Me: *waves nervously* Hey-hey guys. Long time no see. *Dodges a pitchfork and a few torches* Sorry It's been a long time since I've updated. I went back and fixed the last chapter this weekend. *Dodges mace* But Hockey took up a lot of my time and Larry (my muse) went on vacation. School has taken up a lot of my time now too. I've also been working on another story. (After you read this you should totally go check out Velocity if you love the flash family) Buuuut hockey season is over and I found the motivation and the time to update. (Yay!) Also since this story is winding down to an end I brought our favorite conspiracy theorist back to do the disclaimer!
Q: I thought I was supposed to inform them about the dangers of sweet potatoes, aglets and Barbie dreamhouses.
Me: No Q. Will you stop it with the aglets already! They are not evil!
Q: That's what they all say, but if you knew what I knew you'd see them for the monstrosity that they are.
Me: Then what do you know about aglets?
Q: You are not worthy of such information!
Me: Arrgghhh! Ok That's enough of that! I don't own anything you recognize so don't sue me
Q: Sue the aglets!
Me: For goodness sakes! Aglets aren't evil Q!
Q: Oh you poor uninformed soul…..
Me: *Glares at Q* On with the story!
A large set man with silver hair stepped out of the dark Gotham shadows. In front of him stood a quivering henchman. They sure didn't make grunts like they used to and anyone worth having cost a pretty penny. That didn't matter now, not after he went back and time and got rid of his daughter, her no good idiot husband and maybe her brats. Although the boy did have some good hacking skills he could use to his advantage one day, his sister on the other hand was a no good, worthless speedster. Oh how he despised speedsters. They were so damn annoying. The reason why his baby girl fell for one still eludes him to this day. It was bad enough that Jade had a kid with that clone. Man he really did hate redheads.
"Is everything in order for our departure?" He growled.
The hired help flinched at the booming sound of Sportsmaster's voice. "Y-yes-s s-s-sir." He stuttered.
"Then what are you standing there for? I'm not giving you dental insurance to waste oxygen and wet your pants! Go find Deathstroke and tell him to get ready!" Lawrence ordered.
After the poor grunt scampered out of the room he let out a frustrated sigh. He really needed to get some better henchmen that weren't wimps concerned with dental care. He missed the good ol' days when he could walk into an alley in Gotham and pick up a few guys free of charge. Today they're all about the labor unions and the paperwork and insurance. INSURANCE! He still couldn't believe he had to provide insurance for those lowly grunts.
Deathstroke strolled into the room. He seemed slightly irritated. "So are you sure everything is in place?
"Yes. They're all in the past. You can exact your revenge on the Martian and I can teach my daughter and her moron a lesson. NOBODY PUTS ME IN JAIL AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!" Sportsmaster hissed.
"That martian bitch will pay for what she and Minimanta did to my ponytail." Slade vowed. His hair still had not returned to its former greatness. He now kept it short because he secretly feared the other villains would make fun of him for his damaged locks.
"But you stay away from Artemis, She's mine to deal with. I'd also like to get my hands on that idiot she calls her husband. You can deal with the clone, that magician and that batkid in the skintight suit once you're done with the Martian." Said the hockey-masked villain.
"What about Kid Flash and the squirts?" Deathstroke questioned. "They were never part of the plan." The assassin played with one of his knifes.
"Well they are now. Luthor has put fourth a mighty reward for someone to teach them a lesson." Lawrence smirked.
"You would do that to your own grandkids? I understand your thing with your daughter, but even I wouldn't mess with my grandchildren. It's a death wish." Slade warned.
"Please, It's not like I'm going to kill them or anything terrible like that. The new generation thinks we're just two crazy old geezers with a grudge." He ranted.
"But we are two crazy old geezers with a grudge…" the assassin pointed out.
"SHUT UP! We need to teach those young ones that they need to respect us. Do you know what Lian said to me the last time I kidnaped her? She told me I was an ancient loser and I needed to go back to my retirement home. Me? Retirement home? That's absurd! She should have feared me but instead she laughed in my face!" Sportsmaster fumed.
"You know she is the daughter of an assassin. Nothing scares her, you shouldn't take it to heart Lawrence." Deathstroke offered up some advice. He thought retirement was a good idea. Maybe he could settle down on some beach in Mexico. Mexico sounded like a great place to retire.
"No. The twins do the same thing." He sighed. "I mean the last time I kidnapped them the speedster wouldn't stay still and the boy wouldn't stop making fun of my costume. They wouldn't stop talking either! I almost let them go because they were so damn annoying. Gah! And what kind of villain would I be if I did that?"
"Yeah. I remember the last time I tried to kidnap Robin (Damian). It was a disaster. I never knew a child his age could say such vile things. That little shit even dared to make fun of my old ponytail. I swear, I almost called Talia up so she could control her rude little brat. I mean he's 13 years old! When the other Robins were 13 they gave us the respect we deserved." Slade recalled.
"Exactly my point." Sportsmaster nodded. "So who is coming as backup?"
"Besides those losers you already sent back? Ummm…Well most of the shadows declined and anyone who owes me or you a favor is either in jail, dead or MIA." He explained.
"So what are our options?"
"Well I did get Grodd to agree and Bizarro isn't hard to convince. I also got Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn." The assassin answered.
"Not Harley Quinn, anybody but her!" Lawrence hated that woman. The last time he had to work with her he nearly shot himself she was so irritating. That woman was beyond insane.
Deathstroke rolled his eye and chuckled. He remembered how Sportsmaster raved for weeks about the crazy Harley Quinn. "Unforutnatly Ivy will only work with us if Harley can tag along."
"Dammit!" Sporty cursed. He was desperate though Quinn would have to do.
Slade checked his watch. "We should get going, our partners are due to meet at the other location within a half hour."
Lawrence nodded and shouted. "TO THE SPORTSMOBILE!"
"That wasn't cool when we were teens and it's not cool now. You're so embarrassing." Deathstroke face palmed. "I can see why your daughters never wanted you to drive them to school."
"Says the guy who took his kids trick or treating every year and made them dress up as Star Wars characters so he could be Darth Vader." Sportsmaster replied before he started the car.
"You're just jealous that your family never won the costume contest at the Halloween party we had every year." Slade huffed.
"That contest was fixed. You always miscounted the votes. Crock family should have won that year we dressed as Harry Potter characters." Lawrence accused.
The assassin chucked. "Ok, I'll have to admit it was pretty brilliant for you to dress up as Voldemort then have Paula as Snape, Jade as Bellatrix and Artemis as Lucius."
"Damn right it was." The villain grinned. "I still can't believe your family still won dressed up as the Flintstones."
"You can't beat the classics." Slade smirked.
Lawrence ignored that comment and sighed. "I miss the good old days. Villainy had a purpose back then, now it's all about money."
"Exactly." Deathstroke agreed. "They took the whole family aspect out of the business. It's been decades since the Light hosted the annual Christmas party. When was the last time we had a League of Shadows family picnic? I mean we villains only get to see each other in the field now. I really liked all the get-togethers."
"Today it's all about instant gratification." Sportsmaster raved. "All those newbies think they can just start out on top. Those little bastards think they're better than us! No respect! They're impatient, they're rude and they're selfish. I may be evil, but I still acted civil towards most of my companions."
"You said it. But once we pull this off we'll be legends." Slade grinned. "They will fear us again."
"Then we'll see who's laughing." Lawrence snarled. They pulled up to warehouse that housed the device. After a year of planning tonight was the night both men would exact their revenge. Tonight Sportsmaster and Deathstroke were going to change history.
Me: So what did you think? Did I do a decent job?
Q: BEWARE OF THE EVIL DANCING CAREBEARS!
Me: Holy Musical Batman! Q, Carebears aren't evil because they dance. Nor are Reach Toothbrushes, Birch Syrup, Purple Dry Erase markers, pecan pie or the Easter Bunny!
Q: You live in denial! *GA and Canary start to drag him away* YOU'RE ALL IN DENIAL
Me: Well that's all folks! Don't forget to review. Please tell me what you think. And check out my new poll. I also have a tumblr, the link is in my profile.
[20 minutes later]
Q: *Is hacking into Hockeygirl's account* I'll show her why she shouldn't doubt me. I'll post a preview of her next chapter of Velocity. Hehehehehe. She'll never suspect, I'll blame it on Ollie. It's perfect!
Velocity Chapter 21: (Warning: This preview might have some suggestive content. Read at own discretion)
"So you and Damian again?" Milagro mused. The green lantern was perched on Irey's countertop busy with painting her toenails emerald green. The speedster cooking grilled cheese in the kitchen flinched slightly.
"We're not a thing Milagro, if that's what you're saying." Irey denied. "Our relationship has been over for years."
The green lantern looked up from her toes and gave her best friend a look. She wasn't buying it. "Then what's with you two hooking up a few weeks ago?" Milagro challenged.
The Flash gasped. "How did you know about that?" She was careful not to burn her batch of sandwiches while she glared at the lantern.
"I never reveal my sources." The Hispanic woman smiled smugly.
Irey studied Milagro's expression for a moment, "It was Nell, wasn't it?" she guessed.
Her best friend held up her arms in mock surrender. "Fine you caught me. But it's not exactly a secret, according to Batgirl you and Damian are the talk of the Bat family right now."
The speedster piled up a mound of grilled cheeses on her plate and gave one to Milagro. She savored the first bite of her sandwich before speaking. "So what? It's no big deal."
Milagro let out a frustrated sigh. "Stop lying."
Irey took another bite. "Well it wasn't," She denied again. Milagro gave her another 'I'm-not-buying-your-shit' look. "Ok fine. So we had sex! Not a big deal"
The lantern let out a squeal. "I knew it! You two are so getting back together."
"No!" Irey blushed. "It was just a one night stand. No strings attached."
The brunette shook her head. "Chica, with you two there are always strings attached. Stop denying it."
"I'm not. It was just we were at the same place at the same time and the moment was right, that's it." Irey answered.
The lantern grinned and played with her ring. "Oh you are so in denial now." She replied much to the speedster's dismay…
Read the rest in the upcoming chapter of Velocity (it should be out in a week or two) REVIEW!