The radio plays a short clip of the "Isengard" theme, then fades out.

All right now! Listen up, you lot! This is Gorak from Lugburz. Before we get started, I've got a quick message from the northern front.

As you know, our allies in Isengard beat the Strawheads at the river fords a few days ago, killing the king's son. Well, now reports say that they've trapped Theoden and his nephew in one of their fortresses, and they're gonna blow 'im to bits with Orthanc-fire!

While a bunch of Strawheads getting knocked off would be good news any day, it's really good now, because this way Theoden can't possibly slow down our glorious march against Gondor. If they light their little beacon-fires, they'll be rather upset when, instead of Strawhead cavalry, they see wolf-riders pouring out of the west! How sad . . . he he he he! We're expecting to hear more details at Lord Saruman's monthly press conference tomorrow.

And now for our weather report . . . oh wait, we're orcs. Wedon'tcareabouttheweather! Seriously though, the ash cloud over the northwestern Stinking Desert will be down for maintenance Friday morning. Anyone out there without orders has only himself to blame if the sun burns him to a crisp.

I probably don't need to remind you that the Spear Festival starts this Saturday evening. We had nine killed in the trophy fights last year, and everyone's looking forward to even more blood this time! Our masters have generously decided to subsidize this event: warriors and laborers can get in for only two coppers, and that's good for all three days. We are also expecting performances from several top Southron drill teams, including Spinning Death and the Caraxan Cobras.

In economic news . . . in his speech yesterday at the STA, the Witch-King spoke about the housing crisis.

A few words are heard in the Black Speech, then an interpreter's voice:

"Due to the shortage of barracks space, all soldiers fighting on the Western Front are required not to burn any captured buildings without written permission. To obtain permission, fill out Form Az-0193-KdGh in duplicate, and send one copy to the Communications office at the Sorcerer's Tower and the other copy to your unit commander."

Gorak resumes:

Besides that, it doesn't make any sense to burn buildings that are going to be ours soon.

He also told us that enemy spies are counterfeiting the money of the unstoppable Mordorian Empire. I will remind you that the penalty for passing fake coins, on purpose or not, is death by drowning.

Healthy slaves closed at thirty-nine and a half, beef carcasses closed at sixteen, and pig iron closed at twenty-two and three quarters.

Finally, there are unconfirmed reports that the infamous Captain Faramir has been killed by our soldiers in the River City.

This is Gorak, signing off - and remember, the Eye is watching you!

A short clip of the "Orc Crawl" theme plays.

Note: Music segments listed are themes from the Lord of the Rings score; they may be found at student dot mica dot edu (slash) jjennette (slash) Soundtrack (slash) themes