis, I wouldn't laugh… your name is also for boys," said M'gann timidly. The archer's laughter quickly stopped. "Wally, your name means 'Stranger', and Artemis's means 'Goddess of the moon'."
"Stranger! How am I going to write a paper when my name means 'Stranger'!" Wally exclaimed. "And Artemis is no goddess." He ignored the girl's death glare. "What does Robin mean?"
"Bright fame? That's slightly ironic, considering you fight crime at night" said M'gann. "Should I look up my name?"
"Yeah, you looked up all of ours," said Conner, voicing the group's thoughts.
"Pearl! Megan means Pearl!" The Martian was extremely pleased with her name. Wally frowned as he thought to himself 'why does M'gann get 'pearl' and I get 'stranger''?
"What do Kaldur and Zatanna's names mean?" he asked, hoping that someone else would get a stupid definition.
"The closest I could get with Kaldur is the Icelandic word 'cold'. I couldn't find Zatanna in the book," replied M'gann.
While M'gann was speaking, Zatanna walked in. "What book wasn't I in?"
"The Baby name book," replied the Martian. "We were looking up our names, and yours wasn't there."
"Oh, uh, okay. I was sent to tell you guys that Batman needs Robin, and Green Arrow needs Artemis." The aforementioned teens exited the room to go meet their mentors. On her way out the door, Zatanna added, "Conner, Black Canary wants a word with you." The only two teens left in the room were Wally and M'gann. They looked at each other for a moment in silence.
"Well, Wally, don't you need to start on your essay?" asked the Martian.
"I have 'till next Friday. I don't need to start any time soon," Wally replied. He grabbed another cookie and sat down on the couch to watch some T.V. M'gann didn't even try to make him move; she knew not to get between a man and the television. She sighed and began to make dinner.
The Thursday before Wally's essay was due came, and he still hadn't started writing. He had actually forgotten all about the paper until his teacher reminded the class to, "Not forget to turn in your reports tomorrow!" It was Thursday night, and Wally still didn't have a single idea what to write. The minutes turned to hours, when finally, on Friday morning, he began to write the worst essay ever known to mankind. When he trudged into English class the next day he turned in his paper. His teacher made known to the class that on Monday, they would receive copies of the worst and best essays to compare as homework. Wally went through the weekend terrified of having his essay copied for the whole class to read. His fears were justified, because when he walked into English the next day, the teacher began to read a report.
"This is, no offense, possibly the worst essay I have read in my teaching career: 'Wallace is a name meaning stranger. It does not fit me. I am not strange.'" Wally groaned and banged his head on his desk. Two embarrassing pages later, the teacher finished. "…And that is why the name Wallace is stupid. The end.' So class, what was wrong with that essay?"
A girl, known for her brains, spoke up in the back of the room. "Obviously, Wally didn't even read the assignment, and wrote it in ten minutes on the bus to school Friday." When Wally groaned, the girl knew she was right. She smirked at Wally's burning red face. Her smirk grew as the teacher began to read her essay as the best. At the end of class, Wally accepted his 'F', and walked out the door. For the next week, he had to deal with, 'Hey, stranger' and 'Hi, Wallace'; which was bad, but not nearly as bad as everyone at the cave greeting him with 'Hey, girlfriend…'.
A/N So, what did you think? Please leave a review!