Superyaoigirl: I totally apologize. As I explain in the note below, I thought I finished it. So sorry! I'm glad you like it. I like seeing a darker side of Naruto, one not so hero-like.
Nazrita: Thank you! I sometimes have to remind myself he's sixteen, I sometimes see him in my mind in this story as a thirteen year old. But that's what I was going for, child-like innocence.
Rosebunse: I like possessive Kakashi. ^_^
O. M. G. I am so sorry! I totally thought I finished this story! I didn't finish posting it or writing it. The ending is written, but the last part of this chapter and first have of the last chapter weren't.
Sasuke wouldn't came out of that ball on their bed. He clutched at the blankets and curled around them, only his head peeking out of the knot of bedding. Yesterday had been the first time in his memory that someone tried to kill him.
Kakashi slept on the sliver of bed next to him, hoping to find him unfurled in the morning, but no such luck. Kakashi sat and rubbed Sasuke's back through the blanket. Sasuke had shut out the world.
Kakashi tried to remember the first time someone tried to kill him. He couldn't; it was so long ago, so many attempts ago. He did remember how his heart would beat fast and strong and how his body shook badly when he was a kid before he got used to putting his life on the line. The adrenaline was still there, but it wasn't the same fear-laced feeling.
Sasuke was shaking like a leaf when Kakashi pulled him to his feet yesterday. Rather than try to make the traumatized young man walk in view of all these people, Kakashi scooped him up and used the ANBU teleportation jutsu a small distance and carried Sasuke home from there.
Kakashi expected a visit from Tsunade, but she hadn't come. No doubt the reappearance of the Sharingan had been reported to her. He wasn't sure if he should have expected a lynch mob at his door or the silence that they were surrounded with. Kakashi wanted Tsunade to come; he needed to argue that it was just instinct, survival, self-preservation. He needed to convince her. Maybe because he needed some convincing too. He'd forgotten how much fear a Sharingan could inject into one's soul; he never looked at his own.
Not wanting to leave Sasuke, Kakashi lay down, curling his body around the nest Sasuke had formed and finger-combed his hair. He really didn't know what else to do; he wasn't adept at nurturing or comforting people. He hoped hunger or the call of nature would make Sasuke crawl out of his little warren.
It was after sunset that Sasuke finally moved. Kakashi had been dozing next to him all day. Sasuke struggled against the tangle of blankets, sheets, pillows, and his clothes. Kakashi was roused by the movement and helped peel the bedding away. As soon as cold air his Sasuke's skin, he recoiled and grabbed the bedding back; he'd been wrapped up in a warm bundle for so long, even room temperature seemed cold. Kakashi pulled the bedding away a little to let Sasuke slowly get used to fresh air again.
Finally, Sasuke crawled out of his cocoon and went into the bathroom, jumping from the carpeted bedroom floor to the bathroom mat to avoid the cold tile floor.
Kakashi stretched and rubbed his face to bring his circulation back to life. This really had been a terrible few weeks on his body; he was used to training and running and fighting every day, but he had just spent a little over a day dozing in bed. He would have gone and fixed a meal while Sasuke was in the bathroom, but he didn't want to leave the Uchiha alone longer than he had to.
He stood up when Sasuke came out of the bathroom and grabbed him before Sasuke could crawl back into bed.
"You're all sweaty. I was going to offer you food, but you really should take a shower."
"I just want to go back to bed."
"No. You haven't gotten out of bed in a day. Come on."
Kakashi pulled him back into the bathroom. Sasuke complied and stripped. Kakashi also stripped and turned on the hot water.
Kakashi immediately grabbed the shampoo and started washing Sasuke's hair. He massaged his scalp and threaded his fingers through the soapy locks. Sasuke didn't do anything, just enjoyed Kakashi's attention. Kakashi's hand slid to his neck and shoulders to continue the massage.
Kakashi rinsed Sasuke's hair and then lathered his hands to massage Sasuke's back and the rest of his body. When Kakashi knelt down to wash his lower body, Sasuke turned and leaned back against the wall. Kakashi's hands were thorough between Sasuke's legs, but he didn't try to arouse the younger man.
Kakashi straightened and quickly washed his own body. They got out and Kakashi focused first on drying Sasuke's hair.
Sasuke just nodded and pulled the towel away from Kakashi to dry himself. Sasuke went to dress, which Kakashi let him do unmolested. He did grab him around the waist when Sasuke tried to crawl back into bed.
"At least let me change the bedding. Go lay on the sofa and I'll make 'breakfast.'"
Sasuke did as he was told. He sat there against the arm hugging his knees.
Kakashi came in from making the bed and knelt beside him. "How are you feeling?"
"Someone just tried to kill me!" Sasuke finally let out his pent up emotions.
Kakashi recoiled. "I seriously don't remember what it's like the first time," Kakashi said. "Hundreds of people have tried to kill me. It still gets my adrenaline pumping, but it doesn't disturb me anymore. But it's not normal to happen in your home village." Unfortunately, Kakashi did recognize that scowl on Sasuke's face. "You seemed so stoic about your own death, I didn't think it would affect you so much."
"I don't want to die. At least I've been expecting to be told I'll be executed, but for someone to just try to kill me . . ." Sasuke shrugged while still hugging his knees. He looked away and said nothing for a few second. "What happened to my eyes? I could see auras around people and it was almost like I could see things before they happened, that things slowed down."
"The Sharingan. Your family has unique abilities centered in your eyes. I'll retrain you in using it. But not yet."
Kakashi wasn't wearing his headband. He ran a finger down the scar over his left eye then opened it. Sasuke looked a little scared to see a red eye so different from Kakashi's normal gray one.
"My friend was a cousin of yours. I lost my eye while protecting him. Just before he died, he told me to take his eye to replace mine. It's a Sharingan. I can't deactivate mine like you can." Kakashi closed his eye.
Sasuke tried to shrink into himself even more.
"I can protect you physically, but I can't protect you from reality. You're a shinobi and you're surrounded by shinobi. There will always be people who will hate you. If I could protect from everything, I would. If I could take you away from all this, I would. Don't worry about things you can't change."
"I'm too frightened. I keep wondering if it would be best if I died." His eyes ventured up to Kakashi's face.
Kakashi stared hard into Sasuke's eyes. His voice was lower and calmer than Sasuke thought it would be. "Don't ever think that. I'm not the only one who would be devastated. You're also the last of your clan; it was once your dream to restore your clan."
"That's not my dream. I don't want to die, but I don't what to stay here." There was a little hysteria on the edges of his voice.
"I know. Things will get better; they just have to get used to the idea that you're here and you're not the man you once were." Kakashi pulled Sasuke's hand to his face and kissed the backs of his fingers; his hand was cold. "Stay here."
Kakashi went to the bedroom and returned with a blanket which he tucked around Sasuke. "Did you sleep much?"
"I think so."
"You think? I think you're still in shock. I'll make food. Stay warm."
Sasuke nodded and curled up under the blanket.
An hour later, Tsunade finally visited.
"How is he?" Tsunade asked as soon as Kakashi opened the door.
Kakashi ushered her in. Sasuke was still awake on the sofa. "Traumatized. He sort of slept for a day and his body is cold. I got him to eat and get out of bed."
Tsunade sat down next to Sasuke and put a hand to his forehead. "You are a bit cold. Make some tea, Kakashi."
"A cup for you as well, Hokage-sama?"
"How are you doing, Sasuke?" she asked.
"Kakashi will protect you. Your ANBU guard will protect you. Are you having any nightmares? Anxiety? Headaches?"
"A little anxiety. I'm scared of other people and . . ." he looked to see that Kakashi wasn't close by, "I even fear Kakashi sometimes. I know he's a shinobi and it scares me."
"You need to get used to shinobi. The fact you were so affected by that attack gives me hope for you. The old you wouldn't have been fazed."
Kakashi returned, leaving the water to boil. "About that attack—" Kakashi started.
"I know," Tsunade interrupted. "The Sharingan appearing and his attack were pure instinct and muscle memory. We've been debating it, but I don't believe his old personality is coming back."
"Let me argue on his behalf," Kakashi pleaded.
"As much as I don't want to subject him to it, I'm going allow you both to come before the council. You can make your case, Kakashi, and I want them to see Sasuke. You've used the transformation jutsu already," she said to Sasuke, "I want you to use it in three days when you come to the Tower; I want you to have time to prepare yourself. You'll get to plea your case."
"You won't have to speak, Sasuke," Tsunade said. "Just stand there and look scared and meek."
"No problem there," Kakashi said. He heard the water boil and went back in the kitchen.
"Sasuke, is there anything you want to tell me?"
Sasuke shook his head.
Sasuke shook his head again.
Kakashi brought in Sasuke and Tsunade's tea. Tsunade took Sasuke's and handed it to him. "Drink this, it'll warm you up."
Sasuke sipped at it, Kakashi having added an ice cube after it steeped a little. Tsunade turned to sit properly and took her own cup.
"How are you holding up, Kakashi? It must be difficult to be on such an extended vacation."
"I'm feeling it, but I'm happy to do this. I can train back up to standards pretty quickly."
She turned to Sasuke. "I hope you'll take to training. You've trained up to normal standards and stopped there. I want you to start training toward shinobi standards."
Sasuke nodded. "I don't want to go outside, but I do want to do something."
"Once you become a shinobi, you can leave the village on missions and be away from people who distrust you. You can live on the outskirts and keep away from people if you want. If you return to you former skill level, you can join ANBU and then no one will know who you are most of the time."
She sensed Kakashi's distress when she mentioned ANBU. He was ex-ANBU after all; he knew what it meant to be a member of the assassination corps.
"I sort of trust ANBU," Sasuke said a little hopefully.
Tsunade smiled at him fondly. "You seem so much younger than you are." She took a long sip at her tea. "Thank you, Kakashi. I should be going. Goodnight, Sasuke-kun."
"Goodnight," Sasuke nearly whispered.
"You can go back to sleep if you want," Kakashi said after Tsunade left. "But I'm getting you up in the morning."
Sasuke nodded and let Kakashi help him up from the sofa.
This life was taking a toll on Kakashi. It was late morning when he woke up, not dawn. Sasuke's breathing told Kakashi he was asleep. He was curled up again, but not in a tight ball or in a nest.
Kakashi nuzzled the black hair near on the next pillow. He wondered if the reason Sasuke slept so soundly was because his shinobi discipline was destroyed by the amnesia or his time in a coma or if he slept so soundly with someone nuzzling his hair because he felt safe with Kakashi near him.
He slipped a hand over Sasuke's stomach under the blanket. "Sasuke," he whispered. Sasuke didn't move. "Sasuke," he said a little louder and rubbed his stomach.
Sasuke whined and put his hand over Kakashi's hand.
"Let's get up," Kakashi whispered.
Sasuke whined again.
"You never were a morning person."
After a shower, they had breakfast. Kakashi may have kept his mask off around Sasuke, but he still wore it pushed down around his neck. He pulled it up when someone knocked on the door. He hoped it was Kiba and/or Hinata—Sasuke needed a friend right now.
But it wasn't.
"Naruto," Kakashi greeted a bit coldly.
"I want to apologize. To both of you. I could have stepped in the other day but I didn't. It's just, he's not the Sasuke I knew."
"So you'd stand back and let him be killed. Even if this Sasuke's a stranger, you were willing to let a stranger die in front of you?"
"You were there and ANBU."
Kakashi wanted to slug him.
"I'm sorry, okay? It's just . . . that's not Sasuke."
Sasuke crept closer. His memories might be gone, but the skills honed over a lifetime didn't fail him as he silently approached the half open door behind Kakashi.
"Your Sasuke doesn't exist anymore," Kakashi said. "He's gone and I hope he never comes back."
"But he was my best friend."
"That Sasuke was not worthy of your feelings for him."
"How can you say that? It's because you're used to this one, isn't it? He was my first friend. Iruka-sensei was like an older brother, but Sasuke was the first person I could think of as a friend."
Something hit Sasuke. Was it Naruto's insistence that they were friends, that he had meant so much to Naruto? Was it the name Iruka? Something tugged at him. He tried to move away as silently, but he knew Kakashi was now aware of how close he was.
"Believe me, I know what Sasuke was to you, but the moment he left Konoha, he stopped being that person. Wouldn't it be better to try to know this Sasuke than forever pinning for the old one. He no longer existed even a year ago. The day Itachi broke his wrist in the hotel was the moment your Sasuke died." Kakashi hadn't been there, but Naruto and Jiraiya had told him all about it. "Just because he left you alive in that valley you thought he could come back; he couldn't. That was the last vestige of the Sasuke you knew. When he turned his back on you and left you lying wounded in the rain, he was lost. But this one is different. He'll never be the same one you want back, but you could have some piece of him back."
"I might as well create a clone and have him transform into Sasuke. At least he'd know how to act the same."
Kakashi sighed. "I'll pass on your apology." He shut the door.
Sasuke had only made it half way to the hall. Kakashi felt fear at how disturbed Sasuke looked. "What's wrong?"
"I felt something when I heard Naruto talking. I don't know what it was. Something about what Naruto said. Who's Iruka?"
Kakashi felt a stab of jealousy. Sasuke's only memory—seemed—to be of him. If he remembered Iruka . . . He wanted to make sure Sasuke never ever saw Iruka.
"He was your teacher at the Academy. You were never close to him. Actually, he was rather hands off with you despite your past. He warmed up to Naruto realizing how difficult his life was, but he didn't with you." But Kakashi couldn't completely besmirch the man even if what he'd just said was perfectly true. "Yet he is a very kind man."
"Nothing feels . . . right like you do. Maybe I feel . . . guilty about the way I treated him. We were close?"
"Your friendship was very odd. You showed your respect through fighting and any affection through insults. But I never knew your heart when it came to Naruto. Sakura I'm pretty sure about: she annoyed you. Naruto annoyed you too, but you tolerated him more. Tolerance was the most affection you'd give anyone."
"What about you?"
"Well, I don't think I ever annoyed you except when I was late. And when I kicked your ass in tests and training exercises. You heard Naruto's apology?"
"No. I heard your response though."
"He apologized for not coming to your defense."
"I don't care. It hurt at the time, but I don't care. I don't want to know anyone else, just you."
Kakashi pulled him into a hug and smiled selfishly. He creeped himself out sometimes. He wanted to lock Sasuke away for himself only.
"I wish I could fake your death and keep you hidden here," Kakashi confessed. He kissed Sasuke's forehead and then his nose. Sasuke moved back a little to give Kakashi the room to bend down a little to kiss him. Kakashi kissed his lips. With a hand on Sasuke's cheek, he deepened the kiss, once again pulling Sasuke against him. Sasuke let him in and felt Kakashi harden against him. They hadn't had sex since those shinobi tried to kill him.
Sasuke was aware of being gently pushed into the bedroom, but it was a surprise to him to be laid out on the bed. Kakashi's covetous eyes scared Sasuke, but he trusted him. Even if he did scare him sometimes, that dark, lustful look so far had only resulted in good things—as far as Sasuke was concerned; he had initiated this relationship after all. Kakashi frightened him, but he also gave him a strangely familiar pleasure just by looking at him.
That bothered Sasuke sometimes: sexual pleasure was not foreign to him. He was certain, beyond all doubt that he loved Kakashi and always had, but he knew he'd never had sex with Kakashi before he lost his memory because of the way Kakashi acted. He might be able to lie with words, but not with his body. Who had he given himself to before?
Kakashi missed all those thoughts as his eyes darted between Sasuke's face and the clothes he was slowly stripping away, even as Sasuke kept his eyes locked on his.
Sasuke lay his head back. It didn't matter, did it? Whoever it was was not here. He didn't remember and never would. But what if it was that blond boy, Naruto? The idea that someone around him knew that kind of information about him while he didn't made him very uncomfortable. Was that the feeling he got when Naruto was talking? Were they more than friends, had they been lovers? Is that why Naruto wanted the old him back so much?
Kakashi had Sasuke stripped and now was lapping at a nipple on Sasuke's chest.
Impulsively, Sasuke reached out and grabbed Kakashi's white hair and pulled him up to kiss him. He wanted to be Kakashi's and no else's. He didn't want to belong to Naruto or anyone else.
Kakashi blindly reached for the lube; his attention split, Sasuke took over the kiss. Kakashi prepared his cock and eased into Sasuke.
Sasuke moaned into Kakashi's mouth. Kakashi held the majority of his weight up off of Sasuke with an elbow beside him and threaded his fingers in Sasuke's hair with his other hand. Sasuke wouldn't let go of his tongue, kept sucking it back in when Kakashi tried to pull away. Kakashi smiled at Sasuke's enthusiasm, not understanding it. But he could only manage shallow thrusts being pulled so close to his shorter lover.
Kakashi was losing his breath and forced his head away.
"I love you," Sasuke said.
"You're awfully desperate. If you're insecure, don't be. I love you and I'll never leave you. Just relax."
Sasuke wanted to ask if that would be true if Kakashi knew he'd slept with someone else before, but he couldn't ask that. He nodded.
"Put your arms around my neck." Sasuke did so. "Hold on."
Kakashi put a hand on Sasuke's thigh and started to hammer into him. Sasuke tightened his grip, pressing his chest to Kakashi's. He lifted his right leg and wrapped it around Kakashi's hip to pull his body closer to Kakashi's cock.
"Kakashi," Sasuke panted. He pressed his head against Kakashi's, whining close to his ear.
Kakashi couldn't last long with Sasuke's desperation. He cam inside him and eased Sasuke down. Being the polite lover he was, Kakashi shimmied down to take Sasuke's straining erection into his mouth. Luckily for the jounin's jaw, Sasuke cam quickly. Sasuke drifted off immediately.
Kakashi smiled warmly down at him before the smile turned sad. Even with his past erased, he was still in pain. If he could only run away and take the boy away with him. He sighed and pulled the blanket over Sasuke, got up to clean himself, and then snuggled in behind him.
There were few greater moments of bliss than waking up next to your lover after sex, whether it be morning or evening.
Kakashi opened his eyes to see his lovely Uchiha's sleep slack face in the last light of twilight. He let Sasuke sleep, he would probably sleep until morning. Kakashi got up and decided he needed to start getting his own body back into shape. He stretched and did sit-ups and pushups until his body was exhausted.
He wasn't really suppose to leave Sasuke for any length of time, but he had to shower. Sasuke was still snuggled into the pillows snoring softly. Kakashi's heart swelled. He left Sasuke again to make himself some dinner.
Now he could worry about taking Sasuke to the council.