XDARKERXDESIREX/Hullasinaatio/Loreto W/ -it-calls-meXX/Mayuzu/Ashes2Ashes121/Lionel/x615Butterflyx/ShadowsOfPenAndPaper/Niniesan/IILesGeMeAuxII/Tammy Sakamoto/Anonymous/TIRN33
Watch Me Remember
By Curiosity Killed Kristy
[Chapter 13: Reflection]
He just stared at me, somewhat confused; somewhat hurt.
I turned away from his soulful eyes.
Tugged on the leash around Sajin.
"Ichigo… you don't have to lie to make me feel better."
I scratched at my arm.
Scared to look his way.
Afraid that maybe… he did lie.
"Grimmjow… I wasn't lying…" he timidly informed.
My hand closed into a fist.
"Ichigo, just fucking stop it… I don't want you to lie to me." He remained silent. "I wanna earn it."
The wind picked at our hairs.
Still, the silence overtook anything else.
Then I felt him grab onto my arm.
He spun me around…
And he hit me.
Right under my jaw.
"Ow, fuck!" I cursed. "Ichi, what the-"
"Don't decide whether what I say is a lie or not! That's my decision!" He gripped onto my shirt; forced me to look into his eyes. "Look at me and tell me I'm lying! What the hell gives you the idea that I'm bluffing? Grimmjow, I like you! So take fucking responsibility, 'cause now you're gonna have to live with it!"
After that, he blushed the entire way over to my apartment.
It had been three weeks since that last conversation, and every time silence prevailed, my mind reverted back to that time.
Ichigo and I had been inseparable since then.
We hadn't spoken about it since.
But each day that wore on, I felt that we didn't need to talk about it much at all.
We were getting by with just the usual pastimes.
And that in itself was the best thing about Ichigo.
He didn't like extravagant things.
He just wanted…
I looked up from wiping the glass cups.
Nel crossed her arms, and shook her head.
"I've been calling you for a while now. What's with you, tonight?" she smiled.
"Hmph, nothing…" I turned away from her, knowing that my frown had dissipated.
Even without turning around, I could tell that she was smiling at me.
She had that ability like Ichigo.
She was able to see what a person felt as easy as just looking through glass.
I looked at the time.
"Hey, Nel. I'll walk ya home."
After getting all our stuff, we were off into the night.
The chilliness was beginning to go away; turning over for spring.
And by February, Ichigo and I will have been going out for about a month or two.
It made me smile.
I guess it was better this way, instead of saying we were together for two years.
I'd rather have these two months than the years we had spent in sorrow.
"Hey, Grimmjow-san?" she asked.
She tucked her hands into her hoody.
"You've been really happy lately. Is it because of… you-know-who?" She raised an eyebrow teasingly.
I bumped shoulders with her.
"Heh, probably." She smiled up at me, and looked down at her protruding belly.
I blew out a breath of air.
I knew that she was gonna be a single mom.
And I also knew that she would be good at it.
But she was only sixteen.
"So, when's the baby due?" I asked.
She grinned. "June 11," she chirped.
She looked up at the sky.
But that smile still stayed.
"I don't think so." She puffed out her lips.
"Yeah. I know it's gonna hurt… really hurt, but… When I think about all the time and effort I put into this, and how beautiful my baby will look when I finally hold her… I don't get scared anymore."
I thought about that.
I realized how brave this girl was.
How strong she was.
I ruffled her hair.
"Yer tougher than ya look, kid."
"Ah, Grimmjow-san! You're messing up my hair!" She quickly tried to fix it.
She smiled, and turned away, hands behind her back. "Grimmjow-san, you can go back home now. You don't need to worry about me. I'm pretty sure Ichigo-san is waiting for you, too."
I blinked. "No, he's fine, I can-"
"No, really, it's okay! I feel bad about making Ichigo-san wait, so please. I don't want to impose on your relationship."
When she insisted like that, I really couldn't say no.
I felt bad, but we were close to her house anyway.
So I walked back home.
When I made it to the apartment, I saw that Nel was right.
Ichigo was sitting on the doorstep, blowing into his hands to catch warmth.
"Ichi, what're you doing out here? Get inside."
He stood up and wiped his hands on his pants.
"Oh, I was just waiting for you," he explained.
"Why out here, stupid?" I bonked him on the head.
"Now get in, ya moron." I opened the door for the both of us, and when we felt the warmth hit us, we sighed in relief.
"Um, I made some hot chocolate, but I decided to wait for you to drink it with me." He quickly made to go to the kitchen, pouring some for the both of us from a steaming pot.
He came by most of the time now.
And so, I decided to give him a spare key.
The key he used to have mysteriously disappeared since the accident.
He placed a cup in front of me on the counter, and he swiftly sat himself beside me, sipping on the mug.
We just stayed like that.
Drinking some chocolate.
Nowadays, silence was my friend, not my enemy.
It was funny how things turned around like that.
"You ever notice that we barely talk?" he asked. Traced a finger around the rim of the mug.
I gulped some more down. "Does it bother you?"
He smiled. Stared into his reflection. "No. Actually, it comforts me."
Again, the silence spoke for us both.
"Did we have silent moments like these back then, too?"
I looked down at my hands.
It wasn't the type of silence we had now.
The silence that we had… it was painful.
And to fill that void, we would just fuck each other.
"Yeah… we had silent moments." I didn't want to tell him.
I just couldn't.
I rotated the cup in my hands. Over and over.
And stared at a reflection that remained the same throughout the years.
I reluctantly brought my eyes over to him.
And it surprised me.
Those eyes were concentrated.
"…Can we have it back?" It was barely a whisper.
So softly spoken.
His eyes landed on mine. Coming closer. Eyelids shutting.
And I couldn't back away. Even if I wanted to.
His lips timidly connected with mine.
He began to prod my lips apart with his tongue, and I allowed him to.
He hopped over to my seat, surrounding my hips; gripping my hair, tongues dancing, and eyes never wanting to open.
'Cause once they did, this would end.
And neither of us wanted that.
I created circles with my thumbs on his back, my hands gliding beneath his shirt.
He began to grind against me.
And slowly, it was poisoning me…
I ended it.
Opened my eyes.
"Grimm?" he asked, a bit dazed.
We were both out of breath.
Lips a centimeter away.
We could just go and pull through with it.
"Ichigo, I don't want it back."
"Huh?" he questioned.
"I don't want us… to be the way we were. It's… Back then, we weren't like this," I confessed.
His eyebrows knitted together.
I knew I had to tell him everything before it was too late.
But… I wanted to see how he would take everything.
If he will accept what I want to tell him…
"What… do you mean?" he hesitantly asked.
He began to get off of my lap.
And my chest ached.
I swallowed again.
Hands slightly shaking.
"Ichigo… I forced myself on you years ago; I used you like an object, and I threw you aside…" I couldn't look at him. "I treated you like fucking trash!"
"I'm despicable. You don't deserve that. You're… you're too good, and I… You could've gone to college. You and your family could've still been in good terms… You… You could be living the life that you've always wanted."
I wanted him to hate me.
It was what a person like me deserved.
When I looked at him, I couldn't tell what his expression was.
Because everything was blurry.
Once I felt the wetness on my cheeks, I knew what was happening…
I was pathetic…
I was weak…
The rain is falling hard…
And the umbrella is slowly tearing away.
But then I felt it.
His hand caressing my cheek. Wiping those tears as if they were never there in the first place.
"Someone who regrets and hurts so much over the past- they're the ones who wanna change. But Grimmjow… you don't need to worry about the past anymore because… you're already a new person."
Somehow, we were back to square one of our night.
Falling onto the bed.
His hands were entwined with my hair, and I loved how he gripped onto me like he didn't ever want to let me go.
Like he didn't want to stop.
And when we lost our breath, we stopped momentarily and immediately ravaged each other right after.
I realized that it had been way too long.
His taste had gotten much sweeter.
He threw my shirt at the other side of the room, and he guided my hands to his bare chest.
My tongue trailed from his collarbone, up his neck, and to his ear.
I paused. "I don't want to hurt you…"
He breathed against me. Undid my belt.
"If you don't want to hurt me… don't stop."
His lips left scorching heat everywhere on my body, and the same effect happened to him.
I stroked him and he shuddered from my touch, his fingers grasping the sheets.
I look into his eyes, and I could tell that he wanted this as much as I did.
I saw the lust.
I saw myself reflected in them.
I slowly took him inside my mouth, and he gasped; hands unconsciously entangling in my teal hair.
I prodded his lips with my fingers, and he suckled on them for a while.
My hand traced his chest, abs, and his entrance.
He shivered, and the hairs on his arms rose.
I distracted him with my lips.
And I prepared him.
Starting with one, two, and then three.
He began to beg for me with his eyes.
And his touch.
"Take a deep breath…" I instructed.
He did it.
And I entered him as gently as I could.
With every inch that I pushed inside, my control began to waver.
His breaths were quick.
And I knew it hurt.
But, I couldn't wait…
I began to thrust.
And he bit his lip to ignore the pain.
I looked at his expressions.
I realized that this was the first time I saw how he really looked when I was making love to him.
Pained, and then dawning with realization. That it wasn't as painful as he had first thought.
He closed his eyes.
Mouth wide agape with several moans and incoherent words.
His body arched back, and I knew that he was close.
I sped up.
"…I… can't breathe…" he told me.
And when the time finally came, he screamed out my name.
I gritted my teeth as I emptied myself inside him.
And the moment was perfect.
Gazing with eyes that spoke levels of passion.
It was that exact, perfect moment that I realized… that I loved this man.
It was March.
And Ichigo had been living with me for the past few weeks.
He was slowly returning to his usual routine.
He even took up art classes.
As for me, Starrk ain't my teacher no more.
But he was still my boss.
I worked almost every night at the bar; worked in the daytime for Urahara.
While I was doing that, Ichigo was searching for jobs everywhere.
Renji had begun to help him with his job-search, but so far, they hadn't found anything.
But even when all that was said and done, each night was filled with bliss and pleasure.
And each day that passed, I couldn't believe how far I'd come.
The sunshine streamed through the blinds.
And I've come to actually like it.
Probably because I woke up to Ichi every day.
I could hear him whipping up shit in the kitchen, and smiled.
Smelled the bacon.
And saw that my body was bare beneath the blanket.
Oh, yeah. We had sex this morning too.
I stood up, and didn't bother putting on clothes.
S'not like he hadn't seen everything now.
And besides, it embarrassed him.
I saw him putting some eggs onto some plates, and snuck up behind him.
He jolted when I surrounded him with my arms, nearly dropping the spatula.
"Grimm! Fuck, don't do that!"
I ignored him, and kissed his neck. He stiffened.
"Ichi, I'm horny…"
"Again?" he shrieked.
"Come on…" I tried to persuade him, but I was already carrying him towards the bed.
"Stop! I don't want to!" I shut him up efficiently with my lips.
Just as he was beginning to succumb to my ministrations, we're interrupted with a few rings from my cell phone. "Grimm, aren't you going to get that?"
"Hmm, no, ignore it…"
He pushed at my shoulder. "Go get it. It's annoying."
I knew that the mood was effectively ruined, so I growled in displeasure, lunging for it, all the while still trapping his body beneath mine. "Yeah?" I answered.
"Grimm, it's Starrk."
My eyebrows knotted together.
"Starrk? What's up?"
He was silent on the other end.
"Starrk?" I looked at the phone; the phone call was still going. "Hello?"
"Grimm… it's Nel… the baby didn't make it."