Author's Note: A quick three-shot crossover amongst Glee, The Sarah Jane Adventures, and Torchwood, featuring Kurt as a witch and former Companion of the Doctor (in this case, the tenth regeneration). The Kurt in this story is a teenage version of Kurt in my story The Gloaming. You don't have to have read that story to understand this one, just know that Kurt is a witch with magical powers. Incidentally, this is a side story, and won't be referenced in The Gloaming.
"What are we going to do?" Maria once again trilled at Clyde, her shrieking litany now inspiring a migraine in the boy.
"I don't know," he said, exhaustion creeping into his voice, "but asking that same question over and over again isn't going to help much, is it?"
She clamped her jaws tight in frustration and plopped down next to him on the sofa.
Clyde was silent for a long moment. "We could always ask Mr. Smith, I reckon," he said.
Maria stared at him, giving a slow blink and feeling like the stupidest person on the face of the earth. "Of course!"
She took off toward the stairs, a smug Clyde following her.
Yes! He'd done it again!
"Mr. Smith!" Maria panted, clutching the stitch in her side. "I need you!"
The computer revealed itself with its usual fanfare and Maria rolled her eyes at all of the pomp and circumstance. She felt that, impossibly, the computer was far too impressed with itself.
"Hello, Maria," Mr. Smith greeted her, his tone artificial, yet soothing, which Maria found terribly ironic. "How may I help you?"
"Sarah Jane and Luke have been kidnapped!" she explained. "We have to find them!"
She then launched into the details of how Luke and Sarah Jane simply disappeared before them while at the chip shop. Luckily, no one else had seen it, save the clerk, who was told a grand yarn by Clyde which made no sense, yet was accepted.
"I am sorry, Maria," Mr. Smith said, and indeed mournfully, once she had finished, "but without more data, I am unable to theorize possible scenarios."
Clyde had entered the room during Maria's recollection and listened with chagrin at the computer's response. "So what do we do? How do we find them?"
"Can we call UNIT?" Maria asked no one in particular.
"And tell them what?" Clyde said with disdain. "Why would they even believe us? I doubt Sarah Jane has told them about us, and we know she hasn't told them about Luke, probably for good reason."
Maria crossed her arms defensively over her chest, though she conceded his point with a nod. "There must be something!" she insisted, her mind racing in search of answers. "What about that bloke Sarah Jane told us about? The Doctor?"
"He's out there somewhere," Clyde said slowly, waving his arm, "in space. How could we even contact him?"
She looked at the computer with hope shining in her eyes. "What about it, Mr. Smith? Is there some way you can call the Doctor?"
"I'm afraid not," Mr. Smith said. "It is possible Sarah Jane has some method of communicating with him, but she has not shared that information with me."
Maria groaned, slamming her hand against her forehead. "What are we going to do?" she whispered. She then brightened. "K-9!"
Clyde shook his head. "He hasn't finished with that black hole thing," he said. "Even if we managed to call him out, it could cause even worse problems."
She glared at him. "Well, why don't you try coming up with a solution instead of shooting down all my ideas?"
He glared right back, and she saw the fear and tiredness etched on his face. "Don't you think I've been trying? Don't you think I want them back as much as you do? What if more aliens come down here and try to blow us up again? We can't do anything without Sarah Jane, as well as Luke's big brain!"
Maria began pacing. "There has to be a way."
She walked back and forth across the attic for several moments. Finally, she halted in her tracks, looking dumbstruck. "Of course!" She frowned. "Well, maybe." She threw up her hands. "Oh, I don't know! But at least it's a chance!"
Clyde gave her a dubious look. "What are you on about?" he demanded.
"Do you remember Mrs. Wormwood?"
He grunted. "Heard about her."
"When the Bane scanned Sarah Jane, Mrs. Wormwood noted the amount of artron energy in her system."
"So?" he barked. "What does that even mean?"
She rolled her eyes. "Artron energy partly comprises the makeup of the Time Vortex. It's background radiation. Sarah Jane's body has a detectable amount because of her travels with the Doctor."
"And?" Clyde said impatiently.
She curled a lip. "We know that the Doctor has traveled with humans other than Sarah Jane. She told me about one of them, Rose Tyler." She ignored his pursed lips. "Anyway, if Sarah Jane has artron energy, then so would anyone else who traveled with the Doctor."
Clyde stared at her.
Maria stomped her foot in a bid of childish incredulity. "If Mr. Smith can scan for artron energy in other humans, we might find someone who traveled with the Doctor." She arched a brow. "Someone who might be able to get in contact with him."
His eyes widened.
She turned toward the computer, excitement plain on her face. "Can you do it, Mr. Smith?"
"Yes, Maria. Scanning now."
Clyde blinked slowly, his mind racing to catch up with Maria's convoluted thinking, as she once again took to pacing.
"Scan complete," Mr. Smith announced. "I have located two individuals currently on the planet who have noticeable traces of artron energy."
"Display," Maria commanded.
Clyde rolled his eyes. "This isn't Voyager. Tell us about them, Mr. Smith."
"The first is Martha Jones," the computer replied. "Current location is New York."
"Let's call her!" Maria exclaimed.
Clyde shushed her. "Let's wait until we know everything."
She grumbled under her breath.
"Martha Jones, female, physician," Mr. Smith intoned. "Currently the Medical Director of the New York UNIT facility."
Clyde pursed his lips once more and glared at Maria, unspoken judgment plain on his face.
She fidgeted under her condemning gaze and silently admitted that perhaps he had a point.
"And the other?" Clyde asked.
"One moment, as I coordinate the results of the scan with local hospital records," Mr. Smith said.
Maria hopped in place.
"Subject has been identified as Kurt Hummel, age seventeen, of Lima, Ohio."
Maria whooped as Clyde's face settled into a confused pout.
"A seventeen year old?" Clyde said, skepticism lacing his voice. "Why would he be traveling with the Doctor? How can someone barely older than us help find Sarah Jane and Luke?"
"I don't care!" Maria exploded. "Whoever he is, he has to know more about this than we do. If he can't find them, then maybe he can at least help us find the Doctor. What do we have to lose?"
Clyde took in a deep breath and slowly released it, nodding. "All right. Sorted."
Kurt mumbled incoherently and cautiously raised his head from beneath his warm down comforter. He slowly turned his head to the side and glared menacingly at the phone that was trilling. Loudly.
He gritted his teeth. "If Finn fell asleep at Rachel's again and lost his keys again, I'm going to have kill him for the sake of humanity. And the bags beneath my eyes."
He threw out a hand and groped for his phone, missing his target the first few swipes, all the while it continued squawking at him like Mr. Schuester did whenever he brought up a Donna Summer tribute.
He curled a lip.
Finally gaining purchase on the offending object, he didn't even pause to read the Caller ID, instead answering the call directly.
"Finn Hudson," he seethed, "if you are once again calling for me to rescue you from Rachel Berry's vagina, I swear to any god you want to name..."
"Who is this?" he demanded, now past anger and straight on into cranky. A cranky Kurt was never a good thing, as Sue Sylvester had once found out.
"Um, my name is Maria Jackson."
He snorted. "Well, congratulations, Maria Jackson. I'm Kurt Hummel. I can only hope that, for your sake, you have a legitimate reason to be calling me at stupid o'clock on a Saturday morning, or I'm going to rip your intestines out through your nostrils and use them for a scintillating game of Double Dutch."
He heard a heavy gulp and smiled poisonously.
"I need your help," the girl said nervously, and that was when Kurt realized that, indeed, he was speaking with a girl, a girl who sounded very young and very scared. "My friend and his mum were kidnapped, and we don't know by what or by whom and there's no one we can tell other than my dad, who knows all about this weird stuff now, but he's as helpless as we are, currently, and..."
Kurt blinked slowly and reached up to wipe the crust from his eye, which, ew.
"Slow down," he said, his voice more sedate. "Maria, I'm sorry about your friends, but why are you calling me? Shouldn't you be calling the police?" He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the display screen. "Are you calling me from England?" he asked with incredulity.
"Are you able to get in touch with the Doctor?" she beseeched.
Kurt's eyes opened very wide before staring sightlessly ahead at that part of the room which held Finn's empty bed. "Why would you think I know the Doctor?" he hissed. His eyes widened. "How do you even know about the Doctor?"
"My friend's mum," she promptly replied. "She used to travel with him ages ago. Now she and Luke have disappeared, and I don't know what to do or whom to call!"
The poor thing sounded desperate and about ready to burst into tears, which momentarily made Kurt feel badly before he rebounded. He wanted nothing to do with the Doctor. He didn't want to remember or think about that time in his life, and he certainly was not about to reach out to him just because some other foolish person who'd been stupid enough to climb aboard the TARDIS was now in trouble.
He closed his eyes and sighed. Oh, hell, of course he was. He could no more turn his back on this than he could turn his back on his own family.
"Who is this person you're talking about, the one who traveled with the Doctor?" he asked.
"Sarah Jane Smith."
His eyes shot open.
Kurt raced around his room, pulling on some clothes and packing a bag with whatever he thought he might need, as he questioned Maria about everything she had seen just before and after Sarah Jane and Luke had disappeared. Unfortunately, the girl hadn't known much, but enough to convince Kurt that aliens were probably not behind the kidnapping.
That left humans, warlocks, or demons.
He frowned. There was no reason for any member of the magical community, be they good or evil, to bother with Sarah Jane Smith and her son, so Kurt was left with the opinion that some human was responsible. The question, of course, was who?
Maria began prattling on about all of the aliens she had encountered while in the company of Sarah Jane, offering theories about who might be behind this. She was particularly focused on the Slitheen, whom Kurt had read about via the TARDIS, but had never met.
More people knew about the Doctor and his visits to Earth than was probably healthy; certainly more people than Kurt himself knew. Where was he to begin looking for suspects?
In fact, why was he bothering to do this at all? It really didn't concern him. He was no longer part of that life, and had made sure the Doctor was no longer part of his. He could, and should, walk away from this. It would be so much easier.
He couldn't, however, and he knew that. He would search for Sarah Jane just as he would search for Rose, Martha, or Donna, even though he had never met them and they had never even heard his name. They all had something in common, were all bonded in a way; they were family, even though some branches were unknown to each other.
He blinked. What about Jack? Maria explained not wanting to call UNIT, though her reasons were nebulous, but hadn't she reached out to Torchwood? He put forth that very question.
"Torchwood?" she repeated, sounding confused. "What is that?"
Kurt rambled off some nonsense that revealed nothing but was suitable to get the girl back on her track of aliens. Obviously, Sarah Jane hadn't told her charges about Torchwood, if she even knew it existed. Kurt was betting that she did, but didn't know Jack Harkness.
He smirked to himself. Since he'd be in the United Kingdom anyway, he should probably drop by Cardiff and say hello. He repressed his cackle.
"Maria," he said firmly, and with just enough authority in his voice to get her to shut up, "I'm on my way. I need you to give me the exact coordinates of your location."
"Coordinates?" she slowly repeated. "Well, Sarah Jane lives at 13 Bannerman Road in Ealing, just outside of London. I live across the street."
Kurt sighed. The address wasn't enough. "I need the latitude and longitude, Maria. Ask that computer, will you?"
"I'll put you on speakerphone so you can ask him," she replied. "His name is Mr. Smith."
How original, Kurt drolly thought, as he headed over to his laptop. "Mr. Smith, this is Kurt Hummel. I need you to provide me the coordinates of Sarah Jane's house."
"Certainly, Mr. Hummel," it replied, in a voice Kurt would never have believed a computer to possess. Suddenly, he wondered about that computer and all it was capable of doing. As it rattled off a string of numbers, Kurt plugged them into his laptop and a grid popped up, plotting the house. He quickly familiarized himself with as many specifics as possible and nodded.
"All right," he said. "Maria, I'll be there in about five minutes. I'll do everything I can to help you."
"Five minutes!" the astonished girl shot back. "But you're in the States!"
He smirked and hung up. Closing his eyes, he reached out to Brittany.
It's so early, Kurty, she groaned.
He smiled. I know, and I'm sorry, Sweetness, but an emergency has arisen.
He felt her sit up in her bed, blinking in the darkness. It's him, isn't it?
No, he firmly replied, but he's somewhat involved. Let's just say a friend of a...friend is in trouble and needs my help.
She was silent for a long moment. You'll be careful.
It was a command, not a question.
Of course I will, he said soothingly. Do me a favor and write this address down.
He proceeded to give her Sarah Jane's address, advised her that he'd have his cell phone on him at all times, and that he was leaving the Book of Shadows at home.
Promise me that you'll call us if you need us, she demanded.
I promise, he said.
Okay, she said dubiously. I won't tell the others unless something bad happens. But it had better not!
He thanked her and promised to see her soon. Only she knew about his time with the Doctor, and only because he hadn't been able to hide it from her. Her powers were so vast that she had sensed the disruption in the time-space continuum both when he had left with the Doctor and then returned. Even though he had technically been gone for only three minutes, Brittany had known he had been absent for several months. He hadn't denied it, had only filled her in on the most basic of truths, and she had accepted his words at face value, as she was wont to do.
The others would never have settled for less than full disclosure, which was the one thing he could never give them.
He looked around his room, made sure there was no evidence of his quick departure, and then cast a spell over the house. Anyone inside of it, and right now that meant Carole and his father, would believe he had spent the night at Brittany's house and would return home by Monday. As soon as Finn walked through the door, it would affect him as well.
He nodded to himself, satisfied. It should be enough. If it wasn't, well, then he'd have to take steps, but he was hoping to wrap all of this up before he could be missed.
He wasn't sure what he was going to do, exactly, other than examine the situation and determine if he could actually help find Sarah Jane and her son. If he couldn't, then he would involve the Doctor, but only if it was absolutely necessary.
End Note: This will be a three-shot. The next chapter will feature Kurt in search of Sarah Jane and Luke, and the final chapter will be Kurt dropping in at Torchwood to tease Jack.
For those who want to whine about why Mr. Smith didn't pick up the artron energy of other previous companions, it's because IT'S A PLOT DEVICE. Get over yourselves.