Urgh, I don't like how this chapter came out, and it's the last unless you guys wanted a bonus or something, like a lovey-dovey little TouyxN thing... Like what it's like after he got his cast off and everything. There is some I suppose explict stuff in here, but I don't go into deatail. Should I change the raiting to M, then? Cuz I don't know. :U Anyway, hope you like this sorta last chapter.
There's a knock at my door.
"Touya?" It's Touko.
She opens the door. "When are you gonna get over it?"
"Shut the fuck up!" I yelled, still on my side and facing the wall. "Get over it? I can't! I never will! Just leave me alone!"
"Tch, be that way!"
She stormed back out and slammed the door behind her. I curled up and forced back tears. Tepig got up and made a worried-snort sound. I then heard Lilligant behind me, walking over to the bed. She sat down on it and made a worried-whine. When did she get out of her pokeball? Then after too much thinking, Unfezant flew through my open window and made the sound that told me it had a letter or gift for me.
I slowly sat up. Unfezant flew over to me and dropped a letter with a small box tied to it with ribbon. He nudged my face, like he was trying to tell me, "Cheer up!"
I looked the box and letter over, there wasn't anything written on it.
I wonder who it could be from?
Tepig and Lilligant crawled over to see what this was all about. Unfezant sat down and looked at the others.
I undid the ribbon and grabbed the letter. I opened it up, and found a note and picture. I read the note.
So I know I haven't seen you in a while. I'm sorry. I want to visit you but I cant. I want to hold you in my arms but I can't. And most of all I want to see that beautiful face of yours, but I can't. I can't do any of that. I'll explain everything to you later. You should be focusing on your journey more than me. You really should be. I shouldn't be anything to you by now. Please forget me.
- With love,
I want to crumple up this stupid note. How the fuck can I forget all of the shit he's put me through? How can I forgive him for leaving me like that? All I was to him was a quick fuck, wasn't I?
I hug my knees up to my chest and start crying. I grip the note tighter. Warm salty tears stream down my face and I can't do shit about it. I can't do shit about anything. All I can do is sit in a puddle of my own sorrow, and feel sad for myself.
I can see why he left. I'm a sad little shit.
I throw my head back against the wall. I throw the note a few inches away from me, my tears not stopping once. I bite my lip.
No. No. No. No more crying. No more sadness. None of it.
I get up out of bed. I'll look at the picture and gift later. I need to do this right now. All I'm in is my boxers and a tee-shirt, but I don't care. I have to do this.
I look around the hall and walk down stairs. My mother's probably sleeping in her room right now, there's no one in the living room. I walk into the kitchen and grab a small knife. I walk back up to my room praying that my sister or mom won't see me. I sit back down on the edge of my bed. Tepig nudges me. I haven't stopped my tears once. They keep pouring out of my eyes.
I don't want this anymore.
"Guy's I'm sorry," I say, as I cut my cheek. It burns with a pleasant warmth that flows over me. Blood is pouring out and it feels nice. I feel like I'm doing something better for humanity.
Tepig bites my arm. He wants me to stop. Lilligant grabs my other arm. She wants me to stop. Unfezant pecks my back a bit. He wants me to stop.
They all want me to stop.
But I'm never going to stop.
I won't stop until my tears stop.
I'll cut down to the very bone if I have to.
The tears are the ones that are hurting me. The tears are burning my heart. The cutting is making everything better.
I start to cut my opposite arm. It feels nice. I like it. Lilligant stopped holding onto me. My pokemon start crying and making whining noises. I should stop cutting myself, this is selfish. But I can't stop. I'll never stop.
I get down to my wrist, my arm a bloody mess. Tepig jumps off the bed and leaves the room. I don't care. If he even tries to get someone I'll be gone by then. I'll be engulfed my the warmth of my own blood, and for the first time in months I'll be truly happy.
I stand up. I wobble over a bit. It's almost as if I'm drunk. I'm really dizzy. I can't stand up straight. I drop the knife. It falls with a clatter onto the hard wood floor. My vision blurs and I fall over as well, my cut arm falling into a puddle of blood. A small puddle, but still a puddle.
Yes. Yes. This is what I've wanted all along. This is the warmth I wanted. The warmth I needed.
And then I black out. Like I'm sleeping. I don't feel the warmth anymore, it left as quickly as it came. I'm freezing. But I don't feel myself shivering. I don't feel anything. Nothing.
I wake up to beep-ing noises next to me. There's a pain in my left arm that makes me flinch. I open up my eyes and look around. I'm in a bed. A comfy bed. There are florescent lights that sting my eyes and make a horrid buzzing sound.
Fuck I'm in a hospital, aren't I?
I sit up a bit.
I look to my side and see that there's a door wide open. A door that leads to the hallway. A door that leads to more pain and horrible memories.
"Touya?" I hear my mother's voice call from behind the curtain next to me. She peeks through it.
"Mum..?" My voice is quiet and weak.
She walks over to me and embraces me lightly, although I can tell she wants to hug tighter. He tears fall onto my shoulder.
"Touya why did you do that? We were so worried! You lost so much blood - thank God Tokuo is the same blood type as you! We had to find others with the same type too - Oh God I'm so happy that you're alright! My baby! My baby almost died!"
She was sobbing loudly, I don't think she could help it. She sounded hysterical. I can't believe I made her this worried.
"Te-Tepig came and told me. He kept nipping me. Lilligant and Unfezant got your sister. They care about you so much, it's so heart-warming to know that you've grown such a bond with them."
She sniffled and cried. I wanted to hug her but I couldn't. Only with my right hand. The left one hurt too much. I can't believe they cared about me that much. They really cared. That almost makes me happy.
I smile weakly and I pat my mothers head. She got up, and grabbed a couple of tissues in her purse to blow her nose in. She threw them away, then handed me the things N sent me.
"Here," she said, placing them on my stomach, "I found these in your room. I thought they'd be important to you. You've been here for a few days. I told N. He came to visit the second day you were here. He came every day after that. Touya, he cares about you, he really does. I thought I saw him cry. I know he made you miserable, and a part of me hates him for that. I also don't like that you two had sex but thats another story. He usually shows up around 5 P.M. It's 4 P.M. right now. I just thought I should let you know."
She flashes me a smile and pats my hand gently. She stands up and kisses my forehead.
"I'll check up on you later. The doctors and nurses will be in here to help you when you need it, ok?"
"Alright mom. Thanks..." I smile at her. She smiles back and disappears out of view. I sit up and stare at the things in my lap. I then noticed the pokeballs next to me on the nightstand. I took them and brought out Tepig, Lilligant and Unfezant. They were on the floor beside me. Lilligant stood up and hugged my face. Unfezant picked Tepig up so he could sit beside me. I went to pet him, but he looked away.
"Hey there, little guy," I said, trying to touch Tepig's snout, and in return getting snorts of disapproval. "What's wrong?"
He looked at me and glared. He snorted out a small puff of black smoke from his snout.
"Guys you saved my life... I' m sorry I was so selfish about everything. I should have realized how much you care. Forgive me?"
Tepig sighed then smiled. He made a happy squealing noise and rubbed his face up against mine. Unfezant made a happy cooing noise and ruffled up his feathers. Lilligant jumped up and made a happy noise as well. I chuckled.
"Can you guys help my open this box?" I asked, holding the small parcel with my un-injured hand. Tepig bit one side and pulled it open. It was a necklace with a key on it. A really really pretty key. Tepig then picked up the picture that I forgot about and dropped it over the necklace. It was a picture of N. In the corner it said,
"I know I said to forget me. I'm no good for you. But know that I'll never forget you."
I stared at the picture and slowly brought it closer to my face. I kissed N's face, then dropped my arm and let go of the picture. I let go of all my hate for him, of all my sadness. I let go of all the burdens I've had for all those months. I let go of the old, self-loathing me.
I smiled. I looked at the necklace. There was yet another note.
"The key to my heart,"
I blushed a bit and picked up the necklace. It was slightly heavy, but not too heavy. I put it in my lap.
Tepig curled up and laid down next to me. Unfezant and Lilligant crawled up onto the bed and fell asleep by my feet. I couldn't stop smiling like an idiot. A happy idiot. I gripped the necklace and let my arm drop to my side.
"Tch, you know I'll never forget you," I mumbled. I fell back asleep with my simile still on my face.
I woke up about 2 and a half hours later. I was disappointed at first because that probably meant that N left already.
I sat up as best I could. My pokemon were still sound asleep. I chuckled. Those sleepy-heads.
"Hey," I looked to my side at the curtain. It opened up and soon N stood before me. His face was tear-streaked. His hands were in his pockets. He smiled and hugged me.
"You idiot!" He said, crying onto my shoulder, "Don't you ever try anything like that ever again! Fuck you don't know how worried I was! Goddamn I'm sorry!" He gripped the shoulder he was pouring tears onto.
"You should be... We're all sorry." He got up and pulled a chair over. He sat next to me, and traced the scar on my face with his pointer finger. "You hurt your beautiful face. It's scarred, now."
"You cut your arm a lot,"
"You could've died."
"I need to tell you something,"
"..." N let out a loud sigh, "I'm the king of Team Plasma. You know, those people that don't like other people with pokemon? Yeah, that team. That's why I couldn't see you, because I had a lot of duties to tend to,"
"Those duties sound pretty stupid,"
"Yeah, they are."
We sat in a painful silence for a few moments, he only noises being beeps and nurses and doctors walking all over the place. I grabbed the key on the necklace and reached over to tap N's chest with it. "Boooop," I said, poking him.
He chuckled. "What?"
"It's the key. To your heart. And I want your heart right now. I need a kiss. The key isn't working. Boop boop boop," I kept poking his chest lightly, but then grew tired of holding my arm up so I let it fall back down to my side.
"You're so lazy," He said, as he leaned his face over mine.
After the last few words escaped my mouth, his lips met mine as we kissed lightly. It was short and sweet. It's what I've always wanted.
"N," His face was still close to mine. "Kill me,"
"What? Are you insane? Never!"
"But your life would be better, wouldn't it? You won't have to worry about me. Everything will be better."
"Don't say that!" N started crying a lot more now, onto my face.
"See? I make you cry. I make a lot of people cry. After I'm gone for a few months they'll forget and move on."
N hugged me.
"No, Touya. You make me happy. You make me really happy. I'm crying because the thought of not being able to have you makes me want to die. I just don't know how this is going to work out, but don't worry I swear I'll find away. Just stop thinking about death. When that happens just come to me and I'll make it all better. Okay?"
I smiled and hugged his head. "...Okay..."
He smiled back at me through a mess of tears and kissed me again. And again. And again.
Soon we sorta just started shoving our tongues inside each other's mouth. I couldn't get over how sweet he tasted. He tasted wonderful, and I wanted more. But it's hard to be able to do things with only one arm.
"Mmmph," I groaned during our kiss. He stopped.
"I'm kinda.. uh... never mind." I blushed and looked away a bit. He grabbed my crotch.
"Hey!" I said, sitting up quickly, "D-don't touch there!"
He chuckled. "But you're so hard~ Don't tell me you don't like it." He started rubbing.
He just smiled and continued. Soon he started using his mouth. It was wonderful. All of it. How the hell could my pokemon sleep through this? They better not be faking it. God it's hard to keep my moans quiet.
Quite quickly, I was satisfied and N put the covers back over me.
"I wish I could cuddle with you in there," He said, holding my hand, "Too bad it's too small."
He sat back down in the chair, not letting go of my hand.
"So you're alright with it?"
"The fact that I'm the King of Team Plasma?"
"Yeah... Sure... I guess so."
He kissed me quickly.
"Good, cuz you'll be my Queen as soon as you get the hell out of here."
He rested his forehead against mine. We both smiled like idiots. I'm pretty sure a doctor came in once or twice during everything, but it's not like we care. Then a nurse came in the room and shoved N out, saying that visiting hours were over. He promised to visit me every day after that, and he kept that promise. I slowly got better each day, Tokuo was a little nicer to me but not by much. Every day I'm alive I'm grateful for everything I have - I'm too stupid to get away from it all. I can't believe what I was thinking then. I was such an idiot. I'm happy I have a mother that cares, a wonderful lover, and pokemon that will be with me through tough times. I'm so happy I'm alive. I'm so happy that I didn't actually die. I'm so happy I'm such an idiot for being like that. I'm so happy that N came back.
I'm so happy I don't think it could get any better than this.
I think I have a thing for writing about guys cutting themselves. Oh God. I don't know, I just couldn't resist. This is... Wow, I feel like a sick monster. TT_TT Maybe Iwrite it easier because I can't realate and I used to cut myself but that's another story. Am I... Am I some kind of sadist? I'm too lazy to look it up right now. Neh, anyway... This chapter seemes way to lovey-dovey and waaay to cheesey... I'm sorry.